Chapter 14 Shane
FOURTEEN
SHANE
“Thanks for letting me stay with you guys,” I say to Paulie and Easton as we walk into their house. Frankie’s, to be exact. He rents the four-bedroom townhouse in a small complex of connected units and rents out rooms to Paulie and East, and when I say rent, I mean gives them a steal of a lifetime.
We’re standing in the small entryway. There’s a door directly to my right, and I can see right into the kitchen through the small hall in front of me.
“Are you kidding?” Paulie says. “We finally have the trio back together. We’re not having you live somewhere else.”
I send him a wide smile, but it’s almost as uncomfortable as playing second today with how much my body tries to refuse the action.
“This is your room here,” Nebs says, pointing to the door on my right.
“Frankie’s got the master upstairs, and East and I have the other two bedrooms up there.
There’s a half bath right there.” He points to one of the two doors in the small hallway.
“The three of us will share the shower upstairs. It’s right at the top of the stairs so you can’t miss it. ”
I nod, following him through the small hall to the kitchen. Cabinets wrap along the wall, no island, but there’s a large wooden table and chairs adjacent to it.
“Here’s the main living space,” Paulie says. “Pretty typical. Open kitchen-living room.” He points to just left of the living room. “And there are the stairs that lead to the second floor. There’s a balcony up there where we kick back some nights.”
It’s nice, if a little outdated. It’s got those 70s wood cabinets and old hardware.
But the counters are speckled black granite, and they’ve got a worn leather couch and a loveseat arranged in an L that take up most of the living room.
It looks comfy as fuck. I have no idea how Frankie affords a place like this in Providence.
He does something with numbers, I think. Must make bank.
“Anyone want to watch a movie?” East asks. “I’d like to forget all about that game.”
My stomach twists. We lost, and while I know it takes more than one person to lose a game, there were multiple plays I didn’t make that could have gotten us out of innings before runs were scored.
“I’m actually thinking of calling it an early night. It’s been a long fucking day.” I left Portland at six-thirty this morning, and that was after being up until two packing all my shit.
East shoots me a sympathetic look. “I bet, man.”
“I texted Frankie earlier, and he got your bed all set with fresh sheets.”
Paulie shows me to my room, and I give him a quick thanks.
I drop my bag and just stand there. The past twenty-four hours have been a lot.
Highs and lows. I’m back with my boys. My heart swells to almost painful proportions.
I’m so fucking happy to be back with my boys.
But then…I lost a piece of my heart at the same time. I lost my position.
I…I think I’m overwhelmed. I drop face first onto the bed and draw in a breath of fresh linen. These sheets are silky soft. I snuggle in deeper. Kind of wish the duvet would just swallow me up.
I’m slammed into from each side, and I swear to Babe Ruth I jump out of my skin. But I don’t have time to be alarmed because I’m being smothered by two extremely large ballplayers.
“We’re so glad to have you back,” East says, giving me a noogie.
“Missed you so much, man,” Paulie says.
I somehow fight my way out from under four hundred pounds of man. I’m way leaner than those two, so it’s not an easy feat. “You guys are ridiculous.”
“You love us.” East nudges me with his elbow.
It’s true. “I really do.”
“You wanna tell us what’s bothering you?” Paulie props himself up on his elbow and stares down at me where I’m lying flat on my back.
I give him a skeptical look. “What are you talking about, bro? Nothing’s bothering me. Just fucking beat after the day.” And yeah, maybe that’s not everything, but the last thing these guys are going to want is to hear me bitching and whining.
Paulie meets East’s gaze over my head, and even though they don’t say anything I can tell they’re having an entire conversation.
East rolls onto his side and mirrors Paulie. Now I’m lying between them as they stare down at me like I’m a specimen at a museum. “I think we need to talk, Shane.”
My eyebrows shoot up, and my pulse takes off. We need to talk? What does that mean in bro-talk? Are they friend-breaking up with me? Everyone knows we need to talk is never a good thing.
“We’ve been friends for a long time,” Paulie says.
“Almost three years,” East adds.
