Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
The night sounds outside the farmhouse are peaceful. They’re familiar now. After spending a couple of nights outside Marianna’s house keeping an eye on her, I am starting to recognize the frogs and insects.
Definitely different than those back in Alabama.
But the sounds inside her house are what’s made my chest feel like it’s going to rupture.
A long strand of silky hair slips between my fingers as I listen to the slow rhythm of her breathing.
The world has ceased to exist.
But I have to fight hard to keep my mind from wandering.
What-ifs. All the problems the road ahead could hold.
I learned well in my time in the Teams, keeping your focus on here and now can save your life.
And my life has never been more precarious than it is right now.
This woman might be the thing that delivers the final blow.
Vulnerability fucking sucks.
I swallow roughly.
That demon was supposed to have died a long time ago. How wrong I was.
Marianna stirs, nuzzling closer to me. I wrap my arm across her back, pulling the blanket up around her shoulder. Craving to hold her so tight that she becomes a part of me.
“Mmm. Evan?”
That soft voice in the darkness makes my heart thump wildly. So hard she probably feels it through my bones. “I’m right here.”
“Can you sleep?”
“I’m fine. I’m happy lying here with you.”
The blanket rustles as she shifts. “What woke you?”
I trace my fingers along her jaw, past her ear, and through her long hair. Taking my time to notice the way the fine pieces snag on my callouses. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I ever went to sleep. I’ve got a lot of energy in my body right now.”
“Energy, hmmm?”
I hear a smile in her tone, but it quickly turns husky. “Can you make love to me again?”
A rush of heat throbs in my veins.
I roll her over pulling her back against me, not able to say a fucking word.
Make love.
I’m rock hard a few heartbeats later. I was already more than halfway there. Just laying next to her does crazy things to me even after getting off twice.
She murmurs a soft sound as I use my hand to guide myself between her curves to that hot heaven. We both groan when I push inside.
“I’ll never turn down the opportunity to feel you come undone around me.”
She melts against me as I hold on, fighting the wave of dizziness from inhaling her scent.
It’s crazy. I know.
Love doesn’t happen like this.
Fuck. Love isn’t even in my vocabulary.
But there’s something dangerous happening behind my ribcage, and no training in the world has prepared me for this.
The only sounds this time are her tender moans, and my throaty murmurs as I wrap my arms around her and take us both to the edge of something we might not come back from.
Sometime later, we’re salty, damp, and sated.
There’s a laugh in her tone as she stretches backward, hooking her arm around my neck. “Okay. I’m not going to be able to move tomorrow.”
“Good thing I can cook and bring you breakfast in bed.”
“Man of many talents, aren’t I the lucky girl?”
My hand trails down over her hip, across her stomach, touching the sweet curve that dips down to her pussy. She whimpers softly when I trace a finger through my release and spread the creamy liquid across her inner thigh.
“I love you wearing my mark.”
The change in her breathing is instant along with the tensing of her legs against mine.
“Evan. I need to tell you something.”
A god-awful silence stretches on, thickening the air.
I find her ear in the darkness and brush a kiss over the edge. “I’ve got you. Tell me anything.”
It takes time before she speaks. When she does, her voice is soft and full of pain. “Did you wonder why I didn’t mention being on birth control?”
I’m quiet for a beat, and the darkness seems to pulse around us.
I exhale and when I speak my voice is rough with my own emotion. Not pain, guilt. “I need to tell you something, too. I didn’t ask because I didn’t care. If we get pregnant, I’d be happy.”
Her breathing hitches in the darkness. She pulls away, sits up, and quickly scoots to the edge of the bed.
I’ve got long legs, so she doesn’t make it far. Looping my arm around her waist, I stop her. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“Evan, I need a minute.” Long strands of hair dance over my arm as she shakes her head.
“You’re right. We need a minute together.”
She grumbles but softens in my arms as I sweep her up and carry her to the bathroom.
The tile floor is cool. A gentle breeze stirs the curtain. Using only the natural light coming in through the open window, I turn on the shower.
When the water’s warm, I step in, hauling her with me.
It takes a while before she talks. I’ve already washed her hair and massaged sweet-smelling conditioner through the long strands.
When I wrap my arms around her, a broken sigh shakes her shoulders.
“I can’t get pregnant.”
“Okay.”
She pulls out of my arms and turns to face me. “Okay? That’s all you have to say.”
“Yeah.”
Her bottom lip pinches between her teeth. It’s not so dark in the shower that I can’t see the sheen on her lashes. And it’s not the water from the spigot.
“I don’t care that you won’t carry a child,” I say hoarsely and kiss her temple, wrapping my arm around her low back.
“Just like that? How can you not care?”
“I want you, Marianna. Just like you are.”
“Do you want to know why I can’t?”
“Only if you want to tell me.”
Her chin quivers. “They found a small area of cancer in my uterus when I was in college.”
This rocks me. Cancer. Fuck. How scared she must have been. “Thank god your doctors found that and took care of it.”
She looks at the floor of the shower. “I don’t know why I even brought it up. You’re not even sticking around. So, I guess it doesn’t matter.”
What?
“Fuck, hold on now.” I drag her to me, melding our slick skin together. “Are you asking me to leave?”
She frowns quickly and cants her face up toward mine. “No.”
I wrap her face with my hands as water pours over us. “I’m not the kind of man that runs when things get complicated. So, I’m in this with you. If we want to make it work, we will.”
She searches my face, and the pain in her expression physically hurts me. “Evan, you live in another country.”
“I live where I want. We can overcome any obstacle. Money. Time. Distance. None of it matters.”
She blows out a breath, “But how is?—”
The words halt as she stiffens, quickly clutching at my shoulders. Her voice drops to a low whisper in the darkness. “Did you hear that?”
I’m already moving. I plant a hard, fast kiss on her lips. “I heard it. Step out of the shower carefully. Leave the water on. Lock the door. Sit on the floor in that back corner. Don’t come out until I come back for you.”
Marianna’s a deer in headlights.
“Understand?”
Nodding wildly, she licks her parted lips.
I hate to leave her. But my job is to keep her safe.
Snagging a towel off of the hook, I wrap it around my waist, cursing the fact that my gun is all the way across the bedroom on the dresser.