Chapter Three
I frowned at the pimply-faced paramedic standing next to Jerry, the senior medic. He looked like he was sixteen. “Jerry, could you please tell Dante that all the blood is from my nosebleed.”
“Won’t know until I can check you over.” Jerry patted the gurney. “Up you go.”
Dante picked me up and put me on a gurney.
“No lap dance for you tonight, Detective.”
Dante leaned down until his lips brushed mine. “Not a problem. I’ll give you a private dance instead,” he murmured.
My lady parts clenched. With a single touch Dante turned my anger into desire. The rat bastard smiled at me and my willpower melted away. “Okay.”
“Just slap a bandage on my cut and I’m good to go,” Julie said.
Jerry raised his eyebrows. “That cut on your forehead needs stitches and so does the one on your arm. Eddie will take care of you.”
Shit! How had I not noticed her badly bleeding arm?
“When did you start hiring kids?” Julie retorted as the pimply-faced teenager helped her on the gurney.
Mom gave Julie the stink eye. “Manners.”
“I’m twenty-five,” Eddie said and placed a large trauma pad on her cut arm. “I graduated at the top of my class.”
Julie winced. “Sorry. I’m a little stressed out.”
Eddie glanced over at the burning debris. “I can see why.”
Frank dragged Chuck over to the paramedics. “I need him checked out too.”
Jerry eyed the old guy. “Where are his pants?”
“I burned them all,” Chuck spat. “My junk needs to be free.”
I rolled my eyes. “I have a jumpsuit that should fit him in the trunk, Frank.”
“Nope. Not wearing it,” Chuck yelled and wrestled with Frank.
Frank snarled, “Knock it off, I don’t want to hurt you.”
Mom held out a cookie. “Chuck! Want a chocolate chip cookie?”
“Okay.” Chuck snatched it out of her hand and stuffed it in his mouth.
I grimaced as crumbs rained down on his now perky man part and tried to slide off the gurney.”
Dante stopped me. “I’ll get the jumpsuit.”
“Bless you.”
Chuck bellowed, “Want more. Now! Now! Now!” He rushed Mom.
With one slick move, Mom had Chuck face down on the ground. “Behave.”
“Wanna cookie,” Chuck whined.
“After you put the jumpsuit on,” Dante said and held it out.
To my relief, Chuck obeyed.
Mom gave him another cookie.
“Dementia?” Jerry asked.
Mom nodded. “We’re trying to get hold of his family.”
“We’ll treat your deputies,” Jerry said and pointed to another paramedic unit parking behind a fire truck. “Frank, have Gonzales check out your prisoner. He has more experience dealing with dementia patients than I do.”
“Okay.” Frank led Chuck off.
Whump. Whump. Whump.
I glanced up. A slew of news choppers hovered overhead. I gave them the one-fingered salute. “Ha! You’re not getting a shot of me in my underwear this time.”
“I’ll take your gun belts and radios,” Dante said.
I reared back in horror. “Are you crazy? I’m not going to the hospital unarmed.”
Julie added, “Me neither.”
Dante stared at us for a long moment and pulled out two chocolate bars. “I’ll bring more later.”
I snatched it out of his hand. “The good stuff, okay.”
“Yeah, Cerreta’s,” Julie added, ripping off the wrapper.
“Delgado,” Dad shouted. “We need you over here.”
Mom patted his arm. “Go. I’ll watch over the girls.”
“Try not to shoot up the hospital again.”
“If we are attacked, I’m not making any promises,” Mom replied.
“Delgado,” Sergeant Bergman bellowed.
Dante gently kissed me and jogged over to my father.
Kaboom! Flaming debris rained down on us.
“Was that a Claymore or dynamite?” Julie asked.
Thud! A tire hit the top of the ambulance.
I eyed the burning fragments raining down on us. “Dynamite.”
“Time to leave,” Jerry cried. As soon as Mom was inside the ambulance, he shut the doors. “Go,” he shouted to Eddie.”
Eddie stomped on the gas and off we went, lights and sirens blaring.
I slid off the gurney and fell on Mom.
Miss Kitty poked her head out of Mom’s purse and hissed at me.
“Sorry Miss Kitty.” I climbed off Mom. “Is it a good idea to have the kitten in your purse? I mean, what if she sets off the flashbang.”
“She’s too small and it was the only place I could put her.”
“And you didn’t want to argue with Dad in public,” I added.
Mom grinned. “I’ll give your dad a lap dance and he’ll do whatever I want.”
“TMI Mom. TMI.”
Jerry nodded his head. “Yeah, TMI.”
The ambulance swerved wildly.
