Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Stiletto
I stare at the stark white walls, the smell of antiseptic stinging my nose.
The rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor fills the silence, a constant reminder I’m still here.
I’m alive.
How the fuck did this happen?
I roll onto my side, the sheets rustling beneath me.
The sterile smell of antiseptic clings to everything.
I can’t escape it. My heart races, pounding against the confines of my chest.
Outside my window, snowflakes drift lazily down, blanketing the world in white.
It’s beautiful. Almost peaceful. But the sight only deepens the ache inside me. I turn away, eyes squeezing shut.
“Just stop,” I mutter, but the memories flood back like a tidal wave.
The darkness. The fear. The pain. I can’t fucking breathe.
“Why did Miles have to find me? Why couldn’t he just let it be?”
I take a deep breath, focusing on the snow again.
It glistens, reflecting the twinkling lights of Christmas decorations strung up outside.
A bright red bow on a nearby tree catches my eye.
I scoff at the irony.
They’re celebrating while I’m here, trapped in a hospital bed.
“Christmas cheer,” I snarl, rolling back over to face the wall. “What a joke.”
But the more I try to ignore it, the louder the memories become. They claw at the edges of my sanity.
I feel angry—angry at myself, angry at him for saving me. What was the point?
“Why couldn’t you just let me go,” I whisper, voice cracking.
Silence answers me, and I’m left alone with my thoughts.
Snow continues to fall, soft and relentless.
I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, wishing for an escape.
“How are you feeling today, Song?” A nurse glides in, checking my IV.
“Like I just got run over by a truck,” I mutter, glaring at her.
She offers a sympathetic smile but doesn’t say anything else.
My gaze drifts to the window.
Snowflakes swirl outside, dancing against the glass like they’re celebrating something I can’t feel.
“Hey there kid,” Zane’s booming voice cuts through my thoughts.
I flinch, forcing myself to sit up straight against the pillows. “I didn’t expect to see you,” I admit.
“What did you think, I’d leave you in here until you were released and came back to the club?” he says, stepping inside with an amused smirk, his presence filling the room.
The nurse leaves the room and Zane gets closer.
He looks serious.
Too serious for my comfort.
“Is something going on?” I ask, anxiety bubbling beneath my skin.
He licks his lips, “Yeah, but that can wait. How are you?”
I suck in a sharp breath, not sure how to answer his question. “I’m okay.”
Zane takes a seat in a chair beside my bed, cocking a brow. “Are you really, or is that some bullshit answer that’s supposed to make me feel better?”
I swallow hard, knowing he has a daughter, so he knows all of the tricks. “I’m as good as I can be, Prez.”
“Good, honesty is important. I’m hoping this will cheer you up,” He pauses for a few moments. “We located two of The Commander’s men and were able to capture them.”
“Really?” I blink, trying to process this. A flicker of hope ignites, then is snuffed out by unease.
My stomach twists.
The thought of them getting The Commander sends a flutter of hope through me, but it’s quickly drowned by nausea.
I can’t shake the image of his face, the cruelty in those eyes that haunted my nightmares.
“One was dealt with last night. Gave us the location of The Commander’s safehouse.” His eyes search mine. “We’re working on the other one now.”
“That’s… good.” It feels wrong to think that way. My stomach churns. “What if he lies? What if they both do?”
“Then the club will deal with it,” Zane replies, his tone firm. “But we’re getting closer. Closer than we’ve ever gotten before.”
“Closer to what?” The words slip out before I can stop them. “Vengeance?”
“Justice,” he corrects me, taking my hand in his. “I want you to stay away from this, Stiletto. I mean it.”
“That’s not fair,” I protest, shaking my head. “I should have a hand in his demise, especially after everything that happened.” I shut my eyes, trying to push back the horrible memories that plague me every day.
“Exactly. If this were my daughter...” He trails off, his expression softening. “You need to let us handle it. If you ask me, you’ve been through enough. We’ll protect you, Stiletto. You have my fuckin’ word.”
“Protect me?” I scoff. “It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?”
The club didn’t protect me when they had the chance.
“I know. None of us thought…” He trails off, leaning closer, sincerity etched into his features. “None of us thought anythin’ like this would happen. I’m not the kind of Prez who wants his people to be hurt. I don’t know exactly what happened to you, but I can guess. Whatever did, you didn’t deserve it. He used you as a way to get out his aggressions toward the club and I am so sorry for that.”
My breath hitches and tears spill over, hot and unexpected.
I don’t want to cry. Not here, not now.
It’s fucking humiliating.
“Hey.” Zane pulls me against him, wrapping his arms around me. “It’s okay. Let it out. Everything will be all right. I promise you, I’ll make damn sure of it.”
