Chapter 4
It’s Over
Knight
“Listen,you’re one of the best that’s come through these doors, but … it may be time, kid. This may have been your last rodeo,” my commander says.
I shift in my seat. I don’t know what to say or how to respond. I knew this was coming.
My visit with my parents’ sort of foreshadowed this. My heart grows heavy with everything that’s hitting me seemingly all at once.
I was undercover for a year. This time was different. My head isn’t the same.
I’m lucky to be back here with my life this time. These last four months of recovery and isolation have only added to the mess that’s my head.
The bullet wound in my back tingles. A reminder that I almost lost my life. It’s the reason my parents have been spoiling and smothering me. Mom and dad never understood why I decided to go into law enforcement—even with their initial support.
My family is loaded, but I wanted to make a difference in the world. I could never see myself as a rich brat living off my trust fund. Being a cop is something I’m good at.
“So what now?”
“You take a leave and after we give you a desk job,” he says.
I snort. “You know that’s not for me. I belong out there.”
“Not anymore, Moran. Even with your shit together physically, you’re not faring well with psych. Then there are questions about this case coming from over my head.
“This recommendation is for a mental health leave. You were under for a year. This one took a toll.
“You’re in some serious fucking denial. Take the time. Five months. In five months, we’ll reevaluate,” he says with a tight frown.
“In five months, if you want to put me behind a desk, I’m gone.”
He sighs. Sitting back in his chair, he folds his arms over his chest. “I already know this. As good as you are at your job. You never belonged here in the first place. Why not join your brother’s security team? Make some of that cushy money?”
I frown, hating hearing spoken out loud from him the way I know everyone around here feels about me. Of all people, the commander knows how serious I take my job. I’ve earned my respect.
“No offense, but fuck you.”
He chuckles. “I’ll miss your honesty.”
“You say that like I’m already gone,” I grumble.
Captain Ross looks into my eyes. His features turn serious. I know this look too well. He’s about to give it to me straight, no bullshit.
“I saw it in your eyes in that hospital. Something spooked you, kid. Something mattered to you more than this job.
“The moment that happened, you were gone. Playtime is over. It’s time you go live that pretty life that’s been waiting for you.
“Make no mistakes. I think you’re a damn good cop. You loved this shit.” He takes a pause and narrows his eyes at me. “But loving this shit and living it are two different things.”
Loved.
He says it in the past tense. I take in his words and think them over. After getting shot and coming so close to death, I did have someone on my mind as I sat there in that hospital bed.
Her face pops into my head. I was honest with myself as I thanked God to still be breathing. When I opened my eyes, I wanted to see her.
My parents were notified and snuck into the hospital, but it was Rem who I wanted to see. She was the first person I thought of. I wanted to be engulfed in her scent and the warmth of her body on top of mine.
“Five months,” I murmur.
Can I get her to love me in five months? Because I’d give this shit up for her. I know the real reason she runs from me.
I’m not safe. Her parents have raised her in this bubble. The first sight of danger sends Rem running every time.
I’m dangerous. Her words, not mine.
“You’re still young. You’ll land on your feet.”
I look up at Captain Ross as his words pull me from my thoughts. I tighten my fists and nod, accepting the truth. Even after five months, I don’t think I’ll be wearing a badge.
“One more thing, Moran.”
“Captain?”
“You know you can’t share anything about this case with anyone, not even your parents. That means all this—the leave, the shooting, and everything else surrounding the case are confidential.”
“Like you really need to tell me that,” I snort.
“Another reason I’m going to miss you. These new knuckleheads they’re sending me have shit for brains. For what it’s worth, it was great working with you.”
The finality in his words is like a bitter pill being forced down my throat. I stand and leave, feeling like my air has been cut off. However, I know exactly where I plan to go next.
* * *
Reminisce
I stareout the window of my office lost in thought. Copyright law can be boring as fuck, but it’s safe. Safer than my years as a prosecutor.
I frown as Knight comes to mind. Those years are a reminder I need. I need to remember why I can never get involved with him.
“Good to see you, Prosecutor Walden,” Officer Moran said as he walked by me with a smile on his lips.
I returned the smile and nodded my head as I continued toward the courthouse. This was the first time I’d needed a detail for a case. I thought my boss was overreacting. A few death threats written on paper were just some coward’s way of trying to place fear in me.
I turned to look behind me at Officer Moran and his partner. My lips turned up when I found Officer Moran with his eyes glued to my ass. I couldn’t deny that he was one fine ass cop. Blue looks good on him.
Suddenly, everything in the atmosphere shifted. Those blue eyes widened in alarm as he rushed toward me. A loud popping sound rung out at the same time. I fell to the ground and he fell on top of me.
Blood. There was blood. My heart raced as the reality of what was happening hit. More shots rang out and stone from the pillars exploded around us.
I turned my head to see two men in masks trying to aim for me. All the air left my lungs. Officer Moran’s heavy breathing became so loud in my ears.
