Milo #4
“Well,” I said slowly, poking at a piece of fish to get it away from the bones. It peeled away pleasantly, tickling some part of my brain, and I was a little sad that it was almost gone. “Sort of.”
“Sort of?” he asked doubtfully, though what that doubt was aimed at was still unknown.
It could be because he didn’t think it was covered, and I was trying to make both of us feel better about tonight, which was a little insulting.
If I were a little more inclined to give him credit for giving me credit, it might have been just doubt that a solution could come that smoothly.
I narrowed my eyes, wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt but not liking the idea that I might be lying to him. “Yes, sort of.”
He raised a brow, clearly detecting my shift in mood but not entirely sure where it was coming from. “That’s where you’re supposed to explain what you mean, not leave it a mystery for me to solve.”
“Well, it did sorta come up.”
“Seeing other people?”
“Yeah. Sort of.”
“Elaborate?”
“Well, it came up kinda recently.”
His head tilted slowly, setting his fork down. “ How recently?”
I didn’t want to wince because it looked guilty, but I couldn’t help it. “Ummm, the other day.”
“Is this a normal person’s ‘other day’ or your version of ‘other day’ we’re talking about here?”
“Is there a difference?”
He scoffed. “Really? Your ‘other day’ could be literally the other day or it could have been three weeks ago. Your concept of time is screwed up, and that bleeds all the way into how you describe time.”
“Wednesday.”
“Jesus, okay, literally the other day. What was said?”
“He, uh,” I squirmed uncomfortably, “mentioned that if I was seeing someone else, I didn’t need to worry about it. He didn’t say it when we discussed opening things up, but he had always accepted that one of us might meet and click with someone else.”
Eli stared at me for long enough that the squirming in my gut felt like it was about to crawl through the rest of my body.
The moment was briefly interrupted when the server showed up to take our plates, murmuring about dessert following shortly.
After he left, Eli took a drink of his new cocktail that had come with the entrees and then a deep breath. “ Why did he bring that up?”
“I don’t...know,” I admitted with a wince. When his brow crept upward, I scowled. “I don’t! We weren’t talking about anything to do with dating or sex or our relationship, or even you and me! He just got quiet and suddenly brought that up while we were just sitting there.”
The intense frown on his face made me wonder if I would hear a furious whirling noise from his skull if I put my ear to the side of his head.
Not that I blamed him, I had been doing the same thing when Raf had dropped that sudden and random piece of information.
I was well aware that I could throw something out there with what appeared to be no context or motivation.
That was because I tended to leave such silly things like context in my head, and usually, it was a pain in the ass to try to explain how I had gotten to whatever I had suddenly voiced.
The thing was, I was aware of that, which meant I was aware that most people did not, in fact, leave all the context behind in their heads.
So when other people did it, normal people, it meant they had a reason.
Raf was...well, he wasn’t typically introspective or careful like Eli, but he also wasn’t.
..well, like me. So not only had I been wary at the thought that he was leaving context out of the equation, but I was alarmed because carefully stepping around a topic was not how he operated.
Eli snorted. “And what did you say?”
“You mean after I had about thirty thousand million panicked thoughts?”
“Yes, after you had what isn’t a possible number of thoughts in what was probably the span of less than a minute after he made you freak out. A freak out that anyone with eyes would have been able to see by the way.”
“Shut up,” I huffed because yes, he probably had seen my brain short-circuit, but again, in a completely unlike Raf fashion, he hadn’t given me shit for it.
“I just kind of said okay...and then told him I felt the same way about him if he wanted to go that way, and he just, uh... laughed and went back to his game.”
“He...laughed.”
“Yeah.”
He sighed, leaning forward and rubbing his forehead, and I couldn’t help but squirm in my seat.
He was thinking the same thing I was: someone was getting close to the truth.
If Raf hadn’t figured out who it was, I would have walked away from that brief conversation, almost sure he knew there was a who.
Which, of course, I still didn’t know what to do with.