I cling to him, letting the grief pour out.
“Prez,” I manage between sobs. “I don’t know why I’m doin’ this. I’m sorry.”
“‘Cause you’ve been through fuckin’ hell and you don’t have a father figure. I’m the closest thing you’ve got kid, and I’m here.” Zane whispers, pulling back slightly to look at me. “I need you to know you have the whole club, but you have Miles too. He’s a good guy, a real good one.”
I wipe my cheeks, feeling raw and exposed. “He’s still here?”
“Yeah. He’s been worried about you. He sleeps out in the lobby here most of the time.”
“Why would he do that?” I ask, my voice breaking.
“Because he loves you, Stiletto. The club loves you, but damn if he doesn’t love you in a different way. He’s a good one, so do me a solid and give that guy a chance. I don’t know what happened in your past, but it seems to me like he’s earned another chance.”
As Zane rises to leave, his words echo in my mind, heavy and tangled.
Miles is still here, so maybe he meant every word he said to me.
The door clicks shut, and suddenly, it’s just me and the shadows creeping back in.
I take a shaky breath, squeezing my eyes shut.
Zane is gone and I’m stuck in my own loneliness.
The beeping of the monitor is relentless.
It pierces through the quiet like a siren, reminding me I’m still here.
I flex my fingers, feeling the tenderness in my wrists.
The bandages are stark white against my skin, a painful reminder of what I tried to do.
I can almost hear the doctor’s voice ringing in my ears from yesterday. “Standard tests, Song”
“Tests for what?” My voice comes out hoarse.
“Anything we might need to know,” she’d said, her eyes full of pity.
Testing for STDs. Blood work. All because Siren told them everything.
I roll onto my side, pulling my knees to my chest.
I want to scream. To punch something.
Anything to drown out the memories—the dark nights, the cold hands that gripped me, the laughter that echoed in my mind like an unholy chant.
“Is this really my life?” I murmur, blinking back tears.
I let out a shaky breath. “This can’t be happening.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, but the images push through anyway.
I see their faces, twisted with malicious glee.
I hear their taunts, sharp as knives.
“God, why did you even bother saving me?” The words slip out before I can stop them, raw and jagged.
I look out the window again.
The world outside is beautiful.
The snowflakes dance in the air, oblivious to the pain inside me.
“Why can’t I feel anything? Why am I just numb?”
A single tear escapes, trailing down my cheek.
I wipe it away angrily, ashamed.
The snow keeps falling.
Zane is even going to bat for Miles, saying he’s a good guy, but he wasn’t there when I needed him most.
That was years ago. So…what if Zane is right?
What if he came back because he really wants to give this a go with me?
My heart races as I replay the last few days in my mind.
The way Miles looked at me, fierce and intense.
How he held me in the SUV when I couldn’t hold myself together.
If he’s still here, maybe it’s not just pity.
Maybe he is serious about giving this a go, and maybe I should give him a chance.
I open my eyes, staring out at the snow-covered world.
The flakes drift down like whispered promises.
Maybe it’s time to let him in again.
Maybe this time will be different.
I close my eyes, inhaling deeply.
The hospital air is sterile, almost suffocating but I force myself to focus.
Miles.
The image of him fills my mind—his buzz cut, the sleeve of tattoos covering his left arm. The intensity of his brown eyes when he looked at me.
He’s always been intense and it used to scare me, especially when we were kids but now... now it just makes me feel safe.
He’s here.
He’s still in Montana, even though I’ve tried pushing him away.
For fuck’s sake… he broke up with his girlfriend.
“Fucking hell,” I mutter under my breath.
Am I actually considering this?
My heart clenches at the thought, fear warring with something else. Something more dangerous—hope.
I shake my head, a bitter laugh escaping my lips.
“God, you’re such an idiot.”
But even as I chastise myself, I can’t deny the truth.
I want him. Not just physically–God knows that’s always been a thing–but emotionally too.
“Damn it,” I whisper into the silence, my voice barely audible.
I let my mind wander, tracing back to the time we’d spent together years ago.
The way his brown eyes would sparkle when he laughed, the way his tattoos would flex with each movement, a living canvas of ink and skin.
His thick New York accent that I used to pick on, given his Italian heritage, now sounding like the most comforting thing in the world.
He’s changed since then, we both have, but underneath those changes is the same person—the one who I’d always had feelings for.
Miles wasn’t perfect, but he was real and raw and everything I’ve ever wanted.
But wanting and having are two different things.
“Can you really handle this, Stiletto?” I question myself aloud. “Can you deal with this love shit after everything you’ve been through?”
There’s no denying I still have feelings for him. But fear gnaws at me, chewing away at the edges of what could have been.
I just… I don’t want him hurting me again.