Chapter 10
“Cwenthryth! What are you doing here?” Eahlswith exclaimed as soon as she’d opened the door. “Where have you been? Are you back for good? Are you all right? Actually, never mind the rest, answer me this one question first, are you all right?”
Cwenthryth fell into her friend’s arms, sobbing. “Yes. I’m all right.”
Or at least, she would be, eventually. Right now, she was not quite sure. There had been a weight pressing down her chest since she had left the Norsemen village—and the man she had come to love—and she didn’t know how long it would take for it to go away.
“I’ve been so worried over you! You disappeared without a word, and after what happened, I thought perhaps you had decided to—”
“No, I didn’t kill myself,” Cwenthryth murmured, understanding what Eahlswith had not dared say. “I went to see a friend in another village, thinking that time away from home would help.”
There was no need to tell her more about the “friend” in question, say that he was in fact the most compelling man she had ever met, and that he had shown her pleasure beyond her wildest imaginings—or that he wanted nothing to do with her, even though that was the painful truth.
Foolishly, she had hoped Steinar would try to stop her when she’d announced she would leave in the morning. He had not. Despite what they had shared in the tree house, he had let her go, and she knew they would never meet again. They had no reason to.
Eahlswith nodded, reassured. “Well, I’m proud of you for doing what you needed to do. How are you?”
Her friend was the only person who knew about what she had gone through in the last year.
Cwenthryth was not sure she would have found the courage to tell her about her ordeal if left to her own device but in the end, there had been no other choice.
Eahlswith had come to visit her the day she had lost her baby, and found her bleeding on the pallet.
After she’d helped her deal with the awful mess, she had listened to her story, never judging once, never asking why she had not left her home yet, never made her feel bad for not being able to stand up to her tormentor.
This acceptance had been the best gift anyone had given her.
“I’ll be fine,” she repeated, willing it to be true.
“Come. You look in need of something to eat and drink. I was about to eat anyway, so everything is ready.”
The two women settled in front of a platter laden with cheese, smoked fish, boiled eggs, and bread. Eahlswith added a handful of nuts and a few plums for good measure, and poured two cups of small ale. Cwenthryth ate gratefully, as she been too nervous to break her fast that morning.
Once their cups of ale were empty, she finally asked the question she needed to ask.
“Do you know if Godfrid is still here?”
Had he finally left? Gone back to wherever he’d come from?
It had now been over a week since she had disappeared without a trace.
He would have every reason to think she’d gone for good, and having no one else to torment in the house, he might well have decided to go find himself another victim.
This was the reason she had dared venture into the town under the cover of darkness, just before the gates were closed.
“I know not where he is,” Eahlswith answered, toying with her plum. “I didn’t dare go anywhere your house, in case he started asking me questions about your whereabouts. I haven’t seen him at the market but that is not saying much.”
“No.”
Cwenthryth knew he sometimes disappeared for days on end, visiting friends he never talked about, probably individuals that were just as disreputable as he was.
His absences would have been the perfect moment to leave and give herself a few days’ head start, but she’d refused to leave her father at his mercy.
The old man had taken to his bed shortly after Godfrid’s arrival.
Weak and confused as he had been, there had been no way she could have taken him with her, and she’d refused to abandon him to the usurper.
Well, the vile man might have finally left town.
There was only one way to find out if he had.
Tomorrow morning she would have to go back to the house and see for herself.
It was a risk, but she had to know where she stood.
Her stay in the Norsemen village had not been all in vain.
It had given her courage. She now knew she could be desired by worthy men, she had stood her ground against an irate Steinar, she had made herself useful, and been welcome in a wonderful community.
She felt stronger, no longer the timid creature she’d been reduced to by a year of misery.
“I will go and see what I can find out tomorrow.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Eahlswith asked, ever the helpful friend.
“No, thank you. I have to do this alone.”
She could not place her friend in danger if Godfrid was here. And if he wasn’t here, then she didn’t need her, or anyone else to witness the outpouring of anguish that would inevitably follow her return to a place where she had suffered so much.
The night was spent tossing and turning on the pallet Eahlswith had provided her.
But not all the nightmarish visions had to do with Godfrid and the awful memories he invoked.
Some of them were caused by Steinar. Over and over again she heard his accusations.
She was a liar, a wanton, she wanted to manipulate his sons, she liked men using her mouth for their pleasure.
It was awful, piercing her heart with a thousand shards.
When she woke up, unsurprisingly, she was exhausted. Gone were the nights of good sleep she’d had in the Norsemen village.
“You look awful,” Eahlswith told her when she got up, blunt as ever.
“I feel awful, that must be why.”
“Do you want something to eat? I went to get fresh bread.”
“No. I don’t think I’ll be able to eat anything until I know where I stand. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be back before tonight, whatever happens.”
With those words, she walked out of the house.
No sense in putting the inevitable off any longer.
A moment later, she was in front of her door, her face hidden under the hood of a cloak Eahlswith had lent her.
She asked a young boy to go knock on the door, offering him a slice of buttered bread as a reward.
No answer. After waiting another moment in case Godric had simply stepped out, she went to knock herself.
Still no answer.
Cwenthryth pushed the door with a tentative hand.
It opened straight away, indicating Godfrid had not put the wooden bar across.
Relief caused her shoulders to relax, because she now knew for certain he was not here.
He’d always been very particular about keeping the door barred at all times when he was in the house. If it was open, it meant he was not in.
She walked forward.
It was the smell that hit her first, and caused her to curl up into a ball.
All at once everything came rushing back to her.
Her father’s passing, Godfrid’s assaults, the loss of her baby.
