Chapter 3 Rayna
Rayna
Hearing the sound of the shower going upstairs feels uplifting. Noise of someone else in the house. I can’t imagine Koby feeling up to joining me for the evening. He looked wrecked after he had some food in him. Like he could finally relax.
My mind wanders as the movie I’m watching plays. I’m unsure what happened or how Koby and I drifted apart over the years. Busy lives? Our families and teams to look after?
The abrupt end of the movie draws me back from spacing out. I check the time on my watch and it’s close to ten p.m. Turning everything off downstairs, I quietly make my way upstairs.
Hitting the top step, I hear the faint sound of Koby snoring through his door. I exhale with content.
Standing in front of my bathroom mirror in a pair of underpants and a tank top, waiting while my estrogen gel dries, I take in my body.
Running my hand down my stomach, I sigh.
I’m definitely not in my twenties anymore.
The remnants of my stretch marks, fragmented and marred across my skin.
I do my best to fit time to work out at the hotel gyms, keep my daily step count up and have been spending the last year doing Pilates in my hotel room late at night.
Looking away from my mirror, that was the longest time I’ve stared at my reflection for a while.
The gel is dry enough, so I can put on long, light pants and a loose long-sleeve top.
Yes, it’s summer, but I don’t love my body being out there.
I’ll blast the air-con in my room so I can cover myself up.
Blame perimenopause and pretend hot flashes.
Climbing into bed, the soft light from the lamp on my bedside table illuminating the cozy space. Do I have enough time for a few pages on my ereader? My eternal struggle. Sleep or read? I know I’ll get stuck into my new book and be up until 3:00 am, so I opt for a scroll on my phone.
My feed is full of colleagues from the paddock. Holiday-mode is definitely on. My fingers pause longer at certain accounts. Young, beautiful woman. Hair flowing and perfect. Skin toned and taut. Travelling, carefree in the prime of their lives.
Shutting off the phone, the screen goes black.
My reflection stares back at me. Face puffy, bags under my eyes, hair a mess.
Okay, okay. The low light from the lamp isn’t helping at this angle, but I can wallow.
Putting it on charge on my bedside and turning the light off, I enjoy the darkness.
Things are more forgiving in the dark. Hidden away.
Closing my eyes, I pull up my blanket and push my head back into my pillow, trying to quell the thoughts swirling around in my head. I need to not spiral and get some sleep. I think as I lay there and, indeed, spiral.
The sound of pans clanking rouses me from my sleep. For a moment, I forget that I opened my home to Koby, until I hear his loud whisper voice floating up the stairs, “Fucking noisy pans! Shhh.”
Hitting the bathroom, putting a bra and light robe on, I descend the stairs.
“Good morning,” I greet Koby.
“Morning. Sorry.” He offers a meek smile.
Eyeing the table, Koby has been busy. Fruit cut and laid out, coffee mugs out waiting next to the coffee machine, and the pan on the stove has scrambled eggs finishing off.
“I haven’t had your legendary scrambled chilli eggs in years!”
Koby’s mum is an amazing cook, so she imparted a lot of her cooking skills to Koby growing up and it helped him out being on the road racing a lot. No wonder his parents buggered off to the south of France to retire. Within a few short trips to some of the best food regions in the world.
“It has been a while.”
“Geez, when was the last time?” My perimenopausal brain needs a good few hours to wake up before I can do any mental heavy lifting.
“Probably the summer before Wes...”
“No, seriously?” I was shocked it’s been so long. What happened between us?
“You know how it goes. Family, track. Time gets away from us, right?” He answers my unasked question, palming it off, turning away from me. Busying himself at the stove, tidying up around the counter.
Blinking away my disbelief, I stand and head to the coffee machine. “Still two sugars?”
“Yeah, thanks.” His laser-focus on the pan and plating up the scrambled eggs on the buttered toast on the nearby plates.
Making coffee, being in the kitchen with someone who isn’t my child or a family member takes me back a moment.
Sharing my space like this feels quite intimate, and a burst of nostalgia floods over me.
I have known Koby for decades. We have spent countless times in this very kitchen doing this same routine in our 20s, and this feels familiar.
Like we haven’t been apart any time from then until now.
I glance over at him from the corner of my eye.
His shoulders are broad under his white t-shirt, flowing loose over his torso.
