Chapter 1 #3
Because the truth that no one in the village knew was, that had Astrid not died when she had, Steinar would have left her.
Their life had become unbearable, and he would have done what he should have done years ago.
Before the summer was over, he would have asked for a divorce.
It would have been easy to obtain, on the grounds that she refused him another child.
In reality, and though it was nothing but the truth, he didn’t mind that; he even understood her thinking.
What he minded were the consequences of their lack of intimacy in other aspects of their lives.
They had grown apart, and increasingly dissatisfied with one another.
They didn’t have anything to talk about, so much so that Astrid had not thought it necessary to keep up the pretence anymore and gone to find elsewhere what she didn’t have at home.
His wife had taken a lover…
He would have laughed if it had not been so pathetically commonplace.
But how could he have imagined that the woman who claimed to be scared of falling with child would have gone to another man, at the risk of seeing that very thing happening?
Or perhaps she wouldn’t have minded having a child with her lover, perhaps it was really only his child she refused to carry?
Perhaps she had, like him, reached the conclusion that a divorce was the only way forward? It certainly seemed so.
“Please carry on,” he told Cwenthryth. “I promise I will keep a hold on my temper.”
She nodded and took in a deep inhale. When she spoke, she did so without looking at him, as if not trusting his promise. He noticed she had stopped eating, even though half the cheese was left on the plate.
“The last time I saw her, about two weeks ago, she told me her brother’s wife had left him for another man and he was now alone with the two boys. She hinted that he was finding it hard to cope on his own, and might welcome the help of a woman who knew his sons already.”
Bloody, bleeding hell.
Steinar could not delude himself any longer.
Astrid had not only taken a lover, she had also planned to leave him, the village, and the boys.
Her mind would have been made up, if she had all but arranged it for another woman to replace her in the life of her children.
What about him? Had she arranged it for him to have what he needed also?
Had she hinted at Cwenthryth that her “brother” would welcome a woman in his bed, that he was in dire need of a fuck because his wife had refused him for years?
Was that why the Saxon was here? To offer herself to him in exchange for a home?
Did she imagine she would stay only for a few days or was she after a more permanent position?
Disgust roiled in his stomach.
“So you decided to come offer your ‘help,’ for want of a better word,” he said through gritted teeth.
How could she use her body so cynically?
And did she really think him so pathetic that he would bring a woman he didn’t know anything about into his sons’ lives in exchange for a tumble?
Didn’t she know that he could have anyone he wanted, only he had chosen to remain faithful to a wife who’d made a mockery of his efforts?
“I...well, it so happened that when she mentioned it, I had already elected to leave home,” Cwenthryth replied, flushing slightly. “I thought perhaps I could…”
Her voice trailed when she stole a glance at him. The look on his face must have made it clear he was not going to be manipulated thus.
“You thought you would find a heartbroken man unable to cope with his wife’s betrayal and unwilling to raise his children.
You thought you would take advantage of the fact and settle in a new home.
Well, I’m not heartbroken, or even remotely sorry to be on my own, and I don’t need a stranger to help me look after my sons.
I know how to take care of them, I love them, and I want what is best for them.
Their mother just died. The last thing they need now is more disruption to their lives.
” He straightened to his full height, this time intent on impressing her.
“And if you thought to use your charms to convince me to let you stay, you can forget it. I choose who I welcome to my bed, not the other way around.”
Cwenthryth’s insides withered when it became clear that all hope was lost. She would not find refuge here, with a man who didn’t need or want her.
She had been lied to, and made to think she could find shelter here at the village.
In reality, she had found a man who did not really believe her story and thought her a schemer—and little better than a whore.
“And where is your bag?” Steinar carried on, crossing his arms over his massive chest. Was he doing so to intimidate her? If so, there was no need. She was already more than nervous. “You say you’d decided to leave home. Who sets off for a new life without taking their things with them?”
Desperate women, that was who, women who didn’t want to alert their tormentors to the fact that they were about to flee, women who cared less about their meager possessions than they did about their freedom. “I-I don’t—”
“No horse either? So did you find room in someone’s cart, or did you walk here from town? And how come you arrived at dawn? Did you travel at night? Why? What do you have to hide?” The questions came hard and fast, leaving her no time to think, confusing her further. “Where did you sleep?”
In a ditch. Last night she had decided to wait until the morning to go see Steinar, since she did not want to appear as if she had planned to force him to offer her shelter for the night.
But, too frightened alone in the darkness, she had been unable to sleep and get the rest she desperately needed.
And now she felt drained of what little strength she’d had, and more dejected than ever, unable to think what to do next.
“I’ve never owned a horse,” was all she said.
This was hopeless. Steinar would never listen to her now.
He thought she was taking advantage of his wife’s betrayal.
He thought she was prepared to use her body to get what she wanted from him.
She had to leave, before he got really angry and decided that if she was prepared to bed him anyway, he might as well make the most of her presence in his hut.
If he pounced on her, there would be no fighting him; he was just too strong.
She had to go while she still could. But the idea of walking back out without any money, protection, or even any idea of where to go was enough to make her retch.
“I’ll go,” she said, fighting the tears threatening to blur her vision. “I see that coming here was a mistake. An honest one, though. I truly thought you were Astrid’s brother, and might welcome my help. I’m sorry… I can see it was not the case, so I’ll go.”
Using every ounce of determination she possessed, she stood up. Steinar was in front of her, blocking her way, before she could take a step. No! It seemed she had left it too late after all, and he was about to make her regret her weakness.
“Wait,” he said with a sigh, looking at her from his great height. In that moment he didn’t look like a madman about to assault her, rather a man overwhelmed by a series of events spinning out of his control.
It suddenly dawned on her that he was probably not consciously trying to intimidate her.
His body was simply huge, something he could not do anything about, in the same way she had not decided to have dark hair or pale skin.
And what she felt in front of him, she realized at the same time, was not really alarm, but rather a sort of delicious nervousness she had never felt at the contact of man, and had difficulty identifying.
His very proximity made her skin prickle, she felt his presence deep in her bones.
She could not explain it, but she was aware of every inch of him in ways she had not been with anyone else, noticing every detail of his anatomy.
How could she help it, though? She was only a woman, and the Norseman was, objectively, magnificent and full of intriguing surprises.
Nothing was quite what it seemed with him, and she had the impression she could have spent years looking at him and yet still find something new to marvel at day after day.
His beard was a rich, deep amber, only a shade darker than the gold of his hair, but from her vantage point, she could see that a few darker hairs peppered his chin.
His blue eyes, despite their frosty color, had the power to burn as surely as the hottest of fires.
His mouth was full and tempting, and even his scowling could not make her forget the sensuality of his lips.
His body, though strong as a warrior’s, moved with the grace of a fawn’s. The result was impossibly compelling.
“What is it?” she asked, her voice hoarse. Shouldn’t she worry about her predicament instead of admiring him?
“Considering how long it will take you to walk back to town, and how weak you seem to be, you can sleep here tonight.”
“H-here?” The last thing she had expected him to do was offer her shelter for the night. They were in the middle of an argument, and barely moments after she had woken up from her fainting fit, he had asked her to leave.
“Yes.” He glanced at the table. “You cannot go now anyway, you haven’t finished your food.”
Everything within her relaxed. She was safe, at least for tonight.
Here in the hut, she would be able to get the rest she needed, and with her mind free of worry, perhaps she would be able to think of a place to go.
It was the best she could have hoped for, much better than a ditch, where she would be cold and afraid.
“Thank you. I don’t know what to say.”
A grunt was all the answer she got.