Chapter 41
Chapter Forty One
Veronica
Ishouldn’t be here….
I shouldn’t be doing this…
But how do I rationalize anything when my heart screams for him?
Every beat is a song simply for Isaac. There’s no denying it.
How much I need… no, want Isaac Vargas. It’s maddening the way I’ve felt about him.
And now that I want him to stay away, it’s like ripping something vital away from me.
My heart hammers inside my chest, butterflies taking off as I watch the rain cascade across the windshield when Alexa pulls up to the curb in front of his building.
My eyes scan the parking lot, expecting to see his Camaro. It’s not here.
Maybe this is my sign that this is a mistake and I should turn away.
But I can’t for the first time in my life.
I want to be selfish. The storm hasn’t let up tonight.
It almost feels personal. Why does it always rain when it comes to us?
Is it a warning for us to stay away, or maybe baptism for us every single time?
I’m so tired of the rain… My fingers brush against the door handle.
For a moment, I panic, hesitating to open the door.
“You don’t have to do this,” Alexa says softly from beside me, my fingers latching on, and with a click, the door opens. I turn around to look at my best friend and smile. “I do.”
She nods, and I finish explaining myself, “He deserves a goodbye.”
Alexa studies my face, the way someone who has loved me through every version of myself, before muttering softly, “Call me when you’re ready. I’ll be up, and Ronnie?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re not abandoning him. You’re choosing yourself. That’s allowed, don’t see it as goodbye, but see you later.”
I nod, because if I speak, I might fall apart right here and not do the only thing I want to do.
To be selfish and spend my last night in our hometown in the arms of the man I love.
I push open the door and step outside. The cold rain hits me, instantly making me shiver where I stand.
It’s heavy and soaking through my sweater, jeans, and all.
Closing the door behind me, I wrap my arms around myself and walk towards the back of the building where he usually parks away from anyone who could accidentally dent his car while still giving him a clear view of his prize possession.
I don’t even make it to the spot before headlights sweep across the lot.
The familiar growl of the Camaro rolls through the night.
My breath catches in my throat, my pulse spiking, and then the car slows down before coming to a full stop in front of me, blinding me with the brightness of the headlights.
Using my hand to shield my eyes from the light, I feel like a deer stuck before being struck down, just staring at one another, wondering who should move first, and thankfully, he decides to quickly maneuver around me and park in his usual spot before practically running out of the car, already slipping off his jacket.
“Ronnie. Mi amor, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be with Nixie?” he asks, confused, as he closes the distance between us, his jacket hovering above my head like an umbrella. I nod once, shivering from the cold. “I was… I… I had Lex take her home.”
Poor guy, looks even more confused. His chest rises hard and fast, curls plastering on his forehead from the rain. The sight of him drenched and breathless does things to me. Or maybe it’s just him. No matter what, he’s the one who will always undo me in ways it would be impossible to replicate.
“Ronnie, it’s raining…” he whispers, as if I couldn’t already tell. He leans down so we are almost at eye level. “Why are you here, soaked and standing outside in the cold?”
Lightning splits the sky, illuminating his features in a way that makes him seem godly.
A small huff of air escapes my lips before I reply with the truth, “I wanted to see you.” I shrug.
“I need you. It’s always about me, and for once, I just want it to be about you.
” My hand moves towards his jaw, feeling the rough patches of stubble beneath my palm.
His eyes close as he leans into my touch. “Ronnie.”
“Use me Iz.”
His eyes snap open, wide, full of so many emotions it’s hard to decipher which one he leans into.
I can see longing, devastation, hunger, disbelief, and something feral waiting to give in to my demand.
“No,” he murmurs softly, pulling away from me with a shake of his head. “Not like this, Ronnie… not like this.”
“What do you mean?”
I watch his entire body tremble, his hand moves to touch me, but stops. “You can’t do this to me,” he rasps in a way that scratches my brain. My heart. My very being. “You can’t give me a piece of you and then rip it away. It's not fair for me. For you.”
