Chapter 26 Shane
TWENTY-SIX
SHANE
We have two more nights until we go back home. Two more nights, which I will not survive. Each night since we had our little bro-fession has been a steady exchange of stories and small details. I’m learning Jed Stone Jr. piece by piece. And I want all the fucking pieces.
I am doomed.
I bang on East and Paulie’s door. A second later it swings open, and a smile fills Easton’s face just as I shove past him.
“I’m sleeping here tonight.”
Paulie, who is sitting on his bed—how lovely to have his own bed—looks up from his phone and nods. “Okay.”
I throw myself down across the foot of his bed and scream into the comforter. Then immediately regret it. That thing is probably disgusting. I quickly roll over.
“Are things tense with you and Stone?” Easton asks.
I laugh. Maniacally. Because no. No, they’re really fucking not. Besides maybe the fact that I want to jump his bones even harder now. If I get the chance to be with him again, I’m going to jump him the fucking hardest ever. I’m not even making sense.
I cover my face and whimper. A weight settles next to me, and I peek between my fingers. Easton’s on his side next to me, propped on his elbow.
His brows are crushed together, a wealth of worry reflecting from his blue eyes. “What happened? Is he being an asshole to you? You just went from laughing—and in a scary way—to practically crying. To say I’m freaking out is an understatement.”
I glance between him and Paulie. “I did something I shouldn’t have,” I whisper.
Paulie frowns at me. “Did you proposition him again, and he rejected you?”
“Did you bring back a woman to the room to make him jealous?” East asks.
“Or a man?” Paulie adds.
“What?” I glare at them both. “No. I’m not an asshole. Fuck you both very much. I respect that he said it has to stop. Which is why I’m in the predicament I’m in now. All the physical stuff has stopped. So we’ve been talking instead.”
“Oooooh,” Easton and Paulie say together.
“It’s horrible,” I whine.
“How deep are you?” Paulie asks.
“That’s what they said,” I point out. “And so fucking deep. No chance of digging myself out. It’s official, I have a case of the feelings.”
“He’s not a bad one to develop feelings for,” East says.
Um. What? I’m missing the logic there.
“I agree,” Paulie adds.
My head flips back and forth between them so fast I’m getting dizzy.
“Stone is a stand-up guy. He’s a legend’s son and a legend in the making all his own. Yet none of that went to his head,” Paulie says matter-of-factly.
“I think he’s kind of perfect for you, in all honesty.” East’s tone is thoughtful. “He balances you. Like Maddy does me.”
“Okay. Why are you two being so cruel? Do you not remember the whole we can’t hook up and be together part of this?”
“So, I’m going to nit-pick that.” Paulie taps his finger against his lips. “He said you have to stop hooking up. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop hanging out. You could, you know, do things the way most normal people do and go on dates before getting in each other’s pants.”
I gape at him. “Jed isn’t going to want people to think we’re dating either. Dating or boning a teammate are both a no-go.”
“How would anyone know?” East shrugs. “You’re just two bros hanging out.”
“Seriously,” Paulie says. “As long as you’re not holding hands or kissing in public, literally no one will know.
And Stone said no to that stuff right now, anyway.
Just hang out and get to know each other.
Explore the feelings and see if they’re returned.
That’s how it starts for everyone, isn’t it?
You get interested in someone, so you start asking them to get together.
If it’s reciprocated, it turns into more. If not, you move on.”
Easton smirks. “Or in Paulie’s case, he pants after them for months on end until he wears them down and they finally agree to give him a chance. How many times did you buy Shelbs flowers before she agreed to a date?”
Paulie flips East the bird, but he’s all smiles. “I lost count, but it was over twenty. Totally worth it. I got the best woman in the world. And that was different. It wasn’t me she was opposed to. It was that I was a baseball player.” He sends Easton a pointed look, and East winces.
I gnaw on my lip. It’s an interesting point. And really fucking appealing. “I don’t know, guys…”
“Can it hurt?”
“I mean, yeah. My feelings get worse. And still nothing comes of it.”
Easton nudges my shoulder. “Or, man… You both realize something’s there and it’s worth the risk.
I get where Stone is coming from right now.
Sneaking around with a teammate just to get off is a hell of a risk.
You can both get orgasms anywhere. Sneaking around with a teammate because you love them… That’s entirely different.”
“Woah, woah, woah.” Alarm arcs through my chest, and an uncomfortable laugh bursts from me. “No one said anything about love.”
“But that’s the endgame here.” Paulie arches a brow.
“If you want to pretend like love is gross and something to be avoided, you’re talking to the wrong guys.
I love Shelby, and I’m not ashamed to be a man head over heels for her.
And I know East feels the same about Maddy.
The reason you’re in this room whining about Stone right now is because you’re on your way to that place. ”
Fuck. He’s right. I might be in like right now, but what’s the point if I don’t think the possibility of more is there? It’s definitely not worth jeopardizing my baseball career. I mean, mostly not worth it. Stone is really fucking hot.
“Every relationship can fail,” Easton says quietly. “It’s rare that the first person you’re with is your forever. You are going to fail at more of them than you succeed at. That doesn’t mean you don’t try, though.”
Paulie’s video call tone goes off, and the three of us jump. He glances at me in question, and I give him an upnod.
He smiles at his phone. “Hey, babe.”
