Chapter 17
“Need some water?” Foster whispered sometime later as Jude drifted closer and closer to sleep.
Jude didn’t want to move—nor Foster to move—but his mouth was as dry as a desert.
“Please,” Jude croaked, voice low.
After Jude moved his arm and leg, Foster slowly rose and padded naked to the kitchen. Jude smiled, enjoying the view. On his way back, Foster took a small gulp for himself. When he reached the edge of the bed, he handed the rest over.
“Thanks,” Jude said, struggling with the emotions taking up too much space within him.
“Welcome,” Foster said, a soft, sexy smile on his lips. He walked to the bathroom and flipped on the light. He reappeared a couple of minutes later with a damp washcloth he used to clean Jude’s stomach and cock.
“You know, I can clean myself up.”
Foster grinned. “I like doing it.”
“So, you’re a service top, hmm? I thought so.”
“I don’t know what that is,” Foster said. “Considering I’m repaying a debt, I should be of service though, hmm? Maybe it’ll knock a little off my total.”
“In a hurry to get rid of me?”
Foster’s gaze flicked to his. “No. I’m not.”
The magnetic pull between them was palpable, as if Foster had lassoed him and was tugging them closer every single time they were together.
Foster chuckled. “Maybe I’ll have to figure out the least terrible thing I can do to add some more time to my sentence.”
“So now you’re in prison?”
“Stop,” Foster muttered before he glared Jude’s way. “I’m here of my own free will.”
“That’s not completely true,” Jude said.
Foster met his stare. “It is.”
“You agreed to my demands because you felt guilty. Nothing more.”
“I won’t say that I don’t feel guilty, but if I didn’t want to be here with you, I wouldn’t be.” Foster caressed the side of Jude’s face. “When you’re not here, all I can think of is the next time I’ll see you.”
“Don’t get sappy on me now,” Jude muttered.
“Fine. If you need to tell yourself you’re collecting on a debt, go right ahead.”
“What does that mean?”
Foster searched his face a few seconds before shrugging. “Nothing, I guess.”
Jude’s heart thundered against his ribcage.
It became harder to breathe.
The apartment was suddenly suffocating. He had to get outside.
Fresh air.
Freedom.
“Jude?” Foster asked, a concerned look on his face.
Jude climbed out of bed and stretched for his clothing, tugging his briefs on haphazardly.
“Stay,” Foster implored, reaching for his hand.
Jude pulled away and looked at Foster—sitting on the bed they’d just ransacked, his hair tousled, and his big, blue puppy eyes pleading. He hated how enticing the invitation was and the way his body leaned in that direction, ready, willing, and able to slide back in to snuggle with Foster.
I can’t fall for him.
I can’t.
A voice whispered inside his head. Too late, asshole.
“I have work early tomorrow,” Jude said as he buttoned his jeans. He couldn’t look at Foster, or he’d end up back in that bed. “I can’t…” He shook his head. “I can’t run across town like I did last time.” Jude scoffed. “And this bed is way too small for the both of us.”
“I can drive you home,” Foster offered. “And… I could stay with you there. If you wanted me to stay, that is.”
“We aren’t in a relationship, Foster,” Jude snapped, finally looking at him.
Foster stared for a moment before tearing his gaze away. Had the pain he’d noticed been a figment of his imagination?
Jude pulled on his shoes and then reached for his jacket. “By the way, congrats on the job.”
“Thanks,” Foster replied, his tone flat and his gaze trained on the bed they’d just shared.
Jude stood there a few more seconds, the urge to give in and ask for that ride home screaming in his head.
To sleep in Foster’s arms again. To wake up to a big, hairy body cuddled beside him.
He’d never imagined wanting to do that with anyone…
but there he stood wanting it with a desperation he couldn’t comprehend.
Wanting it from the wrong man.
Jude didn’t do relationships, and even if he did, Foster wasn’t one he could trust to get close with. If they stayed on this path, it wasn’t going to end well.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Jude whispered.
Foster’s gaze jumped to his.
“It was supposed to be just sex. I was clear about that from the very start. If you’re having feelings, then you need to get them in check,” Jude said. He wasn’t completely sure if he was reminding Foster of that—or himself. “Because that’s not going to change.”
Foster’s shoulders dropped, his expression devoid of emotion.
“If you can’t separate the two, then tell me now,” Jude said. “And we can end this before it gets any more complicated.”
Foster looked away for a second before turning back. “I’ll get them in check.”
