42. RHETT
42
RHETT
Sitting on Apollo, I watch the sky shift from pink to purple to black, my mood darkening with each minute that passes.
Exhaustion pulls at my eyes, but I can’t stop wrestling with the very real possibility that I’m going to default on Harlan’s loan.
If that happens, he’ll take our trucks, horses, and equipment.
Which means there’ll be no way to run our ranch, and I’ll be forced to sell it.
Could I sell some land and use that to stay afloat? Is there time to do that before I have to repay Harlan next week?
Even if I could unload a parcel of land, I’m not sure I’d find a buyer and get the sale done in a matter of days.
The bottom line is that we need every acre we have to support our cattle. Our whole operation is a careful symbiosis. Slicing up our property means we’d have to downsize the number of cattle too. With fewer animals, if the price of steer dips any more, we won’t make enough to cover our expenses.
The moon creeps out briefly from behind the clouds, and I can make out the hills that stretch past the horizon. I know every sinkhole, gully, and outcropping for miles. This is my family heritage. Our legacy. My legacy.
And I’m going to lose it.
I’m the dumbfuck who let it happen. Sure, my father’s second mortgage didn’t help, but I compounded the problem with Harlan’s bridge loan.
Shame and humiliation crawl over me like fire ants.
I’ve never been much of a drinker. Watching my father become an alcoholic made me steer clear of booze, but I admit I need a drink tonight.
Pulling on the reins, I turn Apollo and head back to the house. With each stride of my horse, my heart sinks. Paige and I have some shit to work through, but the memory of her smiling when she got that job offer makes something in my chest ache.
Without the ranch, what kind of life can I give her? What kind of future can we build? I won’t even have a fucking truck after next week, and it won’t be long before we lose the roof over our heads. If I have to put down my whole herd…
I just can’t fathom that.
Never in the history of this ranch have we experienced anything this catastrophic.
Tilting up my head, I search for stars as though they might offer me a glimmer of hope, but the clouds hang thick above me like a bad omen.
Maybe the writing is on the wall. My ship is going down.
But Paige can still live her dream. If she takes that job, she can go do what she set out to accomplish when she agreed to marry me. She’s recovered from her injury, she’s saved some money, and now she can take that life raft. She’ll eventually settle down and marry someone who can give her the family she wants, the family she deserves.
I suck in a breath. Goddamn, I don’t know when that woman burrowed in deep, but I’m afraid I’m never gonna get over her.
I’m sorry, Danny. I fucked everything up. But I’m gonna make this right. I’m gonna do right by your sister.
I had no business messing with Paige’s life.
I won’t ruin it.
I love her enough to let her go.