Chapter 38
38
[Cort]
I step toward my twenty-three-year-old son after taking another minute to process he’s standing in the house where Vale and I both wear only towels.
Extending my arm, while still clutching the material about my waist, I bring him in for a bear hug.
Just as it’s been hard for me over the years to be physical with women, it took some time for Josh to accept affection from me.
We’d always had a good relationship although I wasn’t an overly affectionate father.
However, eventually, I became more generous with hugs, wanting Josh to know I was here for him whenever he needed me.
And standing in my kitchen, late on a Friday, it is clear my boy needs me.
But Vale . . . I release Josh and step back, turning toward Vale who still has a ghostly look on her face and clutches at the towel around her breasts .
“Um, Josh, this is Vale. Vale Sylver.” This is not how I expected to introduce Vale to my child.
But it’s also time to start letting people into our circle.
Letting people know how we feel about one another.
How we are together.
“Hi.” She steps forward, hesitating as she holds out a hand to shake his.
“I’m a hugger. But . . . um . . .” She glances down at her attire.
“Yeah.” A nervous giggle escapes her.
“Vale Sylver? As in Sheriff Sylver?” Josh’s head turns toward me, eyes questioning.
Over the years, he’s learned what happened between me and my best friend.
He’s also been told he’s neither a cause nor effect of that fallout but a reward.
“Younger sister,” Vale announces pointing at her chest which splotches pink.
“Ah.” Josh nods, raising his brows and giving me a weary smile.
“I think I’m just going to . . .” Vale points over her shoulder toward my bedroom.
“I should probably go.”
Fuck.
No. I didn’t want Vale to leave.
Nights with her are rare.
As much as I cherish our afternoons together, I want to hold her overnight in my bed.
I glance at Josh.
“Maybe I should come back.”
Fuck.
I don’t want that either.
He’s driven three hours to get home.
“Just—” I give Vale a pleading look before glancing back at Josh, holding up my hand.
“Just stay here. Let me get dressed.”
I spin toward Vale, setting my hand on her lower back, nudging her toward my bedroom.
“It was nice to meet you,” she calls out over my shoulder to Josh.
Once we’re in my room, I close the door and Vale falls flat on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
She lets out another anxious laugh before covering her face with both her hands.
Then she jackknifes upward and stands.
“I’ll just leave. ”
Stepping into her space, I cup her shoulders.
“ Please . Stay. Just give me some time to talk to him. I’m just as surprised as you are to see him here.”
Vale glances down at her towel before looking at my bare chest. “Well, maybe we’re a little more surprised than he is.” She offers me a shaky smile.
“This is so embarrassing.”
“But it’s also perfect, because I want to tell him about us.” I want him to see how happy I am with Vale.
How she makes me a better person.
I’m also hoping it will show him by example that life moves on.
Love exists.
“I know it’s a lot to ask, but can you stay? Please.” I’m thinking I’m going to need her close after I talk with my son.
Vale examines my face, her eyes as weary as Josh’s for a minute.
Then she cups my jaw, and I lean into her touch.
“Okay, honey. I’ll stay.”
I kiss the inside of her hand before leaning in for her mouth, kissing her with gratitude and relief.
Pulling back, I tip my forehead to hers.
“And would it be too much to ask that you put on that Tennessee Terrors jersey and nothing else?”
“What about the bee revival kit?” She’s left it out in the kitchen a second time.
“Later.” I wink. I want her in my fan jersey and nothing else.
Vale narrows her eyes.
“Now, you’re really pushing it.” Her follow-up grin is pure sunshine.
Yeah, I plan on pushing it again, once I know what my son needs.
I quickly dress in fresh joggers and a white T-shirt and head out to the kitchen where Josh is sitting on a stool, drinking a beer.
“What’s going on?” I ask, while helping myself to a beer.
“Why’s there got to be anything going on? I just thought I’d come home to surprise you.”
“And I am surprised.” I tease, tapping my beer bottle against his and lifting it for a sip.
“I’m also grateful. But it’s late, kid. What’s really on your mind?”
His surprise is amazing because my time at his graduation last weekend was too short.
He plans to remain in Morgantown before heading to Memphis in August for his first real job, where he’ll be even farther away from me.
“I didn’t take you for having sleepovers.” He nods toward the hallway leading to my bedroom.
I could argue that I don’t.
Or defend that Vale isn’t just a one-and-done.
Taking in a deep breath, I exhale and announce, “Vale is my girlfriend.”
Josh’s brows lift again.
“Since when?”
“Since . . . April.” Because from the moment Vale and I started this thing, there was no one else.
And while I get that the younger generation wants relationship statuses to be a formal asking, Vale is mine and I’m hers.
“You haven’t mentioned her,” Josh reminds me.
“It’s . . . complicated.” I sigh, leaning against the island counter on my forearms and cupping my beer bottle in my hands.
“I imagine it is.” Josh chuckles, like he’s put two and two together with the Sylver last name.
“As much as I’d love to talk about it, let’s get down to the real issue. You. Here. Talk to me, Josh.”
I’m thrilled that he’s home, but showing up like this still isn’t like my son.
With a heavy sigh, he lowers his gaze to the beer bottle in front of him and stares at the rim a second.
“I got someone pregnant.”
