Chapter 19 #2
They’d had a whole dinner, at least two whole hours, without talking about lawyers or Ackerman.
They had talked about football, but not the Thunder.
Instead, they’d ended up sharing stories from their past, of all the teams they’d been on.
Funny anecdotes and rough moments, and everything in between.
He and Dawson had been on a lot of date-like dates, but this had all those beat by a factor of ten.
It was so good, and Dawson so clearly comfortable with all of it, his hand reaching for Cam’s across the table and squeezing it and their feet nudging together, that Cam was tempted more than once to just say it.
To put it out there, between them. This was a date.
Did you have a good time? Because I had a good time.
We should do this again. Should also get takeout and watch stupid movies with big explosions and car chases and make out on the couch. And everything in between, too.
But before Cam could work up the nerve, Dawson leaned back in his chair and said it, like it was nothing.
But Cam had learned so many of Dawson’s tells by now, and he could see the tenseness in the line of his neck, the flash of uncertainty in his hazel eyes as he said, “We should do more dates like this.”
He was so surprised he almost said, “Was this a date?”
But of course it was. He’d meant it to be, even if neither of them called it exactly what it was.
Instead he kept it simple. “Yeah,” he agreed, meeting Dawson’s gaze without an ounce of shame that he’d done this and meant it.
Dawson laughed ruefully. “I’ve been really stupid, haven’t I?”
“No,” Cam argued immediately, shaking his head.
“You were . . .well . . .” He wanted to say Dawson had been fucked up, because that had been evident to everyone—Cam more than anyone.
But there was still a tiny part of him that didn’t want to bring it up, to call it what it so obviously was, because once the words were out there, they couldn’t be taken back.
“I was fucked up. You can say it.” Dawson’s voice was wry. “And we’ve been doing this for a while. I can see it now. Weird that a few candles made me realize it.”
“The candles?” Cam asked stupidly.
Dawson laughed. He was still easy, the last of his anxiousness fading away completely.
“I was sitting here, thinking, he’s so pretty in candlelight.
Wondered, then, when the last time I had dinner over candlelight was, and it struck me, it was with Brynn.
Before things got shitty between us. That’s what this is, isn’t it? ”
There were two paths Cam could take. He could play it safe, and say, yeah, sure it is but it’s okay, I don’t mind either way.
Or he could do what he really wanted, deep in his heart, in the place where he knew he was in love with Dawson, and he could say instead, yeah, I know, and it’s been okay, but I want things to be different now. Because they’re different for me.
It was too early for Cam to admit his feelings, but he could take the second road without confessing everything.
“Yeah,” Cam said. “And it’s been okay. But I want things to be different now. They’re different for me, now, than they were when we started this.” He didn’t know if that was entirely, strictly true, because the emotion inside of him didn’t feel new, but this was good enough for now.
“For me too, and I’m sorry it took me a long time.” Dawson sighed and reached for Cam’s hand, squeezing it, but this time he didn’t let it go. “I want to keep doing this, and I don’t want to share you with anyone else.”
“Ditto,” Cam agreed. Then decided what the hell, he’d lay his heart mostly bare. “There hasn’t been anyone else. Not for me.”
Dawson grinned. “How could there be, when I was taking up all your time, rook?”
“And I was giving it to you,” Cam retorted fondly.
“Yeah, you were,” Dawson said. He stretched and stood, and this time he reached for Cam’s hand again. “Come on, let’s go walk around, work off some of this dinner and the wine.”
They wandered around the Distillery district for awhile. Grabbed hot chocolate from one of the vendors as they walked around under the white stringed lights hanging between the old-fashioned brick buildings that had all been repurposed from warehouses and factories into shops and restaurants.
Dawson’s hand was warm in his, and he didn’t seem to hesitate even when a few people recognized them—two of them even asking for autographs and selfies.
“I guess we’re just . . .doing this?” Cam asked when the last guy had wandered away after his photo with both of them.
“I’m okay with it, if you are,” Dawson said, glancing over at him. “I really am sorry I was so . . .so stupid, I guess. I was worried I wouldn’t be good for you. I still worry about that—”
“You shouldn’t,” Cam insisted seriously. But he’d had a feeling it was something like that.
“I kind of should,” Dawson retorted dryly.
“I fucked up my last relationship. I wasn’t really present.
