Chapter 9 #2
“I’m getting better about remembering that, but back then I didn’t have anyone to tell me gay-positive messages besides Eric.
I had seventeen years of religious upbringing screaming in my head that I was going to hell, and Eric whispering sweet things to me in the dark.
” Emmett’s story seized up at a point that he wasn’t ready to share yet—a dark part of Emilio’s past that had influenced his next choice.
“A few days after Christmas, I agreed to try penetration with Eric.”
“Agreed to?”
He didn’t like the fierce look on Lincoln’s face.
“He didn’t force me, I promise. He wanted me to penetrate him, and I think I still found a way to tell myself it was less gay than the other way around.
His parents were out of town for the day visiting friends, so I went over to Eric’s house and we had sex. ”
Emmett pressed his free hand over his tenting shorts, unable to stop his dick from rising as those memories spilled over him.
Touching Eric’s rim for the first time. Pushing a lube-slicked finger into intensely tight heat.
Rolling on a condom and having so much trouble he tore the first one.
Eric being so patient and sweet with him.
Pressing into Eric’s body, into a tight grip of heat and pulsing muscle, and everything in Emmett had screamed at him how right this was.
That this, right here, was everything he’d been missing in his life.
His hard dick thrusting into a tight ass, hips snapping, skin slapping.
He hadn’t lasted long, but he’d orgasmed harder than he’d ever done in his life.
The entire moment had been perfect.
“It was the most intense thing I’d ever felt,” Emmett said once he’d come down from the high of that memory.
“Eric even said he loved me, and I didn’t say it back, but it made me adore him all the more.
And it made me realize that yes, I was gay.
I couldn’t deny it anymore. Eric wanted me to come out, to tell my parents, and I refused.
I was too scared to lose their love and support. We argued and I left.”
The phantom smell of smoke filled his nose, and Emmett coughed. “I saw the smoke in the distance on my way home, but I never imagined that the source was my own house.”
Lincoln gasped.
“I ran inside and tried to save them, but I couldn’t. I fell and got burned pretty bad before the firemen rescued me. Later in the hospital, I found out my parents and sister had died.”
“Christ, Em. You know it wasn’t your fault, right?”
Emmett squeezed the bridge of his nose to fight off tears. “No matter how many times other people have said that to me, I never believed them. All I knew in my heart was that I’d gone against our beliefs by having sex with a man, and my family was punished for it. They paid the price for my sin.”
Lincoln cupped his cheeks with both palms, forcing Emmett to meet his eyes.
Blue orbs blazed with an intensity that scared Emmett as much as it thrilled him.
“Listen to me. Your family did not die because you had sex. The world doesn’t work like that.
God doesn’t sit around staring into bedrooms, deciding who to smite as punishment for things he doesn’t like. It was tragic timing.”
“But if I’d been home—”
“Nope.” Lincoln pressed a thumb over his lips.
“No. Second-guessing will only make you crazy. Trust me on that. I spent a lot of time after my accident wondering if I could have avoided it. Could I have done something different that night, from leaving sooner to avoiding the sideswipe all together. But the accident happened, and the fire happened. We can’t change those things. ”
Emmett couldn’t help it. He parted his lips slightly and kissed the rough skin silencing him. Lincoln’s eyes widened; his nostrils flared. Lincoln dragged that thumb to the corner of his mouth.
“That’s why you scare me,” Emmett whispered. The moment was too fragile to speak any louder. “You’ve been hurt so much. I’m terrified of being with you, only to see you or anyone else I care about hurt. Or dead.”
“You scare me a little too, babe. From the moment I first saw you, I felt something. I knew I wanted to get to know you. I should send Van some top-shelf whiskey as a thank-you for introducing us. You’re the first person I’ve met in a long time who doesn’t make me feel broken.”
Emmett’s heart pounded. “You’re the first person I’ve met in a long time who makes me feel alive.”
Lincoln leaned in until his breath was fanning across Emmett’s lips.
He broke eye contact, but every place Lincoln touched his skin burned with awareness.
And need. Need unlike anything Emmett had felt in his life.
He wanted Lincoln. He wanted to feel alive with Lincoln.
He wanted everything that came along with those things.
“Please,” Emmett whispered.
One word broke the last of the invisible barrier that had kept them apart.
Emmett clutched Lincoln’s shoulders in the same moment that Lincoln kissed him.
Heat exploded all over Emmett’s body, and he melted.
Melted into the way Lincoln explored his lips in a gentle kiss that deepened slowly, until a questing tongue thrust into Emmett’s mouth.
Emmett kissed him back, because he knew this part.
He loved this part. Tasting and pressing and licking, exploring Lincoln’s mouth with the same care that Lincoln discovered his.
He adored how Lincoln didn’t initiate more.
He simply devoured Emmett’s mouth, his callused hands a gentle weight on both sides of his neck.
But Emmett wanted more. He tugged Lincoln down until Emmett was on his back on the couch, Lincoln a hot weight on top of him.
One of Lincoln’s thighs was trapped between Emmett’s legs, and he pressed hard against Emmett’s groin.
Emmett groaned, because that felt amazing. And he wasn’t the only one getting into it, if the solid length against his hip was any clue.
