Chapter 25 Shane
TWENTY-FIVE
SHANE
I honestly don’t know if what Jed just said makes me feel better or worse.
There’s the flippy thing happening inside my chest, which falls in the better category. You know, the whole, oh my god, my crush likes me too.
He’s not mad. That’s definitely better.
He doesn’t actually think what happened was a mistake.
My eyes sink shut. I’m still tender from the wound those words left.
I’m not one to lie to myself, and while it’s just physical, it doesn’t change that our time together has been something that’s completely changed my life.
He’s allowed me to explore a really new side of myself and in a safe space—with the guy I’ve been hot for.
Not sure how many people get an opportunity like that.
And yeah. Maybe I like the way he looks at me when he’s completely owning me with those wicked fingers and that sinful mouth.
And maybe my crush was on the verge of turning into something a little bit more.
So, it fucking stung. Kicked puppy status activated.
To know he wishes it didn’t have to end…bitter-fucking-sweet.
Instead of kicked puppy, I can already feel myself turning into hopeful puppy. There’s a slim chance of it happening, but it’s not an impossibility. Because he wants me. Jed Stone Jr. wants me.
“Can you say something?” he says after the prolonged silence. “It’s freaky enough when you’re silent, and then when it follows what I just said…”
“Sorry, I’m just basking in the whole Mr. Not Usually For Repeats wants repeats with me.”
“I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth.”
“No, you always should. I happen to like when you open that big mouth of yours. Real wide.”
He lets out a harrumph. “Well, at least we’re past the awkwardness now.”
I let out a groan. “This fucking sucks. We have to spend five more nights like this? I think the universe is set on torturing me with you.”
“Torturing you with me? You’ve been a pain in my ass since you stepped into camp.
This was supposed to be my year. Nothing was standing in my way.
Then this ridiculous hippie bro with a perpetual smile walks into Spring Training and proves himself to be a legitimate threat.
One I’d managed to overcome. And now you’re back.
Maybe not a threat in the same way. But still a threat.
A distraction. And—” He growls. “Fuck. We both risked a lot sneaking around.”
I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Is that the wisest choice? Maybe not. I follow what feels right, though. I try not to overthink things. And Jed Stone Jr.? He feels right.
I settle onto my side and slip my hands beneath my cheek as I stare at him. He’s just a mess of shades of gray, but I can make out his straight nose, his sharp jaw with the neatly trimmed beard, the soft shimmer of his eyes.
“We did. But I don’t think we were really at risk of anyone finding out.
I didn’t act any differently around you than I do anyone else.
Let’s be real, Araujo and Thompson are more likely to raise questions than we are.
And East and Pauls are different. We’re besties for the resties.
Can’t hide shit from each other. It’s like best friend clairvoyance, I think. ”
He snorts. “What is wrong with me? Besties for the resties? Like, how do I like the absurd shit you spew now? What have you done to me?”
I light up like the goddamned Rockefeller Christmas tree. Just call me Christmas in fucking July. Except in May, since it’s May. “You liiiiike me.”
“I really don’t.”
“Gosh, JJ babe. It’s only been a week. A profession of love is a little early, don’t you think?”
Thump.
“Hey!” I push away the pillow that just hit me in the face.
“I should add,” I say pointedly. “Pillow fighting is a bad idea if you want me to keep my dick to myself. I definitely won’t be able to resist you if we start wrestling.
No exertion or heavy breathing allowed. I’d say you have to tie me down.
But—” Fuck. I like the sound of that. I swallow hard.
“Yeah, shouldn’t have said that,” I say roughly.
“I hate you.”
And the slight whine in his voice is everything.
But I need to stop. It’s cruel to both of us. “All right. I have an idea. More icebreakers. But like, really boring, long drawn-out stories from our childhood or something. Something that will cause us to pass the fuck out.”
He eyes me, and even in the low light, I can tell he’s studying me. “Okay. Bore me to tears, Sunshine. Where’d you grow up?”
Perfect. This will be the perfect distraction.
“Tampa. Momma raised me all on her own. We didn’t have much, but we had each other, and she taught me what’s important in life.”
My gaze drops to the bedspread. “She sacrificed everything so I could have baseball. I think somehow she knew. She knew I had something special. I mean, every parent thinks their kid’s got what it takes, right?
