28. Chapter 28
Chapter 28
I know I should be getting ready, but my head is so full of worry, all I have done since getting home is sit on my bed and overthink what happened. I tried to call Errol, but every attempt goes right to voicemail.
Mira no doubt has spread the word about me and Errol letting everyone in the crew in on our little secret. The fallout will play out at the party, and we’ll be faced with our first challenge as a couple. Will this be the end of us?
I mean, what good would it do to break up with me now? I don’t even think he would. So why am I so worried? I think about Christian, and how the first thing that went wrong in our relationship was the thing that ruined us. Will this be different?
Music blasts in the background of my thoughts as Monty gets ready to come with me. I invited her for moral support, and as the good friend she is, she decided to come along. I stand, making my way over to the vanity in my room, pulling my hair out of the bun it’s been in since I left the set.
My face is still full of the makeup Laurie did, and a few touch ups is all I need to be ready. With a slicked ponytail and a few baby hairs laid out, I head to my closet. Putting on a skin tight green velvet dress, I adjust the off-the-shoulder sleeves before turning to go. We meet in the living room, both of us looking like knockouts. I hope my armor of clothing will work to keep me protected while seeking him out at this party.
As we pull up, the streets are packed with cars lining every open spot. We have to park a few blocks over and walk to his house. By the time we reach it, my feet are upset by my choice in shoes. We open the door to enter into a barrage of people. Everywhere we look there is someone standing or sitting.
So used to his home, to see it in this context makes me feel like a foreigner. Even though I have lain naked on almost every surface in here, part of me feels like I should have knocked before entering. It’s a weird sensation of otherness that throws me off a little as I search through the crowd for Errol. Monty goes to explore his home and see where I spend all my time.
Not finding him in the living room and dining room, I move into the kitchen to check if he is in there. He isn’t, so I let out a sigh.
Just as I’m about to turn and leave, someone calls my name. Looking over my shoulder, I spot Tiffany waving at me. Unsure of what she could possibly have to say after the disaster that was our last meeting, I turn and wait for her to yell at me now that we’re no longer co-workers.
“Hey, you look great,” she says beaming.
Not expecting a compliment, her niceness instantly throws me off. I give her a quick once-over. She has switched out her normal jeans and flannel for a cute mini skirt and sequined top, making her look stylish.
“You also look very cute,” I say, trying my hand at friendliness. I wait for her to flip a switch and turn into the raging bitch I expected, but she keeps smiling at me as she talks.
“I’ve been wanting to thank you. At first I was really upset by what you did, but it ended up pushing me to improve. I’ve been taking some classes on Black hair and trying to familiarize myself with it more. Who knew it was so different from white people’s?”
My hand flies to my chest in shock. Not only is she admitting that she was wrong, but she’s now also thanking me for pointing it out. I expected her to take this opportunity to trash me, but instead she’s doing the opposite. Well good, I’m glad she is learning. As an industry stylist, she should have already known, but it’s progress.
“That’s awesome. I’m glad you took the initiative.”
She looks ready to hug me. I cross my arms, making sure that’s not possible. As she talks to me about things I already know about my hair, I listen and indulge her, trying to keep my eyes from searching the room. When she seems to have spilled everything she learned about textured hair, she smiles wider.
“Well anyway, I also want to say you did great. I got to see some of your scenes, and I couldn’t tell that this was your first gig. Are you going to keep it up?”
Having had weeks to think about this, I often asked myself the same question. My heart and passion will always be in clothes, but this could be a way to supplement my income and introduce me to celebrities. A foot in the door.
Realistically, how many more roles could I get, though? This one worked out because I was essentially just being myself.
“Thanks. I don’t know. Time will tell. I have an agent, so it is based on what I can get at this point.”
With a wish of luck, we say goodbye and I head back out to search. Having looked through all the common areas, I find myself back in the living room next to Monty.
In typical Monty fashion, she has made friends with all the people she has come in contact with. They praise her while watching as she takes the music into her soul and produces art with her limbs. I also watch, waiting for a break in the upbeat songs to pull her to the side. When one comes, she finds me right away after pushing through the crowd of people coming to compliment her.
“Hey,” I wrap her in a half hug. “That was epic.”
She smiles back at me, looking like she is having the time of her life.
“Well, I figured if people here know someone in need of a dancer, maybe they will think of me the next time it comes up. I have handed out some cards.”
Always a hustler, she’s turning this party into an opportunity. She is doing a much better job at making these people like her than I ever did.
As we stand here, more people come up to talk to her, speaking like they are longtime friends. She dazzles them all with funny audition stories and hot takes on the people she has met. They eat her up. Some of them acknowledge me too, most seem fine to keep their attention on her. The whole time I’m too busy searching the room for Errol. When the crowd disperses a little, and it’s just the two of us left, she turns and looks at me.
“Are you having fun?” She asks, clocking my mood.
If I were thinking about something other than him, maybe I would be having a good time. But every minute that passes where I don’t see him, the urgency grows.
“I just need to talk to Errol.”
“Come with me to get a drink, it will calm you down a little.”
We head back into the kitchen to the spread of alcohol displayed on the table. The open pop calls my name, so I pour some into a cup. I agreed to be the designated driver, so Monty grabs some alcoholic punch and eases against the counter, looking me over.