Holy shit .
That is not what I expected him to say at all.
“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” I reply first, feeling as stunned as he might have felt finding Vale here.
Josh has always been a bit tight-lipped about any women in his life, and I don’t push, because, well, we’re men, and we aren’t always the best at talking about our feelings.
But I’ve tried to remind him often he can come to me with anything .
. . although this surpasses anything .
“I don’t. We’re more like friends with benefits and—” Josh cups his forehead, shaking his head against his palm.
“I’d like to say I don’t know how this happened, because I mean, I know how it happened, but I mean, just what the fuck, Dad?”
“Sounds like that’s what happened.” I chuckle softly before taking another sip of my beer.
“Now isn’t time for jokes,” Josh adds, with no spite in his voice.
“You’re right.” I pause a beat.
“Do you love her?”
Josh shrugs but then shakes his head.
“We’re friends. She’s fun, but I just graduated, and I’m starting my first real job in August. She’s got plans to move to Alabama.” Josh exhales.
“It’s her body, her rights. I don’t want her to give up her life or feel trapped by a kid.”
Fear fills Josh’s eyes as he looks at me, knowing that’s how his mother felt.
That’s what she said to him .
“But I also . . . I don’t know . . . Is it wrong if I want the baby? I want my son.” He swallows thickly.
“Or daughter.”
Tears fill my son’s eyes.
He’s so young, and looking at him, I’m reminded of myself at that age.
This is everything I didn’t want to happen to him.
He has his future ahead of him, but perhaps his future includes a child.
Now.
“Do you think you want to ask her to have the baby, and then you keep him or her?” Holy shit .
A baby boy or girl. I’d be a— I can’t even think the word.
I’m too young.
Josh sighs heavily again.
“Fuck, I don’t know, but I think I’d like the option.” He glances up at me, confusion cluttering eyes that match the color of mine.
“How will that work?” His new job.
Him in Memphis .
“I don’t know.” His breath is heavy.
“How did you make it work?”
I stare at Josh, knowing I didn’t make it work.
I married Bailey because I thought I should, and she saw my future in professional football.
If she hadn’t wanted Josh from the start, I never had a clue until after he was born.
Until her life changed significantly while mine hardly did, other than a seven day work week, with either practice or games, including travel and media runs.
She’d been alone, a lot.
Reaching forward, I cover Josh’s hand.
“I’m here for you, for whatever you decide to do.” I swallow thickly before adding my advice.
“I don’t recommend marriage without love, Josh.”
He stares back at me, knowing all the reasons why it’s a bad idea.
“If you can be amicable with one another and want to co-parent, I’ll help any way I can. And if you decide to stand by her while she has the baby, and then raise your child on your own, you will never be alone, Josh. You got me? We’ll figure it out. Together.”
I don’t want him or his partner to have regrets.
But I also want Josh to know he has my support.
He nods once before pinching at his eyes and stroking down his nose then glancing up at me.
“I didn’t know who else to talk to.”
“That’s why I’m here.” I round the island and hold out my arms again, while he shifts on the stool.
Tucking my grown boy into my chest, I lower my head to his and hold onto him, wishing I could turn back time in so many ways.
Erase every misstep.
But I can’t. And the one thing I’d never trade is him.
I can only support him now and in his future.
I press a kiss to the top of his head.
“I love you, bud.”
“I know, Dad. I love you, too.” He pulls out of my embrace and reaches for his beer again.
Tipping the bottle toward my bedroom, he says, “I guess I’ll let you get back to . . . you know. ”
“Easy there, buddy.” I point at him, teasingly.
“Wow, Dad. A girlfriend? I never thought I’d see the day.”
I chuff but can’t help the smile curling my lips.
“Love looks good on you.” He smiles as well.
I could argue that I’m not in love, but the truth is written all over my face.
When I climb on top of my bed, Vale is tucked under my covers, the hint of my jersey on her arms above the blankets.
I wrap myself around her.
“Everything okay?” she asks, sleepily.
“I—” I swallow thickly, scared out of my mind for Josh.
“I’m going to be a grandpa.” I can hardly say the word.
Vale spins in my arms. The soft glow of the lamp on the nightstand gives a halo effect around her blond hair.
“What?”
I quickly relay what Josh told me.
“Oh, sweetie. This could be a great thing,” she eventually says.
And it could be. It will be .
Josh will not be alone in whatever decision he makes.
Vale sits up a little bit, pressing her back into the pillows and tugs my head to her chest, stroking her fingers over my hair.
“And here my biggest concern was what you would tell Josh about me?”
I chuckle bitterly, because my son does have bigger issues.
“I told him the truth. You’re my girlfriend.”
Vale stops stroking and cups my face, so I tilt my head and look at her.
“Really?”
“Yes, really,” I quip before softening the words with a smile.
“And one day, I want everyone to know.”
Not that we need to broadcast the news and announce it on social media, but I don’t want to always sneak off to my home for time with her or worry that someone will pop up and catch us.
I want to hold her hand and not be concerned about who sees it happen.
I don’t care about their opinions, other than one man, and only because of how he’ll react toward Vale.
“I don’t want us to be a secret, Vale.”
“I don’t either,” she admits.
And it’s time to stand up for ourselves. For our love.