Chapter 4
4
Cassidy
I bite my bottom lip as I scan the crowd, my eyes going to my little sister, who looks lost in her own world. Eli, Acid, and Aurora, who is like a sister to them, sit near her, chatting away, yet she’s not paying attention.
My heart drops when I scan the crowd again, but I don’t see Colt.
Yesterday, he promised me he was going to start making some changes and that I’d become his priority like he’s been mine, and yet, he’s not here.
Surely, he hasn’t forgotten about my graduation?
My heart pounds in my chest as the announcer asks family members to take a seat, and I quickly grab my phone, bringing up Colt’s number before pressing the call button.
It rings several times, and just when I think it’s going to voicemail because maybe he’s just running late, he answers it.
“Hey, Trouble,” he answers, and I open my mouth to ask when he’s getting here but close it when I hear, “Hey, Steal baby, do you have a dollar? I’m a little short….”
Faith.
My heart sinks, and tears blur my vision as I question, “You’re with her? Today ?”
I hear him sigh. “Yeah, Cass, I am,” before he says, “Here you go,” to her.
“Look, Trouble, you know I still have to be around her. She’s club, family, and besides, the prospect who was supposed to escort her to the grocery store got called away, and I have no idea where the fuck Acid and Eli are,” he says.
I shake my head and look up as the announcer says, “Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, please give a round of applause for our graduates….”
“Cassidy, what was that?” he demands, and my eyes tear up.
I sniffle. “Nothing important to you….”
I hang up and turn my phone off before following my fellow graduates to their seats, the crowd cheering, all while I feel like I can’t breathe.
I lock eyes with Perrie, whose smile disappears, and concern etches off her, but I give her a shaky smile and turn in my seat.
He forgot. I can’t believe he forgot.
Every club event, anything that he had going on that was important to him, I was there, I helped, I got involved, even knowing his club didn’t want me around, and yet one of the most important days of my life and he forgot, just like with everything else.
Mom’s not here, most likely with Andrea, Dad’s dead, and my boyfriend forgot….
So much for always being on his mind.
I spend most of the commencement speeches in my little world, just staring a head, my mind unable to accept that, yet again, he chose her.
It can’t be normal to want to always be around the woman who was your regular fuck for years, unless he has feelings for her. I mean, I know he’s trying to prove himself to the club but he’s hurting me in the process.
Maybe we’re better off just ending things….
The thought makes me sick, but I swallow it down as my row stands, and I follow suit, walking with them toward the stage. Names gets called, one by one, and the crowd cheers, all while my heart breaks.
He’s really not here….
“Our next graduate, graduating a year earlier than her peers and heading to New York Medical school, Cassidy Halliwell,” the dean says proudly, and I take a deep breath as I climb the stairs to the stage, screams and whistles surrounding me.
The dean gives me a grin, and she says, “Congratulations, Cassidy, your father would be so proud.”
I give her a watery smile and shake her hand as I grab my diploma with my left, before walking past her. I look into the crowd to see Eli and Acid holding Perrie on either side of her as she cheers for me with tears trailing her cheeks.
I head to the stairs, but halfway down, I can feel him , and my stomach tightens.
I look up as I reach the bottom step to see Colt standing right at the back of the field, his hands behind his head as he breathes hard, looking through the graduates behind me, but when he sees me at the bottom of the stairs, he curses and turns around, realizing he missed my walk before looking back at me, and we make eye contact.
I tear my gaze from his instantly and continue my path back to my seat, trying to come up with a plan to get away from here without speaking to him because I think I’m done.
He forgot….
“Thank you, family members, for coming out to celebrate this day,” the dean says twenty minutes later, her bright blue eyes shining with happiness for her students. “And graduates, you’ve done it, you’ve completed college. Congratulations!”
Everything in me relaxes, and I stand with everyone else, throwing my cap in the air with a small smile, celebrating, before lifting my head to the sun.
“I did it, Dad,” I mumble, my eyes tearing up before I feel arms wrap around me, and I turn, holding my little sister tightly as a sob releases from me.
“He’d be so proud of you, Cassy, so goddamn proud just like I am,” she whispers in my ear, and I nod, holding her tighter before I’m yanked out of her hold. She complains, “Eli…,” making me laugh as I hug him tightly, and then Aurora, before Acid takes me in his arms.
I hold Acid tighter, relaxing into him, whispering, “Thank you,” and he nods, kissing my head.
He’s always been there for us; since Dad died, he’s been our rock.
“Trouble…” Colt says, and Acid and I break apart before I lock eyes with the gray ones I fell in love with.
His shine, full of guilt, and mine tear up as I shake my head and walk away with my diploma in my hand.
