Elijah #6
I snorted. Despite what people thought, we weren’t usually on the same wavelength; we were just good at reading what the other was broadcasting.
There were moments, though, when we knew exactly what was going through the other person’s head.
“Funny, I was just thinking the same thing. We really need to get better about putting down towels.”
“True,” he said with a snort as he finished wiping us down, leaving me pleasantly cool and clean rather than the somewhat tolerable sticky feeling that usually came post sex.
I watched him carefully set the toys aside after inspecting them. “Probably should clean those, huh?”
“Oh yeah,” he chuckled. “But it doesn’t have to be done immediately, just...soon.”
“This is your way of saying that you want some post sex cuddling,” I said with a chuckle.
If I had thought he was affectionate before, that paled in comparison to how he was now we’d discovered sex.
I knew he tried his best not to come off too clingy or smothering me day-to-day, but I didn’t mind.
My aversion to being touched had always had a standing exception when it came to him, and if he wanted to touch or cuddle with me when we were going about our day, I wouldn’t stop him.
The only thing I had to worry about was that physical contact between us tended to get my engine revved up and turn from affection to lust.
Not that I’d yet to hear a complaint from him.
“Damn right,” he said, getting back onto the bed and folding the cover back so he wasn’t lying in a wet spot.
He dropped next to me, flinging his arm over me so he could inch closer and press our bodies together.
I didn’t know what was more amusing, how physically clingy he’d become since we started sleeping together, or that I had adjusted to it almost instantly.
Then again, I had adjusted to a lot of things that would have given me pause normally, including the sex with another guy part.
..and the part where the guy in question was freaking Milo.
Yet it made weird sense now I had a different perspective to look back with.
If there was ever a guy I’d be comfortable enough with to test the limits of my sexuality, it was Milo, stepbrother or not.
And really, his status as my stepbrother was.
..inconsequential, at least as far as I was concerned.
Others might disagree, but for the sake of just..
.us? We’d always been particular about not calling each other brothers, even when we didn’t do it with our siblings.
That by itself was interesting since there had seemingly been no reason for it, and now?
Well, now there definitely was a reason, and I wondered if perhaps deep down, we’d known why we didn’t want to be seen as brothers.
It probably wasn’t so deep for Milo, considering he’d been carrying a torch for me since our mid-teens, but it had been there for me all the same, which made sense.
Milo had always been more comfortable with his emotions, dealing with them and feeling them without hesitation.
In contrast, I had always been slower, a bit more wary of my feelings and the reactions they created.
The sole exception was and always had been Milo.
With him, I felt comfortable in my own skin, and we could rely on each other to understand and accept the other as they were, not how we thought they should be.
You could rack that up to simply a part of growing up together, which was true, but Milo still got prodded in different directions from our well-meaning family in the hopes that he would change.
It was the sort of treatment and acceptance that he gave me as well, and we both counted that as a matter of fact, not to be taken for granted, but as immutable as gravity.
So yes, it made sense that things were happening so easily and quickly, because it wasn’t happening with anyone else; it was happening with the one person who knew me best, accepted me the fullest, and with whom I was completely and utterly comfortable.
Maybe I was looking at things through an introspective lens and needed to see things for how they were, rather than what they might be.
We were comfortable, happy, content, and all the problems with the thing between us continuing and deepening. .. came from outside, not from us.
That only left the question...was I holding back because of my concerns?
And if so...what was the solution? We had already explored and found there was plenty more to see and experience together, but that really only extended to our shared sex life; what about more?
If I was intent on figuring things out between us, didn’t that mean I should entertain options that weren’t just sexual?
I blinked when I felt a finger prod the side of my head. “Watcha thinkin’ so hard about?”
“Quit,” I snorted, smacking his hand away. “I’m fine.”
“Are you?”
It sounded casual, but it was a good reminder that while I was contentedly thinking, Milo might be obsessively thinking...and worrying. I turned my head to smile at him. “Tell me what’s going through your head first, and I’ll tell you what’s going through mine.”
“Ew.”
“Ew?”
“Yeah, ew.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s going to be bad either way.”
“Explain.”