“Stop worrying. It doesn’t even seem like anyone is talking about you two. Maybe Mira changed her mind and didn’t tell anyone.”
Mira is not in the business of doing me any favors, especially when she probably feels like I started dating him to spite her. I doubt she kept this to herself when it gives her the opportunity to ruin my life a little.
“She hates me. She recently made that very clear, so I doubt she will be doing anything nice for me.”
Monty shakes her head, her braids moving with her. Taking a sip of the sugary drink, I let it ease my tension a little.
“I don’t know, but I haven’t seen her here either, so maybe you are right,” I say.
Monty downs her drink, then grabs another one.
“Look, either way, this party is to celebrate the fact that you guys made a movie. Be happy Farrah, you did something incredible. You stepped outside of your comfort zone and moved into a new role in life. You have earned a good night.”
She is right. I should be enjoying myself. I should take the time to praise the fact that I am officially an actress. But it won’t matter if I lose him in the end of this. That thought shoots through my mind, making me feel light-headed. I put down the pop and look to Monty again.
“I’m just going to find him, and then I’ll celebrate.”
With only a few places left to check, I head for the backyard. People gather around his fire pit drinking and laughing, but I don’t see him among them. The bathroom off the living room is empty, eliminating that option as well. There is only one place left where he could be hiding out.
I head towards his bedroom, trying to settle my stomach as it lurches at the possibility of how this conversation will go. It’s still gurgling as I lift my hand to turn the handle. Before I can reach it, the door swings open.
I come face to face with Mira. She adjusts her skirt and wipes the corner of her mouth where her lipstick is smudged. Standing behind her, looking like he wishes he was any place else, is Errol. His eyes widen as he notices me, his mouth falling open. I look between the two of them, eyes darting between his guilty expression and her shameless one. I’ve seen all I need to see to draw the conclusion that comes easiest to mind. Mira’s next words only help solidify it.
“We were just finishing up.” She smirks as she steps past me, heading back towards the party.
A look of pure devastation takes over my face.
My heart is beating a million miles per minute. The sound of it echo in my ears, blocking everything else out. I don’t know if he is talking, I can’t look at him anymore to see. My eyes are too heavy with tears to lift in his direction.
I feel his hand come up to my shoulder, and I step out of his grasp, needing him to not touch me right now. Not again. This cannot be happening to me again. The weight of this betrayal pushes down on my chest, making it hard to breathe. He touches me again, and fragments of his pleas begin to break through my haze.
“Farrah, please just listen to me.” His voice sounds desperate.
I can’t listen to him. I can’t sit here and hear his excuses. I turn and hurry back the way I came, feet moving with the rapid pace of my panic. As it rises, so do my legs until I’m running. He calls out after me, but I don’t stop. I see Monty as I pass by the living room. She takes one look at my face, and she is heading in my direction.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, reaching out to try and grab me.
I don’t stop, I keep heading for the door, needing to get away. She follows behind, keeping pace as I half jog the whole way to the car, scared Errol will find me. Scared I will have to face whatever he has done.
When we reach the car, the last few minutes catch up to me. Sliding into the driver’s seat, my body begins to rock, with the sobs shattering through my core. By the time I buckle my seatbelt, I am full-on shaking as each heavy cry tears from my heart to spew from my mouth. Monty grabs my hand. She rubs soothing strokes down my back as I lean forward and press my face to the wheel.
He cheated on me. Just like with Christian, Errol and I could not survive a bump in the road. My heart cracks open as the place I made for him crumbles away into a new hole. Grated with the mistakes of the men I have loved, my heart is barely a shape anymore among all the missing parts. Tears are streaking down my face to pool in my neck. I can see their faces when the bedroom door opened.
I need to leave. I know he can find me any moment, but I can’t gather myself enough to drive. I’m falling apart, and all the pieces are collecting around me. Monty doesn’t ask any questions, she just silently holds me as I let it all out. When I’ve emptied enough that all I feel is dry and cracked, I sit back against the seat.
My pocket begins to vibrate, and I pull out my phone to see he is calling me. Hitting ignore, I finally find the strength to start the car. My mascara smears everywhere as I wipe my eyes with my hands, trying to clear my sight. With enough of me gathered that I’m half of a person, I get us home. The whole way there, he doesn’t stop calling.
Even as I pack my bags, my phone continues to ring. I know soon he’ll show up and try and explain himself, and before that happens, I need to be gone. Monty watches me run around the house gathering my things. She sits silently as I lug my bag out of my room, fully stuffed with enough to get me through the week. She doesn’t say anything as I call a cab to take me to the airport so I can go home to my parents.
It isn’t until I am about to leave that she pulls me into a hug and tells me to call her when I land. I agree, squeezing her for good measure before I step out of the house.
Once in the cab, I turn my phone off, silencing him for good. I don’t know what I need right now, but I know I can’t talk to him. The memories of the good times try to push to the front of my mind, but I push back. The only thing I’ll let play is the image of his face when that door opened.
That is all I need to remember right now. That is all that matters. The rest will just hurt me more.
I kept the tears at bay long enough to get through check-in. Now as I sit and wait for the plane, I let them silently fall as I stare off into space. I started the day off in his arms, and now I don’t know if I may ever feel him hold me again. And it all started and ended with Mira.