Chapter 39
39
[Judd]
D read fills me when I head to the locker room to change out of my sweaty shorts. I can almost hear the coming lecture. Words to dissuade me. Questions about why. I dress slowly into loose sweats and a tee, despite having arrived in a crisp shirt and suit pants.
Once I enter the pub-like area, I notice Stone, Clay, Knox and Sebastian seated at a low table.
“Where’s Genie?” I ask again, fear clogging my throat.
“Ford took her home,” Clay states.
“Want a drink?” Knox asks, holding up a glass of something dark and foamy near the top.
“Man, I wish I still drank,” Sebastian states, having given up the pleasure after abusing drugs for years. He eyes me warily. “Where the fuck did you learn to do all that?”
Leave it to Sebastian not to hold back.
“Let’s let him get a drink first.” Stone points toward the bartender, who leers at Stone like he knows he’s a nearby sheriff despite the plain clothes he wears. Stone motions toward me. “Whatcha having?”
“Whiskey, neat.”
Knox whistles low. Sebastian sucks in air. I can’t look at my brothers. The order is my father’s drink.
An inch-deep glass of whiskey is placed before me. The drink has become a ritual. A salute to my father. A fuck you to the old man and his choices.
“Let’s start at the beginning,” Stone says as the drink sits between all of us, a glaring reminder of our past.
“You really want to go that far back.” I lift my head, almost challenging Stone when he is not my enemy.
“How about last Halloween?” Sebastian counters, reminding the table of when I punched a man for bullying a child at a family Halloween party.
Clay’s eyes are on me, knowing he stopped me in his office to explain myself a few days later and I didn’t. That was six months ago.
“What we just witnessed was more than a spontaneous, lucky punch,” Knox clarifies. “Which might explain how you landed that other hit like an expert.”
My mouth twists, fighting a desire to smile, a twinge of pride on my lips. Then the curve of my mouth straightens. My two younger brothers sitting at this table took more beatings than me. Sebastian as a scrapper and Knox as an interventionist. Neither should see me how they just saw me.
“When did this start?” Stone asks next, his voice still puzzled.
“College,” I state and lift my head. “But I don’t want y’all to think I’d ever use my skills outside the ring.”
I glance from Knox to Sebastian, then Stone and Clay. I’d never intentionally hurt someone else. The boxing ring is a controlled environment. A cage of energy.
“We know that,” Clay says, drawing my attention to him and offering his sympathetic support. “I think the question is why? Why now? Why here?”
I let out a deep exhale, uncertain I can put it into words. “I just wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t all the things he said.”
“You’re not,” Clay quickly defends.
“And I know that.” I tap my temple. “But sometimes, it’s still hard to accept.” I point at my chest, where my heart still beats faster than it should.
“I’m sorry you’ve let him be under your skin this long,” Stone states, his voice low like he’s disappointed in himself. Like he should have done something else to right the wrongs of our father when it wasn’t his responsibility.
“You didn’t need?—”
“We all carry the demon with us,” Sebastian cuts me off, staring at Stone. “No matter what you think you needed to do for us, you cannot take away what he did.”
We sit in silence a second before Genie returns to my thoughts. “She’s going to leave me.”
Clay’s head swivels toward me. “Who?”
“She’s not,” Knox adds.
I stare at my younger brother and former childhood roommate. “How do you know?”
“Because your heart has been calling out to that girl for years, and you aren’t going to give her up so easily again.”
“Again,” I scoff.
“I was there, remember? I know what happened. What you did. The beating you took in order to protect that ring.” Knox eyes me. “But you were also a kid, like me.”
When Knox reached his final straw and fought back harder than any of us ever had. It hadn’t even been his fist that ended our dad but cutting words.
We wish you were dead .
I hadn’t been home when it happened, happy to leave Sterling Falls in the rearview mirror. Guilty but content to leave my three younger siblings behind with that man, knowing Clay was looking out for them, even if from a distance.
We all have our guilts and our crimes. Our demons.
“You have loved Genie since you were eighteen,” Knox says.
“Ten,” I correct.
“Then it’s time to fight for the girl,” he continues, keeping his eyes on me.
“She’s not really my fiancée,” I admit, glancing at Clay, knowing I’ve been lying to them about more than one thing.
Not one brother flinches, which means they all might know the truth. Guess I’m more of an open book than I think.
“But she loves you,” Clay adds.
“I’m not so certain,” I counter.
“The fuck she doesn’t,” Sebastian states, sitting straighter in his seat. “She told Clay about you and this.” He waves toward the swing door leading to the backroom. “Because she’s concerned about you. Worried for you.”
“That’s not love,” I state. But Genie’s words come back to me. It’s called love, Judd. Appreciate it .
“The fuck it isn’t,” Sebastian continues. “When a girl like that is concerned for you, there is only one reason, especially when she knows how you might react. That’s the definition of selfless love.”
“When did he become the master,” Stone chuckles, lifting the glass of water before him and taking a sip to hide the smile on his face. Stone knows the answer, but Knox clarifies.
“When he fell in love with Enya.” Knox throws his voice like he’s his fourteen-year-old stepson, Tim.
“Oh, and like you aren’t whipped by Halle,” Sebastian retorts.
“This isn’t a love-pissing contest,” Clay adds, glaring from brother to brother. “Judd is our focus here.”
And the last thing I want to be is the center of attention, but four sets of eyes are on me.
“Is this going to continue?” Clay tips his head toward the boxing ring hidden in the back of the bar.
“And if it does?” I don’t want to be saucy with my brother. He does care about me.
“I want your schedule,” Sebastian states.
My head whips in his direction so fast my neck cracks. “What?”
“I can’t promise to make every weekend, with the baby and all.”
He means Annabelle, and Adara turning three, plus Enya.
“But when he can’t be here, I will be,” Knox says next, keeping his eyes on me.
“Why?” I ask, glancing from him to Sebastian and back at Knox.
“Because we’re brothers, and that’s what we do for each other. We’re here for you.” My younger brothers, who were often my saviors. Only now they aren’t here to save me, just support me.
I glance over at Stone, who has his eyes lowered. “You know I can’t make promises.” The sheriff probably shouldn’t be in a boxing arena, legal or not.
Clay clasps my shoulder. “Whatever you need. Just tell us.”
Open up to them. It’s a frightening concept, but as I’m learning with Genie, who has made it easy, maybe I should give my family a little more of me.
On that note, I need to get home, and I hope Genie is still there.