Shelby’s soft “hey” fills the room. There’s so much affection in that word it makes my stomach flip over.
“Oh, hey, Madz!” Paulie says.
I’m assaulted by a two-hundred-plus pound wall of muscle as Easton scrambles over me to get to the phone. “Maddy,” he squeals, his smile eating his face. He settles next to Paulie, both sitting with their backs against the headboard.
“Hey, baby.” Maddox’s deep tone filters into the room. “Shelbs and I are doing an impromptu movie night tonight.”
“We were both kind of being pathetically mopey,” Shelby says. “So, I told him we should just be pathetic and miss you guys together.”
Something soft and aching swirls through my chest. I swallow hard as my stare sweeps over my friends. Their love-struck expressions as they stare at the phone are nauseating. Ugh. Easton and Paulie are right. I want that. I want people to throw up when they look at my sappy expression too.
It’s never been more glaringly obvious than right now that something is missing. The closeness, the non-sex intimacy that my roommates share with their partners. To miss someone and have them miss me. And there’s a very specific somebody I want that with.
It’s hard to believe that could ever be a reality for me. Shane Michaels isn’t meant for more. No, he’s parties and sex and a good time. Sometimes not even that. Not when people really looked and realized they didn’t like what they saw when they found out who I truly am. Would Jed be different?
“Congrats on the win. Amazing pick in the fourth.” Shelby’s exclamation snaps me back to the present.
Paulie’s grin widens. “I know, wasn’t it?”
“Um. Excuse me. I deserve credit too!” I say with mock affront. “I’m the one who tagged the guy.”
“Only because my placement set you up perfectly,” Paulie argues.
“Maybe… Just maybe, you both were equally responsible for the great play. Given it’s a team sport and all,” East throws out there all logically.
Our chuckles echo around us, and then Maddox breaks the silence. “Hey, Shane. You hanging with East and Paulie tonight?”
“He’s avoiding Stone,” Easton the Ass says.
“We’re giving him relationship advice,” Paulie the Bastard adds.
I hate them. I mouth what the fuck at them, and the fuckers just laugh.
“Ohhh, turn us around!” Shelby’s high-pitched tone bounces around the room.
Paulie flips his phone so now I can see Shelbs and Madz and they can see me. I give them a wiggly finger wave.
“So, this is Stone we’re talking about? I want the gossip,” Shelby says.
I let out a huff. “I’ve realized I sort of maybe kind of foolishly developed some small feeling-things for Stone.
But he cut things off between us because teammates messing around is bad news, and it totally freaked him out that Paulie and East found out.
But these two goons think I should still try to pursue Stone, see if maybe he has feeling-thingys for me too. ”
“I’m Team Pursue-Stone,” Shelby says without hesitation.
I roll my eyes. “There are a million—”
“Answer this,” Maddox cuts me off, his strong, steady voice setting some of the nervous energy in me at ease. “Take out the reasons not to. What do you want, Shane?”
“I think I want…to see if there’s anything there on his end.”
“And if there is?” Maddox prods.
Shit. I guess I’d want a relationship. Shane Michaels wants to try to get himself a boyfriend. “Apparently, I want Jed Stone Junior to be my secret boyfriend.”
Paulie’s snort is drowned out by Shelby’s squeal.
“Well, you know I’m pro secret boyfriend,” Easton says with a smile
Maddy’s features tighten. “Could do without the secret part.”
East’s smile falls. It’s probably for the best that Madz couldn’t see that.
But this is what my reality could look like. I see the strain it puts on Easton and Maddox—the distance, the discretion. It’s heartbreaking to see them reach for each other in public only to pull away at the last second when they remember they can’t.
Not yet. From what I understand, they’re waiting until Easton is out of his rookie deal and has signed a multi-year contract extension.
That way, he has real security—protection from the blowback that coming out could bring.
That’s likely six-plus years away. And that would be me and Jed too.
Plus, if one of us got traded, we’d almost never see each other.
“Stop, Shane.”
My attention flicks back to the phone, and I meet Maddy’s green gaze.
“I shouldn’t have said that. It’s hard. But it’s still one hundred percent worth it.
I’d go through anything to be with East. Now, I do think it’s important for you to decide whether something like this is doable for you.
If it’s a hard no, I’m firmly on Team Leave-Stone-The-Fuck-Alone.
It’s not fair to either of you. But if you think under the right circumstances, if you felt strongly enough about someone, you’d be willing to live this kind of relationship, then test those waters and see what’s possible.
You have no idea if it’ll even get that far.
Maybe you both realize there’s nothing there.
Just focus on now. One day at a time and see where your head’s at. ”
“Yeah, no five-year plans,” Paulie says. “We’re baseball players. We know things can change on the turn of a dime. Live in the now and save the worrying over forever for later.”
He’s right. And if the way Shelby’s dropped her gaze and is biting her lip is any indication, she knows it too. Woof. No matter what, dating in professional sports is fucking hard, isn’t it? And I’m just living in hypothetical land here.
“So, what’s the verdict?” East asks.
“I guess I’m doing this.”
Shelby’s and Maddy’s cheers ring through the phone while Easton and Paulie holler.
“Operation save a surfboard and ride a Surfer Boy in action,” Paulie shouts.
The room erupts in laughter.