Chapter 16
Violet
“Why is it that nothing about you surprises me any longer?” The rumble of the engine between my legs had already brought a series of filthy thoughts.
“Now why do you say that?” For whatever reason, Steel was in a good mood.
Maybe I’d thought working a fire all afternoon would dampen his spirits.
Instead, he was hyped up and had been grinning the entire time since we’d left the house.
Maybe that was because he had the top down at my son’s request and had been recognized by almost everyone caught next to him at a traffic light.
“A lady who knows her muscle cars. I am impressed as hell.” He placed his hand on his heart.
“Mom. Steel cursed. I thought that wasn’t allowed.” My kid was chiding our guest. Or maybe we were his guests.
“Yes, he did,” I said absently while still staring at the man. “My first boyfriend adored cars. So I learned a few things. How is it that you came into possession of such an incredible car? If that’s not too personal.”
Steel waved at yet another onlooker, who’d honked their horn. Everything about the car screamed of celebrity, including the Hugger Orange color.
“My uncle. I was the only kid in the family who appreciated cars. I spent more time with him than I did my dad. When he died, he left it to me. Much to the chagrin of my brothers.” His smile immediately faded.
“You seem close to Axe. Am I wrong?”
I could tell he didn’t want to answer, not only by the look on his face but also how tight his hold on the steering wheel had suddenly become. “For a little brother, he’s alright.”
“Well, older brothers are supposed to be the model for all the others.” Instantly, I knew I hadn’t said the right thing. Now his lips were pursed. “I didn’t mean to pry, Steel.”
He made a turn, still completely shut down. “Sorry I cursed, buddy. It’s a bad habit.”
“My mom said that every time I cursed, I had to pay her a dollar.”
Damon’s voice could still be heard loud and clear with the windows rolled all the way down.
“So how much have you needed to pay her?” Steel glanced into the rearview mirror and I was curious what Damon would say.
“I think I should have paid her a thousand dollars, but she said I’d need to borrow the money since my allowance wasn’t that much. And Mom said she didn’t have the money. So she says I owe her and might for the rest of my life.”
I chuckled so forcefully I snorted and suddenly, all three of us were laughing, my son’s laugh everything I’d thought I’d never hear.
“I tell you what. I’ll make a downpayment to your mom for you. It’s a guy thing to do. Then maybe you can help me finish cleaning up my yard to make us square. Sound like a deal?”
“Yeah. I can do that. As long as Zorro can come.”
Steel lifted his eyebrows as he looked at me, permission after the fact. “Sure. That’s fine.” I sat back, wondering what he was keeping so private. It was none of my business, yet whatever it was continued to shape his personality.
Maybe like Kenny had done with mine.
While my sweet son jabbered on about something, the two of us remained quiet, perhaps uncertain what to say to each other as we’d experienced several times before.
When anything got too personal, we shut down.
We both obviously had our reasons and my mind was vacillating back and forth between why Kenneth would make any attempt to contact me and how I could just drop the news about the calendar.
“You weren’t prying,” he said so quietly I had to look at him to affirm he’d said a word.
“I have a tendency to do that. I push until I get what I want.”
“Well, then we have that in common. I had an older brother. I mean Axe and I did.”
“Did?” My fingers tightened around my purse in my lap.
“Yeah. He died in a tragic helicopter accident. An unexpected wind shear tossed the bird like a kite. It exploded and Will was killed.”
“Oh, my God. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up the past.”
“It’s okay. He was a good man, an incredible smokejumper. You remember the way I reacted in hearing your name? Well, he named his bird Violet. You know like fighter pilots sometimes do. And no, it wasn’t his bird, but he always flew the same one.”
“Ugh. Well, you’re not using my middle name. Forget about it.” I tried to lighten the mood, but I could tell how bothered he was about his brother’s death.
He made another turn, pulling into the parking lot of a towing company. From where I sat, I could see my burned-out shell of a vehicle. Strangely enough, from the side I could see, it almost appeared as if there hadn’t been a fire.
There was no reason to have a moment of fear settling in, but with Kenneth trying to get ahold of me and knowing what kind of man he was, I had every right to be nervous.
“I can’t even imagine.”
He eased the gear into park. “The worst part was that Axe still to this day blames himself. What Axe doesn’t realize is that I was supposed to be on that chopper with Will as a spotter.
That’s someone who helps with the mission, including to identify a drop site for either fire-retardant chemicals or for the crew.
A few of us were pulling double duty until we hired some folks.
However, I’d called into work sick and because we were short of staff by a number of men, the captain couldn’t arrange another man to take my place. ”
“And you blame yourself?”
He didn’t look at me right away, keeping his one hand on the steering wheel and twisting his fingers with enough pressure the leather creaked.