“If I explain what’s going through my head, I’ll sound stupid. Then you’ll follow up with what’s going through your head, which will emphasize how stupid my thoughts were. If you go first, the same thing will happen, just in a different order. So either way, I feel stupid.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I don’t know what’s more irritating, the thought that you could agree that I’m being stupid, or that I know you’re just being noncommittal.”
I smirked. “You’re not only worrying about all the stuff you normally worry about when it comes to...us, but now you’re also freaking out that I hated what just happened and I’m having second thoughts.”
“Sounds even more stupid when you’re the one who says it.”
I snorted, burying my face in his hair and breathing deep. “It sounds stupid to you because you’re not used to feeling insecure. So we’ll start with the immediate worry.”
“What’s that?”
“I do not regret what we just did, and while it was weird at first, it definitely stopped being weird. Pretty sure it’s safe to say that you made me go from top to...uh, what’s the one that’s between top and bottom?”
“Vers, or versatile.”
“That.”
“Yeah?”
I’d started out wanting to give him shit because, Jesus, he should know better than to worry about us like that, but the painfully hopeful tone in his voice under the apparent concern and fear made the desire to tease him wither and die.
I made sure he looked at me, feeling my heart squeeze as I was reminded how much he depended on me sometimes, especially in moments like that.
We were both out of our depth with one another, but that hadn’t changed how much we relied on each other.
He needed me to step up and reassure him.
“Look, what we did was amazing, just like all the other stuff we’ve done.
You were great, not just because you took your time making sure I was comfortable and ready, which, great job by the way, but because you were just great.
You made me feel great, did great, and looked great, and I’m all for bottoming again in the future. ”
“Would you...hold it against me if I said I’d prefer you were the one topping most of the time, like... sixty-five, thirty-five split? I like topping, but love it when you top me.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I think I can be okay with that. As great as that felt, it’s a lot of fun watching you bottom.”
“So...you’re really okay?”
“I finally have feeling returning to my legs, if that indicates how I’m feeling now.”
He laughed, and I felt most of the tension leave his body as he snuggled his face against my chest. “I’ll try not to let that go to my head.”
“Fuck that, let it go to your head. Just make sure the next time it happens, you don’t get lazy and put in the same effort.”
“Next time,” he repeated happily. “As if I would do anything like slack when it comes to making sure you feel good.”
“I didn’t figure you would,” I said, knowing it was probably time for me to address the other problems he was undoubtedly thinking about but not giving voice to. “And, uh, do me a favor?”
“As if I would say no,” he snorted.
“Don’t make any plans for next weekend. At all. Friday afternoon till Monday morning, keep it available.”
“Okay?”
“Trust me,” I said, although all I had was a vague idea of what I was going to do and nothing definitive.
Still, that gave me about a week, and I’m sure when I wasn’t distracted by his naked body wrapped around mine, I would be able to come up with something.
“I’m going to make a nice weekend for us. ”
He lifted his head, looking at me curiously. “What, like...a date weekend?”
“Something like that,” I agreed readily.
It wasn’t the word I’d been thinking of, but it worked.
I was still unsure about the future, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t treat him, or both of us, to something nice.
Hell, maybe treating it like a ‘date weekend’ would help put things into perspective.
As of now, we had established that we were enjoying ourselves, and while I worried about it changing, I was showing no signs of not enjoying it anytime soon.
So that meant seeing how far it would go and how far we were willing to take it.
At some point, whether sooner or later, we would have to figure out if there was a stopping point or if we were going to push forward and deal with all the struggle and drama that entailed.
But there had to be a starting point, one that wasn’t focused solely on sex.
We already knew we worked together as people, as the closest of friends, and now we knew that pretty much every aspect of sex worked for us, so that really only left the rest. I probably would have put it off with anyone else because there was still too much to be uncertain about.
..but not with Milo. If there was someone who could bring me to this point and convince me just by their existence that I needed to push farther without saying much, it was him.
“Yeah,” I finally said after thinking about it. “A date weekend.”
“Sure, okay,” he said, not bothering to hide his eagerness because why would he?
Perhaps at the end of the day, despite everything new and different between us, we were still us.
“And don’t think for a minute I’ve forgotten about the cast,” I warned him.
“Mmm, take it out on my ass later?” he asked with a cheeky grin.
“Do you think that’s going to work?”
“You tell me.”
“You know it is.”
“Yeah, I do.”
Yeah, we were still us.