Chapter 27. Haley #2
Ace came in and closed the door behind him. “What else is on your list?”
“School, work, too many extracurriculars, not enough gigs. I haven’t done an open mic in weeks.
I don’t remember the last time I was in a recording studio.
I can’t go busking. Stefan opened a door, but I can’t walk through.
I write songs but I don’t feel them. And then there’s Paige.
We’ve never had a fight that lasted this long.
She didn’t even show up for dinner. I don’t know where she is or if she still wants to be my friend after the way I treated her.
She was trying to help me, and I threw it in her face.
And then there was the dude at the station…
” I drew in a ragged breath, trying to give voice to my feelings.
“You were scared,” Ace said quietly. “You don’t do scared.”
“You scared me when you banged on the studio window, told me that I was in danger, and then picked me up and ran with me down the hallway.” The words came tumbling out in a rush, tripping over my tongue.
“And then you were shouting, and I was shouting, and then Ben, who is a perfectly nice, decent guy asked me out and I wanted to say yes because you’d pissed me off, but I couldn’t.
I couldn’t say yes because I hated you at that moment and didn’t hate you at the same time.
It was like that night after the school dance when you told Matt I was a silly girl playing dress-up and that I was the last person in the world you’d ever be interested in.
I’d never felt so hurt and humiliated, and I wanted to hate you and I couldn’t. ”
A pained expression crossed his face, and it took me a minute to realize I’d been expecting surprise or words to the effect of “You heard that?” but those words didn’t come.
“I had to say it,” he said. “Matt was my best friend. You were his little sister. It didn’t matter how much I wanted you—and I did, Haley.
I wanted you in ways I shouldn’t have wanted you at only fifteen.
You don’t know what it did to me when I saw you in that dress and realized you weren’t a little kid anymore, and worse that other guys were seeing you that way.
We’ve always had a connection, but that night I realized that connection could be deeper, and it scared me.
I didn’t want to lose you or Matt. So, I said what I had to say even though it killed me. ”
Five years of pain and heartache and anger and longing swept through me in a heartbeat. Ace did want me. He’d felt what I felt. He’d denied us to save us, and to make sure Matt wouldn’t be alone.
“Say something,” he said into the silence.
“Is that the same reason you ghosted me after kissing me before you deployed?”
He let out a shuddering breath. “Yes and no. I was being selfish. I thought I might never see you again, and I didn’t want to die without knowing how it felt to kiss you.
And then you said yes and it was everything.
More than I’d ever imagined. But it just made me realize that I had to stay away from you, because if I kissed you again, I’d never want to let you go, and I just couldn’t do that to you because what if I didn’t come back?
I didn’t want you to lose someone else. I didn’t want to betray Matt.
And I didn’t want to keep you from meeting someone better than me. ”
I wasn’t sure why Ace would think I could meet someone better than him when things had always been so easy between us, but it didn’t ease my pain. “I felt that kiss in my bones. It felt right. We felt right. I’d wanted you for so long, and then you ripped us apart. You hurt me, Ace. So much.”
“If I could take that moment back…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I can’t say I would. That kiss got me through some terrible times. The pictures I had of you, the memories we made… they carried me forward when nothing else did.”
I strummed a few chords on my guitar, filling the empty space between us with sound. “What’s going to happen now?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Things have become messy. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Messy is where I live.”
Ace picked his way across my paper-strewn floor to sit beside me. “I came here to protect you, but I don’t know if I can do that anymore. It might be better if I leave and let Maverick take over. I can’t be objective.”
No no no. It was one thing to be annoyed and unsettled, another thing entirely to be alone. I tried to play it cool when inside I was bracing for the worst. “You seemed pretty objective when you tossed me in the closet.”
“But you didn’t stay there, bug. This doesn’t work if you don’t trust me.”
“I trust you to keep me safe.” It wasn’t the trust I suspected he wanted, but even though he’d explained why he’d hurt me, and he’d shown me that he was committed to making up for the past, it was a long road back to the kind of trust we used to share.
Ace dropped his elbows to his knees. “It’s a start.”
“I also need you to trust me,” I continued.
“I’m not that little girl you told Aditi about who was always getting into trouble.