“What’s going on?” I yelled.
Eddie hollered, “A black SUV is trying to run us off the road.”
Bang! The ambulance fishtailed violently.
“A man in a ski mask is pointing his AK-47 rifle at us. He wants me to stop,” Eddie yelled.
Mom pulled her gun. “Do it.”
“Is that a good idea?” Jerry asked nervously.
Julie and I drew our weapons. “Yep. Unless you want to crash.”
“Hit your emergency alert button Gemma,” Mom ordered.
I did as she asked.
The dispatcher called, “Charlie-23 what is the nature of your emergency?”
“Our ambulance is under attack by armed suspects in a black SUV. We need backup,” I replied.
The dispatcher calmly responded, “State your location.”
“Where are we, Eddie?” Julie demanded.
“The 303 and Sun Valley Parkway.”
I keyed my mic and gave the dispatcher our location.
“Copy Charlie-23.”
Julie and I turned off our radios.
The ambulance came to an abrupt stop.
“There are four masked men armed with assault rifles,” Eddie advised.
A scary smile on her face, Mom ordered, “Jerry, you and Eddie put your hands up and don’t say a word.”
“Yes, ma’am,” they replied.
“You two moan and I’ll do my crazy granny act.”
Julie and I exchanged grins and hid our weapons.
The rear doors were yanked open and the men pointed AK-47s at us. “No one moves.”
Oh goodie, they were armed to the teeth and wearing body armor too. I groaned pitifully.
“Where is the old man?” the taller thug demanded.
Mom cried, “Freddie! It’s about fucking time you showed up. Where is your brother?”
“Brother?” the taller thug repeated.
With a bloodcurdling scream, Mom jumped to her feet. “Rattlesnake!”
“Rattlesnake?” The masked men backed up a step.
“Nah, it’s just a bull snake.” She held up a snake. “See?” Mom tossed it at them.
It hit the tall guy in the face, and he yelped, “It bit me!”
“Whoops, my bad. Guess it was a rattlesnake.” Mom cackled wildly and asked, “You guys got any antivenom?”
Jerry shook his head.
“Guess you’ll have to come to the hospital with us. Is your face going numb yet?”
“No.”
“It’s only a matter of time,” Mom said sadly.
Jerry asked, “How is your breathing?”
“Shut up! All of you shut the hell up,” the squat thug shouted. “Where is Chuck Hennessy?”
Jerry shrugged. “Dunno.”
“You don’t know where the love of my life is?” Mom screeched. “Why not?”
Jerry’s eyes widened. “Cause the other ambulance took him.”
“Enough!” The squat thug fired a round into the air. “Call your dispatch center and find out.”
The tall thug suddenly fell to the ground and didn’t move.
“Oh, my God,” Mom shrieked. “You shot him!”
The squat thug stared at his buddy in disbelief. “Did not. It’s the rattlesnake venom.”
“Bastard! Did you kill Chuck too?” Mom whipped out her Mace and sprayed the hell out of the remaining thugs.
Julie and I fired off a volley of bullets, hitting their vests numerous times. The thugs flew backwards and hit the ground hard. The pain would keep them down and out of commission for a while.
“Go. Go. Go, Eddie,” Mom yelled.
Eddie stomped on the gas and as we passed the black SUV, we shot out the tires.
I laughed. “Well, that was fun.”
“Fun?” Jerry exclaimed. “Your entire family is nuts.”
“And proud of it,” Mom said. “Quick! Turn off your cellphones before the menfolk start calling.”
“I can’t do that, Mom.”
In the distance dozens of sirens sounded.
My cellphone rang. “Deputy Stone.” I flinched. “It’s okay, Dad. Mom did her crazy old lady act. We’re heading for the hospital, and we left you a present at the 303 and Sun Valley Parkway.” I handed Mom my phone. “Dad wants to talk to you.”
“We’re fine. The idiots not so much. Uh huh. I didn’t. His buddy shot him. You need to let Frank know they are looking for his prisoner. Okay.” Mom disconnected and gave me back my phone.”
“What did Dad say?”
Mom grumbled, “I’m not allowed to shoot anyone else today.”
“That’s okay, he didn’t say we couldn’t.”
Julie’s phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID. “I think Sergeant Bergman is about to tell us the same thing.” She swiped right. “Deputy Garza. Yes, sir. No, sir. Gotcha.” Julie disconnected. “Yep, no shooting anyone and I gotta know. Where did you get that freakin’ snake?”
“Miss Kitty caught it. It was under the front seat,” Mom replied.
Julie growled, “I’m gonna kill Scotty.”
