26. Chapter 26
Chapter 26
Never in my life have I orgasmed as much as I have in the last week. Every night I am at his place, he eats me out like he has been starved for years, and then pounds into me like tomorrow the world is ending, and tonight is our last time. It is raw, freeing, and full of all the promises every look he gives me holds. I don’t know what is causing me to fall harder, the sex, or the conversations that follow. He opens me up physically and mentally every night, and then during the day we pretend like none of it is happening.
As I sit staring at him work, I remember this rule we have created and stop myself from reaching out for him. The scene they’re filming comes to an end, and he looks over his shoulder as if he knows I’m there. Shooting me a wink, he turns back to face the set, and I turn to head back to my trailer. Already done for the day, technically I can leave, but I wait for him to finish while working on tomorrow’s scenes. When the knock comes at my door, I yell for the person to enter, hoping it’s him.
Errol steps in, his eyes instantly roaming up my body. Not having changed out of my robe, all it takes is one pull at the string for me to be in my underwear in front of him. Crossing the space in three long strides, he stops right in front of me. Dropping on to his knees like he is here to worship, he peppers kisses down my hanging belly, which leads him straight to my fupa. Before he can go any lower, I lift his chin with my hand, directing him to look at me.
“We should go to your place,” I say, stopping him before we really get started.
The last thing either one of us needs is for rumors to spread about him coming into my trailer. Understanding, he stands back up, dusting off his pants. I lean into him as he grabs my face, kissing me just once on the mouth. When he pulls back, the looks he gives me is enough to get me going again.
“Have I told you today that you look beautiful?”
“No.” I smile from ear to ear.
“Well,” he says, pressing his forehead to mine. “Don’t hold your breath.”
The laugh erupts from my chest, filling the air with its boisterous sound. I push him away from me, then cross my arms. He is laughing too, hand gripping his stomach as he pulls back.
“You’re such an asshole.” I push past him, moving to gather my things,
“Would you have me any other way?”
I wouldn’t, so I shake my head as I get dressed. He pulls me close again once I have clothes on, and holds me in his arms.
“You are more than beautiful. You are the sun, and I am just lucky to bask in your radiance.” He kisses me once more on the cheek.
I kiss him back, before pushing him away and heading towards my bags.
“So I figured out the scene with Dante and his father. I was trying to relay too much information in this one conversation. People aren’t good at expressing every perfect point in the heat of the moment. I had to refocus it,” Errol says.
I can attest to that, having had enough arguments over these past few months to know that angry conversations can be easily stilted and derailed as someone tries to work through their emotions. This makes me think about Mira and our final conversation. No matter how much I was trying to get to a point of resolution, it got lost in our feelings for one another.
I sigh, and he grabs my hand.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just happy that you figured it out. I’ll meet you at your place, okay?”
He pulls me close and kisses my forehead. With a wave, he leaves, giving me a minute to think about how far we have come. If someone asked me a few months ago if I would have ever seen myself with Errol, I would have fought them for the suggestion alone.
Now my body craves him like the very air I need to breathe, and I can’t imagine it any other way.
Driving over to his house, I try to pin down all the things I feel about him. Only one word comes to mind. Love . Is it possible? Do I love him? After the disaster that was my last attempt at forever, is it even a good idea to love someone right now, or ever? Can I trust him with my heart?
I have given him my mind and body. Is it really a big ask to give this last piece? I try to answer all these questions, but the short drive doesn’t give me enough time. Maybe seeing him will be the final answer I need, like it was when it came down to whether or not to be with him.
Having stopped at home to change first, I know conversation won’t be the first thing on our docket for the evening. Knocking once, I wait for him to answer the door, dressed in nothing but a trench coat and nude heels. When he does, I drop the tie, letting him see my full naked body under the moonlight. Without pause, he steps out onto the porch and pushes me up against the wall.
The cold air tickles my nipples, making them stand at attention. His hands roaming my body pull me towards him. I am pressed tight between the wall and his hard frame. The feel of it is just as exciting as the fact that we are outside. It heightens the experience, as he takes me right there under the stars. I’m so engrossed in the feel of him, I barely notice when we move to the stiff wood of the porch. That is until we stop.
Shifting my head on his chest, I curl into him more trying to find a comfortable spot.
“Are you okay?” He adjusts so that I’m mostly on top of him.
“We should get up and go inside. This hurts,” I say.
“Can’t believe you wore your heels the whole time.” He strokes my leg, his fingers coming down to my ankle.
“I don’t know why you’re surprised. I will be wearing heels while giving birth. There is never a moment where they aren’t appropriate.”
