Chapter 2
2
Cassidy – Twenty-One Years Old
“I don’t know how much longer I can take feeling unwanted daddy,” I whisper as my tears fall, and my dad sighs before dropping his clipboard and walking over to where I’m sitting, leaning against the ring, a blanket covering me.
The place smells like sweaty socks, yet I feel more at home here than I do at our house. In that house, nothing screams Dad, not even the room he shares with Mom. It’s all her, and I hate it.
My dad deserves the absolute best.
“Cassy,” Dad whispers as he kneels before me, wiping away the tears that have fallen.
I sniffle, choking back a sob as I tremble.
Colt was supposed to pick me up from school today. I aced my paper, and it was his idea to celebrate, but he was an hour late, and I was standing in the rain outside of campus waiting for him.
When I called him, Faith answered and said they were having drinks, and unfortunately for me, since we got together, this isn’t the first time he’s forgotten about me because of her, but this is the first time I’ve been left in the pouring down rain.
My phone rings and I grab it from my jeans pocket and look at the screen to see it’s Colt, but I shake my head and hand it to my dad who nods, being my protector.
Without breaking eye contact he answers my phone, stating, “It’s not Cass, Steal, its John,” without giving him time to speak.
Colt says something before my dad replies, “No, I know, but she needs some space, and you’re going to give it to her.” Dad’s eyes race between mine. Look, son, I know you want to make things right, but you’ve hurt her. You left her waiting for an hour in the pouring down rain, and when she called you, another woman answered, and that is not acceptable. Now she needs some space, so grant her that, yeah? Try calling her tomorrow.” Dad listens to Colt’s reply before he says, “Yeah, I know, son, just give her tonight to cool off, alright?”
Dad hangs up and sobs pour out of me as my heart hurts. He sits next to me, taking me into strong arms that always make me feel protected….
“Today, we say goodbye to, not only a great man that took in kids off the street and gave them a purpose, but also to a loving father,” Hammer says as he speaks from behind the podium, snapping me out of the memory.
The crematorium is packed, people even standing at the back, while the man I gave my heart, the man who failed me when I needed him the most sits behind me. Mom clings to my arm next to me, putting on the show of her life, all while my sister sits like a statue.
“His girls were his priority,” Hammer continues as tears begin to fall, tears I’ve tried so hard to keep in.
“Time of death….”
The doctor's words swim in my head as I look at the coffin holding my dad, my protector, while Mom’s pathetic sobs get louder, causing me to fist my hands so I don’t punch her in the face.
“What do you mean I’m left with nothing? I was his wife!” Mom screams while I blink in shock, the lawyer’s words not quite sinking in.
I didn’t want to do this today, the day we bury my hero, my sister’s hero but Mom being Mom, wanted her own way, only for it to stack against her.
Everything has been split between Perrie and I, and Mom got nothing—zilch, zero, nada, not even his belongings or the house. She got absolutely nothing.
What…?
“Mrs. Halliwell, please try and calm yourself,” the lawyer snaps before he pulls a set of keys out and says, “These are the keys to the gym, which have been left to Perrie Halliwell for when she turns eighteen, along with everything that is inside the building and safe.”
Mom tries to grab the keys, but I beat her to it, and she glares at me, but I ignore her and ask, “Why did Dad do this? Why did he keep Mom out of everything?”
Mom huffs as the lawyer admits, “In this folder here,” he holds up a brown folder, “is proof that your mother was having an affair, and then proceeded to allow her lover's daughter to play friends with Perrie.”
My mouth drops open in shock as I look toward my mother, who doesn’t move, her face pale.
She cheated on my dad, who gave her the world, that stupid, fu ? —
“You selfish money-hungry whore!” I scream and lunge for my mother before arms grab me from behind, Colt’s scent taking over as he whispers, “She’s not worth it, Trouble….”
I fight against him and kick out, trying to get to my worthless mother while she sobs like a victim in the corner of the office.
Now, Mom leans on me, making me tense as Hammer says, “From encouraging Cassidy to attend medical school, ensuring her dreams come true, to teaching Perrie how to fight in the ring but threatening to hurt anyone who hurts her.” Everyone chuckles and I look down, regretting even applying for med school, knowing how much it cost him. Hammer continues, “He was a good man who adored his girls and did everything for them, and speaking for myself, I know he will be leaving a big hole in their hearts.”
A sob releases, and I instantly hate myself for it knowing Perrie needs me. An arm wraps around me and Colt’s cross tattoo comes into view. I grip his arm as he holds me from behind while my body shakes with my silent sobs.
Hammer sighs, but I don’t look up as he concludes, “He didn’t want to leave his girls, and we all know he would do anything to be here with them, to stop their hurting, but know this: He will always be with them in spirit, in their hearts….”
“There is no way I’m allowing my daughter to date a filthy biker!” Mom snaps, and I roll my eyes as Dad raises a brow at her and reminds her, “One of my very closest friends is a ‘filthy biker,’ Trudy, who helped me open the gym that affords your fancy clothes, so why don’t you watch your mouth? Now, I don’t give a shit if you’re not happy about Cassy’s relationship, I am, and that’s all that matters, so buck the fuck up!”
My mouth hangs open in shock at my father’s angry words, but he ignores it and kisses my head, mumbling, “I love you, pumpkin, and I can’t think of a better man than Steal to be with my daughter….”
“Please, could we all stand as we say our last farewell to John James Halliwell, a beloved father and figure in the community,” the priest says, and I blink as Colt leans over to help me up while Mom clings to me.
Perrie doesn’t stand, causing everyone to look at her, but instead of chastising her like my mother most likely wants to do, evidenced by the glare she’s sending Perrie’s way, I press my hand on Perrie’s shoulder, giving her the support she needs. I try not to fall apart as our dad’s favorite song, “Sweet Child o’ Mine” by Guns n’ Roses, plays, and she sings along numbly.