“Paybacks are a bitch,” I inserted. “We need to stop by Everson’s Reptile House and buy some baby snakes.”
Julie grinned. “Yes, we do.”
“You girls are downright scary,” Jerry commented.
I patted his knee. “Don’t piss us off and you don’t have anything to worry about.”
Jerry raised an eyebrow. “That’s not reassuring.”
“We have a police escort,” Eddie called.
I frowned. “I bet they’re gonna try to take our guns away too.”
“Over my dead body,” Mom hissed.
I bared my teeth in a deadly smile. “Exactly.”
The ambulance pulled to a stop at the emergency room doors. Doc Halliday opened the back doors. “Any bullet wounds or broken bones?”
“No, I have a bloody nose and Julie has two cuts,” I replied.
“I was told you were caught in a bomb blast.”
Julie rolled her eyes. “A minor blast and we took cover.”
“Minor?” Doc Halliday raised an eyebrow. “I saw the news reports. You’re lucky to be alive.”
I snorted. “Everything would have been fine if the damn chickens hadn’t triggered the trip wire.”
“Chickens?”
A very naked Chuck raced out of the emergency room with Frank and Hank, the security guard, in hot pursuit.
Frank shouted, “Come back here, you crazy old man. Where do you think you’re going?”
“Home! I’m going home.”
“Cookie,” Mom yelled.
Chuck did an 180 and ran over to us.
Mom held out the cookie.
Frank grabbed Chuck and quickly cuffed him.
“Cookie. Cookie. Cookie,” Chuck whined.
Mom gave the cookie to Hank. “It’ll calm him down.
“I hope so. He’s pretty fast for an old guy.”
Doc Halliday motioned to an orderly. “Put Chuck in room three.”
“Yes, sir.” The orderly and Frank lifted Chuck onto a gurney and rolled him away.
Julie frowned. “Got any aspirin? I’ve got a killer headache.”
“Take them to room two, Jerry,” Doc Halliday instructed.
Jerry nodded. “Yes, sir.” He pulled back the privacy curtain and moved us onto the hospital beds. “Ladies, it’s been interesting.”
“I’ve heard stories about you two, but I never believed them, until now,” Eddie added.
Julie rolled her eyes. “We’re just doing our jobs.”
“Uh, huh. It was like something out of the wild, wild West.”
“Arizona still has outlaws,” I responded.
Eddie grabbed their equipment. “I’m thinking of rotating to Sun City where all I have to deal with are harmless old folks.”
“Harmless?” I started laughing.
Mom and Julie joined in.
“What’s so funny?”
“Sun City residents are far from harmless,” Doc Halliday replied.
Eddie looked confused. “But they’re old. How much trouble can they get into?”
I laughed harder.
“Explain it to him, Jerry,” Doc Halliday instructed.
Jerry exhaled a long breath. “Yes, sir.”
“Don’t forget to tell him about all the orgies,” Julie called.
Eddie exclaimed, “Orgies? Old folks still have sex?”
Mom chortled as a cry of disapproval erupted in the waiting room. Most of the sick and injured were over sixty.
“I’ll explain everything outside,” Jerry growled.
“But…”
“Outside,” Jerry snarled.
Doc Halliday shook his head. “The kid is in for a few surprises.”
“Ya think?” Mom quipped.
The emergency room doors slid open and in stomped the entire Glendale Police Department’s SWAT team.
“That can’t be good.” My hand dropped to the butt of my Glock.
Sergeant Durham walked over to us and winced. “I heard you two blew up Chuck Hennessey’s place.”
“We did not blow it up,” I retorted. “The chickens did.”
Sergeant Durham grinned. “Chickens, huh? You gonna stick to that story?”
Julie gave him the stink eye.
“Did Alex send you?” Mom asked sweetly.
Sergeant Durham shook his head. “We’re here to guard the prisoners the three of you shot.”
“They attacked our ambulance. We stopped them,” Julie said.
Durham frowned. “They still had plenty of fight left in them when your deputies rolled up. Only two of them survived the shootout.”
My stomach knotted. “Any of our guys hurt?”
“No,” Sergeant Durham answered.
I sagged in relief.
“Why is Chuck so important to them?” Mom mused.
Sergeant Durham shook his head. “Don’t know and they’re in no shape to answer questions right now.”
The emergency room doors whooshed open, and the paramedics rushed in with two badly bleeding thugs. Six heavily armed Peoria Police officers followed on their heels.
“Doctor Jones is set up in OR one,” Doc Halliday called.
“Yes, sir.” The paramedics pushed their patients down the hallway.
I grimaced. “You think their buddies will make another attempt to take Chuck?”