“None of this is fair, nothing.” I try to contain my emotions, but they all come out. “I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t want this, but here we are. And I want to be selfish. To give you the only thing that’s yours. My trust. Use me in the same way I've used you.”
His hand moves to my cheek, and I lean into it. “What am I gonna do with you, huh?”
I scoff at that. “I can think of many things you can do to me.”
“This isn’t right.”
I shrug. “None of it is.”
Without another word, in a quick movement, he scoops me into his arms bridal style, causing me to squeal as he walks us out of the downpour and into his place.
The warmth of the building seeps into me, and the smells of food and weed linger in the air as we head towards his apartment.
My heart is beating wildly inside my chest, and fuck, between my legs.
What can I say… I’m irrevocably and hopelessly in love with him.
He opens the door, with me still in his arms, and closes it before setting me down.
For a moment, we stand chest to well, not chest to chest, because he’s much taller.
My lungs seize in my chest, not able to keep expanding with the way he’s looking at me.
I’m burning hot. A furnace of need. As he memorizes every inch of me, knowing he’s losing me all at the same time.
It’s a whole new kind of devastation. “Why do I feel like this is a goodbye?”
Maybe he’s right, and I shouldn’t do this to him. “Isaac…”
As if sensing where this is going, he shakes his head once, his jaw tight. Water is still dripping from his hair. “Don’t.”
I can see the emotional warfare within him.
His golden irises sparkle, and I know I’m losing him.
Stepping closer, he flinches, waiting for the blow to land.
My trembling hand moves to his cheek, which I cup in my hand.
Rising to the tip of my toes, I crush my lips against his.
It's a small peck at first, but enough to disarm him. “Ronnie,” he groans against my lips, his hand moving to my hips, which he grips in a punishing way. “Don’t go.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I lie. “Not tonight.” Half-truth.
My heart aches inside my chest, my fingers curl into his soaked shirt, pulling him closer and kissing him again.
This time it’s demanding, yet slow. Our tongues invade each other's mouths, gliding smoothly against each other as I walk him towards his bed. Kissing him, like a person starved of air, and he’s the only way to breathe.
His hand moves to the back of my head, fisting my hair as he deepens our kiss.
We both groan as his tongue demands more with his body pressed against mine.
Shuddering when my hand slips behind the fabric of his wet clothes, causing him to snap out of the trance. “Ronnie,” he breathes hoarsely.
“Use me,” I practically purr against his lips. “Let me show you how much I trust you.”
My words freeze him, not because he doesn't want to. The firmness pressing hard against me tells me he’s very much into it.
He knows this is goodbye, and it’s killing him.
I won't stop. I don’t allow myself to dwell on the meaning behind tonight.
My lips brush against his jaw, and my tongue licks up the curve of it.
“Please. Let me feel you. Let me forget everything but you.”
Then he snaps.
His mouth crashes into mine again, his nails dig into my scalp as he fists my hair.
Our kiss is desperate, full of reverence, and only the hunger people who have been starving their entire lives feel.
His free hand slides under my wet sweater, dragging it off with little effort, exposing me to him before tossing the wet fabric to the side.
Iz kisses down my neck, my collarbone, dragging his tongue down my sternum as he drops to his knees.
A man ready to worship, his nose falling to my center while his fingers curl at the waistband of my jeans.
“Veronica.” He uses my full name as if to anchor himself to a reality he can escape to, his voice cracking and his hands trembling. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” I whisper, looking down at the beautiful man kneeling before me. “You could never hurt me… not like this.”
The sound that comes out of him sends tiny sparks of life to parts of me only he can awaken.
The feeling is intense, and as tortured as the sound that is ripped from deep in his chest. He pulls me closer, his tongue licking up my stomach as his fingers work to unbuckle my jeans.
One leg at a time, each one showered in kisses and soft bites that send electricity through me, making my knees become jelly from the intensity of it all.
He pulls away slightly. “If we are doing this, it’s my way.”
I smile. “I did say you could use me.”