“Stay down,” he commanded, lifting his body from mine to aim his gun and fire.
I shake the memories away as cold sweat breaks out across my back. I didn’t think I was going to survive that day. Those bullets were meant for me.
Knight and I have been bound to each other in some weird way since that day. I almost fell down the rabbit hole last night. That pull he has on me almost won out.
Thank God, his phone rang. It was like having cold water thrown on me. So many times, his phone went off in the middle of the night calling him to the streets.
Even though he wasn’t my boyfriend, I sat driving myself crazy, waiting for him to check in and let me know he was safe.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were thinking about me.”
I turn toward the deep voice to find Knight standing in the threshold of my office with a brown bag in his hand. He holds it up. I lift a brow.
“What are you doing here?”
“I went to your favorite place. I got you some Sushi,” he answers.
“Okay, but … why?”
“Because it’s been too long. I want to catch up, but you ran off last night before we could,” he says and shrugs, moving into my office.
He places the bag on my desk and starts to unpack it. I shake my head as my stomach gives me away. I should’ve had lunch an hour ago.
I move to my desk and sit. Closing the file in front of me, then I put it away. I refuse to acknowledge that he went to my favorite place. I’m also not going to acknowledge how good he looks, again.
I like the bulk he’s put on. It looks right on him. Not too much, but just enough to make you take a second look, whether out of fear or sexual curiosity.
“Bishop texted me pictures of the twins. Damn, they’re so big already. I feel like I’ve missed so much,” he says with a smile as he takes one of the seats in front of my desk.
“Yeah, but that comes with the job.”
He falls back in his seat. “I didn’t come here to start that. I’m on leave. I want to spend time with my family and those I care about. I need to reconnect with reality and my humanity. I … Look, can we just have lunch?”
I bite my lip. There’s so much emotion in his voice. I take a closer look, and there’s something different about him. It’s in his eyes.
I swallow my smart remark and open the platter he placed in front of me. “Thank you for lunch,” I say.
“You’re welcome.”
“The boys are so big now. They have so much personality.”
“Yeah, I bet. We were a handful when we were younger. Mom doesn’t let us forget it either.”
“I’m sure she doesn’t.” I grin at the mention of his mom. Mrs. Moran is a handful herself. I steer clear of that woman. “How is she? It’s been a while since I’ve seen her over at your brother’s.”
Something crosses his face. He looks like the bite he just took turned sour. I’m taken aback by the response. Last time Saga mentioned her in-laws she didn’t say anything about them not being well.
“Mom is a bit smothering at the moment,” he murmurs.
“Smothering?”
“Yeah, I can’t get too much into it but work sort of spooked her and dad. We haven’t told anyone else about it,” he replies without looking up at me.
I remain silent watching him. After a few moments of silence, he looks up from the sushi platter in his lap. Those blue eyes pleading for something. I’m not sure what.
“Are … are you okay?”
He shrugs. “I’m here. That’s what matters. I think this is the freshest sushi I’ve ever had from that place.”
I allow the change in subject, feeling the panic trying to grasp ahold of me. “Yeah, I was thinking that too. That’s saying a lot. I didn’t think it could get better.”
“How are things? Business good?”
“I can’t complain.”
“I meant what I said last night. You look great. You still run in the mornings?”
I smile. “Yeah, you planning on popping up for those like you used to?”
He gives one of those sexy grins. “I remember you asking me not to anymore.”
I look away. I did ask him to stop. It was starting to feel too much like a relationship, but that was a long time ago. A very long time ago.
“Damn, we have a lot of history,” he says as if reading my mind and releases a chuckle.
“Yes, we do.”
“Listen, Rem?—”
“Miss Walden, your father is here to see you,” my assistant, Mike’s voice comes through the line.
Funny, he didn’t announce Knight like he was supposed to. I close my eyes and sigh. I almost forgot Daddy was coming in for a talk. Knight looks crestfallen as he starts to pack up his food.
“Thank you. Give me a moment to wrap this meeting up,” I say to Mike.
“I’ll get out of your hair. It was good to see you. Don’t be a stranger, Rem. I want to spend some more time with you.”
I stand as I wipe my hands on a wet wipe. “I’ll walk you out.”
He purses his lips. I know it’s because I haven’t committed to seeing him again. He nods and turns to leave.
When we get to the door, I reach to touch his arm. “Knight, I’m in a different place. I … I’m looking for something more.”
“You don’t know what I’m looking for. What if we’re on the same page?”
I scoff. “Even if we are. We can’t.”
He wraps an arm around my waist and tugs me close to his chest. Dipping his head, he pecks my lips. “I’m getting tired of hearing you say that. I’ll see you soon.”
With that, he leaves my office. I lift my hand to my lips. The fact that they tingle even after he’s out of my sight tells me that I need to stick to my guns. This can’t happen.