“We do,” Sergeant Durham answered. “Keep your eyes open.”
“Yes, sir,” we said in unison.
Durham’s phone rang. He glanced down at it and swiped right. “What can I do for you Chief?” He walked off.
I rubbed my aching forehead. What a clusterfuck. “Got any Tylenol, Doc?”
“I do but let me check you over first.” Doc Halliday tilted my head up and gently probed my face. “I don’t think anything is broken but Jenny, our x-ray tech, is going to take some pictures of your face and skull.”
Jenny, a fortyish woman wearing way too much makeup, smiled at me. “It won’t hurt a bit, and you even get a lollipop.”
“A lollipop?” What? Was I six?
Jenny added, “It’s chocolate.”
“Okay, I could use some chocolate.”
Doc Halliday queried, “You hurt anywhere else, Gemma?”
“Just some bruises on my back where Julie landed on me.”
The Doc poked around on my back. “Nothing serious. She’s all yours Jenny.”
“Great!” Jenny grabbed a wheelchair. “In you go.”
I got in the wheelchair.
“I’m going to hit the cafeteria,” Mom said.
My stomach rumbled hungrily. “Get me a breakfast sandwich and some tea, please.”
“Will do.” Mom gave me a package of wet wipes. “You need to clean the blood off your face. You’re scaring people.”
I looked around. Sure enough. Everyone was staring at me in horror. I carefully wiped the blood off.
“You missed a spot.” Jenny grabbed a wet wipe and rubbed it over my throbbing nose.
I flinched. “Uh, thanks.”
“Hold on,” Jenny said and off we zoomed.
People jumped out of the way. A few nurses even gave Jenny the one-fingered salute. We rushed toward a set of double doors. “Door! Door!” I warned. At the last second, the doors to X-ray opened and we whizzed inside. “Let me guess, you drive race cars.”
“Demolition derby,” Jenny corrected. “It’s a great stress reliever.”
“I bet it is, but my stomach is a little iffy right now. Can we slow down a bit?”
“Of course, Deputy.” Jenny wheeled me over to the X-ray machine.
The X-rays took about twenty minutes, and Jenny rolled me back to the emergency room at a snail’s pace. “Out.”
“Thanks.” I got out of the wheelchair.
Jenny popped a lollipop in her mouth and sauntered off.
Bitch! That’s when I noticed Mom and Julie were chowing down on sausage biscuits. My stomach growled.
“Here ya go.” Mom tossed me a sandwich.
“Thanks.” I wolfed it down.
Frank stuck his head in. “Where’s my sandwich?"
“Who’s watching Chuck?” I countered.
“Glendale and Peoria have a slew of officers guarding him.”
Mom tossed Frank a wrapped biscuit. “Thank you, ma’am.”
“Gotta say, I’m surprised there hasn’t been another attempt to grab Chuck,” Julie said.
Frank grinned. “Me too.”
“Maybe the entire gang is dead or in custody,” I said.
Mom shook her head. “Too easy. They are probably waiting for reinforcements.”
“Cookie,” Chuck bellowed.
Mom handed Frank two cookies. “That’s the last of them.”
“Thanks.” He hurried off.
Doc Halliday walked in. “You are both very lucky ladies. I’m releasing you and you are not to return to work for five days.” He handed us the work release documents.
“Why so long? It’s just a few bruises,” I asked.
Doc Halliday held up a hand mirror. “What do you see?”
“Ugh,” I grimaced. “It looks like someone beat the crap out of me.”
Doc put the mirror down. “Exactly. Not an image you want to present to the public. Plus, if you did get hit in the face again, you would probably lose consciousness.”
“Oh. That would suck big time.”
“Your dad has background checks he needs run. That’ll keep you busy,” Mom inserted.
Julie protested, “But I was going to work on my tan.”
“You are a member of the Alpha Dogs too,” Mom pointed out.
“Yes, ma’am. Background checks it is.”
Miss Kitty wiggled out of Mom’s purse and climbed up on her shoulder. Meow!
“Animals are not allowed in the hospital,” Doc Halliday grumbled.
Mom stroked Miss Kitty. “She’s a therapy cat.”
“It’s a kitten,” Doc Halliday pointed out.
Mom countered, “She’s a miniature.”
Doc Halliday narrowed his eyes. “Do you have the proper paperwork?”
“Not yet.” Mom stood. “Let’s go. Logan left my truck in the parking lot.”
Doc Halliday planted his hands on his hips. “Don’t bring it back without the proper paperwork.”
“Her name is Miss Kitty, and I won’t.”
Julie whispered, “Sorry.”
“It’s a rescue,” I added and followed Mom out.