Chapter 23 #2
It seemed to take longer to get through the admissions gate and parked in the talent side of the lot than it had taken to drive there.
Everyone in the van and the camper was given an ID badge that they’d need to pass from the general-admission side of the gate back to the talent side. All familiar things from last year.
Lincoln peeked out through one of the windows at the half-full lot.
A sea of campers and tents and vehicles of all sorts.
He remembered the mixed smells of asphalt, rubber, gasoline, cigarettes, charcoal, and pot from last year.
Plus all the food vendors on the other side of the gate; everything from barbecue to Indian had been available in the booths.
Plus alcohol. After XYZ had performed last year, Lincoln had spent the rest of the weekend shifting between buzzed and full-on drunk.
The camper finally stopped moving as Andy pulled into their designated spot. Danielle was up and out of the camper before Lincoln could properly stretch and stand, much less decide if he was ready to face the summer heat. Benji rustled himself up and out with a grimace.
“Shouldn’t he stay in bed?” Lincoln asked.
“He’s an adult,” Dominic said. “I’m sure he’ll be back. Probably needs something from his luggage.”
Which was stored in the back of the van with their equipment. Duh.
“I’m going to help pitch the tent,” Trey said.
“Sounds sexy,” Dominic replied with an eyebrow waggle. “Need a hand?”
“From you? Always.”
The cutesy way they interacted made Lincoln want to hate them both, but he couldn’t. “Get away from me with your sugary sweetness,” he said. “You’re giving me a toothache.”
Trey laughed then followed Dominic outside.
Danielle reappeared in the camper doorway before Lincoln could decide what he wanted to do next. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
“So I found something of yours that you left behind,” she said. “Thought maybe you wanted it back.”
“Huh?” Lincoln hadn’t forgotten anything. He had his instrument, his phone and charger, clean clothes. Migraine meds.
She moved aside, and Emmett ascended the three steps into the camper’s interior. Lincoln stared at the apparition, waiting for it to disappear, because no way was Emmett really there.
“We figured after all the work he put in, he deserves to hear you perform live,” she said. “No one’s coming into the camper until one of you walks out, okay?”
“Thank you, Danielle,” Emmett said.
It wasn’t until she left and he was alone with Emmett that Lincoln’s startled brain began working again. His heart leapt for joy at the sight of Emmett; his body reacted to his physical proximity. He wanted to close the distance and hug him. Kiss him. Drag him to bed.
“What are you doing here?” Lincoln asked.
“Dominic called me, I’m assuming not long after you told him everything.” Emmett shoved both hands into his jeans pockets. “We talked about a lot of things. The accident. Our practice sessions. How much you mean to me. He invited me to still come today.”
“He had no right.”
Emmett flinched. “Sure he did. He’s a human being with thoughts and opinions separate from yours. I also spoke to Benji and Joshua separately about the accident. I’m not going to lie and say we’re all the best of friends, but they both understand. No one wants to turn me in.”
A tiny ball of fear unfurled at that comment. While none of his friends were bloodthirsty ghouls, they’d all been hurt in the car crash, especially Joshua, and had every right to want Emmett arrested. “Tyson?”
“He hasn’t returned my calls. Dominic and Benji reached out, too, but no one’s heard from him.”
“That’s good.” Lincoln crossed his arms. “Guess you got away with it, then.”
Pain flashed hot and fast across Emmett’s face. “I didn’t get away with anything if it means I lost you. Your friends deserved to know the truth. I didn’t want anything else between you and me. Now it’s all out in the open.”
“And this is what? You ambushing me? Begging me to forgive you? Take you back?”
“Yes. I miss you so much, Linc. I felt loss when my family died, but this hurts in a different way. You took a part of my heart that I’ve never given to anyone before, and I’ve been so empty without you. The heartache is so much worse than I ever thought possible.”
Lincoln’s eyes burned, but he bit back words to the same effect. He didn’t want to admit how much he’d missed Emmett, too.
“What else can I do?” Emmett asked. “How can I convince you to give me another chance? Do you want me to turn myself in to the police? Admit what I did and go to jail? Will that prove to you how much I love you?”
The idea of Emmett locked up behind bars, vulnerable to the whims of hardened criminals, made Lincoln’s skin crawl. He wanted to wrap Emmett up in his arms and protect him from the world. “I never wanted that. All I ever wanted from you was to be honest. With yourself and with me.”
“I know. And the more honest I was with myself, the more desperate I became to not lose you. I hated keeping the accident to myself. The secret made me physically sick more than once. But Lincoln, when I realized that I wanted forever with you, I told you the truth. I couldn’t pursue our relationship with that secret between us.
I wish I’d had the balls to confess before we got so involved, but I didn’t, and I can’t change the past. I wish I could, but I can’t. ”
“No one changes the past.”
“All we have is this moment.” Emmett took a single step forward, his eyes wet. “So this is me in this moment, standing in front of you and telling you that I love you. I love you, Lincoln West, and I will do whatever it takes to prove that to you. Tell me what I need to do.”
Lincoln wanted, more than anything, to give Emmett some kind of answer. Only he didn’t have one. He didn’t know how Emmett could prove himself. Lincoln believed him, and fuck it all, he still loved Emmett. Intensely so. But was that enough to build on when trust had been broken?
“I don’t know,” Lincoln finally said. “I really don’t, Em. I’m sorry.”
His chin trembled but he didn’t cry. “Hey, I’ll take ‘I don’t know.’ It’s better than saying nothing will fix us.”
“Right now my answer is the same as it was on Tuesday. I need time.”
