Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
E MILY
The three weeks since the bachelor and bachelorette parties have flown by, filled with open houses and private viewings on my house, house hunting for a new home to live in, and helping Annie with final wedding preparations. I swear if I never see another wedding favor again, it will be too soon.
I’m not complaining, though. Being busy has helped me get out of the mini funk I was in as what would have been my one-year wedding anniversary passed. And spending time with Annie and her wedding party has actually been a blast and an excellent distraction.
Now, seated at the bridal party table, full after a delectable reception dinner, my mind drifts as Janie stands to give her maid of honor speech. Annie and Jack can’t seem to stop smiling at each other and the warmth and love radiating off them is intoxicating.
As I look down the table, Ben, Jack’s best man, is laughing at something Janie just said. Something makes me glance over at the table Trina is sitting at and I catch her watching him. Almost like she can sense me looking at her, she turns and glances at me, a tight, forced smile on her lips, then turns her attention back to Janie. Janie finishes her speech and Ben stands to give his.
My eyes drift to Charlie. My partner for the wedding. He’s watching Ben, who is now giving his best man speech and has the crowd roaring with laughter. Always a bit quieter and more reserved, it’s good to see Charlie vigorously laughing as Ben tells embarrassing stories about Jack from when they were growing up.
This man has always been my friend. Even when there was some emotional distance between us, I never doubted he’d be there for me if I needed him. Like on my wedding day when he stepped in and walked me down the aisle. But now, as I fix my gaze on him, I realize he’s become one of my best friends over the last several months.
No one could ever replace Shayna as my absolute bestie, but her life is changing, too. She’s got Finn now, and their love and friendship are beautiful things to observe. Watching her and Finn as they’ve fallen in love—despite a very rough start—has been inspiring. It’s one of the things that has given me hope I can still experience great love even after loss.
Charlie gives me that hope, too.
The uninvited thought comes to the forefront of my mind, and I swallow the lump in my throat and force myself to shift my attention back to Ben. My eyes fixate on Ben, but my thoughts do not. I’m transported back to a conversation with my therapist, Annette, from the fall, when we were talking about my resource team for handling traumatic memories, and I told her why I put Charlie on it.
“Em, c’mon. It’s time for the bridal dance.” Shayna pulls me from my daydream, tugging on my hand. I’m startled, and it must show on my face, because her eyebrows draw close to each other and she bends down, peering into my face. “Are you okay?”
I push the thoughts out of my head and force a smile. “Yeah, of course. Sorry.”
I stand and follow Shayna, her still holding my hand protectively, and she leads me off the stage to where the bridal party is standing, waiting for Annie and Jack’s first dance and the bridal party dance that will follow. She walks past Lincoln, her escort, and basically delivers me to Charlie.
When I look over at her, I catch her giving Charlie a look that says, ‘Something’s wrong with her. Take care of her.’ She’s so protective and I love her for it. I peek up at Charlie’s face and his eyes are narrowed, the corners of his mouth tugging down.
“Guys, I’m fine,” I whisper. Shayna searches my face, and apparently, she’s satisfied that I won’t have a breakdown in the middle of the wedding reception. She squeezes my hand, releases it, and walks over to Lincoln.
Charlie places his hand ever so lightly on the small of my back and I lean into it and take a step closer to him.
When Annie and Jack start their first dance, I’m overwhelmed by the look on their faces as they gaze at each other. It’s like no one else is in the room.
As I look again at all my friends here, my sister, and the Donley’s—my surrogate family—it strikes me that everyone I love most dearly is in this reception hall tonight. And that thought fills me with happiness and peace.
These are my people. They’re my chosen family.
* * *
CHARLIE
I felt Emily’s eyes on me during Ben’s best man’s speech, but when I looked at her, it was like she was looking past me in a daze. Ben’s voice faded into the background as I focused on her, worrying about whether she was okay. Wondering if this is all too much for her.
My jaw clenched and it took everything in me not to get up and go make sure she was fine. Instead, I waited, and breathed a sigh of relief when the speeches were over and it was time for Annie and Jack’s first dance—Emily would be near me soon.