They kissed for a while, and Emmett lost himself to it. To the taste of Lincoln’s mouth, the slide of his tongue, the touch of his fingertips. To the pounding of blood in his veins and the perfect pressure on his groin that occasionally sent shots of joy up his spine. It felt so good. So natural.
So incredibly right.
“The fuck, dude?”
Emmett yelped, shocked by the familiar voice that broke through what had been a beautiful moment and drop-kicked him back into the real world.
Lincoln sat up on his knees, irrationally angry at the interruption, one hand already curling into a defensive fist. A guy about their age stood just inside the front door, a boogie board clutched under one arm.
He had a very strong resemblance to Beatrice, so he pegged the guy as her son.
Emmett’s cousin. As they faced off, the newcomer’s face shifted from disgusted to . . . kind of shocked.
Emmett scrambled up and away, practically huddling at the other end of the couch. But the guy wasn’t paying Emmett any attention. He was laser-focused on Lincoln for some reason.
And that set off all kinds of alarms for Lincoln. “Who are you?”
“Adrian,” the guy said. “I live here.” He seemed to snap out of whatever trance he’d been in, and he looked back and forth, from Lincoln to Emmett in a way that made Lincoln want to stand up and snarl. To Emmett he said, “Dude, really? You’re a fag?”
Lincoln shot to his feet, allowing his height to work in his favor. “He’s a what now?”
“Gay.” Adrian swallowed hard enough that his Adam’s apple bobbed. He left the boogie board near the front door, then made a wide circle around the couch.
“And? You got a problem with this?”
Adrian frowned then darted up the stairs. Out of sight.
“Okay, that was weird.” Lincoln sat back down. Emmett didn’t look as scared as he expected. He almost looked . . . mad. “You okay?”
“I’m so sorry.”
“For your cousin? It’s not your fault he’s an asshole.”
“No, for me. For pulling away like I did. I’m sorry.”
Ah-ha. “You were scared, Em. It was a protective instinct. I’m not taking it personally.
” Hell, the fact that he’d been making out with Emmett less than three minutes ago still felt like a miracle.
He’d come over today half expecting Emmett to tell him that Lincoln had an overactive imagination and they would only ever be friends.
The story about Eric and the fire had horrified Lincoln—not only because of Emmett’s loss, but because of how much guilt Emmett had carried since it happened.
This misplaced belief that choosing to have sex had led to the deaths of his parents and sister.
Lincoln hadn’t known how to make it better.
He’d been insanely relieved when Emmett seemed to accept that he wasn’t responsible for their deaths. Being gay hadn’t caused it.
Fires were tragic accidents, not acts of divine retribution.
“So what’s that other thing you brought with you?” Emmett asked. The conversation switch effectively answered the question of whether or not there would be more making out in the near future.
Lincoln was okay with that. As much as he wanted to taste other parts of Emmett’s body, he needed to go at Emmett’s pace. Emmett wasn’t a blushing virgin, thank God, but he had a lot of mental baggage to overcome. Baggage Lincoln was more than willing to help him unpack and put away for good.
“The QChord came yesterday.” Lincoln reached down and grabbed the black carrying case that had come late last night, along with a note from Dominic that every instrument needed protection. The innuendo had made him snort-giggle, before darker thoughts had taken over.
Thoughts that, coupled with his plan to confront Emmett today, had taken him on a brief journey this morning, via Uber, to a pharmacy for a home HIV test kit.
The kit had come back with a negative result, which had lifted a bit of the anxiety he’d carried ever since his encounter with Tom two weeks ago, but he’d still visited a local clinic and gotten a real blood test done.
It had been an active, exhausting morning, but worth it to ease his mind a little. He didn’t want to put Emmett at risk.
“You got it?” Emmett asked, and for a split instant, Lincoln thought he meant an STD. “Can I see it?”
QChord. Pay attention.
Lincoln unzipped the larger, rounded end of the case and pulled out the instrument. It was shaped like the body of a guitar, minus the neck. He placed it flat on Emmett’s thighs in the correct direction to play.
“Good grief, that’s a lot of buttons and switches,” Emmett said with a little bit of awe in his voice. “Have you figured it out yet?”
“I have, actually. I spent the better part of the last week watching YouTube videos and I picked up some good tips. Playing it, though, is kind of a trip. My fingers want to do certain things to pull notes off strings, so I kind of have to relearn from scratch.”
“But you haven’t gotten dizzy, right?”
“Not so far.”
“Don’t say ‘so far.’” Emmett tapped a finger against his lips. “Positive thinking only about this, understand?”
Lincoln grinned. “Yes, sir.”
Emmett visibly shivered, and Lincoln catalogued that reaction for later.
“Will you play for me?” Emmett asked.
“On one condition.”
“Which is?”
“You have to sing along.”
Emmett frowned. “You want me to sing?”
“Yup. I’m not used to being a solo act. Even before we were a band and just a pair of musicians, I’d make Dominic sing along during some of my practices, even though his voice is kind of awful.”
“Let’s go in my room, then.” Emmett glanced at the ceiling. “Adrian never bothers me when I’m in there.”
Lincoln’s cock, which was still half hard from earlier, took a keen interest in knowing they were going into a bedroom. Maybe there would be more making out in the near future. Especially if playing got Emmett as worked up as it got Lincoln.
“Sounds like a plan to me,” Lincoln replied. “Let’s go make some music.”