Chapter 5 #2
So tough that’s why a tear managed to slip past my eyelashes, sliding down my face. I bristled and furiously wiped it away. Yet as soon as I ripped my hand from the aged wood, I felt a sharp pain in my hand.
My entire arm was shaking as I stared at my palm. Really? Fucking really? A splinter? With my teeth gritted, I breathed out, three seconds later gasping for air. While I’d never experienced a panic attack before, I was at that point. I could feel it in my bones.
I took several deep breaths and shoved aside the irritation. This was going to work one way or another. I resisted slamming the door once inside.
“Hey, Damon. Why don’t we get everything from the SUV? Okay?” Even as I shouted the words with delight in my tone, I could feel myself crumbling from the pressure.
He appeared a few seconds later, his eyes full of curiosity and condemnation, a strange but oddly comforting quality. As he walked closer, his eyes narrowed and the big frown he was known for was right there in plain sight.
When he was standing right in front of me, he studied me in the same way I’d seen his therapist do with him. “Did someone hurt you, Mom? If they did, I’ll beat them up for you.”
It was the first time in so long that he wanted to be my little hero, which was something I’d missed. “Come here, you.”
The kid was the most dubious of any child I’d ever met, but he came closer, enough so I could grab him, pulling him all the way into my arms. “No one hurt me. But thank you for the offer. However, you can’t go around beating up anyone who causes me pain. Okay?”
The hurt had faded long before, which was another reason I had no intention of ever talking to Kenny again.
“Why not?” His body was stiff during the hug, but he wasn’t squirming like usual. Another win. See? I could do this. I was racking up one win after another.
“Because it’s not nice. Just promise me you won’t go beating anyone up.”
“But why are you crying?”
“From happiness. I’m happy to be here. With you.” I kept my hands gripping his arms even as I pushed him away so he could breathe.
At least he wasn’t upset. He rolled his eyes again, his usual response. Everything was normal in our little world. Just the two of us as it had always been. “You need a boyfriend, Mom. Maybe we’ll find you one.”
Coughing, I fought to keep from laughing, but he’d broken the ice and pulled me out of the dangerously depressing moment.
How could I tell him that after his father, I’d sworn off men and had very good reasons why.
“Stuff from the SUV, kiddo. Mama has some work to do. After that we’ll go into town. ”
“So,” he started, pouting his lips as he spoke. I knew he wanted something. “Do you think I could go exploring?” When his eyes lit up, which they hadn’t in a very long time, I was thrilled to death, even capable of doing a little dance. Although not in front of anyone.
“Yes, but only after you bring in your bags and you promise you’ll stay close to the house.”
He nodded big and proud and I had a feeling everything was going to be just fine.
I had to give my kid credit. He was stronger than he looked, dragging bag after bag into the house. I’d brought more than I’d thought, my nervous packing something I was known for.
I couldn’t take a weekend trip without three suitcases.
Given the condition of the house, I was glad I had.
At least the bedrooms weren’t bad, the one Damon had selected painted blue. I even had an ensuite bathroom, which was more than I had at the cheesy apartment. By the time I put a few pictures out and my favorite tablecloth on the kitchen table, this would feel like home.
“Can I go outside now? Pretty please?”
My son never used the words pretty please. “What are you up to?”
“You suggested I build a fort.”
I laughed. If there was one thing I had to remember about my son, it was that he could remember everything. He also had a photographic memory, which didn’t bode well when trying to keep secrets from him.
“Okay. Go ahead. But stay close. Promise.”
“Promise.”
He raced out the back door and I stood in the kitchen, watching him, uncertain how to act. We didn’t have any land near the apartment, the park near us not one I felt safe taking him to. At least here there was blue sky and a river located somewhere through the trees.
When he seemed happy in his little world, I retreated to the bathroom to grab my tweezers. The splinter was killing me.
After that, it was all about creating a working spot for me. Thankfully, there were three bedrooms, one already having been used as an office complete with a desk. See? This was going to work out just fine.
Perhaps I was warming up to the place. I certainly had a lot more room to work and with no traffic whatsoever, I wouldn’t be interrupted by honking horns and…
Gunshots.
No gunshots. Another plus.
I moved my computer and the printer into the room, finding a perfect spot for everything including my camera and tripod. I had two lights if I did any shots indoors, but I wanted everything outside in this beautiful city. Why not take advantage of it?
I’d even conned our usual makeup artist into putting together a bag of makeup Carrie used for the photoshoots. Just a little touch up here and there.
The minutes went by quickly and by the point I had everything arranged in the kitchen the way I wanted, I finally checked my watch to see that over an hour had gone by.
Whoa.
An hour?
I took a deep breath, moving to Damon’s room. Maybe he’d come in and I hadn’t paid any attention.
No. I headed to the back door, throwing it open. I stood in the same spot on the deck as when I’d gotten the splinter, searching the woods.
There was no sign of him. “Damon? Damon, where are you?”
The only sound in return was the cawing of a bird flying high overhead. Squinting, I shielded my eyes from the afternoon sun, realizing only a few minutes later I was looking at a hawk.
No, wait. Maybe a vulture.
What?
A vulture as in something had died in the woods?
An icy chill tore through me. I wasn’t going to panic. It wasn’t like being in California. This was a safe state and safe town. I’d read everything I could find on Missoula.
Even as I ran through all the scenarios, I was instantly terrified while reminding myself that once upon a time Damon had liked to play hide and seek.
Granted, that had been at least three years since he’d played the childish game the last time, but maybe being here was bringing out a little bit of his childhood.
God. Now I was thinking of him as a little adult.
He wasn’t. He was a seven-year-old boy. Almost eight. He’d remind me almost eight.
I was beside myself, racing off the deck and into the backyard. “Damon. Come on, honey. Time to go into town.” While holding my breath, I turned in a full circle, eyeing every dark shadow and clump of trees as if monsters were lurking, waiting and watching.
Becoming hysterical also wasn’t helping anything. Plus, I could scare him.
There was no sound other than noises that I would expect. I took a few steps, constantly searching the woods.
With no sign of him, I expanded the grid of search, going step by step. I was at least twenty yards from the house when I noticed a flag or something on a branch. With cautious steps, I moved through the trees, forced to step over several fallen limbs before I reached it.
Shadows were everywhere, the thick canopy blocking out some of the light.
But I knew what I was seeing.
A part of his shirt. The shirt he’d been wearing.
No. Oh, God, no.
My little boy. My baby.
I ripped the strip off the branch, gasping for air.
“Damon!” My scream was shrill. “Damon!”
No one was going to hurt my baby. No one. I took off running.