We hadn’t exactly said no; neither of us was forbidden from seeing a second person, but it hadn’t been given the green light in that conversation or any other.
“Which,” he began with a shake of his head, “is why you waited to bring it up, because you’d already freaked out about it and didn’t want me to.”
“Well, yeah,” I grumped, taking a drink.
“If I freaked out, I knew you’d freak out and spend the next forty-eight to seventy-two hours breaking it down.
Since we were supposed to be enjoying a whole weekend with one another, that time frame where you’d be distracted was.
..God, it sounds so selfish when I say it like that. ”
“A little,” he admitted, but the soft smile on his face told me I was forgiven, and it helped to ease my guilt a little. “But when someone’s told to expect a date weekend, they’re also allowed to expect that they’re going to get the chance to enjoy it fully. Plus, you’d want me to enjoy it too.”
“True,” I said, because well...that was true, but I still felt bad thinking about myself.
Eli took a deep breath, thought about it, and nodded. “Alright, so...from that, I think it’s pretty safe to say that if he doesn’t know for sure you’re interested in someone else, he at least heavily suspects it.”
“Pretty much what I thought.”
“And he didn’t say anything else? Nothing that could be taken as him doing more than suspecting or?—”
“Or suspecting that it’s you?”
“Yes.”
“No, that was literally the whole conversation. He didn’t add anything else, and honestly?
I was so freaked out, I didn’t want to ask.
I guess because I didn’t know what he knew and was afraid to tell him more than I was ready to deal with, but really, just because I was suddenly really, really sure that I was not ready for that kind of conversation with him. ”
He nodded, easing back in his seat and enjoying the interruption of the desserts arriving.
Much like most of the meal, they all looked light and fresh, with a lot of fresh fruit and some sort of leafy stuff that it took me a moment to realize was basil.
I noted a bit of chocolate as I took pictures, like I’d done with the rest of the meal, but not one dish looked heavy or rich.
Eli leaned forward, plucking up a piece from one of the dishes that looked like an oyster and looked it over. “Not ideal but not...well, I suppose it’s not something to worry about.”
“It’s not?” I asked in surprise.
He shrugged. “I mean, we decided to make this a date weekend, right?”
“Right.”
“Which means we were testing the idea of committing to, you know, taking things further.”
“True,” I said slowly.
“And that would mean eventually getting used to the idea of telling people...unless of course we were supposed to actually, you know...date, but keep it from everyone we know.”
“Oh. No, God no. Not that,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “That would be like going into the closet, and I didn’t do that for very long, wasn’t for me.”
“You certainly broke that door down pretty quick,” he said, gesturing with the...oyster? “I remember how, I don’t know, weird Mason was when you came out.”
I remembered. I had decided to blurt it out at a family dinner, and everyone at the table stared at me like I’d morphed into a three dicked alien that chose to whip it out at the table.
Dom had broken the silence as he burst into laughter, quickly covering it, badly, by trying to take a drink, then choking on it before he excused himself after Mom gave him a murderous warning with one glance.
Even Moira had been snickering, but did better at covering it up by wiping her mouth and glancing at Mom, waiting patiently.
Once my asshole siblings had gotten their shit together, Mom was quick to tell us, as gently as possible, that no one at that table would ever care about something like that, especially when we already had members of the family like Moira and Mason.
It had been Arlo of all people who had finally shattered the mystique of all the laughter by telling me that everyone had been waiting for me to fess up to what they already knew, which would have been the best moment for Mason to pipe up with one of his customary and entirely on brand smart ass comments.
Instead, for the entire conversation, he had sat in his seat, giving me the.
..weirdest expression that I’d never been able to puzzle out.
It disappeared, covered up when Moira leaned over and said something that eased the expression off his face.
It wasn’t like he had treated me differently afterward, or like he had looked pissed.
..not really. It was more like the expression someone would have when they were unexpectedly clubbed in the back of the head.
..or had their worldview tilted without warning.
“Yeah,” I drew out. “That was pretty weird, wasn’t it?”