CHAPTER 19
I stare up at the saddle on the back of Apollo, blinking absently at it. I seem to have forgotten everything I’ve ever learned about horses and riding in general.
“You good, darlin’?” Knox’s rough voice rasps down my spine.
My mouth goes dry at the memory of his near kiss two nights ago.
At least he hasn’t ignored me like the last time, but I think that’s almost worse.
Look, I’ve prided myself on being a woman who doesn’t chase.
Ever. I’ve never had to. And I am not chasing him now, but this hot and cold is giving me whiplash.
I’ll admit I want him. Bad. I want to climb the man like a tree, saddle up and ride until I physically cannot anymore. I want those rough hands, and the scratch of his beard. Want his weight pinning me to the mattress, his hips thrusting between my legs. I want to scream his name.
“Elena?” His fingers whisper against the bare skin of my shoulder.
The sky is cloudier than it has been in days, blocking the sun, but the heat is still brutal.
I’ve slathered sunscreen on all my exposed skin regardless of the cloud cover.
But this top was cute, covered in this pretty floral pattern and a little flowy that I’ve tucked into my denim shorts that have little daisies printed on the ass cheeks.
Pulled from the thoughts, I turn to him to see amusement lighting up those blue eyes of his, creasing a little at the edges. “You good?”
Knox had saddled Apollo up but couldn’t unless I stood with him since the horse would not stay still, and now he’s ready, I’m expected to climb onto him.
I haven’t ridden in years. I thought it would be like riding a bike, but I’m frozen to the spot like it’s my first time staring down a horse.
I don’t particularly want to be thrown off.
I’ve had enough injuries in the past few weeks that I don’t want to add to the list. Especially not now that I’ve put my plans into motion.
I gave a letter to Knox to post for me today, the only way to contact an old acquaintance that I hope will pull through.
Providing Anton hasn’t already wrapped him around his finger.
I can’t imagine he has, but stranger things have happened.
“I just need help up,” I lie.
His eyes do a slow drag down me. “Alright.”
In the next second he tugs me into him, my body hitting the front of his with an oomph.
His palm flattens against my spine for just a second as his eyes dip to my lips, and then he moves his hands, cradles my hips and a strangled cry leaves me as he hoists me and sits me firmly in the saddle sideways.
He grins with a quirk of an eyebrow. “You got it from there, Hellion?”
He’s fucking teasing me.
“Of course,” I swallow thickly and try to hide my fluster with a roll of my eyes.
My cocky ass should never have agreed to this.
When Knox told me this morning he wanted me to ride Apollo because I’m the only one in years the Blue Roan has been nice to, I felt my ego inflate.
Now I’m swinging my leg over, stretching my thighs to fit his broad back, the skin on my injured leg pulling and smarting.
Apollo shifts a little beneath me, and I reach out, steadying myself on his back.
“I thought you said you could ride,” Knox teases from the ground. Fuck, he’s really far down.
“I can,” I huff. “It’s just been a while.”
Loosening a breath, I force myself to relax, letting the reins slip through my fingers before I firm up my hands and take control.
Apollo listens to my silent commands, starting forward at an easy pace, gravel crunching beneath his hooves.
I focus on the task, keeping the horse calm beneath me, his body swaying me side to side as he walks toward the paddock where Ralph walks the fence, his pace slower thanks to the injuries on his body.
Vaguely, I’m aware of Knox coming up on my right on the back of his painted mare.
“We’re going to take it easy,” Knox says lightly beside me. “Just follow me.”
“Okay.” I nod, steering Apollo in the same direction as him.
We step away from the gravel and onto a path trodden into the earth that follows a trail between the paddocks and pastures.
A light breeze teases the hair that’s escaped the braid I put it in this morning, the coolness of it a welcome reprieve from the heat.
It sweeps through the ranch, making the long grass sway and whistle, the leaves on the trees surrounding us letting out a hum.
Apollo is strong and steady beneath me, calm, and I release one of my hands I hadn’t realized I’d been white-knuckling to stroke a hand down the side of his neck, letting the black hair of his mane thread through my fingers.
We walk behind Honey and Knox until he takes us into the cover of the trees, the shade offering even more cool air to my overheated skin.
My skin pebbles at the sudden temperature change, but once I get used to it, I settle into it.
