Chapter 40
Julian
“Hi, Julian, Ever.” A teenage girl, probably around sixteen, opens the door of the Spanish-style home.
“Come in. I’m Shaylee.” The Ross home is understated and classic, yet boasts modern upgrades, evident in the entryway alone.
The neighborhood gives affluent but down-to-earth.
Ever gushed about it as we drove in. The best of both worlds.
My girl really does love the beach. If we’d never broken up, she may have never discovered just how much.
“My dad’s—our—um—” Her face blooms bright red under her tan. “He’s in the backyard. This way.” She spins, and we follow her through a dining area with a table set for seven. Just the immediate family and us.
My shoulders relax and my stomach unclenches.
We step into a modernized kitchen full of sounds and smells, with a petite pretty brunette in full motion wearing a tank top and shorts covered by an apron with a turkey on it.
Ross wasn’t kidding when he told us to dress casually.
Ever still insisted on wearing a sundress, but I opted for shorts and a T-shirt.
Southern California weather is giving summer even though it’s November, and I’m not mad about it.
I love warm weather. So does Ever—mostly because it means she can surf without her feet turning blue.
The woman wipes her hands on a towel, also with a turkey on it, and bounces over to us on bare feet.
“Hi, I’m Shanna, Jase’s wife. You met Shaylee.
Jase is out back with the boys.” She shakes our hands in turn as she says all this.
It’s firm but soft, and she clasps the back of our hands with her other as she does.
Moving to French doors that open onto a covered patio overlooking an immaculate backyard that expands to a seaside view beyond, the smell of meat on a grill hits me first. “Jase, they’re here,” she calls out to the empty space just as three bodies charge from around the corner of the house onto the grass.
“Dad, go long,” one dark-headed body yells as the other two, Jason and a younger carbon copy of him, sprint across the lawn, arms extended.
The one that yelled throws a perfect spiraled football across the expanse of green while the other two tangle to catch it.
At the last minute, the younger one snakes his hand between his dad’s two and slaps the football to the ground.
“Gotta be better than that, old man.” Jason grabs the kid in a headlock and tackles him to the ground.
“Jamie,” Shanna calls to the one who threw the football, “come meet Julian and Ever.”
The young man that jogs over to us looks to be in his late teens or early twenties and looks just like his dad—kinda like me.
He’s my height. His hair is brown but lighter than mine and curly, but his eyes are ice blue, also lighter than mine.
More like his mom’s. He’s grinning wide, showing straight white teeth and he extends his hand to me, then Ever.
“Hey, Julian. Ever. Nice to meet you. I’m James. Or Jamie.”
“He’s our oldest. That pile on the lawn is our middle, Spencer.” He back somersaults and stands up, then reaches a hand down to his dad and hauls him to his feet. They make their way over to us, shoving each other back and forth. “Are you two done showing off?”
“He started it,” Jason says with a last shove to Spencer’s shoulder. He reaches out and hugs Ever first, then me.
Caught by surprise, we hug him back one-handed because we’re holding each other’s.
“Sorry about that. Sometimes I have to remind them I’m still young enough to handle them.”
“Don’t say them. I wasn’t in that,” Jamie spouts, pointing toward the lawn.
“Hi, I’m Spence.” He shoves his hand toward us, grinning and unapologetic. I like him already. He’s just as tall as us but leaner. He drapes his arm over Shaylee’s shoulders. “I see you already met the oops.”
She punches him in the ribs, and not softly if his grunt is any indication.
“Shut up, asshole. You two were the experiments. I get the professionals.”
He leaves his arm around her and kisses her temple. “If you say so.”
Shanna chimes in. “Maybe we could offer our guests some drinks before we horrify them with our sick banter.”
“I got it. Julian, come check out the fridge and pick something.” Jamie tosses his head toward the outdoor kitchen, so I start to follow.
I turn to look at Ever and ask what she wants.
“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” She smiles and answers before I can ask the question.
It’s exactly what I need to ground me—her smile, her presence, our connectedness. I smile back and follow Jamie to the fridge and pick two light beers from the plethora of drinks. I return just as Shaylee hooks her arm through Ever’s and turns her toward the French doors.
“C’mon, Ever. Let me give you the tour.”
Ever looks over her shoulder and finds my eyes.
I wink at her so she knows I’m good and take a seat at the outdoor dining table with the rest of the Ross family.
Shanna wasn’t kidding about the sick banter.
The Ross family are hysterically sarcastic but undeniably affectionate.
I’ve not seen many family dynamics in my life—or any, really—but theirs is one to behold.
It’s like a dirty Hallmark card. Warm and fuzzy, hilarious and enchanting.
I find them intoxicating—like I can’t get enough.
Like I’m cozy at home and on an exhilarating vacation all at once.
When Ever and Shaylee return from the tour, they join us at the table and seamlessly blend into the conversation in progress.
Shanna leaves to check something in the kitchen and Jason gets up to check the meat on the grill, all while the conversation flows.
Turns out the Ross family doesn’t like traditional Thanksgiving food.
Jason is slow-cooking chicken and ribs on his grill and Shanna’s preparing all the side dishes that go with it—none being common holiday fare.
This, too, captivates me. They’re not your traditional family, yet they are.
I’m so caught up in it all, I haven’t once thought to breathe or felt anything but relaxed.
Jason stands up and announces, “I’ve got about thirty minutes left on the meat. Julian, care to take a walk with me on the beach?”
I nod and push my chair back from the table. Before I stand I look at Ever, who squeezes my hand. I kiss her cheek and follow Jason to the gate at the back of his yard.
He calls back, “Boys, help your mom. Shay, you get to entertain Ever.”
