Chapter 18 #2
“I understand,” he replies, his voice heavy with unspoken emotions.
“You don’t need to explain yourself. I know you.
I know your dreams, your aspirations. They don’t include being trapped in a marriage you never asked for, or bearing children you never wanted.
I'm sorry we ended up being in this fucking shitty situation.” He pauses, his eyes finally shifting back to meet mine, full of a resolve that sends chills down my spine. “We’ll figure this out together.”
I swallow hard, looking down at the half-eaten sandwich in my hand.
Truthfully, I have stayed with Max because I couldn’t allow myself to suffer in silence for a man I couldn’t have.
I needed to move on with my life, but the past hurt, and it demanded to be felt.
The truth is that I have been in love with Isaac since we were kids, and when our parents got married and had Nixie, well, it was the worst time of my life.
Well, now, second—this part takes the cake.
Slowly, I place the sandwich down on the tray and look up at him.
His gaze holds mine, steady and unblinking.
“Isaac,” I begin, my voice barely a whisper.
“There’s something I need to tell you. If we are going to die, at least I could be honest with you. ”
“Don’t. Not here. Not now,” he shakes his head.
“If you’re gonna finally admit, do it when we're out there. Do it when we are able to do something about it.” The whispered rebuttal catches me off guard, and I freeze, my confession dying on my lips.
“When I get us out of here, we can talk about this, but we are not dying here.
And confessing sounds like we plan on dying, and I'm not ready to die yet.”
I watch as Isaac stands up, unclenching his fists and running a hand through his dark hair.
“I’m not ready either,” I finally say, watching him pace back and forth. “If it comes down to it, do it,” I add. He stops and looks at me. “Do what, mami?”
“Fuck me. I’d rather it be you than him.” His expression goes blank. It’s like the rug’s been pulled from under him and he’s unsure how to act. His brows furrow, lips pressing into a thin line, and I can see the tension ripple through his body. “Promise me.”
Isaac stands quietly for a moment before nodding.
“Promise,” he finally echoes. I take one last glance at him before leaning against the dampened wall with a sigh.
The coldness seeps into my clothes. Strangely, the temperature is what I notice the most. I hate being cold.
I will always bundle up in a comfortable robe and my Beetlejuice slippers.
Pressure begins to build behind my eyes.
I miss my bed. My townhouse. My life. I wonder if he feels the same.
“Isaac, please don’t let him touch me again. ”
“Don’t worry, I won’t let that happen again,” he whispers back, his voice choked with a sense of guilt.
The severity of his tone is more than enough to convince me that he will do all he can to keep that promise.
I lean my head into the cold cement walls, feeling the tears burning my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.
Not when I can feel his focus on me, he’s keeping himself together because of me.
The least I can do is the same. Like when we were kids, and I had to hold down our pirate ship.
It was a silly game, but we have always looked out for one another, and time only made that feeling more intense.
A scoff escapes my lips; the irony isn’t lost to me.
I couldn’t have him one way, and now the universe has forced us together in this fucked up way. “Do you think he will be back?”
“Probably not, all I know is that I won’t let him touch you again.
I made the deal. I saw how she looked at me.
” I can’t help but snort at his comment, but he is right.
She wants him. Compared to her husband, Isaac is a tall glass of water in the hottest desert.
He has this sexy and dangerous allure to him, from the scar right above his lip to the nose ring on his perfect nose, to those beautiful, almond hazel eyes.
Even in this situation, the thought of him being inside me makes my body tingle.
What the fuck is wrong with me? The thought conjures up shame.
The butterflies I keep confined in my stomach convulse and thrash inside their cage even as the guilt begins to consume me.
“Do you think they’ve started to look for us?
” I whisper, watching as he leans toward me. The chains pull tightly.
“They are. But more importantly, Max is. I know I would.” Even in the darkness, I can feel his eyes on me. Like they always are. “Get some rest, Ronnie.”
Curling into a fetal position, I force my eyes shut to only open them again the moment I picture Harry.
