Chapter 34 Jed #2
I turn around to toss the items on the bed—and there’s Shane’s ass, dead-center on his bed, high in the air, and the tease is shaking it at me. Which would be all well and good, but my arm falters during my toss, and the lube hits him square in the right asscheek.
He jumps and slaps a hand over the spot. “Shit! Ouch.”
I scramble onto the bed. “Fuck. Sorry, Shane.” I bat his hand out of the way and kiss the red mark. “Are you okay? You can’t wave this thing around like that. It’s too distracting.”
“Yeah, remind me to keep my ass out of view on the field. Who knows what kind of harm your throws will cause.”
I kiss up to his lower back. “Your ass does look damn fine in those tight baseball pants. What’d you do, buy a pair one size too small just to torture me?”
“It wasn’t for your benefit, but maybe something like that.”
I frown, then lift off him and give his right cheek a playful smack. He jerks and his head whips around, our gazes clashing.
I lift a brow. “Wrong answer.”
His lips hook up in a half-smile. “Obviously, it was only for you.” He wiggles his ass. “It’s not like I’m an attention whore who wants everyone admiring me or anything.”
I chuckle, but it’s forced in order to cover the way my heart squeezes in my chest. Because despite the light-hearted tone, I know he means the words.
This man, who lights up my entire world, thinks he’s inadequate.
Thinks the only way the world will want him is if he’s all smiles and fun times.
I despise his father. I despise the fact that the bastard broke this remarkable person in front of me so severely that he can’t see himself for what he truly is: unmatched.
I’m not sure there’s anything I could do to prove it to him either. It’s not something I can fix for him. It’s something that can only come from him. But I can be a temporary balm. Treat the symptoms, but not the wound itself. It’s the best I can offer.
I reach around him and wrap my fingers around his hard cock. “The world’s a fortunate place, that it gets to lay its eyes on you.”
His forehead drops to the mattress, and he shudders.
“You’re a gift,” I whisper between pressing kisses to his back as I stroke him. I trail my tongue up his spine. “Life is brighter for having you in it.”
I grab the lube and stand on my knees behind him.
He bends even more, his pert ass high and exposed to me, back curved in the prettiest arch.
I uncap the lube and drizzle some over his crease.
I know how much he loves this part. The moment lube drips down his ass, his body is aching to be breached.
I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who has embraced his sexual discovery with more enthusiasm.
It’s so fucking Shane. He lives so loud.
Everything he does, he gives 110%. It’s admirable. Enviable.
I slick the lube over him and easily sink one finger inside. We’ve done this enough times that his body knows what to expect, how to react. He’s such a quick study. Adaptable. Just like on the field. Before long, I’m two fingers deep in him.
“More,” he moans. “Don’t go easy on me, JJ. We both know what you’re packing.”
I slip in a third, and he stills. I wait. Let him breathe it out. As soon as his hole relaxes, I drizzle more lube and start working in a clockwork motion. He tries to press back against me, but I halt him with a palm to his back.
“Hold on, Sunshine. Let me stretch you a bit more before you start moving.”
He looks at me from under his arm, a question glinting back at me in those blue irises.
“It’s going to burn a bit, but it shouldn’t be painful.” I press down slowly until his eyes widen slightly. Then I freeze and wait a few seconds. Then go back to my fingers thrusting in and out of him, gently skimming over his prostate. “You see what I mean?”
His head bobs in a nod. “Yeah, it’s like stretching out a knotted muscle. Burns like fire, but then once it’s loosened, it’s bliss.”
“Exactly. Just breathe and open up for me, baby.”
He breathes slow and steady, his body melting with each breath. I alternate between the stretch and skimming his prostate until he’s loose around my three fingers. God, he’s gaping. As ready as he’ll ever be for me.
I sink back in until my fingers drift over his prostate, then I freeze.
I want him so mindless with bliss that he swallows my dick.
I slide over that pleasure-spot, massaging mercilessly.
He jerks and shakes, choked cries bursting from him.
He rocks back against me, demanding more, trying to bury my fingers inside him. A tortured moan vibrates through him.
“Yes, baby. That’s it.”
“Jed.”
His pleading whimper sinks into my skin. Heats my blood. Coils into my core.
“Need.” He's past coherent at this point. It’s now or never.
I roll the condom on and slick an excessive amount of lube on my dick. I line myself up with his stretched hole. My fingers stroke his back softly as I try to transfer some reassurance to him through my touch. Then I tighten my fingers on his hips and press lightly.
“Breathe for me. Bear down on me, Sunshine.”
