Chapter 15. Haley
Haley
What just happened? I hugged the stuffed pig I’d had since childhood, wishing Paige had chosen a different weekend to go and visit her mother.
I’d been locked in my bedroom all afternoon with my headphones on and my phone off, scribbling lyrics on sheets of paper that now littered the floor.
Paige’s go-to for stress, breakups, and emotional issues was ice cream and rom-coms. Mine was music—specifically writing songs—and I’d spent the entire afternoon composing.
I was afraid to leave my room. Afraid to see Ace and hear that our kiss was a mistake, just like the one before.
He hadn’t said anything since we left the empty classroom.
He’d stood at the back of the class, and then walked me home in total silence, almost colder than the day I’d seen him at Matt’s funeral.
My hand went to my mouth. I could still feel the press of his lips against mine, the warmth of his palms on his cheeks.
The Ace who had kissed me in the classroom wasn’t the same Ace who had kissed me at a party in Riverstone four years ago.
Old Ace had been soft and gentle, his kiss hesitant and tender.
New Ace was hard and demanding, his kiss desperate and filled with passion.
It thrilled me, that kiss. It made my heart pound and my knees weak.
Even though I was opening myself up to being hurt all over again, I would have done anything in that classroom.
If he’d wanted to have sex, I would have stripped off my clothing myself.
By the time I’d worked through my emotions, it was almost midnight.
I could hear Aditi talking to someone in the kitchen downstairs, and I could feel the house vibrate from the speakers blasting the sound from whatever game Chad and Theo were playing in the basement.
I opened my bedroom door and saw Maverick outside the door to Ace’s room.
“What are you doing here?”
“Ace is taking some time off,” he said. “I’m his backup.”
I couldn’t take it in. Ace had kissed me only a few hours ago and now he was gone? “How long is he going to be away?”
Maverick shrugged. “He didn’t say much. You know what he’s like.”
Yes, I did. The last time we’d kissed he’d left on deployment, and I never saw or heard from him again until Matt’s funeral. Clearly, nothing had changed.
“He didn’t tell me.”
“Well, that’s Ace.” He gave me a sympathetic smile. “He gave me your schedule and briefed me on the alarm, and how things generally work at the house. I might slip up here or there but I’m sure we’ll work it all out.”
When I didn’t respond, he gestured to the stairs. “Aditi made spaghetti…”
“I’m not hungry… but thanks for being here.
I’m glad it’s someone I know.” I walked back into my room and grabbed my phone.
Ace had left a few messages telling me he had to take some time off and I could contact him if I wanted to talk.
No apology. No explanation. Nothing about the kiss.
My stomach clenched into a knot. It was just like what happened before. New Ace was old Ace after all.
Breathe. Breathe. You’re fine. Lock it away.
“Haley.”
I heard my name as if it were far away, each syllable punctuated by a knocking sound that grew progressively louder until I heard a rattle and then a rush of cool air.
“Haley? Wake up.” Ace’s voice pulled me out of the darkness and his firm hand on my shoulder brought me to my senses. I opened my eyes only to discover I was lying face-first in a sea of papers on the cold, hard floor of my bedroom.
“She’s okay,” he said to someone over his shoulder. “Text Paige and let her know. I put her number in your phone before I left. She threatened to claw out my eyes if I didn’t break down the door.”
“I could have handled this.” I recognized Maverick’s Southern drawl. “You aren’t supposed to be here.”
“Just go and deal with Paige,” Ace barked, gently flipping me onto my back. “I’ll make sure she’s okay and then you can take over.”
“What’s going on?” I put my forearm across my face, shielding my eyes from the blinding light.
“You haven’t been out of your room in almost twenty hours,” Ace said.
“You didn’t respond to Paige’s messages, and you didn’t answer your phone…
” He ran his hands gently over my body, searching for injuries, and the warmth of his touch made me melt into the floor.
“The last time anyone spoke to you was Mav yesterday evening. Paige didn’t know Mav was filling in so she got in touch with me with all sorts of threats of bodily harm if I didn’t check in on you. She’s very creative.”
“She is in biology,” I said. “It comes with the territory.”
“What are you doing on the floor?” He gently helped me to sit and peeled away a piece of paper that was stuck to my cheek with drool. “You didn’t answer when we knocked. I had to use the emergency key.”
“I was sleeping.” I pulled myself up, struggling to maintain my dignity with my face smushed from sleeping on the floor, and my hair stuck to my cheek.
“Why aren’t you in the bed?”
“I couldn’t sleep so I’ve been writing songs.”
“That’s what this is?” He gestured to the sea of papers. “I didn’t know you were still writing your own songs.”
“They’re not very good so I’ve never shown them to anyone, and I can only compose when I’m…” I sighed. “When bad stuff happens. I stayed up all night writing and I guess at some point I fell asleep. I don’t know why everyone got so worried.”
