CHAPTER TWO
Seeing Ian Torres was not a part of Alex's plans for the night.
He was supposed to sneak in, catch up with Sasha for a minute, sing one song, and disappear again.
He'd gotten used to being out of the spotlight and wasn't planning a comeback any time soon.
Hell, he wouldn't even be here if he hadn't promised Sasha this last year, when she'd showed up at one of his concerts.
And now here he was, so distracted by Ian that he could hardly hear anything she was saying.
Luckily, she didn't require much participation as she went on and on about her tour, obviously still running high on the excitement, since this was only the first leg of the whole thing.
Alex remembered how that had felt and yet, for the first time in forever, he didn't feel even a slight twinge of longing to get back out there.
He had more important things to focus on now—and in the foreseeable future.
"And how are you?" Sasha finally asked, meeting his gaze in the big mirror. "You've been lying low for ages now."
Alex shrugged. "I figured it's high time for a break."
"Anything exciting in the works for you?
" She turned her head back and forth, checking the enormous hair piece two hair stylists had just finished putting on.
"When people in our industry say a break, it can mean anything from rehab to working on an album, and you were never the type for that first one, so… "
Yeah, Connor had that covered for the three of us.
Hiding a wince at the thought of his former bandmate, Alex summoned a crooked smile for the audience—because he wasn't stupid enough to think Sasha was the only one listening, even if her team moved around them silently, only rarely exchanging whispers when they needed to.
"I might have done some writing here and there, but I've been mostly resting and sorting things out, some of which piled up after months of going non-stop. You know how that goes."
She did, and she launched into another story about herself, which was exactly what he was after. While he didn't want to lie if he didn't have to, there was no way he would tell her what kind of stuff needed sorting in his life currently.
What he was preparing himself for, if that was even possible.
As she talked, he glanced towards the door again. He had no business thinking about Ian, especially with everything going on and after he'd left him hanging months ago, and yet…
And yet.
If it was only about the last time, maybe Alex would have been able to let it go.
As great as that evening had been, it might have still become nothing more than a memory of a simpler time.
But it wasn't only that one time—it was all their time together, Alex coming back again and again even when he shouldn't have, even when he'd been trying to convince himself there was no way for them to work.
Ian Torres was a man he'd never been able to forget and whenever they would see each other again, Alex couldn't help but want more of Ian's attention—and not just professional kind.
Their last meeting was the one and only time they'd definitely crossed that boundary, first with the kiss and then with the sex that lasted most of the night, but their connection had been growing before that, too, and Alex could never have enough.
Was it really any different that he couldn't now, either?
Yes. Yes, of course it was different. His life was about to become unrecognizable and he couldn't bring anyone else into it, especially someone whose life seemed nothing like the whirlwind Alex's was—and had been ever since he, Em, and Connor had gone to the audition that had changed everything.
Alex needed to be smart, and responsible, and cautious. That had been what he'd told himself months ago, when he was staring at Ian's number, wishing he could call him, if only to hear that calm voice that always managed to make everything better.
He hadn't called, or texted, or done anything, really, and while hurting Ian had never been what Alex wanted, it had seemed like the smart thing to do, in the end.
Exactly like it would be the smart thing tonight to walk away and not look back.
There had been a moment, a few weeks ago, when he thought he could perhaps use the opportunity to talk to Ian by hiring the security detail for Sasha's concert—and while learning Ian wasn't available had been a blow, Alex figured it was a sign to let go.
Now, though…
Could seeing Ian here tonight be a sign as well?
"Okay, they're starting to let people in." Sasha looked up from her at Alex. "You can stay here, or—"
"No, I'll leave you to it." He stood up and blew her a kiss. "You look fantastic, by the way. I might have mentioned it, but still."
She grinned and waved him off. "Charmer, as always. Don't let me get any ideas."
"See you out there, Sash," he told her with a chuckle as he left, but the moment he saw Ian again, he forgot all about her and her antics.
He forgot about everything he'd been trying to convince himself of, too.
"People are starting to enter the arena," Ian said. "You may want to move to wherever you're staying through all this."
Alex nodded. "Sure, yeah, okay."
Still, he didn't move.
He wasn't going to get a better chance than this secluded and quiet corridor, after all.
"Can you—?" He motioned towards Ian's ear. Whatever he was about to say, he didn't want anyone else to hear it. "It would only take a minute."
For a moment, he thought Ian would refuse, and Alex tightened his grip on his cane, trying to swallow down the disappointment.
Then, Ian slowly nodded and pressed a button on his watch.
"A minute," he said, clasping his hands behind him.
Alex wasn't prepared, of course, so he threw himself into this with no plan whatsoever, desperation pushing him forward.
"I truly am sorry for not contacting you," he whispered.
"I didn't say it back then to placate you or let you down easy, I did want—I do want you, still.
I never stopped. My life… took a turn I didn't expect and I couldn't think of anything else.
I know it sounds like an excuse," he added quickly when he saw Ian's jaw tense.
"Or another line, I guess. But it's the truth, and I can explain it, if you give me a chance.
" He paused for a second. "Could you? Give me a chance, that is? "
Ian stared at him for a long moment and Alex had to force himself not to look away.
