Chapter 42
FORTY-TWO
SHANE
Want to know something terrifying?
Watching the man you know to be an absolute rock fall apart before your eyes.
I clutch Jed to me, his head buried in my chest. My fingers tighten on his scalp, but no matter how hard I hold him to me, I can’t slow the violent tremors tearing through him.
The most agonizing, destroyed sounds rip from him.
Each one sends a shiver down my skin. Haunting.
The sound of a loss so deep, you’ll never heal.
I press my lips to his hair, tears streaming down my face.
I can’t fathom what he’s going through right now.
My heart is breaking, and that’s purely from even imagining what it would be like to lose someone that essential in your life.
And to face that lifelong dream, walk out on the field, the spot next to you empty?
“I’m so sorry, baby,” I choke out on a broken whisper.
The words are pathetic when it comes to a response. But I don’t know what else to say. I’ll love you through this. I can’t say that. Not right now. After everything we’ve been through the past few days, I don’t deserve to give him those words. But I want to earn my way back to that.
Because I do.
I love him.
Any doubt I had about being able to support him, shoulder the weight of whatever comes at him, at us, when he can’t—is gone. The moment I saw his face tonight, I knew.
I can.
I will.
He’s never going to be alone again. I refuse to allow that.
I don’t know how I’ll make that happen, not now that he’s leaving.
A motion catches my attention, and I glance at my doorway.
Paulie, East, and Maddy hover there, sentinels.
Easton rests back against Maddy, tear tracks marking his cheeks.
Maddy’s chin rests on his shoulder, arms squeezed tight around Easton’s stomach.
Paulie leans against the doorframe, uncertainty wavering in his glossy eyes.
I wave them over with a shaky hand.
They inch toward the side of my bed, and one by one they drop into a crouch and huddle in close. Maddy’s hand drops to Jed’s back. Easton rests his forehead against Jed’s shoulder. And one of Paulie’s hands finds mine on the back of Jed’s head.
Jed convulses, another keening moan of agony piercing the room.
The guys huddle closer. And we do our best to hold our friend together while life tries its damnedest to tear him apart.