“Isaac, I…” My voice trails off, the bitter taste of fear making my throat dry.
Isaac only shushes me gently, his gaze never wavering from mine.
“No more talking.” His voice, softer than a whisper, holds a firm command.
“You need to rest, Ronnie.” My heart pounds against my ribcage.
He moves his hand to reach mine, but the chains clank discouragingly, reminding us of our horrific situation.
That doesn’t stop him from trying. He continues until he makes himself bleed.
One thing I have learned about Isaac over the years is that he is stubborn.
Tenacious. He won’t let the chains stop him from trying to comfort me, from reaching out to me.
Even if he had to rip out his heart time and time again, he would do it for me.
He would protect me with all he’s got. What he doesn’t understand is that I will do the same.
For a long time, I hated our parents for taking him from me.
For falling in love and making our love impossible to be. Then I think of him and understand why.
“Ronnie… Mami… I… Wish…” His voice trails off as he grimaces, the strain of the chains beginning to take its toll.
His eyes bore into mine, shimmering in the dim light filtering through the small window.
I can see his pain etched in his every feature, and my heart feels like it’s being torn apart over and over again.
Whatever he wishes for, I can hear the pain in his voice, the regret and longing.
“It’s alright, Isaac.” His eyes soften at my words, the anguish lessening just a bit.
“We’re together, still. That’s all that matters.
” He lets out a low sigh, his entire body trembling with the exertion.
“Isaac, stop!” I plead. The fear that has been gnawing at the edge of my conscience now takes center stage.
“I can’t…” he whispers before he slumps against the cement wall behind him.
His chest moves up and down in a rhythm that is too fast, too shallow.
“I’m sorry. I just… I can’t stand being so useless,” he spits out, the words full of self-loathing.
I curl myself into a ball. Unable to console him.
I can’t bear this, so I don’t respond. There’s nothing that can soothe us, that can change our situation.
All I do is remain silent, just like I did that night when our parents walked hand in hand, kissing one another and announcing their relationship.
All I want is for sleep to come, to provide a brief respite from the reality of our predicament, yet it eludes me.
I toss and turn. Trying to find a comfortable pose.
The hours pass tortuously slow, punctuated by the clicking sound of our chains and Isaac’s occasional soft grunts of pain.
Every sound is a piercing stab in my already fractured heart.
Opening my eyes, I watch as Isaac’s gaze wanders to the small, barred window, his eyes reflecting the cool moonlight that seeps through.
He doesn’t notice me staring, and I like that.
A smile curls on my lips. I can still see the boy he used to be, caught in his eyes, full of life and laughter.
We’d been inseparable then, always exploring, always discovering.
Why is our fate so cruel? Tears well up in my eyes, spilling onto the cold concrete beneath me.
The past is a cruel thing, mocking us with happy memories that feel like distant dreams.
“Remember when we used to play pirates by the creek?” Isaac’s voice weaves through the stifling air, startling me out of my thoughts.
I turn to look at him, of course, he would notice I’m awake.
There’s a hint of melancholy and knowing on the smile playing on his lips.
“We’d sail around in that patched-up dinghy, living out adventures on the high seas.
” I can’t help but laugh, a soft, choked sound joining him in the memory.
“You were always the captain. I was just your measly cabin boy,” I say, allowing the rush of warmth the past invokes.
He laughs too, a short, painful snort that ends in a wince and a cough.
“You were always the best cabin boy, never wanting to be seen as a girl. Ronnie… I…” His voice trails off, and he hits his fist against the wall in frustration.
He doesn’t have to say it. I understand his message, that is the beauty of us.
Two souls so intertwined we never needed words to convey our feelings.
There’s no denying,we belong with one another.
This situation has only made it clearer than ever.
If we make it out of here, things will forever be different.
There is no going back to who we used to be, not now, not ever.
The realization is brutal, tearing through me with a savage intensity matched only by the cold hooks of our chains. In silence, we sit there, our breaths synchronizing in rhythm before he softly whispers, “I love you.”
1. Damn it