It only took me seconds to get to where we needed to stand and wait to be announced, and I kept my gaze on Emily the entire time as Shayna walked her over to me. It was clear Shayna was concerned, too.
Emily assured us she’s all right, but I haven’t been able to loosen my tensed muscles until just now, when I feel her body relax, leaning slightly against mine.
Our names are called so I lead Emily out to the dance floor and pull her close to me and we sway to the music.
I move my mouth near her ear and ask, “Are you sure you’re okay, sunshine?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.” She looks up at me. “I know you and Shay are worried being at a wedding is too much for me, but I promise it’s not that.”
“Then what was it? Because you were definitely lost in your thoughts.”
She smiles up at me and it’s the sweetest thing I’ve seen all night. “Can we talk about it after all the dances are done? I promise I’ll tell you before we leave here, okay? Right now, I just want to enjoy dancing and the celebration.”
An hour and a half later, I’ve danced most of the slow songs with Emily except for the ones Mr. Donley and Jack stole her for. And I’ve watched from my chair as she danced to the faster ones with our friends, laughing and smiling.
I’m on my way back from the bar when the deejay announces it’s time for the Chicken Dance. Emily shakes her head at the other women and she walks to the edge of the dance floor and looks around, her brow furrowed.
As I approach from her left, I ask, “Looking for someone?”
She startles and whips her head to the side to look at me. “Jesus, Charlie. You scared the shit out of me.”
I hand her the chardonnay I got for her, and she looks up at me through long, black lashes. “You got this for me? How’d you know?”
She’s so damn gorgeous right now with her cheeks a rosy red from the exertion of dancing and pieces of her hair coming loose from her updo.
I shrug. “I figured you’d be pooping out soon, and you’d want a glass of wine when you finished dancing.”
She smiles. “God, you’re the best. A girl could get used to this treatment.” She fans her face with her free hand. “It’s freaking hot in here. Do you want to go out to the deck for a bit?”
“Sure, lead the way.” I follow behind her and when we reach the French doors leading outside, I step in front of her and open the door before she gets to it.
“Such a gentleman tonight, aren’t you?”
“Hey,” I feign offense, “I’m always a gentleman. Not just tonight.”
A smile graces her face. “Yeah, you actually are.”
We find a table for two off to the side and sit, the lanterns strategically placed around the outside area provide just enough light to illuminate her face. She looks damn near angelic.
“So, are you really doing okay with all of this?” I gesture toward the reception hall.
“Yeah, I am. I know you’re all worried about me, but you don’t need to be.”
A subtle breeze brushes by us, and I watch as a loose tendril of her hair moves. “If you’re okay, what was going on with you after dinner?” My voice is quiet. I’m shit at communicating, but she’s too important to let my discomfort stop me from making sure she’s all right.
“Honestly, at first I just got caught up in looking at everyone in our friend and family circle and thinking about how much I love you all, what each of you means to me.” She pauses and looks down at her wineglass. “Then I was thinking about my therapy this year.”
She peeks up at me, biting nervously at her lower lip.
“Your therapy? What got you thinking of that?”
Her gaze meets mine. “Truth?”
“Always.” I reach across and take one of her hands in mine and she doesn’t hesitate to wrap her much smaller fingers around my larger ones.
“As I was going down the row of people in the wedding party and thinking about what everyone meant to me, I got to you and… and it reminded me of a conversation I had with my therapist about you. And, no, I’m not gonna tell you the details of that conversation, but it wasn’t bad. That all just got me thinking.”
My heart beats a little faster. She’s talked about me in therapy?
Emily pauses and, with her free hand, takes a sip of her wine. I suspect she needs a few seconds before continuing.
“I’ve made a lot of progress in therapy this year. I’m not na?ve enough to think there won’t be painful memories or feelings that come up. But I think I have the tools to cope with the hard memories when they surface, and I’m grateful to Annette for helping me see that and for teaching me how to use those tools.”