A tremor runs through his body, and I can visibly see his body relax further. I make it past the tight ring of muscles and pause. I massage his lower back and subtly rock my hips. I slide a little further. His forced breaths echo through the room. Each one measured, intentional.
“You’re doing so good, baby. Keep breathing just like that.”
God, he’s so tight, so warm. His ass keeps clenching on me as it tries to squeeze me out of him, tries to rid itself of the invasion. I manage to get a little deeper, but his muscles are like stone beneath my hand. He’s still breathing, but he won’t relax.
“You’ve gotta relax, baby,” I whisper hoarsely.
“I’m trying,” he grits out. “How much more?”
I glance down and grimace. “More than half.”
He smacks his head against the mattress and lets out a distraught whimper. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Should we stop?” I go to slide back out, but he reaches behind himself and finds my hip, stalling me.
“No. Keep going. I’m just getting used to having a fucking baseball bat up my ass. Not exactly an everyday occurrence for me.”
I squeeze more lube down his crease and then slowly slide back in. I manage to get in a little further than before, but his body isn’t any less taut.
“Shane, we don’t have to do this. Don’t force it. If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing.”
My erection is waning as concern outweighs pleasure. It’s not something talked about as much, but one of the reasons I tend to prefer not doing anal is because of the pressure that comes with it. I hate sex when my partner isn’t having a good time.
Being as big as I am, not every guy can handle me.
And not everyone is good at communicating what they’re feeling.
There have been times I’ve realized the guy was just ‘toughing it out’.
Absolutely fucking not. I felt like the worst kind of person.
That’s no way to have sex. It’s a joint act; both people’s pleasure are equally important.
Now at the smallest sign of discomfort, I start to lose it.
“No,” he begs. “We’re going to make it work. Please keep trying. I’ll relax. I promise.”
I spread myself over his back, resting my forehead on his shoulder. There was so much desperation in his words, so much longing. He wants it so bad. But this isn’t something you can force. I promise. God, he’s killing me. It’s not him. Sometimes these things just don’t work.
“Talk to me about what you’re feeling,” I whisper into his skin. “Pain? Do you dislike the fullness?”
“I…” He trails off, and I give him the time to work through it. It’s all brand new, even with someone average-sized, it’s a huge adjustment. “It’s overwhelming. I feel like I’m maxed out. My body’s saying no-fucking-way, but my mind is like yesss, so full.”
“Okay. That’s helpful.” I pepper kisses over his shoulder and nuzzle into his neck. He relaxes the slightest amount. “I have an idea. Are you okay with how I am right now?”
He’s silent for a moment. “Yes.”
“All right. How about this: I won’t move. I’ll just jack you. You get the fullness, but don’t have to worry about anything more.”
“Is that going to be okay for you?”
I trail my tongue over his trap and bite down gently. He shivers. “I’m not going to lie. Right now, I’m losing it. But all I need is for you to be enjoying yourself, and I’ll get it back.” I kiss just below his ear. “All I want is for you to feel good, baby.”
A hum vibrates through him, and his body eases.
It chases away some of my anxiety. I push off him, quickly get some lube, and then I’m back on top of him, my hand wrapped around his flagging cock.
I stroke him, light and loose at first, focusing more on the open-mouthed kisses I’m pressing over every inch of him I can reach, on the words I’m whispering into his skin, ones I’m hoping will sink deep down, permeating into the man beneath me until they become a part of him.
“You amaze me, Shane.”
I skim my lips over his shoulders.
“The way you charge through life, take every challenge head-on and crush it to the bleachers. You’re unstoppable.”
Trail my mouth up his neck.
“I can’t wait to see the places you go. You were born to shine. A light like yours can’t be hidden, can’t be stifled.”
I rest my forehead against him. “You can’t even begin to understand how fortunate I feel that you’ve allowed some of your brilliance to shine on me. That you’ve chosen to share this with me.”
I stroke him in rhythm with the frantic beat of my heart.
“I understand it for what it is, for what you are.” My hoarse whisper ricochets over his skin, the emotion doubling back and hitting me square in the chest. “You’re a rarity.
A wonder. Every small piece that makes up who you are, from that cocky-ass attitude, to that cheeky smile, to those dancing blue irises, to the way you run that smart mouth of yours… ”
Emotion wells in my throat, burns behind my eyes. I fight it back the best I can.
“There’s no one else like you. No one even comes close.”
No one will ever compare to you.
My heart stutters. I’m so far gone for this man. And that thought is terrifying. Because if I’ve learned one thing in life, it’s that I don’t get to keep the people I love.
I squeeze my eyes shut. And I pray.
Please let me keep him.