Chapter 10 #2
I’m exhausted by this push and pull, loving her fiercely yet watching her slip through my fingers whenever things get real.
My common sense fails me, only leaving me with the impulse that I no longer control.
Grabbing her hand, I spin her around so she can face me. See her truth reflected within my eyes.
“Iz, what the fuck,” she snaps, shoving me back. “Don’t do this to me.” Her voice trembles, her eyes are glossy with unshed tears, and a pang of guilt cuts through me, sharp and unforgiving. I hate seeing her like this. It’s even worse knowing I’m the reason she’s breaking.
“Do what?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper, barely holding together.
“This! What you’re doing!” She gestures wildly between us, her hand slicing through the air as if she could cut through everything unsaid. “You keep holding on, but it just makes me feel… trapped. And I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be what you need.”
“Ronnie.”
She holds her hand up. “No, Iz.”
I reach out again, wrapping my fingers around her delicate wrist. I can feel the heat of her skin, the tremors of her body as I pull her towards me. “We’re not children. You’re not my sister, and I will never see you as that. Not sure if you got the memo, but I’m more than happy to remind you.”
As the words tumble from my mouth, I regret them. I went too far, and the way she reacts confirms it. A gasp escapes her lips. Her eyes widen in shock before she pulls her wrist free from my grip as though it burned her.
“You crossed a line, Iz,” she breathes out. “Grow up, Isaac,” she snaps. “I’m in a relationship, respect Max. Respect Alexa. For god sake, respect me.”
I don’t think, even though I should. I just act.
Cupping the back of her neck, I kiss her.
Crashing my mouth into hers, ignoring her fumbled protests that spill from her lips or her hands that push against my chest. She gives in without even noticing, her body melts into mine as we deepen the kiss.
It’s deep, passionate and a desperate attempt to show her that I mean every word I have said.
Her arms briefly wrap around my neck as she responds to me before pulling back again.
“Iz… stop!” she gasps. “Nixie is there. Someone could see us. Fuck.”
I laugh, and I know I shouldn’t. It’s just not in me to care.
I’ve been selfless for so long. “And what, Ronnie? We're two consenting adults who love each other, fucking kissing.” Tears gather in her eyes as she wipes her lips of any evidence of us. Shaking her head with disdain. “Damn you, Iz!” she seethes, pushing me away from her. “You don’t just go around kissing someone because you feel like it!”
“Veronica,” I sigh, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “I’m sorry,” I mumble, struggling to find the right words. Knowing damn well I fucked up. “I don’t know how to stop wanting you. How can you fucking fight it?”
“Because it’s wrong, Iz,” she says, choking back a sob. “It’s all wrong. We’re wrong. This isn’t how families work.”
“We aren’t just family!” I growl, the anger bubbling up within me. “We’re more than that, and you know it!”
She backs away, her chest heaving with indignation. “We’re family.”
“No, we’re not,” I correct her, my voice harsher than I wanted, and my hands shake at my sides. “We’ve never been just family.”
She shakes her head, backing away until she hits the kitchen counter.
“Iz, don’t do this,” she pleads, her voice barely audible, her eyes flooded with unshed tears.
I’m so close to breaking past her walls.
I can see it. I can’t stop now, not when I’m so close to finally putting words to these feelings that have been gnawing at me for years.
“I love you, Veronica. I’ve been in love with you for years.”
Fear flashes in her eyes. “Stop… please,” she begs, her hands pushing against the counter as though wanting to disappear into it.
“And you love me, Ronnie, and you know it. That’s why you won’t marry Max,” I snap, and instant regret engulfs me.
The admission hangs in the air between us, sharp and jagged; an unwelcome intruder that slices through the tension, causing her to flinch.
I’d thrust out my feelings like a weapon, wounding both of us in the process.
In the heat of the moment, I fucked it all up.
“Get the fuck out, Iz. I’ll bring Nixie home. But you leave, vete.”
I stand unmoving, my heart pounding against my ribcage. “Ronnie,” I say, my voice a throaty whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
“Damn you, Iz!” she shrieks again, her tears free-falling now. “Why did you have to ruin everything? Get out. Now.” She holds her ground. I crossed the line, and I don’t bother arguing. I just leave.
On my way out, I bump into Max. “Isaac,” he says.
I don’t bother to stop and pretend to have a conversation.
He already thinks I’m an asshole. He just doesn’t know how big of it.
Swinging the Camaro’s door open, I climb in, sinking into the leather.
My fingers curl around the cool steering wheel, my knuckles whitening with the force of my grip.
I take a deep breath, pulling in the familiar scent of the vehicle as I attempt to steady my nerves.
For a fleeting moment, I consider going back inside and grovelling at her feet. Apologise for being a dumb asshole, but I don’t. I went too far, and now, I gotta face the consequences of my actions. I turn the key, the rumble of it grounding me in reality as I back out of her driveway.