Let him see.
"Can't you explain it now?" Ian finally asked.
Alex shook his head.
"That story is too long and too personal.
" Hell, he shouldn't even be telling it to Ian, if he were thinking straight.
But he wasn't—he never could think straight around this man.
"If you hear me out and decide you don't want to see me again, I promise I'll leave you be.
I fucked up and you have no reason to believe this time will be any different, I get that. But…"
His throat tightened as he reached out slowly to put a hand on Ian's chest and Ian didn't stop him.
He didn't stop him.
Heart hammering, Alex cleared his throat and went on. "Like I said, I still want you. And if there's a chance for us to… talk, at least, I would love that."
"I'm working," came Ian's quiet reply. "I won't be free tonight until after midnight."
Alex's heart soared. It wasn't a no.
"I can wait," he blurted out quickly, grabbing his chance. "I can meet you wherever you want, or you can come to my hotel, if that's okay with you."
Ian narrowed his eyes. "You're not wandering around the city on your own. You know damn well you're already gambling with your safety by not having any security with you here. Text me the details of your hotel, and I'll let you know when I can get there."
Relieved, Alex almost dropped his cane in a hurry to pull out his phone. "I'll do it right now."
A warm hand closed around his wrist and Alex's knees almost buckled.
Fuck.
"Do it when you're back in whatever room they put you in around here," Ian told him. "It only takes one fan to accidentally see you before all hell breaks loose, and you know it."
"Because you keep reminding me." Alex smiled up at him. "And I'll listen. I'm going."
"Good."
Ian slowly dropped his hand, and it might have been Alex's imagination, but he seemed reluctant to let go.
Or maybe Alex was projecting, since he was definitely missing Ian's touch already.
"Go," Ian prompted him, and Alex took a step back.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm going."
He turned around and left, hurrying down the corridor before the urge to turn around and go back to Ian would become too much.
Soon, he told himself. Soon.
* * *
As Alex stood backstage, next to Sasha's manager, he could feel his blood pumping faster, his whole body recognizing the familiar buzz.
"She'll talk to the audience after this song, so wait for her signal," the man told him for the second time tonight, but Alex only nodded as he watched a pair of dancers flying above the stage.
Sasha X did know how to put on a show, that was for sure.
"I can take your phone while you're out there," the manager said next and Alex looked at him in disbelief.
"There's no need, I turned it off."
After he'd texted Ian his hotel info, he spent the last hour scrolling through their conversation history. He'd stayed away from doing that in recent months, not wanting to dig into an open wound, but he figured he could do that, now. They were talking again, after all.
Still, Alex was here for work, so as soon as they moved him to the backstage, his phone was off.
"Okay, then." The manager nodded, already back to watching the stage as the song was getting to the end. "She's almost done."
Alex was grateful to his manager for many things, but apparently he should also be grateful that the man wasn't such a control freak.
A few hours with Sasha's guy and Alex would rather end his career than work in an environment like this.
He wondered now if Sasha's earlier stunt with being late was her acting out in response to this kind of treatment.
It wasn't okay by any means, but at least Alex could understand the urge.
He pushed this line of thought away, though, concentrating back on the energy of the crowd. He was here to give them a surprise, to add to their experience in a hopefully cool way. Nothing else mattered.
Finally, Sasha announced a special guest and turned to him with a big smile.
"Come on out, come on. Don't be shy," she teased, and he laughed as he walked out onto the stage.
The roar of the crowd was deafening and he let himself savor the moment.
Maybe he did miss some things about touring, after all.
"Hello, DC!" He beat twice against the ground with his cane then lifted it up high. "Great to be with you tonight!"
He got another roar of applause and screaming, and Sasha shook her head.
"I figured you all might like the surprise. And since he's already here, we may as well sing something, don't we?"
The first notes of the ballad from Sasha's previous album made the crowd almost drown out the music with their enthusiasm, and Alex grinned as he leaned on the cane briefly.
Then Sasha started singing at him and everything else faded into the background.
She had a strong voice, surprisingly deep and so unlike Em's higher one, but as Alex joined her now, their voices complimented each other really well.
The song became a different story when performed by two people instead of one—a dialogue of longing instead of a confession of a heartbreak.
And if his run-in with Ian earlier tonight had given Alex some more inspiration to put into the song… Nobody needed to know.
As the song slowly came to an end, Sasha pulled him into a hug as the crowd screamed around them.
"Thank you," she told him when they drew back, barely audible over the applause.
It was hard, leaving the stage after a performance like that, but he'd done his job and now, it was back to being Sasha's show and Sasha's show only. Alex returned to his room in a haze with a grin plastered on his face.
He'd been so worried about coming here tonight, and yet, things had turned out so much better than expected.
As he fell onto a sofa, one of the stage assistants handed him a bottle of water he took with a murmur of thanks.
Downing the bottle, he watched the next song on the screen, ignoring the noise around him. Only after his breathing had come back to normal did he pull out his phone and turn it on.
He suspected that the clips of their duet were already making the rounds on social media, and for the first time in a long while, he was curious to see what was out there.
Before he could check any of it, though, a string of texts from Em made him freeze.
That couldn't be good.