Chapter 11
11
[Judd]
B y the time we reach my brother’s house, the playfulness of the morning is gone. I can feel myself shutting down. The tightness of my skin. The swell of my throat. The vise-grip sensation around my chest. I almost can’t breathe as I pull into the driveway.
“You okay?” Genie asks. One quick glance over at her, plus her hand on my forearm and most of the panic washes out of me. Like a dam broke free.
“Yeah. I will be.” I exhale
I park beside a pickup truck, one of several in the drive which now looks like a small parking lot.
For the longest time, only four out of seven of us remained in Sterling Falls. Stone, Clay, Vale, and me. A decade ago, Sebastian was in jail, but when he got out less than a handful of years ago, he returned and started his bakery. Around that time, Knox retired from his long-time career in the Navy. And most recently, Ford retired from professional baseball and moved back here with his three little girls.
Other than Sebastian’s wedding eighteen months ago, I haven’t been to the house.
The place looks different than when I was a kid. The white clapboard is freshly painted. The old roof replaced with a green tin one. The front porch is newish. Still, all the improvements in the world cannot erase the ghosts inside.
The haunting memories are the main reason I don’t attend Sunday dinner as often as Stone would like. The insults and abuse at my father’s hands live in my mind as if they occurred only yesterday, and still exist within every crevice of this house. Even though the place has been renovated over the years, from the efforts of Stone who inherited it upon our father’s death, I will always view this house for what it represented.
Hell.
Widowed father. Town drunk. The harm he caused his children was on a sliding scale from verbal assaults to physical punches. Most days, and nights, you didn’t know which slice of the spectrum you’d get.
“Judd?” Genie’s voice pulls me from my thoughts again. Her hand is back on my arm.
Offering her a tight smile, I pop open my door and get out, then make my way to Genie’s side, giving her a hand to help her up from the low seat.
“It’s so picturesque,” she says glancing at the house, unable to see the haunting dings and dents hidden within.
I don’t answer. A new wave of panic hits. I’m introducing Genie to my family.
As if reading my mind, she says, “I hope I make a good impression.” Her gaze has dropped down to her white tennis shoes.
Unable to help myself, I squeeze the back of her neck and run my thumb along the column of her throat. “They’re going to love you.” How could they not? It’s impossible not to love Genie and everything about her.
I’ve never actually experienced it—love—, but I thought I’d come close. Once. A long time ago. Hopefully, I’m not too late to regain that feeling.
I release Genie’s neck and hold out my hand. Genie slaps her palm into mine, but then weaves our fingers together. I love the fit and I tighten my grip as we walk around the side of the house. As we breach the backyard, Genie grabs my bicep with her other hand and squeezes my arm. Like it isn’t enough to hold my hand, but she needs to clasp onto more of me.
Maybe I’m wishful thinking.
“Hi . . . everyone.” I stumble over my greeting and awkwardly wave like I’m still ten instead of forty-two. I had a whole speech prepared in my head, having run over it again and again as Genie and I rode in silence to the house. Now, I’ve got nothing. “Um . . . I’d like you all to meet Genie. My fiancée.”
Spoken like I told Janet Hurley I was Genie’s fiancé, I just sort of blurted it out like I can’t contain the phrase. The idea is almost too big to keep to myself.
At first, no one reacts. I glance from the burly, silver beardedness of Stone to the playful, weathered face of Clay. Then I look at Knox, who doesn’t contain his surprise any better than the stoic Ford standing beside him. Despite helping in my ploy to get Genie’s car and belongings from her mom’s place, they both react with shock. Finally, I peer at Sebastian who has a gleam in his typically mischievous eyes, almost like he’s proud of me. I’m never impulsive.
As Stone takes a hesitant step toward us, Vale rushes past him and leaps for me. Her hug is so fast and strong, she almost knocks me over. I release Genie’s hand to prevent my sister and me from falling backward. The embrace takes my breath away, but I also panic for another second at the loss of contact with Genie. I hadn’t realized how much she was grounding me.
As if sensing my unease, Genie rests her hand on my lower back.
“What a surprise.” Vale’s voice is a little too high as she glances from me to Genie and back. “I heard a rumor, but you know I like to dismiss them.”
Then her gaze falls to Genie’s finger, as if needing confirmation to negate what she heard. Her eyes suddenly well with tears and she clasps her hands beneath her chin. “Is that . . .” She swallows hard. “Is that Mom’s ring?”
Most might think the precious family jewelry should go to the only girl, but at one point, Vale and I talked about the ring. She knows the significance to me, and considering she never knew our mother, she was happy to let me keep it.
Clay is the one I glance up at while nodding at Vale. They all know the story behind how I acquired the ring, but he’s the one I’m closest to in the family. It’s no secret I’ve been wearing the ring since I was eighteen, adding my father’s wedding band to my chain when I was almost twenty.
“Let me see,” someone female says.
In the past two and a half years, I’ve witnessed several of my brothers fall in love and get married or move in with the love of their life. A few of them even had children or bonded with the children of their significant other.
I’m pleased when Genie holds out her hand, admiring the amethyst gemstone and the small diamonds. If our engagement were real, I could afford something larger. She should have something bigger. She deserves something that expresses her worth. But there is also something in the way Genie stares at the ring, gushing over it herself as the others admire it on her hand.
Her smile is wide while sweetly shy. Her cheeks flush, and those brown eyes dance.
“Uncle Judd.” Mavis’s little boy, Dutton, rushes toward me and I bend to pick him up. I don’t consider myself great with kids, but I’m protective of my nieces and nephews. Dutton is the newest member of our next generation, and he holds a special place in my heart. Last Halloween, there was an unacceptable incident where the then-six-year-old was bullied by an adult. My left hook made its first appearance in front of my family that night and my brother Clay discovered that I’d learned to fight. He doesn’t know even half of the story though.