“ So, that’s what you were thinking about when you were in that daze?”
She nods. “Yes, that and more. I’ve told you before, one of my goals I set with Annette when I started therapy last fall was that I wanted to find myself again.” Her next words are hushed. “I wanted that feeling of being diminished to go away. I know that probably sounds stupid to you.”
“It doesn’t at all. I know exactly what you’re talking about because it’s happened to my mom. Actually, to a lot of the women in our family. It’s one of the reasons I avoid relationships.” I can’t help the frustrated, sarcastic laugh that escapes me, and I look over the balcony railing, not able to meet her eyes. After a few seconds, I force myself to turn my gaze back upon hers. “You did it. You know that, right? You found yourself again. I see you.”
Emily smiles and a single tear slides down her cheek.
“Shit. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No. I’m not upset. I’m happy… and proud. I know I found the Emily I was, and I’m proud that I did. I missed her.”
Before I can stop myself, I say, “I missed her, too.”
Neither of us speaks for a few minutes. And yet there’s no discomfort in the silence.
“Can I ask you a question?” Emily’s voice is a near whisper.
“Yes, of course.”
“You didn’t like Teddy, did you?” Her blue eyes fixate on mine, but there’s no judgment, no hint of anger there.
“Truth?” I ask.
“Always,” she responds with a nervous smile.
I take a deep breath. “I’ve always felt protective of you, almost from the start. It’s not that I didn’t like Teddy as a person, I didn’t like him with you. I just didn’t think he was the right man for you.”
Emily’s breaths become visibly more shallow, quicker.
“You never told me that. Why didn’t you say anything to me?” Her words come out quiet, almost pleading for me to explain.
“You seemed happy. And I didn’t want to take that from you.”
“I might have listened to you, Charlie. Things weren’t always what they seemed.”
“It would have been selfish of me.”
“Selfish? What do you mean by that?”
I say nothing. I can’t. Teddy didn’t deserve her, but I don’t either.
Our eye contact is so intense right now, I swear she can see into my soul, read what’s written on my heart. We’re so focused on each other that we both twitch when a ringing jolts us from our moment.
Emily furrows her brow and looks down at her phone. “Who’s calling me at ten p.m. on a Saturday? Anyone who would do that is here.” When she flips the phone over and sees the screen, she darts her gaze back up to mine. “It’s the realtor.” She pulls her other hand away from mine and swipes across the screen before saying hello.
The next few minutes pass and I’m privy to one side of the conversation, but it sounds like she’s getting an offer on the house.
“Oh, wow. That’s not much time. What do you think I should do?” Her eyes narrow now and she’s rubbing her hand across her forehead, worry etched on her pretty features. She listens for a minute. “Yeah, you’re right. Okay. Let’s accept.”
When she says goodbye and hangs up the phone several seconds later, she takes a deep breath and looks up at me.
“I got a cash offer on the house. Over asking price.”
Why isn’t she more excited?
“Em, that’s great. I’m happy for you.”
“Yeah. But I have to be out in two weeks.” Her eyes are as large as saucers and I’m speechless. That’s hardly any time. “I haven’t found a new place yet, so that’s a problem. But I could sleep on the couch at Shay’s or Trina’s until maybe I find a short-term rental while I keep looking.” She’s rambling, so I know she’s nervous. “And I could get a storage unit for?—”
“Stay with me.”
“What?”
I don’t know what made me suggest it, but I don’t regret it. And I realize I really want her to say yes.
“Stay with me, Em.”
“Charlie, I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking, I’m offering. I have the extra bedrooms, and we spend so much time together, anyway. It makes sense.”
She glues her eyes to mine. “You’re being serious.”
I chuckle. “Yes, I’m being serious. Say yes.”
“You’re sure?” she asks quietly.
I nod. I didn’t listen to my gut years ago to tell her I thought Teddy wasn’t right for her. I’m sure as shit going to listen to it now. And it’s telling me she should stay with me.
She grins. “Okay, yes. I guess we’ll be roomies while I house hunt.”