I glance between them. They’re staring at me like I should know what they’re talking about. “O…kay. So, what now? Is it time for some sort of initiation into the bro-ship cult?”
Paulie’s lips twitch, and East shakes his head. East cuffs me on the shoulder. “No, you goon. We’ve all known each other a long-ass time.”
“We know you, Shane.”
“We know you try to hide how you’re feeling. Pretend like everything’s all sunshine and seashells.”
I still. I go to deny it, but East beats me to it. “Like when I got the news I made Triple-A. You played off being assigned to Double-A like it was nothing. We know it wasn’t nothing, but you deflected at every turn when we tried to bring it up.”
I pick at my bracelets, spinning the faded blue beads. Don’t know what they’re talking about. Such pretty bracelets.
“It’s your MO, man,” Paulie says. “You’re always here for us whenever we need support.”
“I don’t know what I would have done without you when I was going through stuff with Maddy.” East’s voice gets thick. “We owe our entire relationship to you, Shane. If it weren’t for you, we might still not be speaking.”
I try to frown away the annoying burn building behind my eyes. I’m sure they would have figured shit out…eventually. I was happy to give them the shove they needed.
“But you close off and refuse to let us be there for you.”
“Like right now,” East says. “So, we’re not letting you play it off like it’s nothing.”
“Out with it.” Paulie flicks my nose.
I wince. “The fuck!” I rub my nose. “Ouch, man.”
He lifts his hand, fingers poised to strike. “I’ll do it again if you don’t start talking.”
I lift my hands in surrender. “Fine! Fine. Threatening me to spill my feelings. Some friends you two are.” I say it like I’m offended, but my heart is so fucking full.
And so scared. It flutters uncertainly against my ribcage.
I don’t want to be too much. To be a drag.
I want to be useful. I want them to have a reason to need me.
I don’t want to scare them away, annoy them with my whiny problems.
“Three…” East says and lifts his hand like he’s going to flick me too.
I open my mouth but hesitate.
“Two…” Paulie says.
“I’m pissed and frustrated because I fucking sucked out there today,” I burst out.
“I feel like I’m playing with my cleats on the wrong feet.
It feels wrong. I’m not a second baseman.
I’m a fucking shortstop. And yeah, it kind of really fucking sucks, because shortstop isn’t an option for me here.
I realized that a while ago. So, this is my only shot to play here.
Maybe. Who the fuck knows if there’s room on the Jetties even at second?
And I hate it. I hate that I might not be able to play in the big leagues with you guys.
I hate that I’m not playing my position.
Maybe it makes me petty, but I loved being shortstop.
I felt like a boss out there. It’s not a secret that shortstop comes with a ton of cred. And I was a really fucking good short.”
Everyone knows that short is the commander out there. To know I was worthy of that role? It filled some empty places inside me. And it stings like a motherfucker having that ripped from me.
“It’s not like second is something to laugh at,” I concede.
“But it’s not my position. So yeah, I’m pouty about it.
And bitter. But it’s fine. I’ll take it.
Because it means I get to be here with you guys for a little while longer.
And I’ve really fucking missed you guys.
Before this, I really thought the only future for me was a trade, but maybe…
maybe this is how I can stay with you guys.
I’ve got no shot against Stone, so I just need to suck it up. ”
I turn to Paulie. Might as well throw it all out there.
“Oh, and I told East already, but Paulie, I’ve figured out I’m bisexual.
And I have the biggest fucking stupid crush on stupid Jed Stone Junior.
I want his dick bad. And now I have to deal with that temptation every fucking day.
Shortstop and second base? Like, is the world trying to torture me? ”
I draw in a gasping breath after unloading all that. Silence blankets me, and my skin prickles. I cross my arms and glare at the ceiling. They’re not allowed to disown me after that. They forced me to vomit all that up.
“Quite a bit to unpack in there,” Paulie finally says.
“Most important thing being how much he clearly loves us and wants to be stuck with us foreverrrr,” Easton sings.
Paulie grins and looks at East. “I think we should keep him. What do you think?”
Easton nods solemnly. “Oh, without a doubt. He’s ours.”