And I realize I’d forgotten to tell Genie not to mention the fighting in front of my family. I live by a need-to-know basis with them, and they haven’t needed to know I box.
With Dutton in my arms, despite his lanky, seven-year-old size, he tugs the chain at my throat forward, exposing the remaining ring. He likes to slip his finger into one and then the other. One dainty. One large.
“Where’s the other ring?” Dutton asks, noticing the smaller of the two missing.
“I gave it to Genie.”
“Because you love her?” Dutton looks at me, eyes innocent and wide.
Shit . I’m not exactly certain how to explain the situation to my nephew. Nor to the rest of my family.
“I . . . uh . . .”
“He’s letting me borrow it for a little while,” Genie says, coming to my rescue. Although I’m not loving her answer. An engagement ring is for keeps.
“Are you buying her a different one?” Vale glances up at me with concern.
Genie is quick again. “Yes.” But I can almost hear the swallow in her throat. She doesn’t like lying to them any more than I do.
Thankfully, Sebastian saves both of us. “Never knew you to be so impulsive.” He claps my shoulder. “I like it.”
“When did you two reconnect?” Clay asks. I counted on him being the nosiest one and he isn’t going to disappoint.
“I’ve had a crush on Genie for years.”
Her head swivels so fast in my direction, a piece of her hair gets caught on her lashes, and I reach up to push it aside.
“What?” Genie whispers, glaring at me like I’m going rogue again. Which I am. Something I can’t seem to stop in her presence.
I set Dutton on the ground and shrug before I begin. “When I was in fifth grade, Genie was my reading buddy.” I side-eye her.
“Who needs a reading buddy in fifth grade?” Knox questions, especially as most of my siblings consider me the smartest in the bunch.
“Genie was in third grade. She’s younger than me.”
“Oh,” he deadpans.
“Shh,” Vale demands, waving at our brother. “Let Judd explain.” She beams at me like I’m about to narrate the most romantic tale.
I don’t want to disappoint her, but there isn’t much to share. “Genie asked me to be her friend.”
“Judd.” Genie’s voice is quiet, confused.
I feel her gaze on the side of my face, but I know I won’t get this out if I look at her. I’ll blurt out more truths than she can handle in a day. More than I care to share all at once.
“She always had these braids in her hair.” I wave over my head like my hair is woven together. Finally, I turn to Genie. “And I thought she was the cutest girl I’d ever seen.”
Genie quietly scoffs while her brows deeply crease.
“It was love at first braid tug.” I reach for the end of her now shorter hair and tug a curl, then turn back to my family, unable to look Genie in the eye after admitting the moment I fell for her. Like I told her this morning, no one had ever asked to be my friend. In truth, I didn’t have many. My older brothers were best friends with one another. I’d been especially close to my mother as a child, and as my younger siblings came along, I became her ‘special helper’. She was my best friend until I was eight. Until she was gone.
“I never knew,” Genie whispers, as if playing along with an act when what I’ve said is the truth.
I’ve had a crush on her since I was ten.
“And what about you?” Vale asks a bit suspiciously, her tone suddenly protective. “When did you fall for Judd?”
Genie looks at me a long minute, and then turns toward Vale, giving her a warm smile. “I don’t think it was love at first braid tug for me. I pushed him off a chair after he pulled my hair.”
My family collectively chuckles, and I’m hopeful that’s the end of grill Genie-and-Judd time.
But Genie continues. “When I was in middle school, though, I had the biggest crush on him.” She pauses and turns to me. “But of course, eighth graders were too cool to look at sixth graders.”
She must be lying. I was never too cool for anything in middle school. But I remember meeting those eyes of hers across the middle school library. When she’d be waiting for her mom to pick her up after school, and I’d just be hanging out, avoiding my home and my dad until the last possible minute.
“Can I be a flower girl in your wedding?” Ford’s oldest daughter, Zelle asks, breaking into the stare Genie and I share. I hadn’t seen Zelle’s approach.
“Can I be one, too?” Winnie asks next. The now-seven-year-old isn’t much for stereotypical girl things. She’s mischievous as hell but where Winnie is, Dutton is sure to follow, so I’m not surprised when he asks next.
“Me too,” he adds enthusiastically.
“I want to be a flower girl,” June, Ford’s youngest states, so as not to be left out of the mix.
Oh boy . “Um . . . we aren’t exactly to the wedding planning stage yet.” The engagement was only established yesterday, and as it isn’t real, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself. Plus, I’m sensing the panic starting to swirl around Genie.
“I’m starving,” I announce, rubbing at my belly like a child to distract everyone.
“Why don’t you help me with the burgers, Judd?” Stone asks, after having remained silent throughout this exchange.
Truth is, no one helps Stone with the burgers. He’s a grill master and takes the position of feeding his family every Sunday very seriously. So, I know what Stone really wants. A chat.
“I don’t want to leave Genie.” She’s new to this madness. Seven siblings plus significant others and the ever-expanding second-generation hoard. It’s a lot to take in.
Or maybe I’m the one who wants her to remain by my side.
Stone glances at her and offers a kind smile. “Something tells me she can handle herself.”
“Go,” Genie whispers, placing her comforting hand on my back again. “Now I can get the real gossip on you.” She nods toward my sister. “And maybe see a baby picture or two.”
“No pictures,” I counter, knowing how I looked when I was younger. Buckteeth and big ears. Then the awkward glasses stage. The skinny phase with ill-fitting clothes. And the hungry years.
“Oh, I have pictures.” Vale wiggles her brows and slips her arm through Genie’s, pulling her away from me. They are going to be fast friends.
With my head down, I follow Stone to the grill.