Her chest tightened unbearably, stealing all her breath.
So much pain in so short a time. How was she going to recover from what she had endured in the last year?
How was she to carry on without her father?
Without Steinar?
The panic flooding through her was so great that she barely registered the state of the house.
When she did, she understood Godfrid had indeed left for good.
It was the only way to explain the sight in front of her.
Having taken all he could take from her and her father, he had moved on, but not before destroying all he could destroy in a last act of spite.
Dry-eyed, she took in the devastation.
The table in the middle of the room was the only thing left intact, presumably because it was too heavy to be broken apart. Everything else was shattered, dislocated or torn to shreds. All her childhood memories, gone. All her possessions, ruined.
Well. Godfrid had made her decision easy. She would leave and settle as she’d wanted, in a small village, close to nature, away from the place that had become her prison, and start a new life, one where she was free.
True happiness seemed unattainable at the moment but she would try her best.
Cwenthryth took in a deep breath and stood straight. She would sleep at Eahlswith’s house tonight as planned and ask her if she knew of a family in need of a house. They could move into the place she no longer considered hers. They could have it all because she didn’t want or need it.
In the morning she would leave, never to return again.
Steinar stared at the frying pan suspended by the window.
The last person to use it had been Cwenthryth, to fry an egg Rothgar had gone to find especially for her.
Why did the sight of such a common object affect him so?
He was acting like an idiot, staring at cooking implements as if they could give him answers to questions he had not even formulated.
And where were his sons? It was not the first time they had disappeared to go and play with their friends, but he would have liked to have them in the house right now.
Their presence might have helped keep unwanted thoughts at bay, given him something other than the Saxon woman who had stormed into his life to dwell on.
A knock on the door burst through his thoughts most unpleasantly. He was reminded of the morning Cwenthryth had appeared on his doorstep, taking him for Astrid’s brother. Could it be her, back to say she had made a mistake in leaving?
He forced himself to calm and opened the door—only to reveal his sister Eyja. The look on her face was one of intense irritation.
“Where is Cwenthryth?” she asked without preamble. “Is it true she’s gone?”
“Why do you want to know?” Steinar replied with equal bluntness. Why did she care? Why did he? Now that she was gone, he should not be constantly wondering where she was, who was with her, or what she was doing.
“Well, where is she?”
Damnation, his sister was not going to give up until he’d given her an answer. She was the most stubborn woman he knew. He often wondered how Moon put up with her.
“She left the day before yesterday.” Had it been only two days? It felt like months ago.
Eyja’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “She left? Or did you throw her out?”
“I didn’t throw her out.” Not this time at least, this time she’d announced herself she was leaving, and he had not tried to stop her, agreeing it was for the best. Not that it was Eyja’s business.
“She left straight after Rowena and Thorfinn’s wedding, which was only to be expected, since she had no reason to be here. ”
He was suddenly very aware he sounded as guilty as his six-year-old son caught doing something wrong, but he stood his ground.
“No reason to be here? You idiot!” Eyja pushed at his chest with surprising force. “Don’t you remember what she told you about fleeing a man?”
Yes, he did remember. The non-existent man. Why was Eyja worrying about that? Couldn’t she see he was already upset?
“Leave it, sister. It’s nothing to do with—”
“Don’t call me sister, not when you’re being such an idiot.”
“How am I being an idiot?” he growled. Except for staring longingly at frying pans, that was, but she couldn’t know about that.
“If you don’t go to Cwenthryth right now, you are not my brother anymore, do you hear?
You should never have allowed her to leave in the first place.
” Eyja was now wringing her hands in anguish.
“You’ve spent years allowing Astrid to make you miserable and transforming into a snarling beast. I didn’t say anything because I understood you were trying your best to save your marriage, but this is too much.
Cwenthryth is the best thing that could have happened to you.
She might well be your salvation. So go get her. ”
“She doesn’t need my—”
“Of course she does! Why did she come to the village in the first place? Because she needed protection and a safe place, and she told you as much. If you don’t go right now, I will ask Moon to go.
He will do it, he will save her, if it’s not too late.
And then when he comes back, I will ask him to beat you to a pulp. ”
“Let him try,” Steinar scoffed. “We’ve been there once before, remember? And I still have all my limbs, as far as I can tell.”
“That’s because you attacked him at the same time as Torsten, like a coward, and Faeir stopped him before he could—”
“Stopped us, more like. Your precious Moon was already on the ground when Faeir arrived.”
“Argh, but you really are as hard-headed as the stone you’re named after, you know that!
” She pushed at his chest again. Once again, he made a point of not flinching.
A man had his dignity. “How do you not see? We are wasting precious time. If you don’t go now, I swear I will not let you see your nieces again. ”
This time, he stilled, because this was a more serious threat than asking his brother-in-law to beat him up. He loved Emma, and now little Frida, almost as much as he loved his own children. “You wouldn’t do that.”
“Well, maybe I would, because how can I be comfortable with the idea of them being anywhere near a man who thinks it’s all right to rape women?”
Everything froze within Steinar. How could his sister think such a thing from him? Didn’t she know him? “I don’t—”
“Listen to me. If you don’t go to Cwenthryth’s house now, and I mean run, this is exactly what is going to happen and you know it.
This Godfrid is going to rape her, if not kill her.
Deep down you know it, only you’re letting your damned pride and resentment for what Astrid did to you stop you from doing what you know is right.
” She turned toward the hut. “Enough of this. I’m going to get Moon.
He’s a good man, not a coward, he’s is not going to stand idle while she—”
Steinar didn’t hear the rest of the sentence. He was already out the door, running to his horse.