Talented. Genius. What have you. That whole blinded by love.
But we didn’t have the money for that way of thinking.
“Still, she found a way, because she believed in me. There were a lot of things that drove me, but like I said the night at the bar, everything I do, I do for her. The first thing I did when I got my signing bonus was get her out of our trailer park.”
I look up from where I’d been fidgeting with the comforter and meet Jed’s gaze. Hold it. “No shade. I’m not ashamed of where I come from. Even if I know some might deem me less than because of it.” Then I brace myself and wait.
What will the reaction be? There’s always that moment of shock.
Then comes the disgust, the regret…the subtle distancing.
There’s nothing wrong with growing up in a trailer park, they say.
And I never hear from them again. Or there’s pity.
How unfortunate for me to have grown up with a loving mother, but not a big house full of material things.
It’s not shameful. It’s not sad to grow up without money. It is fucking hard, though.
I saw the strain it put on my mom, the bags under her eyes, the times she’d break down and cry because it all just got to be too much. None of that is something to be ashamed of. My momma is a fucking fighter. I lift my chin. She taught me what it means to be strong.
“I don’t deem you less than, Shane,” he says quietly.
“Trust me when I say this, because I grew up with more money than any one person should have.” He pauses, and the silence stretches between us.
His nostrils flare, his unsteady breath loud in the quiet.
“I have more money than I will ever need.” The whisper is torn from him, ragged and coated with pain.
“I would give every single penny away if it meant I could have my dad back.”
My breath stalls. Shit.
He swallows hard and gruffly clears his throat.
“So, yeah. No judgment. A lot of admiration and respect for you and your mother working against a broken system that benefits the rich and hurts the poor. But it’s easy to see, with the way you talk about your mom, that you have a rich life in the ways it counts. ”
My eyes burn, and I roll onto my back as I blink it away. Damn. Everything just got real heavy.
“I didn’t miss the way you…never mentioned a father?”
“And you, a mother,” I throw back.
“Touché.”
I let my head fall to the side. He’s on his back now too, staring at the ceiling. “You also haven’t told me anything about your childhood. So, I think you’re up to the plate, Pebs.”
He meets my gaze. “I had a…non-traditional childhood. I didn’t grow up in a town or a city.
I grew up in clubhouses and ballparks. Mom was sixteen, Dad seventeen, when they had me.
Dad got drafted out of high school, first round.
And to your point about growing up without money—that signing bonus changed everything for my teenage parents. ”
The sliver of light in the room glimmers off his eyes, and his mouth hooks up in a sad smile.
“But it didn’t take long for my mom to realize that being a mom wasn’t for her.
That being a baseball player’s partner wasn’t for her.
She liked Dad’s money, but she was lonely.
Any spare time Dad had went to me. And we were moving all the time. She had no support, no friends.”
He blows out a breath. “He found out she was cheating on him, and that was that. They’d never gotten married, so he cut ties.
I didn’t know until much later, but Dad had offered to pay her a child support of sorts.
With the stipulation that she travel with us.
She was free to live her own life, but she had to live wherever he was because he refused to be separated from me.
She didn’t take the offer. I don’t think it ever bothered Dad that they didn’t work out, but I know it ate at him that she left me. ”
“I’m sorry, Jed.”
He shrugs a shoulder. It is what it is. Isn’t that the truth?
“She got in touch with me after Dad passed. It took a lot of time and therapy for me to respond to her. But we keep in touch now. It’s weird—stiff, I guess?
We’re strangers for the most part. But I already lost one parent, so I don’t have it in me to shut her out of my life.
She hasn’t asked for money or notoriety. She just wants to get to know me.”
“That must be hard,” I murmur. “Confusing.”
God knows it would be for me. Joyous—finally having my dad in my life. But heartbreaking, old wounds ripped wide open again.
“I…don’t hold any resentment toward her,” he says quietly.
“She was nineteen when she and Dad split and she left us behind. Nineteen. Already birthed a child and had a rough go of it after I was born, apparently. Will I ever understand how she could leave me behind? No. But she left me with a father who loved me enough for the both of them.”
He turns back to the ceiling. He’s silent, but I can feel it—that there’s more.