Chapter 36 #2
And the sight of him bloody, and frozen, knocks the oxygen right out of my lungs.
It’s instant. There’s a battle between how I want to feel.
Seeing him soothes and comforts me to know he’s there.
Safe and alive. Then the other part of me feels like drowning, my hand moves to my chest. He’s all covered in sweat, his chest heaving from breathing like he’s barely staying afloat.
Crimson runs down his nose. His gloved hand moves towards his left eye, and from where I stand.
I can still see him grimace at the touch.
When his opponent moves closer, so do I.
Only to take two backwards when Isaac moves.
It’s quick. One minute he’s swaying, the next he swings, over and over.
His mind is not here.
It looks bad even from here. I’ve never seen him like this.
So out of it and still so focused. Then he takes a hit to the jaw.
It’s so hard that it makes his head snap to the side.
My heart drops, my body flinches at the sight.
I look away, not being able to stomach the sight of him hurt.
“STOP!” I yell, my voice cracking. When I look up, it’s Sledge who stares back at me, with a pity that almost makes me sick.
Shaking his head as he closes the distance, his eyes shoot daggers at Alexa. “She shouldn’t be here.”
Alexa stands between us, shifting her attention towards him. “She needs him.”
“No, she needs to be home.” He points at the stage, showing me the brutality with which he fights.
“Not seeing him like that. Go home,” Sledge continues to ramble, but his words fall on deaf ears.
I’m transfixed on his movements. He swings.
Misses. Swings. Connects. It’s a dance of the macabre.
Brutal and primal. One missed beat, and it all comes tumbling down.
Isaac takes hit after hit, doing nothing to stop it.
It’s like he’s trying to punish himself into feeling nothing.
It’s too much for me to stomach. That’s when he takes a hit to the nose. More blood rushes down, and I lose it. My body moves without thinking.
“STOP!” I scream, my fingers hooking around the metal links, “STOP!”
Isaac freezes, slowly shifting towards me. And every wall he’s been holding up collapses at the sight of me. “Ronnie?”
I might be imagining this, but it all goes quiet around us, and just as I thought it was over for him on that mat, he shows exactly what he is capable of and why he punishes himself.
Isaac couldn’t protect us back there. “It’s okay, baby,” I whisper, my lips trembling.
Salty tears filter between them. “It’s okay. ”
He doesn’t respond with words, just with his fist.
I see it now, even as my eyes blur with each devastating blow he lands on his opponent.
All his pain. All his guilt lay bare for the warehouse to see.
Before I can blink away the tears, the fight is over.
His opponent is sprawled and knocked out on the ground.
There’s not a moment of celebration. Hell, Isaac didn't even wait to be called a winner before storming out of the cage, straight to us.
The sight cowers me even though I know he would never hurt me.
More cramping roars through my body alongside the queasiness.
Alexa steps forward. “She had a panic attack, so I brought her to you.”
His entire face caves in, and in two short strides, he closes the distance. Not bothering to wipe the blood off his lip or acknowledging anyone else, he grabs my hand.
“Come here,” he whispers, his tone deep like being dragged through gravel.
It sends shivers through me. He pulls me gently like I’m something fragile that he’s terrified of breaking.
Weaving us through the crowd until he reaches the back area and steps into the locker room, closing the door behind us.
The smell of sweat and soap invades my lungs, and the hum of the fluorescent lights is loud enough to annoy me.
Isaac presses his back into the wall, pulling me into him. “What happened?” he whispers, his hands trembling around me. “Talk to me, Ronnie.”
“I don’t know. We went to the club.” I regret the words the moment they leave my mouth. His frown tells me he’s displeased with her, but he shouldn’t be. It’s not her fault. Fuck, it’s maybe not even mine.
“She brought you to a club?”
I bit down on my lip, knowing I might have used the wrong descriptor for the restaurant. “It was a restaurant, sorry.” I shrug. “She just wanted me to relax. There were just so many people and… the music. Just so loud.”
My words make him snort. “A nightclub is anything but relaxing.”
“I said it wasn’t a nightclub.”
He rolls his eyes, trying to fight off the annoyance he feels, I’m sure.
His body vibrates from the adrenaline. All I want is to make it better.
Make him feel better, just like he does for me.
Before I can stop myself, I lift my gaze to his, my fingers trembling as I touch his heated skin. “Are you okay?”
He laughs, something broken. “No. But I will be.”
“I think you’re hiding something.”
Iz closes his eyes, for only a second, but just long enough to confirm. I’m right. My brows knit together, seeing him wrestle something he’s not telling me.
“I’m trying,” he murmurs. “I’m trying so fucking hard not fall apart on you. I’m trying to keep you safe, healthy, even when I feel like I’m breaking. You and the bab—”
“Do you not want it?” I ask cautiously. When I decided to keep this pregnancy, we talked about it.
I considered his thoughts. What if he didn’t want it?
What if…. His eyes snap open, horrified.
“No, no, Ronnie. That’s not it. I want you.
I want us. I’m with you all the way.” He lets out a long breath, “I don’t know how to not want anything else.
I’m scared of being unworthy or not being enough, that's all.”
“Not enough?” I snort softly. “You’re more than enough. You’re perfect. Fuck, Iz. I’m here for you. You can fall,” I whisper. “I will catch you. I love you.”
It’s instant, the disapproving head shakes. “I can’t.” His forehead presses against mine. “You’re pregnant. I want you to feel safe, and I’m—fuck. Ronnie, I’m trying so hard.”
My chest rises against his. “Is this why you’re letting yourself get your face beaten in?”
Isaac swallows hard, his jaw flexing and Adam's apple bobbing. “I’ll do better. I’ll stop punishing myself, promise.”
“Why do you feel like you have to?”
He hesitates, and that silence hurts more than any answer could. I hold my breath, waiting for his answer, and when he does, it’s a whisper. “Because some things follow you home, even when the basement is gone.”
My heart clenches in my chest, my body molding into his. Instinctive, and desperate to feel him. His large hand slides to my back, holding me tighter than he ever has. “Don’t let the darkness win. We made it. Stop punishing yourself. I can’t stomach seeing you hurt.”
“I promise to do better.”
“All I want you to promise is that this is not forever? I can’t—I can’t lose you.” My voice cracks at the admission. It’s selfish, I know, to ask him to stop fighting, but I can’t help it. I want him safe. Whole. Boring.
“I promise.”
Something loosens inside me, igniting something wild and untamed.
Maybe it’s the claustrophobic feeling or the memories that won’t fade away.
All I know is that when he circles his arm around me, I melt into him.
We stand there in each other's embrace, breathing the same stale air. It’s just us.
Two people trying to build a future on bones that still ache, and neither of us knows how to.
Just for a moment, the world stops spinning, even though deep inside me a different kind of unease stirs.
As if my body is already ten steps ahead, warning me.
I don’t know. It feels like the first warning sign of everything about to break.
That somewhere within us, the cracks are not healing but widening, and maybe tomorrow the world will cave in.
But right now? I breathe, as he holds me through it. Everything fades... the nausea, the fear, the weight of it all. Leaving only remnants of the warning that lingers like smoke in a cramp deep in my core.