Chapter 18 #2
“Call Vanya,” Tucker said. “He’s still at the arena, but he’ll know more than me, and he’s not playing tonight.”
Right. Vanya was out this game for a nasty sprained ankle. I could do that.
My fingers shook, and my voice trembled so hard it took me three tries to get my phone to understand me, but by the time Tucker was leading me to Amedeo’s car, the call was connecting.
It rang and rang, and my panic got bigger and bigger when he didn’t answer immediately.
“Jonah.”
I dropped into the back seat and let my cane clatter against my shoes as I pressed my forehead to the passenger headrest. “Tell me he’s okay.”
“I don’t know. I’m on my way right now.” I could hear an echo, and I realized he was in the parking garage.
“Tell me what happened.”
“It was accident. Just wrong hit at the wrong time.” He wheezed, and then the call sounded odd as he put me on speaker, and the engine revved as he started driving. “Back of his head hit the wall, then the ice.”
“Blood?”
“Yes. A lot,” Vanya said.
Oh shit. Oh shiiiiit.
“What was the last update you got?”
“MRI,” Vanya told me. “Still un…un…” He said a word in Russian.
“Unconscious?”
“Yes, sorry. Words much harder right now. Feeling…” He said a few more things in Russian, and I recognized a couple of them as swear words. “He will be okay. You coming to hospital?”
“We’re on our way right now,” I told him. My words were barely a whisper, and I still felt so fucking lightheaded.
I wanted to ask why he sounded so sure Alexio would be okay when there was blood on the ice and he was still fucking unconscious. Not a lot of players died on the ice. But some did. More than none.
More than one.
And I wasn’t ready to lose him.
Vanya ended the call when he got to the hospital and promised to ring me back if there was any news.
I took the fact that he didn’t as a good sign as we finally got back into Boston.
I hated that we were so fucking far away.
I hated my dad a little for this complication, even though this wasn’t actually his fault.
I hated myself for not being there—not that my presence would have prevented any of this.
And when we pulled up to the curb at St. Mary’s, I hated that I couldn’t just run in and know exactly where to go.
Luckily, Tucker was ready to guide me, and he didn’t take even a second’s pause as he got me to the nurse’s station. I stammered out Alexio’s name and felt my stomach clench at the nurse’s pointed silence.
He couldn’t be dead. He could not be dead. He couldn’t—
“He’s been moved to a room,” she said.
“Can we see him?” I stammered.
“Yes. You’ll take the hallway right there, hang a left, and follow the signs to the elevator. It’ll be up on the third floor, Neuro ICU.”
ICU. Oh fuck.
Oh, fuck.
“Stay with me, bud,” Tucker murmured, pulling me close. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
Or it did. Or it meant the worst possible outcome that wasn’t him dead.
Tucker pressed my hand to his elbow, then began a slower walk this time.
My cane dragged along the floor, useless, but Tucker wasn’t going to let me fall.
I was able to take a deep breath by the time we reached the elevators, and I pressed my cane tip to the floor as I waited for the ding, resting my chin on the top of the handle.
“I’m catastrophizing.”
“I know. It’s going to be okay.”
I winced. “You don’t know that, Tuck. Neuro ICU…?”
“I’ve been there. Well, not there, but the ICU. And it sounds scarier than it is, okay?”
I’d almost forgotten that Tucker had been through hell and back before I met him. A car accident had robbed him of so much, and god, that must have been terrifying. But he survived. And whatever Alexio was going through, he would too.
“What if he wakes up and doesn’t remember me? What if he wakes up and loses the last five years of his life, and he thinks I’m just some douche bag goalie from the Legends who—”
“Okay, first of all,” Tucker said, cutting me off just as the elevator dinged. He led me inside, then hit the button. “That shit is from the movies. I mean, maybe it happens. What the fuck do I know. I’m not a doctor. But I don’t think that’s a real thing.”
I wasn’t a doctor either, and yeah, I probably did watch too many rom-coms about that crap. But the thought that it could happen was terrifying. Yeah, I’d do the work all over again to make him fall for me, but god, I wasn’t sure I could cope with the pain.
“The important thing is not to—”
“If you say not to panic,” I warned him, “I will punch you.”
He took my hand and squeezed as the doors opened, and I stepped out in front of him, my cane finding the ridge and then the tiles of the hospital floor.
“I see some double doors. I think we have to call on the speaker to be let in,” Tucker told me, and for the moment, I let him take the lead.
“Jonah!”
I froze when I heard a familiar voice. It was only seconds before Vanya’s arms were around me, and he lifted me off the ground in his massive hug before setting me down, though he didn’t let go.