Ours. Something kicks around in my chest. I think my heart is line-dancing.
“You mean that?” I whisper, looking between the two of them.
Easton’s smile fades to something soft and fond.
“Shane, we feel the same way. The three of us? Our friendship isn’t going anywhere.
No matter the distance, no matter where baseball takes us.
And you don’t have to pretend to be carefree and happy all the time with us.
We’d be just as happy with sulky Shane as we are with smiley Shane.
We want to be here for you. You’re always giving a part of yourself.
Let us give you something too, you know? ”
“I’m sorry about shortstop,” Paulie adds, his tone carrying all the understanding only another ballplayer could have. “I think we all know if Stone wasn’t here, that spot would be yours and you’d be looking at The Show soon. I can’t imagine how much it hurts to have to give up your position.”
“You’re allowed to be upset about it,” East murmurs. “We’ll sulk with you if you want.”
“Thanks, guys.” My voice comes out high-pitched and tight, and I quickly clear my throat. “Thanks,” I say again, much lower this time. They have no idea what this means to me: their support, their friendship.
“And don’t worry about how you played today,” Paulie adds.
“Easier said than done, but you were going on shit sleep after traveling all day and thrown into a new position cold. You’re an incredible ballplayer.
You’ll bounce back. Until then, let your bat do the talking.
And just steal a bag—or three—like you always do. ”
“Seriously, glove, wheels, bat…you’re, like, the total package, Shane Michaels,” Easton teases.
We chuckle and fall into silence. It’s comfortable, but kind of feels…anticipatory.
“So…” Paulie finally says. “You dropped a big bisexual bomb there, Shane. Jed Stone Junior, eh?”
There it is. I was waiting for that to be brought up.
“It’s nothing,” I mutter.
Easton clears his throat. “I quote, I want his dick bad. Don’t think that’s nothing.”
“Who wants my dick?” a smooth voice fills the room.
All three of us push up on our elbows. Frankie, Paulie’s brother, leans against the doorway, sleeves of his work shirt rolled up to the elbow. His top buttons are undone, revealing a glimpse of tanned skin and dark chest hair. He’s got that slightly casually undone businessman look to him.
“This looks like fun,” he says and lazily runs a hand through his hair. It’s long on top and tousled, shaved short on the sides. “I didn’t know we were having a sex party.”
“Ew, dude.” Paulie gags, his face screwed up. “I’m your brother.”
“Hey, some brothers share. Just don’t touch me, and I’m good.”
Paulie gapes at his brother.
Frankie grins. “I’m kidding! Kind of. Honestly? Not at all. But I do see two not off-limits men in a bed, and considering you’re the straight one in this room, I think there’s only one person who doesn’t belong.” He flicks his hand. “Shoo.”
“I am a happily taken man,” Easton points out.
“And I’m an unhappily hooked-on-a-guy man,” I add.
Frankie slides into bed between me and Paulie, then a loud thump rings through the room.
“Fuck you, Frankie.” Paulie’s voice drifts up from the floor.
Frankie ignores him and bats his lashes at me. “Well, that works out perfectly. I can…keep you occupied so you’re not thinking about him. How delicious to find out you’re into dick.” He tugs on one of my blond curls. “Always thought you were handsome.”
“Frankie,” Paulie growls as he stands up and starts trying to tug his brother off the bed. Frankie doesn’t budge.
“What? I’m just offering my services.” Frankie turns back to me. “I will gladly teach you the ways of the gays.”
He rakes a gaze over me, and I feel…wow. I see what Easton means about Frankie having game. That one look was like a stroke to my dick.
“Some guys don’t like to mess with baby bis. But I think they’re missing out. What’s not to love about an eager, not-so-straight boy on his knees. Teacher-student is my favorite kind of roleplay.”
“There’s only one guy I want to get on my knees for at the moment; sorry, Frankie.” I flick a glance at Paulie. I send him a shit-stirring grin before I say, “I’ll let you know if that ever changes.”
Paulie groans.
I dissolve into laughter. My night just got so much brighter. All thanks to these guys. I’m so grateful for them.