He chuckles and rolls his eyes, lifting me off of him. Standing, we grab our discarded items and beeline for the door.
“You’re right. I should have expected it.” He helps me take them off, and the look that once was annoyance is now admiration.
“I need some clothes,” I say, leaving him kneeling in the entryway. I make my way into his bedroom. Invading his space, I dig through all his drawers in search of pajamas. Finding them, I get dressed before meeting him in the kitchen.
“I ordered us food, but it’s probably cold now.” He points to the island. I take in the pizza boxes and am happy it’s something that can be eaten without reheating. With a slice in hand, I slide onto the counter facing him. Watching him eat, the thoughts from the drive come back. Looking at his sculpted face, wide nose and full lips, I try to think if I have ever seen someone more beautiful. Maybe it is just the way his personality is so clear in every shape that makes him up.
From the laugh lines that define his eyes, to the dimples that mark his smile, who he is was evident in every part of his body. And I like that person. I like the man who challenges me, makes me laugh, and treats me as his equal. Someone who learned the hard way what it means to trust, and spent a lifetime trying to prove himself worthy of it. I don’t know why I ever questioned trusting him with my heart.
I think back to the moment I saw him, and how even through the anger he took my breath away. I don’t think I’ve been breathing right ever since. My lungs are tied to his movements, and a single wrong one could be the end of me. Does it matter if I now gave him the last piece of me to hold?
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, cutting through the silence.
“You.”
“What about me? Don’t tell me you’re ready to go again already? Tsk, tsk, tsk. ” He waggles his fingers at me. “Naughty, naughty.”
I lick the crumbs off my lips, biting the bottom one in my mouth. I stop talking as reluctance pulls at me to stay quiet.
“Hey, it’s just a joke. I need a little bit of time, but then we can have round two.”
I nod, eyes drifting past him, not seeing him at all. I’m looking at a future for us, one that can be decided by how brave I choose to be. So far, he is the only one who has put himself out there. Never once in words have I expressed how I feel. I square my shoulders, sitting up until my back is straight. Bravery pushes against the worry, making me really look at him.
“I don’t think I have said this yet, but you are amazing.”
He smiles and dusts his hands off, before coming to stand in front of me, planting them on either side of my body. I press my forehead against his, breathing him in, relishing in the proximity. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as formidable as you. You are a force. I couldn’t ever move you, but having you at my back means nothing can push me down again.”
He laughs, breath heavy against my mouth. I inhale the feel of his joy, letting it spur me on.
“I can’t get enough of you.”
“Oh yeah?” He looks deep into my eyes.
Nodding, I bring my hands up to rest on either side of his face. I hold him with me for a moment, just existing in this, before I push myself to speak again,
“I feel you in my veins. I see you in my mind, I hold you in my heart. Every space in me that was once empty is now full of you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I press my lips against his, pushing everything into this one kiss. When I pull back, I look to make sure he understands what I am saying. “You’re part of me.”
“Farrah,” he says, wrapping his hands around my hips. “You’re part of me, too.”
I close my eyes, seeing it all play out. Every moment that has led us here stands stark in my mind. I’m enraptured by every word we’ve shared, every laugh that has passed between us, and every touch we’ve felt. My heart swells with it all, ready to burst and paint itself all over him, marking him as mine. I want to see him when I say the thing that has sat in my mouth for days now. Opening my eyes, I look straight into his.
“I love you, Errol. I am in love with you.”
His eyes widen as he looks down on me and I hold my breath waiting for him to say something. My mind jumps between each worse case scenario, painfully taking me through everything that could go wrong in each second he doesn’t speak. I try to tell myself it’s okay if he doesn’t feel the same. We’ll survive if he feels differently. I don’t know if I believe it, though.
At the end of the day, the fact that I love him is the truth, and I want him to know that. To know he is worth loving and worth believing in at the same time.
When it seems like he’s not going to say anything at all, his lips press into mine. The feverish rush of his heavy kiss pushes into me, lighting my insides up. In this one gesture, I feel him say it back. I feel him pour into me all the words that have built up in his chest over these last few months.
When he pulls back and takes me in, there is a wondrous look in his eyes.
“I love you, too. I love you with everything that I am and all that I will become. I love every part of you down to your stubborn toes. I love you, Farrah.”
My face cracks with the biggest smile. I can feel it pushing my cheeks to new heights as he speaks the words. His sentiments settle into me, the final piece I need to feel put back together again. He has ruined me for anyone else. I’ll never be the same again after him.
While kissing me, he pulls me off the counter to press against him. His body vibrates with the energy our confessions have generated. The pizza long forgotten, he grabs my hand and pulls me back towards the bedroom to show me how much he means those words.