“Cass,” he says loudly, but I ignore him.
“Just give her some space, Steal, she’s hurt,” I hear Eli say, but Colt snaps, “What, and let her ignore me for two more months, then decide we’re done? I don’t fucking think so!”
I pick up speed, but he grabs hold of my arm and turns me toward him.
“I forgot,” he says, and I yank my arm out of his grip and scoff.
“No shit, Sherlock!”
He winces. “Cass, please give me a break here; I have a lot on my mind.”
Anger fills me and I snap, “More like your head’s too busy being up Faith’s skirt!”
I continue walking, but he quickly moves in front of me and glares at me, “I have never cheated on you, and I never will, you know that! I fucked up, I know this, but I’m fucking trying here, Cass. For two months, you didn’t speak to me; that has been my only focus. I didn’t mean to forget about your graduation, and I’m fucking sorry….”
My tears fall, and I look down, shaking my head, fed up with the hurt he keeps putting me through.
“I think we need a break,” I whisper, and he growls, but I continue, “Since our relationship started, I have been on the back burner for you despite my doing everything for you, especially since I gave you my virginity.” I look at him. “It’s like the thrill of the chase disappeared for you, and then you couldn’t be bothered.”
“That is not true, and you know that, Cass. You’re the love of my life!” he growls, but I shrug.
“And yet you missed my graduation.” He flinches. “You spent my father’s wake, a time when I needed you the most, with your fuck buddy. Every time we agreed to meet up, most of the times your plans, you’ve stood me up, every surprise I had done for you, you’ve either not shown or left not even half way through, and the one time I asked if we could celebrate me acing my paper, you were a no show, leaving me drenched in the rain in favor of her, all while she paints me out as the jealous girlfriend, trying to break us up—and you allow it!” I take a step back. “I need a break because I deserve better than this.”
That said, I walk away from him and head to my car, trying to swallow my sobs, knowing I’m doing the right thing.
I sniffle as I wipe my tears.
It’s been three hours since I told Colt we need a break, and I haven’t moved from my spot on my bed in my dorm room, a room I have to leave by tomorrow, which means moving back home because I can’t get housing for med school unless I can find a cheap apartment to rent.
I own the house with Perrie, but the thought of being there without Dad kills me. I still pick my phone up most days just to hear his voice in my messages.
A knock sounds on the door, but I ignore it and pull up my knees, pulling my t-shirt over them, and placing my forehead on them as silent sobs wrack my body.
Today should have been a happy day but it was anything but.
No Dad, and a late Colt who forgot….
I hear the door unlock, but I don’t look up, knowing it’s most likely Perrie. Even when I hear the door shut and lock again, I still don’t look up, not until I feel strong hands grip my bare ankles.
“Cassidy…” Colt whispers with pain, and a sob pulls out of me, pushing him into action. He pulls on my ankles, causing me to slide down my bed before he moves on top of me, between my thighs, and his strong hands grip my cheeks, wiping away the tears.
“I’m sorry, so fucking sorry,” he whispers, his gray eyes full of pain. “I hate knowing I’m the one to make you cry when all I want to do is make you smile. I know I’m fucking up; I’m drowning because I can feel you slipping through my fingers.” He gently kisses away my tears before admitting, “I don’t know how to manage everything, Trouble. I’m trying to prove to my club I’ll always put them first, but at the same time, I’m keeping you at arm’s length when you don’t deserve it. I don’t know how to meet in the middle, Cass, to balance our relationship and the club.”
He sighs, places his forehead against mine, and admits, “I’m scared the brothers see me as the silver spoon kid that crashed his dad’s bike, that I’m not good enough to take over, it’s why I’m always putting the club first, but in doing so I’ve pushed you to your limits…. I never wanted an old lady, Cass, at least not yet, but then I met you and knew you were mine….”
He presses a kiss against my lips before he whispers, “I love you, Cass, and I promise I’ll do better. I’ll try my hardest to ensure that you are my priority, and I’ll even give you the space you want, but don’t expect me to walk away from you because, if I have to, I’ll walk from the club first.”
My mouth parts in shock at his words and the sincerity in his eyes. He gives me a sad smile and admits, “I love my club, I love that my dad thinks I’ll make a good president, but I love you more, and if I have to choose, it will always be you, which is what I should have told you yesterday.”
He kisses me again, this time harder, before he breaks it and places his head into the crook of my neck and whispers, “Two weeks, that’s all your getting, before I pack your shit and move you into the clubhouse where you belong.”
I wrap my arms around his head and hold him tight with my heart in my throat, not willing to tell him that won’t be happening because words don’t mean anything, it’s actions. And yet a part of me believes him, the stupid part, that is.