14. Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Mira and I agree to meet at her place to avoid having the fight in public. Instead, she won’t be able to escape this conversation once things get heated. I just hope it doesn’t get to that point.
She answers the door on the first knock and ushers me into her living room. Having only been here a handful of times over the last few months, I don’t recall ever really looking around. I try to keep my eyes focused on her, but the beautiful pink and gold walls keep calling to me.
“Have I ever said how nice your place is? Because it’s gorgeous.” I sit on the couch across from the armchair she sinks into, hoping to start this conversation off on a good foot.
She offers me a smile, but when she speaks, it quickly goes downhill from there.
“I want to start by saying that I put my neck out for you. I got you this job when you had no experience to back it up.”
I sit back in the seat. Is this the start of an apology or an excuse?
“Okay?” I elongate the a , my mouth caught on it.
“The way you left was completely messed up. I know you have your problems with me, but I also have every right to be pissed off.”
“So you want to start the conversation by talking about how I left the department?”
She nods and I sigh, not at all surprised that she is trying to take the focus off what she did.
“Fine, then we’ll start there. I’m very aware that you did me a favor, and I took this job very seriously because of that. I tried to be the best at every assignment you gave me, because I knew it was a reflection on you.” Despite the fact that she was doing her best to make it seem like I wasn’t.
“You didn’t take it seriously, though, or you wouldn’t have left the way you did. You really put us in a lurch, Farrah.”
“I didn’t think about it like that when I took the job. I’m sorry.”
She clenches her fist and twists her mouth, making her feelings about my apology clear.
“I’m really sorry.” I fight the urge to cross the room and grab her hand. Instead, I put mine together in a pleading motion. She shakes her head again, her mouth twisting into a scowl.
“I don’t know why I’m surprised. I should have expected this.”
“What does that mean?” I fight to keep my composure, reminding myself that this is supposed to be a conversation, not a screaming match. But she doesn’t let up.
“You have always only thought about yourself. Even when we were in Paris, you always put your projects above the whole collection, needing to show off.”
My hands curl around each other, clasping onto my last bit of patience. I have taken ownership of my role in our beef, and she has the nerve to attack my character? I can understand her being upset, but taking it back to when we first met is next level.
“You know what, I’m really trying to make amends here, but this seems deeper than just me taking the acting job. After all, you blamed me before I even did that, so what is your problem with me?” I can’t help the slight rise in my voice as my emotions break past my calm demeanor.
She looks just as riled up, her neck starting to turn red.
“Let’s not go there,” she says in a clipped tone.
“Clearly, you have an issue beyond me leaving the job, so say it. Say what is really bothering you.”
Her lips pinch together like she’s fighting to keep the words in. But it’s clear they are ready to come out. They seem to have been festering in her long before I started working here.
“Say it Mira. What is your problem with me?”
She explodes, the words spewing out of her mouth like lava burning away all of our civility.
“My problem with you, Farrah, is that you think you’re the main character in everyone’s story! Not everything is about you. You aren’t special. I’m sick of people treating you like you are.” She stands and points a finger at me. Getting closer and closer with each word she speaks. A piece of hair tumbles into her face from the force of her anger.
“When you called me and asked for my help, I thought, finally, I get to be the star. I get to help her find a job and show her that I’m good, too. That’s why I got you this job. I wanted to be able to be the one in charge for once. But like always, you show me up by somehow getting a role in the movie. It’s just not fair.”
I go to speak, but she holds a hand up.
“Everything I have ever wanted, you get. You got Bruno when we took that trip to Cannes. You got the lead intern role at the design house. And now, once again, you get to one-up me on my set. How am I supposed to be your friend when you are constantly putting me down?”
Breath leaves my lungs as her words act like a noose around my neck. She condemns me with each accusation that speaks like a crime I’ve committed against her. Ready to hang me for my perceived sins in her eyes, she looks merciless.
“Is this why you blamed me for everything? Because you think I’ve been going out of my way to make you look bad?” My mind races with this revelation as I start to think back on every interaction we’ve ever had. Yes, she has always said underhanded things, but I always thought it was more out of naivety than malice. To hear that she thinks I’m constantly trying to ruin her life by just succeeding shines a new light on everything.
She may have made her mistakes, but she is also the girl who fought a grown man for grabbing under my skirt at a bar. She taught me French so I could do better at our job, and held my hair back every time I drank too much. We’ve stayed up many nights together, sharing our dreams and wishes, curled under a blanket. To think that each moment this resentment grew and festered until we reached this point is what’s really throwing me.
“You should leave.” She goes to step around me, and I grab her arm.
“Mira?” I don’t want this to be the end of the conversation.
“Let go of me.”
I drop her arm and step back.
“I have never intentionally tried to hurt you. You could have just told me you felt like you’re living in my shadow instead of doing all this.” I wave my hands around like I can show her everything that has transpired these last few months.
“And what would you have said? You would have told me I’m delusional and that you haven’t ever been an attention hog. You wouldn’t have owned up to pushing me to the side so that you can be the best. Every chance you get, you take something from me.”
“No I don’t!” I yell, my voice rising with my frustration.
“Yes you do! And if I hadn’t told Errol those things were your fault, you would have taken this job from me too.”
At a loss for words, I can no longer see the way forward. My disbelief blinds me as she shines her resentment in my face.
“You don’t get it.” She stares off into the distant, her eyes focusing on something far away.
Silence extends between us as I wait for her to speak. When she does finally look back at me, a grimace is set into her mouth.
“Did you ever for once think that maybe I needed to feel special too? I work twice as hard to get half of what you get. I’m tired of people not looking at me the way they look at you.” Her voice sounds sharp and broken.
My anger extinguishes a little bit at her tone. This whole time she has been walking around feeling like she is lesser than me, because of what? Her own belief that she isn’t good enough? The past where I have shined a little brighter? It doesn’t justify her actions, but it makes me feel for her.
“Mira, I’m sorry you feel that way. I have never tried to outshine you. I think you are great, too. And maybe if you focused on what makes you special, you wouldn’t feel the need to compare us. We’re both amazing at different things.”
Expecting a heart-to-heart moment, I’m thrown when she curls her upper lip.
“I don’t need you to patronize me.” With that, she walks off, and opens her front door, showing me the way out.
“You can’t be serious? All I have ever done is be a friend to you.” I refuse to move. I am owed more than just this accusation.
“If this is what friendship is with you, then you can keep it. Please leave.” Her lower lip quivers, and I know she doesn’t want me to be here to see what happens next. I don’t want to be here either, needing to outrun both my sadness and anger.
I swear I can hear glass breaking as I walk over the shattered pieces of our relationship. It doesn’t matter what I do or say now, there is no fixing this. When I’m on the porch, she closes the door without any other words, and I find I don’t have any to offer either. Nothing we ever say will make this okay.