Chapter 21. Haley
Haley
“Don’t go home,” I ordered Ace as we left the underground parking garage. “I’m too wired up. I’ll just bounce off the walls.”
“You’re safest at home,” he pointed out.
“I’m safe with you,” I said. “Let’s drive somewhere.”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Lakeshore Drive. I want to see the water.”
“It’s dark,” he turned onto West Jackson Boulevard. “There’s not much to see.”
“You can still see the water at night, and it’s pretty with all the lights on the piers, the moored boats, and the cities on the other side of the lake. I want to roll down the window and feel the breeze.”
“Are you going to hang your head out and stick out your tongue?” he asked, amused.
“Funny.” I gave him my best side-eye. “Paige and I bike along the lake all the time. We’re there for the beaches in summer and hiking in the forests in spring and fall. Sometimes when we’re in the woods, I close my eyes and imagine I’m back in Riverstone.”
Ace’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “How far do you want to go?”
“Montrose Beach. I can direct you. There’s a relatively unknown section over a fence where they’ve made hiking trails through the grass, and there’s a cute little bridge—”
“You want to go into the woods at night?” Ace’s voice rose in pitch. “Are you serious?”
“It’ll be fun.”
“Carnival rides are fun,” Ace said. “Bears games are fun. Naked Haleys in hotel rooms are very fun. If you want fun—”
“Are you not confident in your ability to protect me?” I wasn’t above using his work against him. Ace needed to loosen up. Under that stiff exterior was a boy who loved a thrill just like me.
“I don’t see the point in putting you in danger.”
“That’s exactly why we need to go. I’m totally pumped after the gig and meeting Stefan. I need some excitement, Ace. I want to feel alive.”
“I could speed,” he offered. “Is five miles per hour over the speed limit enough to burn off that adrenaline?”
“Do you even know me?” I laughed. “Every time I rent a car I get pulled over by the police for speeding. Usually, I can talk my way out of it.”
“Don’t tell me these things,” he said. “It’s stressful enough knowing you spend your nights running around in dark forests.”
I laughed, relaxing into the easy banter that had marked our early friendship. “I try to limit it to a few times a month. Too much and the thrill wears off, and only between June and September, when it’s warm enough to take off my clothes.”
“What’s terrifying is that I don’t actually know if you’re joking,” he said, his voice tight.
“And you never will.”
I talked without stopping for the duration of the drive to Montrose Beach. My brain wouldn’t shut off, so I told him about my classes and how hard it had been to pick a major, and about last year’s adventures with Skye, and how she’d exposed a major cover-up at the university.
Usually when I was wired I made a conscious effort to be quiet, because I talked too much at the best of times and the adrenaline made it ten times worse.
But I could just be myself with Ace. I didn’t have to worry about the filter.
I could say anything, and he didn’t judge me.
He was a patient and active listener, making me feel like he was interested in everything I had to say.
Only my dad had ever made me feel so accepted for being me.
“Dangerous woods, as requested,” he said, pulling into the parking lot at Montrose Beach. “Should I put up a sign to let the criminals know which way we’ve gone?”
“Don’t be silly,” I said, laughing. “They’re already out there.”
Despite the late hour, there were several cars in the parking lot and at least six couples on the beach in various stages of undress. The air was cool and crisp, and I drew in a deep calming breath.
“Not a place to go if you want to be alone,” Ace said, pointing to a couple going at it under a blanket near the water’s edge.
“I don’t like beach sex,” I said. “The sand gets into places sand isn’t supposed to go. It took me forever—”
“I don’t need to know.” Ace pulled a backpack from the back seat.
“What’s in there?”
“Survival supplies,” he said. “Flashlight, blanket, water, compass, matches… I packed it after Jordan called to tell me you’d changed your mind about Maverick.
I knew protecting you wasn’t going to be like a regular gig.
I would have to be prepared for any eventuality.
You never know when you might meet a bear. ”
I smiled at what should have been a traumatic memory, but with Ace it was something warm and sweet. “I have your stone in my bag,” I said. “You’ll be safe with me.”
I led him to the right, past the people and over a fence, to my favorite hiking trail.
Leaves crunched under our feet as we followed the path into the forest. Even with the canopy of trees blocking the sky, the twinkle of lights from the city and nearby pier and the glimmer of the moon overhead were enough to light our path.