“Okay.” Emmett swallowed hard. “I guess I’ll leave you alone then.”
Stay. Don’t go. I need you.
“Thanks,” Lincoln said.
Emmett glanced over his shoulder when he reached the bottom step, one hand on the door.
Lincoln didn’t meet his gaze, because if he did, he’d beg Emmett to stay.
He’d hug him, kiss him, and then fuck him senseless, and he couldn’t do that.
So he stared at the floor until Emmett left, gently shutting the camper door behind him.
Lincoln collapsed onto the sofa, completely drained after a five-minute conversation.
He loved that Emmett was here to see him perform, and also hated that Emmett and his friends had conspired to ambush him.
Everything was jumbled up in his mind and heart, so he used the excuse of the heat and glaring sun potentially triggering a migraine to hide inside the camper for the rest of the day.
Yeah, he was hiding. Twenty-five years old, and he was hiding from his boyfriend, because he was too chickenshit to admit he wanted to try again, but he was also terrified of what that meant.
Dominic had mercy and brought him dinner from the barbecue booth.
He and Trey ate with him, while the others were out there mingling and having fun.
At least, he hoped they were. Especially Emmett.
His nerves were probably jumping all over the place because of the crowds, but it was a music festival.
And the first of the opening night acts would be playing soon.
XYZ would be playing soon.
They were scheduled for eight o’clock. At seven their entire crew, Emmett included, crowded into the camper. Benji was curled up on the couch with a mug of hot tea, perfectly miserable.
“He’s not going to be able to sing,” Dominic said.
“Sorry, guys.” Benji’s voice was barely there, cracked and thin.
Lincoln’s gut twisted. “So we aren’t performing? After all this fucking work?”
“I can do it,” Trey said. “I know the arrangement you guys put together. And it keeps up the whole all-queer thing XYZ was known for. Benji can do backup keyboard, so at least he’s onstage representing.”
“We don’t have much of a choice, do we?”
“Thanks?”
“Folks will love seeing Coop again,” Danielle said. “A little bit of Fading Daze back up there.”
“No.” The sharpness in Emmett’s voice from his spot by the refrigerator stole Lincoln’s attention. Emmett stood straight, shoulders back, as determined as Lincoln had ever seen him. “I know the arrangement. I’ll sing.”
Lincoln stared, not quite recognizing the man standing nearby. “This isn’t Off Beat. There are five thousand people out there.”
Emmett eased his way past Bobby and Andy to stand in front of him. “No, there will only be the five of us onstage. Playing a song we both love. I won’t panic, and I won’t freeze up. Let me do this for you.”
“You had a panic attack at my sister’s wedding.”
“Because I was alone, surrounded by strangers. Tonight I’ll be surrounded by friends.
Both of us will.” He reached out, and Lincoln held still, allowing Emmett to cup his cheek in a warm, familiar palm.
“When the music starts, it’s just you and me.
I’ll be singing to you and no one else, just like always. ”
Lincoln’s heart melted into goo, and his resistance fractured. He squeezed Emmett’s wrist, studying his dark eyes for any sign of nerves or hesitation. He found none, only stern resolve and a whole lot of love. “Okay.”
“Yes?”
“Yes, you can sing with us tonight.”
His friends all whooped and cheered, and Lincoln barely had time to wonder if this entire thing had been a setup from the get-go before everyone sprang into action.
Andy said he was going to call Emily about the slight change in their group.
Dominic started fussing about their outfits matching, and Bobby and Danielle went out to the van to fetch instruments. Trey disappeared at some point, too.
Lincoln and Emmett still hadn’t moved.
“Thank you for giving me this chance,” Emmett whispered. “I know how important it is for you to play here tonight. I won’t screw up, I promise.”
“I believe you. I still can’t believe you’re going to do this.”
“I’ve spent too much of my life hiding. Hiding from my religion and my heritage.
Hiding from my sexuality. Hiding the truth of the accident from you.
Lincoln, you helped me find my voice again.
You helped me leave silence behind and to engage with the world.
After everything you’ve done for me, singing with you tonight is the least I can do. ”
“Emmett, you’re the only reason I’m going up on that stage tonight. I wouldn’t be here without you.”
“Even if we’d never met, you’d have found a way to be here tonight. You’re too stubborn to have turned down this chance.”
“Maybe, maybe not. Can you take the compliment, please?”
Emmett smiled. “Okay, fine. You wouldn’t be here without me.”
“Exactly.”
“Does this mean we’re okay?”
Lincoln took a step back, uncertain of his answer.
He wanted to say all was forgiven, and that they could move forward.
But the biggest concert of Lincoln’s life was in an hour, and Emmett had committed to something huge.
He’d committed to somehow overcoming severe social anxiety to get up onstage and sing in front of thousands.
He’d promised, and Lincoln had once again placed his trust in Emmett.
“Ask me again after we perform,” Lincoln said.
Emmett frowned. Then hurt shifted into understanding, and he gave a slow nod. “That’s fair.”
“You should go warm up.”
“You’re right. I’ll see you up there.”
“Yeah.”
Emmett left the camper, and his presence was instantly replaced by a grinning Dominic. He handed over Lincoln’s QChord case.
“So which urge is stronger?” Dominic asked. “The one to kiss me or to kick my ass for meddling?”
Lincoln huffed. “I can’t kick your ass until after we play.”
“But you two are solid?”
“Time will tell.”
He shouldered his case and followed Dominic outside for warm-ups, keenly aware that the clichéd statement had never been more true in his life. Never had so much ridden on three minutes of time.
Please, don’t let us fuck this up.