You don’t need to protect me from myself.
I’m not going to unnecessarily put myself at risk, but I need to be part of the conversation, so I can make an informed decision. ”
“I’ll do my best,” he said. “But if danger is imminent, I need to act, and there won’t always be time for a discussion.”
My heart leaped into my throat. “Does that mean you aren’t going to leave?”
“Not unless you want me to.” He took my guitar and placed it on the nearby stand. “But I would like to work on earning back your trust.”
I leaned against his shoulder, soaking in his aura of calm. “How?”
“I have an idea.”
I looked up and grinned. “Is sex involved?”
“Possibly.” He pulled me into a straddle over his lap. “Would you be good with that?”
“I suppose so.” I gave a noncommittal shrug. “I do like sex with you.”
He slid his hands under my nightshirt and cupped my bare breasts. “I do like this easy access.”
“Then you’ll love what I don’t have on under my shorts.
” I ground against the bulge in his jeans.
Never in my life had I reacted to a man the way I reacted to Ace.
Somehow, we’d turned a serious talk into sexy times and I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be spending another sleepless night writing songs on my cold, hard floor.
Ace slid my shirt over my head and tossed it on the bed. “This is one of my favorite sights,” he said, cupping my breast and gently running his thumb over my nipple. “You without clothes.”
“I’m still wearing some clothes.” I wiggled on his lap again and he let out a groan.
“Not for long.” Lifting me from his lap, he helped me to the bed. “Lie down. Hands above your head. Hold on to the bars.”
“This sounds like it’s going to be serious sex and not shake-the-furniture sex.” I wrapped my hands around the cool bars of the headboard. I wasn’t a fan of the wrought iron design—too harsh and austere for my taste—but in that moment I could appreciate the functionality.
“It’s very serious,” he agreed as he slid my shorts over my hips. “I’m going to make you come so many times you lose count.”
“I can count pretty high.”
Ace’s dark eyes gleamed and his nostrils flared like a predator on the hunt. “Don’t tempt me.”
“I am tempting you. Maybe you should finish taking off my shorts and get started.”
“I think you’re getting confused about who’s in control here.” He removed my shorts and tossed them on the floor. “Spread your legs.”
His commanding tone sent shivers down my spine, but I did as he asked, curious to see how far he would go and how much I could take. My nipples were already tight with desire, the ache for his touch almost unbearable.
“Don’t move.” Ace sat beside me and leaned over to give me a kiss, overwhelming me with his powerful body, and yet his hand was gentle as it smoothed over my curves, his fingers soft as they feathered up my inner thigh toward my throbbing center.
The constant motion focused my senses completely on him and the heat that followed his touch.
“Do you like this position?”
“It feels very naughty,” I admitted. “I’m not used to being still.”
“I want you still, Haley. I want you restrained with your legs wide so I can see how much you enjoy what I do to you. I want to touch you, taste you, and drive you so wild you can’t think of anything but the pleasure I give you.”
My mouth went dry and my words, when they came, were barely a whisper. “I want that, too.”
“This is about trust. Do you trust me to give that to you, to take care of you tonight?”
The idea of being restrained was both terrifying and thrilling, but this was Ace, and I did trust him. I knew he wouldn’t physically hurt me. I’d never done anything truly adventurous in the bedroom until Ace came back into my life, and I was willing to go wherever he led. “Yes, I trust you.”
Ace climbed off the bed, leaving me bereft. “Do you have anything I can use to tie you up?”
“Scarves.” I lifted my head in the direction of the dresser. “Top drawer. Janice Welling used to knit us scarves every Christmas. I used to hate them, but when I moved to Chicago, they became my favorite piece of clothing.”
“I don’t know if I can do this using Janice’s scarves.” He pulled out four long wool scarves in various colors. “I mean… It’s Janice.”
“I promise never to tell her.”
Gently, he lifted my left leg and slid it toward the edge of the bed before he wrapped the scarf around it. “You’ll be open to me.” He quickly did the other, leaving me spread wide. “Completely.”
I pulled on the scarves and silently thanked Janice for using a stitch with enough give that I could move my legs but not close them.
“How does that feel?” Ace asked.