I stopped in the middle of a small bridge and leaned against the wooden railing, drinking in the stillness.
“Can you believe we’re here?” I said, wishing for the night sky of Riverstone, where we could see countless stars.
“A few weeks ago, I was busking on a street corner, and now I have a producer’s card in my pocket.
I hadn’t seen you since Matt’s funeral and now you’re my bodyguard boyfriend.
I would never have imagined this in a thousand years. ”
“Neither could I,” he said. “I can’t imagine ever going back to a time where we aren’t in touch.” His voice was a quiet rumble in the darkness. “I’ve missed you.”
I wanted to tell him I’d missed him, too, but my chest tightened, squeezing my lungs. Breathe. Breathe. You’re fine. Lock it away. I closed my eyes and pushed the feelings away into the dark corner where all the scary things lived.
Back into the box where Stefan had suggested my real voice was hiding.
“Do you think Stefan was right? That I’m holding back?”
Ace wrapped his arms around me and drew me close.
I should have pushed him away, insisted that we had to keep things professional, reminded him that our night together had just been one night, but my emotions were all over the place and he was warm and strong and so, so steady.
I’d said some harsh words in the kitchen before we’d left, and yet he’d still called in a favor to get Stefan down to the bar to hear me and brought backup to keep me safe.
I’d been even harsher in the changing room, and yet the look on his face when he watched me on stage had made me feel like the best singer in the world.
And now he was tramping around the forest in the dark because I was too wired to go home.
He wasn’t the Ace who had kissed me and walked away.
He was the Ace I knew before. Maybe I did know him, after all.
“I think you’ve had a lot to deal with in your life, and you handle things in a way that works for you,” he said.
“That’s not an answer.”
He brushed his lips over my forehead. “I think the best person to answer that question is you.”
“I feel things, Ace. Just like everyone else. I felt sick for Paige when her mother was diagnosed with cancer. I get all warm and squishy inside when we go to Puppy Day at the student center. I was happy when Skye and Dante got together. I felt unbearably sad when Dad and Matt died. I just don’t dwell on things.
I don’t let them drag me down. It’s better to move on and be happy.
That’s who I am. I’m the person who cheers everyone up or lightens the mood or comes up with fun things to do. ”
Ace rubbed his hand up and down my back in a soothing motion. “You don’t have to justify yourself to me, and you don’t need to be anyone other than yourself when we’re together. I know you, bug.”
“Not everyone cries,” I insisted.
“I’m not judging you.”
I still felt the need to explain, maybe not to him, but to myself. “Some things just hurt too much to feel.”
“I get that, but sometimes it’s better to rip off the bandage and let it out. After your dad died, that worked for me.”
I didn’t take the opening to pursue the topic any further. I didn’t want to think about fifteen-year-old Ace crying in the forest and how I’d felt horrified and sad and sick and jealous all at the same time. It was my dad who had died. Why was Ace the one crying and not me?
Because he cared. Ace may have been quiet and reserved, but he’d cared deeply about our family. He’d cared about me, and judging by his actions, maybe he still did.
“Do you know what I like best about the forest?” I drew his hand down over my hip to the edge of my sparkly dress and curled his fingers under the edge, feeling raw and vulnerable and desperate for a distraction from the unsettling conversation and the pain that went along with it.
Ace let out a low growl of appreciation. “What do you like best?”
“No sand.”
His fingers tightened, knuckles digging into my thigh. “I thought you said you didn’t want more than one time.”
“I want to thank you for what you did tonight.”
Ace froze, his hand dropping from my hip.
“I didn’t do it for sex. I did it for you, because I believe in you.
I’ve always thought you were an incredible singer, and I was in a position to be able to help you.
I don’t need anything in return. I made mistakes, and I hurt you, but I’m going to do everything I can to make it up to you.
I don’t want you to ever feel like you owe me anything. ”
Damn Ace. Always so honorable. “I don’t feel like I owe you anything, but I do feel…
” Feelings were hard to handle, harder to express.
“I missed you,” I blurted out. “I missed our friendship.” I listened to the slow, steady beat of his heart, warm in the circle of his arms. “I’d decided long ago you were a certain kind of person, but now you don’t seem like that person at all. ”