Chapter 22 #2
He didn’t know how long he sat there before Aunt Beatrice came home and started mothering him. He told her the truth, too, and ended up curled in her arms, sobbing on her chest, while she whispered over and over that everything would be okay.
Emmett said nothing, because he knew the bitter truth.
Without Lincoln, nothing would be okay again.
And maybe that was exactly what Emmett deserved.
Lincoln spent the rest of the day in bed fighting a stress-induced migraine. He snapped at Roxy when she asked about Emmett, so she shut the door and left him alone. His phone rang once, so he turned that off too. He was in no condition to speak to another human being, much less one he cared about.
He tried to sleep, but his dreams were shadowed and angry.
He saw a car spinning out. Saw Emmett singing in a truck’s cab.
Saw himself falling down over and over because of his vertigo.
Saw him and Emmett lounging in bed naked, happy.
He woke in the middle of the night, migraine gone, so he went out to the couch and watched crappy movies until dawn.
When Roxy came out to make coffee, she gave him a wide berth.
Guilt made him call out to her, and he didn’t protest when she wrapped him up in a hug.
She didn’t ask what was wrong, and he adored her for it.
After a while she brought them both coffee and toasted English muffins with jelly, and they watched a morning talk show while they ate.
The first contestant on The Price Is Right was about to come on down when Roxy’s phone rang. She glanced at the screen. “Hey, you. Yeah, he’s right here.” She held the phone out. “Talk to my brother.”
Lincoln took it. “Dom?”
“What’s wrong?” Dominic asked.
“How long do you have?”
“As long as it takes.”
“Hold on.” Lincoln took the phone into his room and shut the door. Instead of sitting, though, he started pacing. “What did Roxy tell you?”
“That you had a migraine yesterday but were acting way more snarly and irritable than usual. Plus no Emmett.” A pause. “Did you two have a fight?”
“I’m not sure if it was a fight or not. But it’s not good.”
“Tell me.”
Lincoln held a breath, then let it out long and hard. “I guess it all started Memorial Day weekend.”
“The weekend I bailed.”
“Hey. No. Nothing that happened is your fault, okay? Nothing.” He started talking, an epic stream of word vomit that began with Tom, wove around meeting Emmett, their slow dance as Emmett began to accept himself, falling in love with him, how scared he’d been to get tested, and how amazing he’d felt dancing with Emmett at the wedding.
And then he dropped the anvil and detailed yesterday’s confession, all the way through spending most of the night awake on the couch.
“Christ, babe,” Dominic said, after being mostly silent the entire last twenty or so minutes. “Fuck me.”
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel right now, Dom.”
“I’ve probably got enough rage going for both of us.” His voice betrayed the truth of that. Angry Dominic was not pretty. “Fuck. Okay. First of all, how are you about Tom? That’s what had you tied up in knots when I saw you last month, right?”
“Yeah, it was. And I’m better. I told Emmett, and talking it through with someone helped. I needed to get the poison out, you know?”
“Yeah. I know. I also know it means a hell of a lot that you told Emmett first.”
“He knows all my bad stuff, and he still wants me.”
“Do you still want him?”
Lincoln had no idea what he wanted. “You don’t fall in love overnight, and you don’t stop loving someone overnight, either. I had to walk away and figure this out. Try to get my head around it all.”
“I get that. It’s hard to imagine that the guy I met who makes you smile so big is the one who drove us off the road. Drunk and high.”
“I know. The whole thing is a mind fuck. I mean, how can I trust that his feelings for me are real? That he didn’t stick with me because he felt guilty for my condition? How can I not look back and see our entire relationship as one giant pity fuck?”
“Do you think he’s that kind of guy?”
“Well, two days ago I’d have said no way in hell.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because he’s too genuine. Too nice. I doubt he’s ever set out to deliberately hurt another person in his life.”
“A genuine guy who lied to you about his real name?”
Lincoln shrugged at the wall. “That was different. I totally get why he wanted to change his identity. He was protecting himself, and it didn’t hurt anyone.”
“So then the car accident. Was he protecting himself by lying, or was he protecting you from getting hurt?”
“A little of both, I guess.”
“One more than the other?”
“I don’t know.”
Dominic sighed. “That’s what you have to figure out then. If you can accept he was trying to protect you from hurt more than he was protecting himself, maybe you two can work things out.”
“What if I can’t do that?”
“I don’t know. That’s up to you. Me and Trey? We had a lot of crap to work out between us before we could really be together, and it took a lot of work. A lot of tears and long talks and compromises. And it was worth it. I couldn’t imagine not being with him.”
Lincoln hadn’t even tried to look into a future without Emmett. It was far too bleak and lonely to think about. “Thanks for this, man. I mean it.”
“Anytime. Although as your best friend, I reserve the right to be pissed at you for not talking about Tom sooner. I know how that shit eats at a person.”
“I know you do, and I’m sorry.”
“Good. I’ll forgive you in a few hours.”
He smiled at the wall, a bit of weight lifting off his heart. “Thanks. So where are you right now, anyway?”
“Hotel room in Sacramento. Trey went down to the gym after I saw Roxy’s text demanding that I call you. She mama-bears almost as good as Mom.”
Lincoln laughed, and it felt good. Really good, after the last twenty-four hours. “Wonder who she learned it from.”
“Ha. Listen, you feeling any better about all of this?”
“Somewhat. Thanks for talking it out with me.”
“You were there through my drama with Trey. It’s the least I owe you.”
“I’m not keeping score. Never have, never will. Not with you.”
“Yeah.” Dominic cleared his throat hard. “Can I say one more thing about you and Emmett?”
“Go for it.”
“All of this wouldn’t hurt so much if you didn’t really love him. Keep that in the back of your mind, okay?”
“Okay.” Lincoln kind of hated how right Dominic was about that.
“So tell me more about the wedding. What did the dress look like?”
“Tasteful and elegant, like the bride.” Lincoln fed his best friend details about the wedding, then gave him a quick update on his parents and Starr. The morning passed into afternoon, and while their conversation didn’t give him any answers about Emmett, he hung up feeling a little less hopeless.
His and Emmett’s song had changed abruptly near the bridge, and he was still fumbling to pick up the right chords again.
To discover if the song was even salvageable.
Despite how much Emmett’s lie hurt, Lincoln wasn’t going to let their music die without being absolutely certain that it was the only clear choice.
And for that, he needed time to think. He gave Roxy back her phone, then turned his on to text Emmett.
Need time to think this through. Dom knows but won’t tell anyone yet. I’ll make your excuses to the guys about not going to Unbound with us. Maybe after the weekend we can talk.
Ten minutes later, Emmett replied with a sad-face emoji and five simple words: I understand. I love you.
Lincoln turned his phone back off.