“We got you, Dad.”
“Don’t be late, Jase. Or I’ll let these boys take the meat off the grill.” Shanna is already through the doors back inside before he can respond.
“She runs a tight ship.” He chuckles and holds his hand out for me to precede him on the beach path.
The expanse of sand is mostly deserted except for a group playing football.
We walk barefooted near the shore, having ditched our shoes at his gate.
Jason doesn’t mince words and dives right in.
I’m expecting it, but still his frankness impresses me.
“You don’t seem like one for deep talks and sharing, but I just wanted to check in.
See how you’re feeling about being here, meeting everyone. ”
“I appreciate that.” My hands are tucked into the pockets of my shorts and I glance sideways into his face as we walk. “I, uh, I’m trying to be better about that. Talking about things.” I give a little laugh and go for it. “Therapy helps.”
“Did Ever get you to go to therapy?”
“No. I’ve had one I see off and on for years. Allie might’ve been the first to suggest it.”
“She’s quite the lady.”
“She is.” When I’d normally let that be my whole response, I add, “I’m very lucky to have met her. I guess I really owe all of this . . . my success to her.”
“No, son, you don’t. But I get why you’d say that.”
Him calling me son puts a lump in my throat, but I don’t freak out. I just swallow the golf ball and focus on his words.
“She gave you the opportunities. What you did with them is on you. You’re incredible, Julian.
” He stops walking and faces me, so I stop and face him, too.
“I hope you don’t mind, and I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but I need to .
. . I want you to know something. And I hope you’ll hear me out.
” He waits, watching me, like he wants permission to continue.
So I give him a nod, look him in the eyes—eyes like mine—and try not to fidget with the seam in my pocket.
He takes a deep breath and exhales it slowly.
With the waves crashing behind him and the seagull cries ringing in my ears, he begins.
“I love you. You’re my son. You’re part of me, part of my family.
I hate that I didn’t know about you all these years.
” His eyes fill, which has pressure building behind mine.
I blink to try to relieve it. “I want to be mad at her, Brandi. I do. And in some ways I am. Some people think addiction is a choice, some a disease. I think everyone is different and the truth might be somewhere in the middle. I want to believe that she knew you were mine and that’s why she named you Jayce.
We may never know the real circumstances.
But when I think about what your life was like compared to the one I could’ve given you, it breaks me.
I’m so sorry, Julian. I can’t change it.
It’s like what I said about Allie. We have this opportunity now.
It’s up to us what we do with it. And I hope you’ll let me be your family—all of us.
Because the moment I suspected, the moment I saw you and knew, I loved you. ”
I hang my head because the dam’s gonna break if I keep looking at him.
“You’re so incredibly strong. The man you’ve made of yourself despite what you grew up in is a testament to that.
You’re a Ross even if you don’t realize it.
We’re strong, determined . . . and incredibly athletic, obviously.
” He chuckles on that last remark, which makes me chuckle and meet his eyes again—eyes that are swimming and spilling down his cheeks. He shrugs. “But we’re sensitive, too.”
I swipe at an escaped tear and try to blink the rest away.
“Would you give us a chance to be your family? Give me a chance?”
“I can do that.” I smile and shove my hand back into my pocket because I don’t know what else to do with it.
Jase’s shoulders begin to shake with emotion, and he grips my shoulder like a lifeline before he pulls me to him in a bear hug.
I don’t know what to do with this kind of male attention—especially demonstrative fatherly attention.
I hesitate for a moment before I wrap my arms loosely around his back and pat him awkwardly. Once I do, he squeezes me even tighter.
“I love you, son.”
His words are quiet compared to the roar of the ocean, but I hear them, and more, I feel them. The dam breaks. My breath hitches and I can’t stop the shaking. My fingers clench the fabric of his shirt. I try to clear my throat, but it comes out a sob.
“Thank you for giving me a chance.” His voice breaks and he’s clapping me on the back.
Then he’s easing back, captures my head in his hands and bumps his forehead lightly to mine.
Gripping the sides of my neck, he repeats, “I love you, son. I’m so proud of you.
So proud you’re mine.” He swipes his thumbs across my cheeks at the wetness that won’t stop.
“C’mon. Prepare to eat the best ribs you’ve ever tasted.
” Hanging his arm around my shoulders, we walk back the way we came.
I stuff my hands back in my pockets and let the cool wind dry my tears. I don’t speak for fear of another dam break, but the warmth in my chest, foreign as it is, expands with every step.
The ribs are the best I’ve ever tasted. Everything is mouthwatering. They even offered donut holes for dessert especially for me. “Ever told us you don’t really like sweets but you’re a sucker for donuts, so we had to get some.”
Shanna sets a plate of cookies, cheesecake bites and donut holes in the center of the table.
Ever and I insist they let us help clear dinner and clean up, which is another comic display of how families that love each other do things.
The insults alone make it a competitive sport.
Ever blends right in because, as she claims, her family speaks fluent sarcasm.
It quickly becomes a guys versus girls scenario, which would’ve escalated into a full-blown water fight if Shanna hadn’t scolded everyone not to flood her kitchen.
After dinner, we play liars’ dice, their family tradition—they teach me and Ever how to play and we play for hours with Ever and Shaylee ultimately winning the most games.
When Ever stifles her third yawn, I politely suggest that we should call it a night.
I could tell Jason didn’t want it to end.
I kinda didn’t either but . . . baby steps.
On the drive home, before we even leave the driveway, Ever grabs my hand and announces, “I love them.”
Kissing the back of her hand, I feel my smile in every muscle in my face when I reply, “Me too.”