Koby still runs, swims, surfs, so his body is in great shape, but still shows the signs of our age.
Where he was skinny and taut in his 20s, he’s now a little stout, and husky.
His arms are still muscular, but not as defined as they used to be.
He walks out of the kitchen to set the plates down on my long dining table opposite the kitchen. His forearms strain as he gently places the plates down for us.
I walk the mugs over to the dining table, and place them down next to our plates, taking my seat at the table.
Koby collects some cutlery from the kitchen and brings it back to the table. Handing mine to me. Our hands gently graze during the handover. He snaps his hand back and clears his throat, sitting on the opposite side of the table to me.
I start eating the scrambled eggs, which are cooked to perfection. Exhaling as I hum my approval. “Just as I remember them,” I offer, smiling at him.
He smiles with a nod and starts eating. “So you said no plans for the weekend?”
“That’s right. What about you?”
“I was hoping to pop by the house and see how bad it is, now that the water has been shut off.”
“Want some company?”
“You must really be bored to want to tag along to assess a water-damaged house.”
“I’m avoiding some sponsors’ calls.”
“Ah, all makes sense now. Well, we can always hit the beach after? Still early enough for a surf and a dip.”
My skin goes cold. I haven’t been in front of anyone in swimmers in years. I have my infinity pool in the backyard, but I only go in there when no one is around. Otherwise, I just sit by it or the hotel pools in my clothes.
“Oh!” Koby checks his phone. “Actually, no swim. Beach will definitely be crowded at this time on a Saturday. Didn’t realise the time.”
While Koby loves a big crowd on track, he’s always considered his beach stints as his time for solace. Basking in the roaring, crashing sounds of the ocean to find his peace.
“What time you heading back to yours?”
“After we’re done here? Might as well get it over and done with. See if I can grab some more clothes.”
“Sounds good.”
We fall into silence as we finish the eggs and coffee. A comfortable silence.
My phone rings as we rinse our plates. Koby waves me off to take the call in my room as he finishes tidying up.
“Hello, Louie! How are you going?”
“Hi, Mum, good thanks! How are you going?” My son, Louie, comes through the other line.
“Good, thanks. How are things going with that chassis issue? Any breakthroughs?”
“Nah, nothing yet. I was going to ask if you think Micah would mind if I called her and asked her a few questions?”
“I was going to suggest you called her or Dave about it. I am sure they won’t mind. If you need them to travel to you, just buy the tickets for them and their partners, if they want to bring them.”
“Sounds like a plan. Hopefully, it’s a simple issue they will know off the top of their head.”
“If it were a simple issue, the crew would have worked it out by now. They are a solid team.”
“This is true. I just want to get it sorted so I can send everyone home for the break.”
“Don’t stress about that, otherwise the problem will never sort itself out. If it were me, I would give everyone the option to head home. You’ll have enough who will want to stay on and get the work done and others who want to get home to see their families. I trust whatever you need to do.”
“Thanks, Mum. Obviously, there is still a question mark on when I can get back home for Chrissie.”
“You do what you need to do. I’ll see you when you can get back home.”
“You know what I’m doing this weekend. What’re you up to this weekend?”
“Koby is actually having some water issues at his place, so he’s staying here over the weekend while he waits for tradies to come in and assess it for him next week.”
“That’s great to hear you have someone to hang out with. You turn into a bit of a recluse in the off-season.”
“I’m hardly at home throughout the year. Of course, I am a recluse. I love this house and miss it.” I sit down in my wingback chair at the desk in my bedroom. The brown leather material is soft and supple as I rub my hands against the arm.
“Well, I am just happy to hear you have someone else to hang out with there. Okay, I’m going to go and try Micah and see if we can get this sorted quickly. Thanks, Mum.”
“Let me know how you go. Love you, Louie.”
“Love you too. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Another proud mum moment. While he is handling everything so well, he is definitely taking steps in the right direction but wanting to check in with me. I need to work on his confidence in his choices. He has it covered.
Two solid knocks interrupt my thoughts as I spin around in my chair and peer over the top to see Koby in the doorway.
“Ready to head or you have something come up?”
“Nope. Louie has it sorted.” Getting up off the brown chair. “I just have to get dressed. I’ll drive.”
“Sounds good."