Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
JONAH
The fact that I managed to keep a straight face—though it didn’t feel so straight anymore—when the guys came back was a miracle. Or maybe they were just used to my weird expressions. I’d never quite mastered the whole “acting like a sighted person” thing.
Everything my face did was instinct, so I thought by now my friends had started to ignore when my face went on weird journeys. But I was grateful that one of the things sighted people couldn’t immediately see was when someone got laid.
Otherwise, I’d have been so fucked.
So to speak.
Being that I had been so fucked.
Alexio didn’t say another word apart from telling Vanya they had to leave, and that was a slow exit because Vanya refused to go until I agreed to let him come over to meet Athena.
“Please,” he begged. “I see her Instagram, and she is best kitten. I must meet.”
“You can come over after our roadie. We get back from Denver on Tuesday, and I’ll cook dinner.”
“No, no. You let me cook. I bring you the good Russian food, okay? You will love. My mama, she teach me all her secret family recipes, and it will make you happy. Grow up strong.”
“I’m literally a grown man,” I reminded him.
He just laughed and clapped me on the shoulder before kissing my cheek. “Is okay, we give you a few more inches. Trust me.”
Then they were gone, and things went…well. Not back to normal, but back to something.
Tucker and Boden promised they’d help me find a few more facilities to call, and Killian promised he’d spend the rest of the week looking in on my dad when I couldn’t. It was…something. But as the afternoon wore on, I became more and more aware of the fact that I couldn’t leave my dad alone.
He got up two hours after Alexio left and had a shaking panic attack about strangers in his home. Tucker eventually ushered everyone except Killian out, and we managed to get him calm and give him a Xanax, which helped him a little.
Killian ordered out for dinner, and my dad sat in his chair, and the room was filled with a heavy silence for far too long.
“I have a son, you know,” he eventually said.
My gut twisted. “Yeah. More than one, right?”
“Mm. Twins—”
“No, Dad,” I said from behind a sigh. “Not twins. Micah’s younger than I am.”
“No, no. Those boys are twins. Look just alike. Same thing, you know? Can’t see. No eyes.”
I bowed my head and pressed my thumbs into my eyes. “Mhm.”
“Caleb, he’s the good one. He’s not like the other two. I was able to show him things. He could see a little. Didn’t fuck that one up.”
My throat went hot and tight. It was hard hearing him speak all the things I used to be afraid of every time I was in the same room as him. Because my childhood was filled with long, tense silences too, wondering if he was still in the room. Wondering if he was just sitting there staring at me.
Hating me.
Resenting me.
Regretting me.
In that moment, I wished I were back pressed up against the wall with my fingers in Alexio’s mouth, shutting him up as he jacked us off. I could still smell his come on my skin if I focused on it hard enough.
But I wasn’t back there with him. I was here, and Alexio was long gone.
“Do you know where Caleb is?”
I didn’t know what to say. Would it matter if I told him the truth? I doubted he’d remember it in the morning.
“Where’s Aileen? Is she at the boys’ school?”
I turned my head toward his voice. “Yeah. She’ll be back later.”
“Mm. Wake me up when Caleb gets here.”
Less than a minute later, he was snoring again. It was probably the Xanax, but I knew I couldn’t go on like this. I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t bring him to my place. But staying here felt like slowly choking myself to death on old, rotted memories I’d been trying to forget.
The door opened a few minutes later, and there were two sets of footsteps.
“Hey, Jonah. It’s me, Nikos.” I smiled. I liked that he announced himself, though he and Alexio were the only people I knew with their accent, and he sounded nothing like his brother. “I hope it’s okay I brought some food. I ran into your friend in the hallway.”
“He seems like less of a dick than Alexio,” Killian said.
Nikos burst into laughter as I tried to hide my grin. “I’m definitely less of a dick than my brother, but he doesn’t always mean to be. On the ice, yes. But he’s…complicated.”
Fucking tell me about it. I wasn’t going to explain to them how complicated I knew he could be though.
“I’m going to get us plates,” Killian said. “Nikos, you did all the cooking. You sit. Do you, ah…do you think your dad’s going to want to eat?”
“I don’t think he’s waking up anytime soon. He said he was going to nap until Caleb gets here,” I answered.
Killian sucked in a breath. “Is your brother—”
“No.”
Beside me, Nikos sat and cleared his throat. “Can we talk?”