Jude clenched his jaw, wondering if Foster realized what he’d just revealed. It was an admission—that Foster had feelings for him to get into check. Jude dug his fingertips into his palms to prevent himself from asking what those feelings were.
He was not going to open that door. There was only trouble behind it.
End it now before it gets too deep.
End it now.
Now!
“Good. Glad to hear it,” Jude replied, ignoring his own common sense. “Get it together.”
He needed to leave before he made a bigger ass of himself, but his feet seemed rooted to the floor. He couldn’t move.
He couldn’t walk away.
“When do you start the new job?”
Foster’s gaze darted his way. “Monday. I go in to sign papers. I’ll hopefully know what my schedule looks like after that.”
“Good,” Jude said. “Let me know so I can arrange your next payment.”
Foster’s gaze met his.
Jude swallowed the lump in his throat before forcing himself to the door. He walked out without a goodbye and raced down the steps. He stopped midway, spun, and marched back up, stopping in front of the door. He stared at the knob, trying to summon the courage to walk back inside.
No. We cannot do this.
I can’t let him get any closer than he already has.
He probably stared at that door for a full minute. Before he could force himself to walk away, it whipped open and Foster stepped outside with a hoodie and gray sweatpants on, pocketing his keys and his phone. He stared down at Jude, the silence palpable.
“Where are you going?” Jude asked, his brows furrowing.
“Your place,” Foster said. He pressed a gentle kiss to Jude’s forehead before walking down the stairs. He paused midway, remote started his SUV, and then looked up at Jude. “You coming?”
Jude clenched his jaw, knowing he shouldn’t allow this to happen, but he was swept up in the tide, unable to stop their forward momentum no matter how hard he tried.
He slowly descended, his mind reeling. Foster remained on the third to the last step, waiting for him.
When Jude met him, Foster collected his hand and tugged him toward the waiting vehicle.
He slipped inside without a word, unable to look at Foster.
They drove toward the shop, the only sound the engine and the music playing faintly on the radio.
Jude barely heard it over the pounding of his heart.
As they neared Anton’s house, he sank down in the seat, terrified of being seen.
It was late enough that Anton was likely in bed or soon would be.
Few souls were out on the street at that hour, but he remained low in the seat until they pulled up a few blocks away.
Just in case.
“Is this far enough?”
Jude shot Foster a frown. “What?”
“I don’t want there to be new rumors if my SUV was parked outside your place all night,” Foster said. “I’ve caused you enough shit already. So… is this far enough away?”
“It’s fine,” Jude muttered after glancing outside to ensure the coast was clear.
They both exited and quietly slipped through the long shadows cast along the sidewalk.
A chill breeze washed over Jude as he turned into the alley towards his apartment.
Neither of them said a word as they marched upstairs and undressed.
Foster took his hand and drew him into the bathroom.
He started the shower, and they slipped in together, taking turns cleaning one another’s body.
Jude wasn’t in the talking mood. If they talked too much he might decide this was all a mistake. How Foster seemed to sense that, he didn’t know—but he appreciated the comfortable silence.
Later, they climbed into bed to lie beside one another. Jude curled on his side with his back to Foster, staring out at the moon peeking in through the window.
What am I doing?
It wasn’t the first time he’d asked himself that question that night. It had been on repeat for at least an hour and he’d yet to come up with a reasonable answer.
Foster slid against him, the big spoon to his little.
He always seemed to know when to distract Jude from his wayward thoughts.
Too bad he also distracted him from his common sense.
Whatever he’d been thinking could wait until the morning, though.
Jude closed his eyes while Foster tugged him a little closer and kissed his shoulder. He rested his hand on Jude’s chest.
Just above the Jude’s unsteady heart.
“Goodnight,” Foster whispered, an air of contentment in his tone.
“Night,” Jude replied, his mouth dry.
He lay there for a long time, listening to the slow, even falls of Foster’s breath.
When it was clear he was asleep, Jude forced his eyes closed, unsure if he could sleep with a man in his bed.
The next time he opened them, his phone’s alarm was going off.
His head lay on Foster’s chest, one arm and leg draped over the guy.
Jude stretched, shocked at how rested he felt. He lifted his gaze. The hint of a smile on Foster’s lips made him groan. “Stop smiling.”
“I’m not,” Foster fibbed while Jude leaned over and turned off the alarm.
“Yes, you are,” Jude said before returning to the same spot and snuggling again.