Yeah, she cheated on me, but when I think of how it was, before that happened, it wasn’t anything to write home about.
” He glanced away, like the pain was resurfacing again and he didn’t want Cam to see it, but Cam wanted to see every bit of it, every bit of Dawson that he could get.
He reached over and, gently holding his chin, tugged Dawson’s gaze back to him.
“Neither of us is perfect,” Cam reminded him. “I’ve never been in a relationship before. I might be terrible at it, too. But I think as long as we both want to be good for each other, that’s what really matters.”
Dawson nodded. “And I trust you—I couldn’t do this if I didn’t—but every time I think of how my marriage imploded, and that happening again . . .”
“I wouldn’t ever do that to you,” Cam promised.
“Well, of course you don’t think you would. But I can be difficult. Bitchy.”
Cam tossed his empty hot chocolate cup and turned to look at Dawson. “You think you being a little grumpy is gonna turn me off? Scare me off? Make me leave you?”
“No, but I . . .I can’t go through that again. I’ve been terrified of opening myself up to it again but then Alex said something the other night. The fact that I want so badly to do right by you, that means something.”
“I think so,” Cam said. He leaned in and brushed a kiss over Dawson’s mouth. His lips were chilly and perfect. “It’s plenty good enough for me.”
“Nothing’s too good for you,” Dawson said softly, and Cam knew then, without a shadow of doubt, they were on the same page.
Dawson loved him too, but he was still dealing with the remnants of fear and doubt.
Cameron had been patient up til this point, and with everything he wanted so close to being in his grasp, he wasn’t about to give up now.
“Why don’t we go home and you prove it to me?” Cam leaned in and kissed him again, deeper this time. He was allowed. They’d just taken two fan pictures while they were clearly out together, holding hands, and neither of those guys had seemed like they gave a shit.
“I like the sound of that,” Dawson agreed.
Dawson had really believed that when the moment came—the moment—he’d let the fear or the doubt hold him back.
But in the end, it had been so easy. He’d looked at one option, and seen Cam slipping away from him, and the other option meant, just like Alex said, making good choices for himself and for Cam, and it hadn’t taken any real effort to admit what he’d known, deep down, was true for some time.
He had feelings.
They were dating.
Cam was the guy for him.
He’d meant it—he’d taken one look at Cam in the candlelight and realized he wanted to see him like this all the time, smile bright and eyes shining, happy because Dawson had made him this happy—and there hadn’t even been a question in his mind.
“God, want you all the time,” Dawson said, crowding Cam into the back of the elevator, kissing him fiercely, their hips aligning. “Want to get you so good, rook.”
Cam groaned into his mouth, tilting his head so he could kiss Dawson even deeper.
The elevator doors dinged open, and they staggered onto Cam’s floor, Dawson’s hands tucked into the back pockets of Cam’s jeans, cupping him possessively.
“Yeah?” Cam asked breathlessly. “What do you want?”
Dawson just laughed, still a little shocked—in the best possible way—that he could have this. That he could take it with both hands and hold it and keep it.
“You,” he murmured, leaning into Cam’s back, mouthing at his neck as he tried to get his keycard swiped.
He finally got the door open, something Dawson was absolutely going to make fun of him for, maybe between rounds one and two, and they stumbled into the dark entryway.
It was funny, because Dawson had been tired before, worn down between the season and this week’s hard practices and all the bullshit with untangling his legal responsibilities with Simon. Alex had been a big help, additionally proving just how loyal he was to Dawson, but it had still been a lot.
But now he didn’t feel tired at all, excitement and arousal buzzing under his skin.
It had been too long since he’d gotten his mouth on Cam.
Too long since he’d had the energy to do more than perfunctorily get each other off, in long lazy showers or in the mornings before they had to drive into the practice facility.
He wanted to spread Cam out and get him naked and take his time. Kiss him everywhere. Make him squirm. Make him beg.
But to do that, he needed to get Cam to the bedroom first, and Cam kept laughing and twisting out of his grasp.
“Goddamn it, stay, and just let me,” Dawson begged, sounding a shade of desperate himself.
“You gonna make me?” Cam teased, looking down at him with a look that sent Dawson to his knees. Metaphorically, right now, and possibly literally in a minute.
“God yes,” Dawson said emphatically.