Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
“You sure you don’t want to hitch a ride back with the team tonight?” Asher asked.
Jessica wrapped a hand around the nape of her neck, observing the pilot do final checks of the plane inside the hangar.
“I think I’m going to take a few days off. I have a couple of friends I’d like to visit in D.C.” She found Asher’s eyes.
“Taking time off, huh? You turning a new leaf?” He tucked his thumbs into the front pockets of his worn-out jeans.
“Yeah, well, I need to clear my head, and I’m not ready to go back to New York.”
“I was thinking about not going back, too.” He was quiet for a moment. “You get a chance to talk to Rutherford before he rushed us away from Langley?”
“Yeah. He didn’t exactly say thank you, but . . .” She rubbed her neck, an achiness radiating down her spine. “Samir and his mom will be handed over to the Germans for a trial, and the men from Detroit will finally end up behind bars where they belonged a long time ago.”
“What happens to our team?”
“Two weeks of mandatory vacation.”
“I don’t think the boys will complain this time, especially since Luke wanted two months.”
She smiled.
“I could sure as hell use the time off.”
“Me too.” She bit into her lip. “Today could’ve gone much differently. Thank you for the assist back there. I’m glad you’re okay.”
“You, too, Peaches.”
A tightness stretched inside her chest at his choice of words. “I missed this.” She took a sobering breath. “Not the possibly dying part, but . . . you know, you being you. And me being—”
“A hero.”
Her eyes drifted to the floor. “I wouldn’t call it that.”
“Well, I would.” He closed the space between them and lifted his hand to her shoulder. “You did something I couldn’t have done. Something I probably wouldn’t have done.”
She swallowed and met his eyes. “What’s that?”
“Forgive Samir.”
Her brows drew inward, her throat squeezing.
“You pulled off a miracle today and without a single drop of blood shed.” He quietly observed her, and she couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. A slight touch of darkness traveled across his face. Guilt, maybe.
She lowered her arms to her sides, and he dropped his hand from her shoulder at her movement.
She had to get the words out. To tell him how she really felt. After the day they had, he needed to know.
“I miss us.”
“Us?” His lids lowered halfway. “You miss the way things used to be, you mean?” His voice dropped a couple dozen octaves.
“I miss being comfortable working together.” She gave a half-hearted shrug.
“I miss being Peaches.” Her fingertips lightly bit into the outside of her thigh, her nerves trekking into her throat, an attempt to kill her words like usual, but she didn’t want to let them this time. “What I’m trying to say is—”
“Jessica, you have a minute?”
Luke . . . He was standing a few feet away with his hands in his pockets.
When she looked back at Asher, his eyes locked with hers. There was so much going on in his head, wasn’t there? And part of her worried it was something she wouldn’t want to hear.
Concern coated her insides in thick and heavy strokes, so much so her body nearly sagged from the discomfort.
Asher turned and observed Luke before walking past him and toward where the guys were crowded just outside the hangar, open to the runway outside.
“You okay?” Luke stood before her now.
She smoothed a hand over her jaw, trying to dismiss her nerves. “Yeah, I think so.”
“You were brave back there.” He dragged a palm down his face, and his eyes widened a little. “I shouldn’t have second-guessed you. I’m sorry.” He blew out a breath. “It’s going to be hard letting go, though.”
She leaned forward and placed her hand over his forearm. “I don’t want you to stop protecting me, but I don’t want you doubting my decisions, whether they’re in the field or my personal life.”
“Well, if you make a shit call in the field, you’d better believe I’ll call you on it,” he said in all honesty.
“Listen.” He cleared his throat. “Mom and Dad were never good at affection. They never said the right things to us. And I know I haven’t been the best example, but I want to be better.
I want to be here for you if you’ll let me. ”
Liquid threatened to fill her eyes at his words, at feelings she’d kept locked tight inside for years. “Mom and Dad weren’t the best role models. That’s true, but they aren’t to blame for me becoming so screwed up.”
“You’re not screwed up.” His broad shoulders fell forward a touch. “You’re tough, but—”
She held up her palm. “It’s more than that.
I thought I had to separate my emotions so I could make the right calls.
But when Marcus died, I really buried myself behind some pretty heavy-duty walls.
” She stole a breath. “I thought it was to protect the team, but the more I think about it, it was to protect myself from getting hurt.”
He blinked a few times as if fighting his feelings. God, they were so similar. But he had managed to change for the better in the last year, and so maybe she could, too.
“If Berlin, or today, taught me anything, it’s that I don’t want to be that person anymore.” I want to be loved. To love.
Her mind skipped to Asher, to the man she’s wanted for years.
“You can be whoever you want to be, Jessica.” He braced her shoulders. “I believe in you.”
A tear glided down her cheek, and her stomach muscles tightened. “And, Luke?”
“Yeah?”
She focused on his eyes. “I love you, too.”