“Have you seen him?”
“No. Nurses not let anyone in,” he told me right as Tucker came back and said, “She said another forty-five minutes.”
Fuck.
“Come on. There’s seat here for you.” Vanya pulled me by the hand, and it was by some miracle I didn’t collapse before I got my ass in the uncomfortable chair. He had my hand tight in his, and I squeezed it as he sighed. “He’s awake now. Doctor come tell me.”
I swallowed heavily. “When did this happen?”
“Second period,” Vanya said. “I was watching from bench. See him go down. I try to get over there, but Sven hold me back. I punched him.”
I couldn’t help it. I burst into laughter. “Oh god.”
“Don’t worry, I buy flowers and some rum and chocolate. Last game over, he can eat whatever he want now.” Vanya gave my hand a pat.
“So did the, uh…did the doctor tell you what’s going on?”
“Mm, no. Nikos back with him.”
Nikos. Oh Jesus, how the fuck did I forget I could have called his brother? Not that Nikos would have answered, but sweet Christ, he must be losing his mind.
“Want me to send him a text and let him know you’re here? He know about you and Alexio, right?”
“Yeah, I…yeah.” Alexio had told him, but we hadn’t actually talked about it all. Fuck, what if Nikos was mad about it? What if he didn’t like me and was playing nice?
What if—
“Jonah!”
Like I’d summoned him, Nikos’s voice sounded across the room, and I was on my feet by the time he reached me. He tugged me into a firm hug, and I took a breath, smelling that weird, sterile hospital smell clinging to him.
“How is he?” I asked, my voice trembling.
“Bad.”
My heart fell right into my butt.
“But he’s awake. The damage is…” Nikos went quiet.
“What?” I pressed when he didn’t elaborate.
His exhale was trembling, like he was trying not to cry. “He can’t, ah…he’s…”
Can’t what? Remember me? Remember his own name?
Walk? Talk? Was he locked in his own body?
“He can’t see,” Nikos said.
Everything in me froze. It took an eternity for me to swallow and muster up enough air to ask, “How? Why?”
“The blow was to the back of his head. There was swelling, some damage to—ah. Some nerve. I don’t remember the words the doctor said.”
I licked my lips. “Is it…will it get better?”
“They don’t know,” Nikos admitted. “The concussion is pretty bad, and he’s not processing everything very well right now.”
Of course he wasn’t. Of fucking course he wasn’t. Half the guys on my team were still processing their own sight loss, and they’d been coping for years.
“Please don’t take that personally,” Nikos said softly.
I frowned. “What—oh. God, honey, no. No. It’s not the same. I’ve been like this my entire life. No, I’m—I don’t expect him to be okay about it.”
“The doctor said we need to give it time for the swelling to go down. He’s on a lot of drugs, and when he’s awake, he’s been having cluster panic attacks.”
“I want to see him.”
Nikos was dead silent. Then he let out a sharp exhale. “You can’t.”
I wanted to say something sarcastic and snarky. To ask him if that was a poor attempt at a blind joke. But I knew it wasn’t. I wanted to throw up on my shoes. “Why not?”
“He doesn’t want anyone else in his room. He won’t let Vanya in either. He had me kicked out twice but then called me back in because he’s scared to be alone. You just…you need to give him some time, okay?”
“Did you tell him I was here?”
“Yes,” Nikos said quietly.
“What did he say?” When Nikos met me with silence, I elbowed him. Hard.
He grunted, then sighed. “Promise me you won’t hold this against him.”
“I promise.” I didn’t mean it. Maybe I would. Maybe I wouldn’t.
Nikos squeezed my arm. “He said, ‘Not him.’ Then he turned over and didn’t speak to me again.”
Fuck.
I backed up. I couldn’t help it. My legs hit something solid, and I collapsed onto someone’s lap. It took me a second to recognize Vanya’s grasp on me. I was shaking apart, and I wanted to cry, but everything in me felt stuck.
“Jonah,” Tucker said after a long moment of silence, “maybe we should go.”
“No.” No. I couldn’t leave. What if Alexio changed his mind and asked for me, and I was so far away that by the time I got here, he changed his mind back? No. I couldn’t risk it.
“He can stay with me,” Vanya murmured, holding me a little tighter. “I can drive home after.”
Tucker hesitated, then said very softly, “Okay. But call me if you need me.”
I hummed and nodded, but I didn’t mean it. I wasn’t going to call him. I was going to rot here in this goddamn waiting room until I could put my hands on Alexio and know that he was still with me.
That all of it was going to be okay.