“Sure, I did. I still do. Axe thinks he wasn’t paying attention because of an argument they had.
If I’d been there, I would have likely warned him to watch the damn weather more closely than he had. ”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yeah, I do.”
When I placed my hand on his leg, he winced. “You were sick. You wouldn’t have been any good if you were there.”
His laugh was so bitter, the sound so broken.
“I wasn’t sick. I had a goddamn hangover.
I was feeling sorry for myself because of a woman.
A woman I’d trusted, a girl I had even considered asking to marry me.
That was before I…” He threw a look into the rearview mirror, a reminder my son was in the back.
“I found her with a buddy of mine in my house. She wasn’t even that upset.
I trusted her. You know? We talked to each other.
We knew things about each other’s lives that I thought no one else knew.
I was stupid enough to think she was the one when I was just a number. ”
“Oh, God. If it makes you feel any better, she doesn’t know what she’s missing.” At least my comment was met with a slight smile. I meant what I said. How could anyone do that to another person they were involved with?
“I don’t know about that, Violet. What I learned was that it’ll take a lot for me to trust someone again.
Every time I ran into her in town, it was like a sledgehammer was smashed into my head from her betrayal.
Another run-in and I grabbed a bottle of tequila.
I’d spent the night swimming in a bottle feeling sorry for myself and because of that, my brother died.
The worst part is that I haven’t told anyone.
Not my parents. Not my sister. Not my brother.
Not my boss. I don’t have the guts. After that, I swore I’d never allow her to bother me again.
It almost worked until my brother asked me to be in this goddamn rodeo. ”
“A rodeo?”
He laughed, scrubbing his face as he did. “Yeah. Axe is a true rodeo star. He was well known on the rodeo circuit until he got hurt. His now wife came back into town and got herself involved with a new stadium, setting up a benefit rodeo with proceeds going to some animal rescue sites.”
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh… shit. “That sounds admirable.”
“Yeah, it was, but more competitors were needed. He volunteered me. Trust me. I make a shitty cowboy. But I did it because…”
“You felt guilty.”
“Exactly, at least to a point. Don’t get me wrong.
It was a good thing to do and we raised a lot of money, but I ran into her with her new boyfriend.
She did everything she could to make me feel like shit.
At least I figured out that I’m not a relationship kind of guy.
” With his elbow planted on the widow trim, he stared out the windshield and pinched his lips together.
“Nothing against you, Violet, or that awesome kid of yours. He really is a great kid. But I just can’t handle being in a relationship. ”
“Not to burst your bubble, but I’m not asking you to be involved in a relationship. We barely know each other.”
At least the mood was broken with a grin as he tipped his head.
“You’re right. You didn’t and I have a feeling you were going to tell me the same thing.
I got a strong feeling that your concern about the Jeep being torched revolves around Damon’s father.
You don’t need to tell me, but I do understand what you were trying to say this morning and this afternoon.
Don’t worry. We can enjoy each other’s company without feeling any pressure. Okay?”
Another oh, shit. “Look, I think I do need to tell you something.”
“I’m hungry. Can you guys talk later?”
We both looked out the driver’s window at Damon, who appeared more as a little adult than should be allowed.
Steel gripped my leg, giving it a squeeze.
“We’re coming, Damon.” He waited until Damon slunk away before leaning over and taking my chin into his fingers.
“What I just told you doesn’t mean we’re not going to enjoy the evening because we are.
I happen to like your company a hell of a lot.
Oh, and later, I have something I promised Damon.
I had my dad get down the Matchbox cars.
Knowing Pops, he’s made sure they’re all nicely dusted and displayed. ”
“That’s so sweet.” His touch was enigmatic, burning a hole deep within my soul.
Every time he touched me, I had the same reaction.
Pure, unbridled desire. “I know it’s not my place to say, but until you sit down and talk with your brother and tell how you feel and what happened, you’ll never be free of the guilt. ”
He immediately stiffened, pulling away and shutting down.
That was the end of the awkward discussion. He threw open the door and climbed out. I sat where I was, feeling somewhat stunned by his admission. He’d needed to share that with someone. With a heavy sigh, I leaned my head against the headrest.
A woman had betrayed him. My thoughts swirled around what I was doing.
Granted, there was a huge difference in finding someone in bed with a friend at your own house and not telling him the full reason for coming to his hometown.
However, I wondered if in his eyes the sense of betrayal would be the same.
Especially since me being in Missoula was all about the rodeo event.
What in the hell was I going to say to him?
He leaned in through the open window, scaring the hell out of me. “Maybe now you should tell your son all the reasons why I’m nobody’s hero.”