Chapter 44 #2
I pass the joint back to him, my head turning to her usual parking spot. “Yeah, I noticed that.”
We smoke in silence for a bit, then Sledge fills me in on his life.
He’s now stepping away from dealing with fights and focusing on his gym, which will be opening soon.
Even offered me a position as a coach. As for me, I fill him in on my routine, the information given to me pertaining to Priscilla and her pregnancy.
The conversation is mundane in the best kind of way.
We’re so lost in conversation that we don’t notice the headlights as Alexa pulls in.
One minute he’s talking, and the next he’s frozen, looking past me like he’s seen a ghost. My pulse spikes, my heart stuttering inside my chest, unsure if I want to turn around, and when I do.
I see her.
If this were a novella, I’m sure this is the scene where the song “Coleccionista de Canciones,” by Camila plays.
My girl is within arms reach, standing just a few feet away, unsure of what to do, and right beside her is Alexa, who is glaring at Sledge.
But all I can focus on is Ronnie. My hands grow sweaty, and the urge to run to her is quickly overpowering every sense inside me that tells me to stay still, to wait for her to establish the connection.
And that she does. I see the exact moment where she decides her path, her shoulders lift as she closes the passenger door and walks towards us.
“Hey,” she says with a warm smile, which makes her look like absolute sunshine even if it’s dark out.
She looks healthier, her skin glowing—sun-kissed—and looks fuller too.
“I love the bangs,” is all I manage to say, because I’m too busy admiring every part of her.
Everything else fades, and only she exists.
Ronnie chuckles softly as her hand moves to the curtain bangs that frame her heart-shaped face. “Yeah, I’m still not convinced…”
“It suits you,” I mutter as I bring my thumb to my lips. A nervous tic that makes me bite off my nail.
“You look—” she mutters, and my nerves have me blurting out, “So do you,” and cutting her off before she can even finish.
We organically drift closer. Inspecting each other as we both laugh nervously.
For a second, I forget the crib, the pregnancy, and everything in between.
And zero in on that future I envisioned for us both, whether I want it or not.
I’m so focused on her that I don’t notice until she mentions it. “Looks like it’s only us.” She points at the retreating forms of Sledge and Alexa. I can’t help the spark of happiness that explodes inside my chest, taking a mental note to thank them later on.
“I can go, so you can meet up with them,” I offer, knowing damn well I’d rather really not do that. But if she wanted an out to escape this, very obviously, intense situation, I’d offer it to her. I’d offer anything to her. She quickly shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. I’m fine. How’s life?”
“It’s been going. I didn’t know you were back?”
She smiles, wide and bright, stirring a bunch of emotions inside me. “Oh, it’s a surprise, no one knows, that’s why Alexa picked me up from the airport.”
That makes sense, why our parents were going about their day and not getting ready for her arrival.
“Nixie will be happy to see you. She’s hopeless without you. Think Bella, but worse.” She clutches her invisible pearls, her mouth opening in exaggerated, ‘oh, my.’ I nod. “We all missed you, but I think I might have a little more than them.”
Her smile falls, and instantly I kick myself in the nuts, metaphorically of course, because why the fuck would I say that? I just couldn’t contain it. I do miss her. Every day, every hour—she’s all I can think of. “I’m sorry—”
“I missed you, too,” she adds in, stopping me from making an even bigger fool out of myself. A smile tugs at my lips, I step in closer wanting to hug her, but instead I ask, “Wanna smoke?”
She scoffs, pretending to be offended. For a second, I’m standing there sweating bullets.
Maybe she stopped? Why did I ask her that?
I mean, sure, smoking some weed isn’t for everyone, but it’s always been our thing.
“I thought you would never ask.” That’s when I remember I don’t have anything on me, and with a sorry look, I tell her.
“I forgot, I got nothing, but I can ask Sledge.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I actually haven’t smoked in a while.”
My brows quirk. “No shit, then maybe we shouldn’t. I’m just so happy to see you.”
“Using weed to keep me close, huh?” she teases, smacking gently against my arm.
The contact has my skin bursting into flames.
The warmth of her touch lingers long after she pulls her hand back.
We just stand there, so close I can smell her perfume that mingles with the night air.
There’s so much I want to tell her, ask her, but the words never come.
I just leave the comfortable silence between us, while she looks up at the sky… I look at her.
A million things run through my mind, all to be halted by the sound of my phone ringing in my pocket.
The sound cuts through the night, so loud it almost sounds wrong.
It’s shrill and vibrates like a warning.
I try to ignore it because nothing good comes from interruption.
For a moment, I try to will the sound away, but it only becomes more insistent, then guilt tugs at me.
What if it’s something important? I glance over at Ronnie, who’s already looking at me, waiting for the shoe to drop, for the moment to dissipate right before our eyes because fate fucking hates us.
My hand stays where it is, useless at my side, as my phone rings away, my gaze unwavering from Ronnie.
Just when it stops…. it rings again.
Her eyes slowly move down to my pocket. “You should probably—”
I answer the call before she can finish.
“Isaac Vargas?” the woman on the other end of the call asks almost nervously, and my heart grows louder and quicker.
