15. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
15
"There are plenty more fish in the sea."
Marissa Martin
I barely slept. I tossed and turned all night, imagining Angela and Aaron at the post-game celebration together. I know it’s crazy, and I’m jumping to conclusions, again , but I can’t help it. And anyway, it doesn’t matter. Things have to change, or I will lose my sanity. As much as it hurts to consider, it might be time to move out. Aaron was so convincing when he suggested I move in with him to save money while Beth and I got the shop up and running, but now that I can afford a place of my own—although definitely not as cool—I should. T hat will un-muddy the waters. Not sure that’s a real word, but if I’m making up words instead of picking from the billions that already exist, you know my situation is not normal. This needs to change.
“Hey,” Aaron says as soon as I leave my room. It’s like he’s been waiting for me to get up or something. He texted me a few times last night, and I forced myself to reply that I was just tired, not wanting him to worry. But in reality, I needed some distance.
“Hey.” I plaster on a smile. “What’s up?”
“Everything okay?” he asks at the same time. “You went straight home last night, and you didn’t text me during the game.”
He looks wounded, and that’s all it takes for me to lose my appetite. No matter what I do, one of us ends up getting hurt. It’s not fair on my part, pulling away from our friendship. He did nothing wrong. This is all my fault. I should have never gotten this close to him, knowing how I felt, but Aaron is like a magnet. Staying away was never an option. I don’t know how to be his friend without loving him. How can I possibly protect this man and our friendship without throwing myself to the wolves?
My chest tightens. “Sorry. My p hone died, and Angela was sitting next to me. She had a lot of questions, and it pulled me out of the action a bit.”
He rubs his military-cut hair. “Sorry about that. She was supposed to come with her little brother, but apparently, he got sick. Anyway, I think she was hoping for more between us, and I told her I wasn’t interested.”
My body immediately becomes light as air. “Good,” I breathe out.
His deep brown eyes narrow, and I suddenly feel trapped.
“Because she didn’t know much about the game,” I add, forcing a chuckle. “It was kind of annoying.” I swallow hard, looking away.
“Right.” He scratches his temple.
“Well. I have to get ready.” I spin on my heel, ready to disappear. “Talk to you later?”
I don’t give him the opportunity to answer before booking it back to my room. In the fifteen years I’ve known Aaron, this is the first time it has ever been awkward. We don’t do awkward. Or rather, we didn’t. A lump drops in my stomach, sinking deep. No, that’s not true. Things have changed, and I’m the only one to blame. I shouldn’t feel relieved because he’s not dating Angela. I should be rooting for my friend to find his on e true love. But I’m too selfish, too absorbed by my own feelings for him.
“Who cares!” I mumble to myself, falling flat on my bed. It doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t want to date me. Never has, never will. His hugs are always brotherly; he doesn’t flirt. Heck, he treats me like one of the guys! It’s time I get out of this funk and find another hot guy to dream about. We’re in New York, after all. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
Once the morning rush dies down, and we put fresh batches of cookies, muffins, and cinnamon rolls into the ovens, I sway on my feet, trying to find the best way to come clean. I’ve decided to tell Beth. She’s asked about my relationship with Aaron many times before, but I always denied wanting anything more. Admitting I have a problem is the first step toward recovery. Or so I’ve heard. Plus, I’ll need a wing-woman for what comes next.
“What’s wrong?” Beth asks, her pretty gray eyes fixed on me. “Why are you staring at me like that? Do I have something on my face?” She scratches her nose.
“No,” I mutter, my shoulders falling. “I need to tell you something.” I glance toward the door, making sure we’re still alone, then focus back on her. “I’m in love with Aaron.”
Her eyes widen like two muffins, and a smile breaks onto her lips.
“And that needs to change,” I add quickly. “He’s not in love with me, but I’ve been carrying a flame for him all this time. I’m miserable, and I need your help.” I grab her hand like my life depends on it. Because it does, in a way. I need someone to slap me out of this trance.
“Marissa,” she says, tilting her head to the side.
I don’t know if it’s the compassion in her tone or the fact that I’ve finally said those words out loud, but my lips quiver, and tears spill from my eyes.
“Come here.” She draws me into a comforting hug, and I let go of the years of pain and disillusion that have haunted me.
“I always thought there was something there,” Beth says. “But are you sure he’s not interested? Because—”
“No, he’s not,” I cut in. “I actually asked him out before, and he turned me down. He’s never shown any interest in me beyond friendship,” I say, drying my tears. “But I was never really able to put my feelings aside. I thought I could just be friends with him. But it’s getting harder by the day. This pining needs to stop.”
“I’m sorry,” she says, taki ng my hand. “Unrequited feelings are the worst, especially when you’ve held onto them for so long. But you’ll be fine, Marissa. Look at you! You’re a catch. You just need to put on some sexy skinny jeans and makeup, go out, and forget all about Aaron. You’ll fall in love again. With the right guy this time.”
The right guy . Is there even such a thing? Do we all have a specific person in the world who’s meant for us? I wish I had the answer, and above all, I wish it were true. Wouldn’t that make things so much easier? No need to worry about being alone forever. We’d all rest easy knowing someone was out there for us. Someone perfectly compatible, who would love us unconditionally.
“Let’s go out tonight,” Beth suggests, pulling me out of my thoughts. “I could use a girls’ night out too. I was fine at home yesterday, but I’m ready to hit the town and get my mind on something else. And you need a reminder that there are many, many hot guys just waiting for a girl like you.”
I offer a weak smile. “Yeah, okay. That’s not the worst idea in the world.”
After work, I head home and get r eady for our night out. I do the long routine—shaving, exfoliating, and even deep-conditioning my hair before breaking out the straightener. Unlike Beth, I’ve never been much of a skincare person, but tonight, I go all in to boost my confidence.
I wiggle my way into shapewear and pair a knee-length black dress with stilettos. I stumble to the mirror—not exactly used to wearing heels—and glance at my reflection. For once, I approve. It’s been a while since I’ve put such care into my outfit or hair, and it feels good. I look good .
I rummage through the mess in my everyday bag to find my wallet and slip it into my purse along with my keys, lipstick, and a pack of tissues. Finally ready, I strut out of my room.
A whistle comes from the living room as I pass, and I don’t need to turn around to know who it belongs to. Aaron would never whistle at me like that. I swallow hard at the reminder that he has never seen me as anything but his sister.
Adler’s eyes widen. “You look great,” he says, his arm draped on the back of the couch. “Got a hot date?”
“Just going out with friends, t hat’s all,” I say, purposely leaving Beth’s name out. There would be no stopping them from following me otherwise, and my night of putting myself out there and forgetting about Aaron would be ruined.
I glance at Aaron, who’s slumped on the other end of the couch. He looks at me but doesn’t say anything.
“Have fun, then,” Adler says, turning back to the TV. “Your boy and I have a little competition planned with our European friends.”
“Geek away,” I say with a smile.
I shoot one last glance at Aaron, but he’s already focused on the TV. Of course he is. Because seeing me all dolled up doesn’t affect him in the slightest. And that’s good, very good, because I’m not interested in him either. And tonight, I’ll find the perfect guy to take my mind off of Aaron. Permanently.