Chapter 30 Shane #2
I hand him my slice. All three of us watch him like he’s about to eat insects on a Survivor challenge. He takes a tentative bite and chews slowly. He cocks his head. Swallows.
His eyebrows lift. “That’s surprisingly…really good.”
I punch the air. “Heck yeah! Another one on my side. Don’t hate, appreciate!”
He takes another bite. “The sweet and salty combo is solid.” Steely brown irises meet mine. “I’m finishing this, by the way.”
I just sit there and smile. Totally fine with me.
Because he likes my weird pizza.
Maybe he’ll like weird me, too.
We quickly clean up from dinner. Or I should say, Jed and I do. Paulie and East cut directly to the living room. Easton sprawls across the couch, and Paulie takes over the entire love seat.
“What do you guys want to watch?” Paulie calls over to us.
I glance at Jed. “Any preference?”
“I’m not picky.”
“Let’s do something funny,” I call over.
“Schitt’s Creek it is,” Easton says, reaching for the remote. We’re in the middle of season three right now. That show is the fucking best.
“Wait!” I turn to Jed. “Very serious question. Have you seen this show?”
He shakes his head slowly. “I haven’t. Does that mean I’m banished?”
I grab his wrist and tug him toward the living room. “No. It just means we need to start back over at the beginning. You’re going to love it. It’s hilarious. Moira is my favorite. Actually, no. Alexis. Or David.” Urgh. It’s impossible to choose.
I shove him ahead of me, and he takes the open spot next to East. Which was…the only open spot.
I pause and frown. “East, move your smelly-ass feet.”
“I’m so comfy, though,” he whines. “And they’re not smelly.” He lifts one toward Jed. “Tell him, Stone.”
Jed’s lips twitch. “I don’t smell anything from here, but I’m not getting closer to find out.”
“Well, then, where am I supposed to sit?” I huff. They’re exiling me to the fucking floor?
East and Paulie exchange glances, and I don’t like it.
I don’t like it one bit. East does a weird jerking motion with his head.
Then I’m shoved hard from behind. I full windmill, zero fucking dignity, and topple into Jed’s lap with a screeched curse.
Jed lets out a deep oomph, big hands catching my shoulder and ribs before I end up ass over tits over the side of the couch.
I shift so his face isn’t buried in my chest. “Sorry,” I say weakly.
“There. You found a seat,” Paulie says cheerily. “Let’s start the show.”
Smooth, guys. Really fucking smooth.
Easton presses play on the show and lowers the lights via the app on his phone.
I perch on Jed’s lap awkwardly, rigid as a fucking two by four.
I’m pretty sure I’m blocking Jed’s view.
But what am I supposed to do? Slink down and cuddle?
Is that allowed? In front of East and Paulie?
I don’t think I know what to do if sex isn’t involved.
I have my little freak out for approximately fifteen seconds before Easton pops up. “Oh, shit. I forgot I have to go call someone.”
Paulie jumps to his feet. “I’m so glad you said that. I need to call Shelby. She’ll kill me if I don’t.”
They both hurry for the stairs.
“Those two could really use a crash-course in subtlety,” Jed says as they thunder up the stairs.
I peer over his head at my retreating roommates. “Uh, yeah.” I squeeze the back of my neck. “Sorry about that. You don’t have to stay. I’m sorry if they—this—made you uncomfortable.” I shift to get off him, but Jed’s hands clamp down on my waist.
My gaze shoots down to his. His dark eyes trace my features, his expression unreadable. “Not uncomfortable in the least, Sunshine.” His voice is low but not heated like it usually is when it drops like this. No…it’s hushed. Intimate. “I’m actually the most comfortable I’ve been all night.”
“S-so, I should stay here?”
He nods slowly.
I settle a tentative hand on his chest, a little out of sorts being in someone’s lap for the first time. His large hands drift up and down my sides, over my long sleeve tee, and the tension drains from my body.
He slowly slides a hand up, fingers drifting through my hair.
I like sinking my hands into it.
I shiver.