My chest is tightening for reasons I don’t understand, and I apologetically look at Ronnie, who looks like she just wants to take off and run, I don’t blame her…
I want that too. I clear my throat before replying, “This is him.”
There’s a pause on the other end, but from the background noises, I can tell it’s a hospital, and that has me on alert. “Mr. Vargas, this is St. Mary’s Medical Center. We need you to come in. We admitted a prisoner, Priscilla Harper, and she’s currently being prepped for an emergency C-section.”
All the words hit me at once, leaving me too stunned to focus on anything else. “It–” I clear my throat, swallowing hard, trying to keep the information away from Ronnie. “It’s not time yet.”
It’s too soon… she still had more time. I had more time.
But time waits for no one. There’s another pause, longer this time. “There were complications. The baby will need to be delivered. We will need you here.”
Everything around me blurs, and my heart sinks deep into my stomach.
My hands shake as I try to make sense of what I’m hearing.
Not daring to look at Ronnie, my eyes roam over the parking lot, looking anywhere but at her.
“By the time you make it to the Medical Center, please go straight to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.”
I nod, even though she can’t see me. My hand is tightening around the phone, so hard it hurts. “Okay.”
With that, the calls end, and with it, whatever moment I hoped to conjure up with Ronnie.
I look up at the sky, looking for the courage to face the woman I love and explain to her that this time it’s me who has to choose.
It’s me who has to leave. I finally meet her gaze, which reflects nothing but confusion.
She doesn’t ask what’s wrong because she knows.
The comfortable silence is now thick with tension.
“Everything okay?” she finally asks, nervously playing with her fingers.
“My son,” I manage to choke out, not missing the way her eyes go wide from the shock.
“A son?”
Even hearing the words come from her lips still doesn’t make them feel real, nor right. She’s confused, even more so now, and I wish I had the time to talk her through it. “It’s not—he’s early. Or will be.” I swallow hard the lump rising in my throat. “I have to go.”
She makes a soft, muffled noise as she brings her hand towards her lips, and blinking her eyes rapidly. “Yeah.” Her voice breaks. “You should go…” Ronnie waves me her hand. I take a step forward only for her to take another two steps back, moving away from me. “I’m sorry, Ronnie.”
“No, don’t be,” she croaks. “Do you need anyone to go with you?”
“No,” I mumble softly, watching as she struggles to cope with her emotions.
This is all so wrong, isn’t how things should have played out, and it sucks that there’s no way to soften the truth.
Ronnie wastes no time backing away and practically rushing towards the entrance of Alexa’s building and disappearing behind the door without a word. Not even a goodbye.
Song: Athlete - Wire
The drive to the hospital is silent except for the loud growl of the Camaro’s engine and the way my heart refuses to slow down.
A cold knot forms in my stomach, my nerves all buzzing beneath my skin, making it jittery, and I’m unable to stop myself from running my hand through my hair.
My hand tightens around the steering wheel as my heart continues to slam into my ribs.
I don’t remember even making it to the hospital or pulling into the parking lot.
Not even when my body begins to move, my feet pumping with each step until breaking out into a full jog.
I move with purpose, dodging columns, dodging staff, and visitors until I make it inside.
Everything smells clean. Not the fresh but the antiseptic kind, my head shifts one side to another unsure which way to go.
“Sir, are you lost?” A woman who is sitting behind a desk asks cautiously. Taking in my disheveled and sweaty exterior, I probably look my worst, but I’m nervous. Unsure of so many things, with only one thing that rings true, I need to be here. “NICU.”
After verifying a handful of information and my identity, I’m free to go.
Running through corridors, taking elevators that bring me up to the NICU.
My knees shake with each step, while I make it through the automatic door before stopping right at the double doors that hold my future.
And the future has never been as scary as it is right now.
My eyes can see the area, the machines, the staff that buzz from the nurses' station to the room, the way the smell of diaper cream mingles in the sterile environment.
It takes a minute to kick into gear, to get myself going.
Reading the instructions, I place my phone and anything unsterile in a plastic bag after wiping it down.
Sauntering over to the sink, I wash my hands, making sure to last the full three minutes.
Scrubbing from my fingertips to my elbows. Once I’m done, the heavy glass automatic door slides open, and the weight of it settles in my chest. Not in an oppressive way, but with the heaviness of responsibility. The nurse guides me towards a dimly lit room, and I stop just inside the doorway.
He’s so small…
Smaller than anything I imagined. Swaddled up to wires, instead of blankets. His skin is almost translucent beneath the blue lights. The nurse tells me all the information I need to know. I have so many questions, I just can’t bring myself to interrupt her, or fucking move. I have a son.
A son.
“Go on, you can see him from up close. Just try to be quiet. He’s gonna need a lot of rest while he continues to grow,” she whispers softly, ushering me towards the center of the room where a single incubator stands, my reflection faint in the glass separating him from me.
My hands shake as I press them against the barrier, terrified of how much emotion I’m feeling.
A single tear slides down my cheek as I whisper, “I’m here. ”
I swear that he hears me, it’s a small, pitiful sound that makes my chest cave into itself, overwhelmed with feelings I’ve never known existed. “I’ll stay with you always. I swear.”