“She’s got a smile it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky….”
My tears fall as I look up at the ceiling and mumble the words along with her as I picture my dad laughing.
“She’s got the eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain, I’d hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain….”
I feel Colt press his face into my neck, but I ignore him and continue mumbling the words along with my sister until the priest tells people to start leaving. Perrie doesn’t move, but neither do I, causing Hammer to halt near us.
He looks at Perrie with concern, and I clear my throat and ask, “H-Hammer? Can you take Mom, please?” He tilts his head at me, but I won’t back down. Right now, this is about me and my sister, not his club or my mother. He sees my defiance but nods and takes Mom, who wails like the pathetic bitch she is. “Ol, can you give us a moment, please?” I ask as Perrie continues to mumble the words to the song. He nods, his eyes looking at me with concern, but I don’t let my expression drop.
Oliver kisses Perrie’s head and whispers, “I’ll be waiting outside, Tinker….” Then he’s gone before Eli follows suit. He also kisses Perrie's head and whispers, "Love you, Pez,” before looking my way.
I allow a few tears to fall, and his eyes soften as he nods, and then leaves, before I look at Colt.
He tilts his head, his gray eyes racing between mine as he squeezes my shoulder, knowing what this is about, before he leans forward to kiss me, but I turn at the last second, giving him the cheek, making him sigh, though I don’t know why he expected anything different.
I needed him that day, but he chose her as usual.
Swallowing hard, I wait until he and Anchor walk out the room, the struggle to breathe becoming too strong as Perrie continues to sing the song, mumbling, “Whooooa, wweet child o’ mine.”
Taking a deep breath, I kneel before her and grip her chin, forcing her to look at me.
My heart breaks, seeing her pain, knowing I can’t take it away, knowing I’m about to make it worse when I explain the situation with our parents, explaining what the lawyer said as I hand over the keys to the gym and the Mustang, shocking her. And I hate myself for having to tell her that her so called friend, a girl I refused to allow to come to the funeral, used her to get to our mom and said mother knew but still went along with it.
After holding my sister like my life depends on it, I walk her out of the crematorium and guide her to Ollie, refusing to use his road name. He gives me a sad smile, also hurting because dad treated him like a son. Ollie kisses my head, then takes my sister into his arms, and I watch as he gently guides her to the Mustang before getting into the driver’s seat and heading to the club where the wake is being held.
I don’t move.
He’s gone, dad’s really dead….
Perrie tried to give him CPR when she realized he was having a heart attack, and she brought him back, but the paramedics lost him on the way to the hospital. I walked into my father’s gym feeling angry and hurt because, yet again, my boyfriend chose her over me, only to find my sister trying to bring our father back.
I look up at the large chimney in the center of the building and see smoke, and my tears fall again…. This can't be real.
After a few minutes, I feel arms slowly go around me from behind before Colt's forest scent fills my senses, but I don’t relax into him like I normally would.
“I’m so sorry, Trouble,” he croaks in my ear, but I shake my head.
He’d let me down again.
“I needed you,” I rasp, and he holds me tighter, kissing the side of my neck and sending goosebumps along my skin like always, but what he doesn’t do is grant me an apology for being with her instead when it was his idea to pick me up in the first place, and he offers no explanation, as always.
I miss the man I first met, who looked at me like I was his world…
“Fuck, Trouble,” Colt chokes as he holds still, his hands squeezing mine beside my head, and silent tears streak my face.
“O-Okay, that h-hurt a lot more t-than they claim.” I stutter, and he laughs a little, putting his forehead against mine.
“You should have fucking told me you were a virgin, Cass; I would have prepared you first,” he says as we make eye contact, and gently kisses away my tears.
I give him a slight smile and admit, “Thought I’d surprise you….”
He chokes out a laugh again before kissing me, then moves his hips slowly, testing to see if I’m ready….
We haven’t had sex in about a month, but I guess that is what happens when he continues to choose his old fuck buddy over me. He says it’s because she’s family, because the club demands she comes first, but I call bullshit.
I’m second best to him; I always have been. Ever since I gave him my virginity, it’s like the thrill of the chase is gone.
“Come on, Trouble. Let’s get to the clubhouse, yeah?” he whispers, and I nod but don’t move, causing him to hold me tighter and slowly guide me to his bike. There, Anchor waits for us, sitting astride his bike and looking at me with concern.
Everyone’s expecting me to break, but don’t they see I can’t; my sister needs me.
I watch silently as Faith leans her head on Colt’s arm smiling, and the jackass doesn’t even push her away and, instantly, I hate how it makes me feel; I hate the person I’m becoming because of how he treats me in favor of her.
We’ve been at the clubhouse for an hour, and apparently, Faith set the food and everything up to “help me out” despite the fact it wasn't my plan to even do a wake for Dad, and now she’s all over the man, who can’t seem to understand what she’s doing because he’s screwed her for years and has blind loyalty to his club, wanting to keep them happy.
I look down at my hands as tears fall yet again.
What am I doing here?
Swallowing hard, I look around the room to see everyone mingling, no one looking my way. Perrie left half an hour ago, wanting space, and you know what? That’s not a bad idea.
Standing quietly, I look toward the bar one more time only to lock eyes with Faith who smirks as she grips Colt tighter, her bleach blonde hair falling over his arm as she tilts head back, but I ignore her and turn, walking toward the stairs where Colt’s room is to grab my bag.
I need to go home; I need space from this life, from him, to think whether I want to carry on a relationship with someone who hasn’t got time for one. Besides, it’s not like he’ll notice me missing; he has her attention now….