“You didn’t come out of your room to eat or use the bathroom. You didn’t go to class…”
“Oh God.” As soon as he mentioned the bathroom, I had an urgent need to go. I pushed myself up and raced down the hallway. After washing up and making myself look semi-presentable, I returned to find Ace sitting on my floor reading the lyrics I’d been writing all night long.
Unlike many songwriters, I had no control over the creative part of my brain. I couldn’t write on demand. I couldn’t force the lyrics. I had to wait for a trigger and then the words came in a tidal wave that demanded my full attention. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. And apparently, I didn’t pee.
Threats and kisses, it seemed, were more of a trigger than being manhandled into a white panel van.
“These are very good.” He looked up from the papers on his lap. “Did you write all this last night?”
“Yes.” I snatched the papers away. “But they’re private.”
“The top one is about fear. Is that why you couldn’t sleep? You’re afraid?”
I sat across from him, leaning against the bed, my arms wrapped around my knees. I was still trying to wake up and shake off the brain fog that was making it difficult to remember why I’d been so angry with him.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re obviously not fine if you can’t sleep, you write songs all night long without food or water until your fingers bleed—”
“My fingers aren’t bleeding.” I held up my hand.
“I pick at the skin around my fingernails when I’m stressed and sometimes it bleeds.
It’s a thing with a name I can’t remember right now.
I would love to write until my fingers bled.
It sounds very romantic. I’d feel like a real composer, so fully into the music I would let it destroy me to be free. ”
Ace chuckled. “You have an interesting view of romance.”
My gaze flicked to his lips and away. “So do you.”
He sat beside me, leaning against the bed, and lifted my hand, looking at the mess I’d made of my thumb. “I don’t like to see you hurt, even if you’re the one doing the hurting.”
“I don’t feel it.” I didn’t feel anything. I’d basically been numb since my dad died.
Ace brought my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers one by one. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t cope with the sudden rush of emotion that flooded my senses at his touch.
“Stop.” I yanked my hand away, but I could still feel the soft press of his lips on my skin, the gentle stroke of his finger.
“What triggered you?” he asked, seemingly unaffected by my rejection. “I need to know, because if it happens again and I can’t find you, Paige will come for me. My life will be in danger.”
I squeezed my legs, shivering as a cold draft blew across the floor.
“I know it won’t make sense but those threatening messages were more frightening to me than what happened on Michigan Avenue.
When the guy tried to grab me on the street, it was shocking and terrifying, but it was in a public place and part of me still believed it could have been a random grab like the police said.
But the messages were different. There was no chance they were meant for someone else.
” A shiver ran down my spine and I crumpled the page of lyrics in my hand.
“Haley… don’t…” Ace gently pried my hand open and took the page, smoothing it out on the floor.
“He came onto my show, my happy place, and made me feel unsafe,” I said, my voice wavering.
“I know the station broadcasts to hundreds of thousands of people, but when I’m on the air, sharing my stories and playlists, and giving people space to share with me, it’s an intimate experience, and those messages made me feel violated.
Now, I can’t pretend anymore. Now, it’s in my face and I have to deal with the fact that it’s real and it’s not going away.
Someone wants to hurt me, and I never did anything to them. ”
“That’s why you have me,” Ace said firmly.
“No one is going to hurt you while I’m around, but like I said before, you have to tell me when stuff like this happens.
You have to let me know when you’ve been threatened, or when you’re afraid or feeling so distressed you can’t sleep. I’m here for you however you need me.”
“Honestly, Ace.” I stared at the door, unable to meet his gaze. “I still don’t completely trust you. You kissed me all those years ago and made me think certain things, and then you left Tyler’s party with Esme Duncan and made me feel like an idiot. And now you’ve done it again.”
“It wasn’t my choice,” Ace said. “The company has a rule about taking time off when we’re doing full-time protection. I’d already broken it. If I hadn’t agreed to take a break, Tony would have pulled me out entirely.”
I shifted away from him, shivering as the cool air filled up the space between us.
“It’s just very hard to believe given the timing.
” And then, the questions I’d always wanted to ask spilled out before I could stop them.
“Why did you kiss me at Tyler’s party? Was I just there when you felt the need to kiss someone?
Did you feel sorry for me? Was it just a friendly kiss that I misinterpreted?
Did it mean anything?” My voice rose in agitation.
“Or were you just trying to be cruel?” I picked up my pen and clicked the top over and over, trying to find a focus for the pain that was escaping the black box where I’d kept it hidden for years.
Click. Click. Click. It seemed like forever until Ace finally answered.
“I didn’t just want to kiss you, Haley.”
I stopped clicking. Looked up for the first time since he’d sat down beside me. My heart thudded a frantic rhythm in my chest. “What else did you want to do?”
“Everything.”