I felt my back tense, and I rolled my shoulders to try and unclench. “Are you going to rip me a new asshole like Alexio did about elder abuse?”
“Fuck. Did he say that?”
“Yes.” Okay, no. Not exactly. But what he had said hit me right in the tender parts full of my guilt.
“He’s such an ass. He’s…we don’t actually think that, you know. I mean, I did worry and wonder, but after I met you, I knew there was more to the story.”
At least one of them was on my side. “I really didn’t know what my mom was doing. I didn’t know my dad was sick. We…we didn’t talk for a few years. Well, she called to complain and ask for money, but my brothers and I quit visiting them.”
“I get it. I never met her, but I did see her a few times, and she seemed…not the most pleasant person.”
He had no idea, but I wasn’t going to childhood trauma dump on this guy.
“Alexio also told me you have a lot going on, which I understand. I know your schedule is as grueling as his. He said you were having trouble finding a caregiver.”
I rubbed at my face. “Mm. Apparently, it’s not like the movies where you can throw money at some concierge of some swanky retirement home and they’ll hire a hot nurse with great abs to take care of him.”
Nikos laughed. “Shame.”
“Tell me about it,” I said. I made a stroking motion in front of me. “Finger candy.”
“Finger—oh. I get it.”
I grinned. I liked when I made jokes and people didn’t get weird. I also kind of understood now why people didn’t ever think I was straight. And I did wonder how the fuck I thought I was.
“I had a…proposal,” Nikos said, then stopped. “No, wrong word. Offer?”
“Hit me.”
He hesitated for a second, then said, “I want to help. Like, officially on a schedule. Your dad knows me. He likes me. And with my wife and mom out of the country for the next few months, my place is quiet and lonely. I wouldn’t mind doing overnights with him until you can find a place for him to go. ”
I let out a rush of air. “Nikos…that is too much.”
“It isn’t.”
I grimaced. “He can’t possibly be the nicest person to you.” Hadn’t he implied that my dad had gotten a little nasty when I first met him?
Nikos huffed. “No. He’s not always, but it’s not entirely his fault.”
“You know this isn’t, like, a breakdown thing, right?
” I stopped when I heard Killian come into the room, but I didn’t mind him hearing this stuff.
He knew a lot of it already. “He was a shitty person and a shitty dad when we were growing up. He hated that we were disabled, blamed my mom for it. He resented the fuck out of her because she made our blindness her whole personality.” My voice began to shake, and I took a deep, calming breath.
“She treated us like performing circus monkeys, and he never said a word to stop her. I think he liked it because it kept us occupied and he didn’t have to deal with our, you know, needs. ”
“I’m sorry,” Nikos said softly.
“I’m saying this because I need you to understand he’s not becoming a worse person. He was already not that great.”
“He’s still a person and deserves dignity,” Nikos answered. “And…and I think you deserve a little support.”
That was a surprise. I hadn’t expected that at all. I jolted when Killian touched my shoulder and squeezed. “He’s not wrong, bestie.”
Bowing my head, I shook it. “Fine, but you have to let me pay you.”
“Jonah—”
“Nope. I’m going to pay you, okay? I have money.
Not Alexio’s fuckin’ Glaciers contract money, but I have a good salary.
Plus, I have a ton of sponsorships and shit.
And I invested.” I lifted my head and hoped my face was pointed at least near him.
“If I was going to pay some asshole to rob my dad while he was passed out, I can at least pay you to listen to him talk bullshit until he falls asleep.”
“I can do that,” Nikos said. “If you can arrange care for him in the afternoons while my shop is open, I will be there for the rest.”
“You’ve got us,” Killian said. “I get Alexio’s point about not freaking your dad out, so what if it’s just me and Ford?
Between us, we have the availability. And it probably won’t be long until you can find something.
And you know if Bodie and Tuck are on the case, they’ll have a dozen places to call in the next twenty-four hours. ”
I cleared my throat. “Okay. But I have a roadie though—”
“I know, bud,” Killian said. “We’re on this, okay? You can breathe.”
“I’m trying, but this should be my problem. I mean, he’s my dad.” I lay back, hungry, but my stomach was in too many knots to even try and eat.
“Yes, but you’re taking this on by yourself,” Nikos said, “so we can stand in for now.”
I felt a little too lucky and a little too antsy—like if I accepted this gift horse, a bunch of Greeks were going to jump out of its mouth and stab me to death. But what choice did I have, really?
It was what it was, and I still had a life to live.