We walk quietly through the woods, the only sound between us is the horses’ hooves clipping against the floor.
“You’re a good boy,” I whisper to Apollo, giving him another stroke down the side of his neck.
I can feel my muscles working, my thighs tensed, but with it, I’ve forgotten about the ache in my thigh and ribs.
I’ve no doubt I’ll hurt like fuck when I get off his back later, but right now I’m reveling in the normalcy.
My earlier nerves have left, the natural way me and the horse have bonded makes this ride easy, like we’ve done this a thousand times before.
He listens to my gentle commands, calm as he navigates the uneven ground of the woods, and when we come out the other side, we find ourselves on a long, quiet dirt road.
Knox pulls Honey to a stop and stares down it, his shoulders relaxed, face free of that stern frown and downturn of his mouth. He’s at ease.
“Where are we?” I ask, bringing Apollo to a stop by his side, so close our knees almost touch.
“One of my favorite places,” He sighs, strong shoulders held tight, chin jutted up a little as his hat shields his eyes. My brows pull low in a frown as I turn back to the simple dirt road.
This is one of his favorite places? Why?
I stare at it, at the simplicity, the quietness and the way the wind teases the bright green leaves that arch over the road.
His chuckle makes me startle, which in turn has Apollo fidgeting beneath me. I reach out to stroke down his neck, hoping to soothe him.
“Just breathe,” He says, “Listen.”
I turn my attention back to the road and allow myself a moment to take in what he is seeing.
And it doesn’t take me long to realize it isn’t what he sees. It’s what he feels.
Quiet.
Peace.
A tranquility that is hard to come by in the day to day.
Birds sing in the cover of the trees, high in the branches that curl and reach and grow.
The wind adds to their music, adding a whistle and a hum that sweeps through the woods to tease at the loose strands of my hair.
And while I’m sure the road leads somewhere, it seems endless, with bends and turns you can’t see around.
“When I need a moment, just a minute to think, I take this road. It puts it back into perspective.”
I nod. “It’s so quiet.”
“Peaceful,” He agrees. “We’ll take this road when we head out in a couple of days. Just up there is an opening we’ll drive the cattle through, and it opens up at the base of the mountain.”
“We?”
He cuts his eyes to me. “You think I’ll leave you on my ranch unattended?” His grin stops my heart in my chest. “Think again, Hellion, I’m sure I’ll either return to it on fire or you would have turned half the animals against me.”
I gasp in mock horror. “I’m offended.”
“Am I wrong?”
I flutter my lashes, “Yes, and it isn’t my fault your animals like me more than you. It’s the feminine touch, obviously.”
His laugh shakes his shoulders, his smile lifting his eyes, “Obviously.”
“I’ll ride Apollo?” I press, following his lead as he steers Honey around to head back the way we came.
“I wanted to check what he would be like with you first, hence why we are here, but yes, you’ll take him. It’ll be good for him, and you.”
“And if he didn’t behave?”
“I have another horse you would have taken,” He shrugs, “But I knew you two would be good. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Apollo like he is with you.”
“Why?” I ask.
“He’s been grieving.” Knox turns his face to me, “And since then he hasn’t been half the horse he once was. I see his spirit returning with you.”
I don’t know why, but hot tears prick at my eyes. “Who was he grieving?”
“My father.” He gives a subtle squeeze of his legs to get Honey moving, but I can’t move from the spot. Apollo belonged to his father. The father my own father destroyed.
And his horse…
My heart drops down into my stomach.
Apollo throws his head back, his restlessness urging me to follow, but I hang back, keeping the distance between us.
I understand loss. I’ve felt it, in different forms, through death, through betrayal, but this… I can’t imagine how this feels.
Guilt isn’t something I am used to.
I don’t feel guilty; we do what we do because it serves a purpose. The world is a cruel place; you eat or get eaten or so I was taught.
But I never saw.
I didn’t see what those actions caused, the consequences that should have been ours to feel and yet were everyone else’s.
“Knox,” I call to him, urging Apollo on faster to catch up to him and Honey.
He glances over his shoulder at me but doesn’t stop. I catch up and begin to walk at his side, our horses matching pace.
I hold his eyes, and I feel my heart beating hard. “I’m sorry.”