I can’t look away from those dark brown irises. So dark. A midnight sky. And just as endless. I can’t help but get lost in them. Can’t help but think I’m staring into something bigger than myself, bigger than him. He gently presses on the back of my head, silent encouragement.
I let him pull me down.
Our mouths meet in the barest touch. Fleeting.
But that tiny contact jolts through me, twisting me up inside in the best way.
Our lips linger as we share breaths, hovering but not moving in for more.
Like we both know we’re on the precipice of something and are a little afraid of what will happen if we let go.
This is uncharted territory. At least for me.
But sometimes you need to feel the fear and do it anyway.
I let go.
I lean in that fraction closer, turning it from a ghost of a kiss to something real.
Not just real in the way we trade these feather-light passes back and forth, but real in the way each one sets off sparks in my chest. Real in the way this kiss might be the first one I’ve ever had that finally delivers the meaning a kiss is meant to carry.
Soft.
Slow.
Sweet.
Hands graze but don’t press.
Tongues slide but don’t demand.
My blood heats, but it’s more lazy warmth than searing—like a glass of red wine compared to the burn of whiskey.
I get it now—those moments in movies when two people kiss and the music soars around them.
There’s no music playing, but I hear it.
It’s in the blood drumming in my ears. In the quiet need whispering between us.
My trembling hands slide up his neck, dust over his light stubble.
Jed draws back but doesn’t leave me. His forehead rests against mine, his warm, shaky breaths puffing over my skin.
I squeeze my eyes shut, try to keep myself steady when in reality I’m free-falling.
I don’t understand what I’m feeling right now.
It’s nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s too big.
Bigger than me. Bigger than him.
“That was…different,” I whisper against his lips.
Hands cradle my face, gently pull me back until our gazes lock. “Yeah, Sunshine, it was.”
I swallow hard. “Good different.”
Those dark irises search mine. “Good different.”
I turn toward the TV and slide down. Jed moves with me, making space until I’m nestled in his arms like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“Okay,” I say, my voice still a bit unsteady. “Awesome. Good.”
Jed’s deep chuckle rumbles against my back. “You all right over there?”
I link my hand with his, and when he squeezes, I feel it in my chest, right around that lonely organ beating a shaky pulse. I don’t think I ever realized until this moment…how much I’ve always craved being held.
“Yeah, JJ…I’m really fucking all right.”
We’re both quiet, the only sound the low volume of the TV.
“That’s what my dad used to call me,” Jed finally says into the quiet.
I twist toward him, eyes wide. “Shit. I’m sorry. Should I not call you that? Oh, God. I feel like such an ass. I’ve been tossing that out. I don’t want to overstep—”
He cuts me off with the press of his finger to my lips. “I like that you use it,” he says, voice tight. “It was his. But it feels right that it’s yours now.”
I blink furiously against the burn behind my eyes.
Oh. I nod because there’s no way words are making it past my clogged throat.
I wish I could tell him what an honor it is to be the one to call him that now.
If I can give him anything, even the smallest glimmer of light after what this world took from him, I’ll die a happy man.
My hands slide up to cradle his head, and I press my lips to his in a hard kiss. I hold him there, our mouths unmoving but no less heavy with meaning. I’m not capable of more, even a simple brushing of lips would be too much. I feel like I’m seconds from breaking, and I don’t even understand why.
I don’t know how this happened. I don’t know when it happened.
He pulls away, the both of us panting.
“Jed…?” I say hesitantly.
What does this mean? How do we move forward? But most of all. Does he feel it too?
“Yeah, Sunshine.” His breath hitches. “I feel it too.”
It’s not all the answers I need, but it’s the most important one for right now. I sink back into his arms, and Jed kisses the back of my head.
We stay like that well past midnight, laughing and commenting on the show until we’ve finished the entire first season. We have to be at the stadium pretty early tomorrow morning, but in silent agreement, we both decide we don’t care about the lack of sleep.
And once the final credits roll, I take Jed’s hand and wordlessly lead him to my room, where we settle in for the night.
Jed’s steady warmth at my back.
His lips ghosting over my shoulder.
Our fingers laced together.
Hearts falling into a steady rhythm as we drift off to sleep.