Chapter 22 #2
“Jude…”
Jude stiffened.
“I think the condom broke,” Foster whispered against his ear. “Don’t worry. I haven’t been with anyone else.”
Jude closed his eyes for a couple of seconds before pushing Foster’s hands away. He pulled off Foster’s still-hard cock and tugged his briefs back in place.
“Yep, it broke,” Foster muttered before peeling it off.
He snuck a brief kiss and then walked to the bathroom to dispose of what was left of the condom. All while the earth tilted. Off balance, Jude took a step forward. The water turned on and through the crack in the door, Jude saw him washing his hands in the mirror.
In the mirror’s reflection, he noticed a satisfied smile on Foster’s lips, too.
How did he know?
The fact he did changed everything. Jude couldn’t stay. He walked to the door and unlocked it.
“Jude?” Foster asked from the bathroom.
Jude opened the door and rushed down the hall.
“Jude!”
He picked up speed, jogging toward the lobby, panicked. When he finally reached the front door, he burst out onto the sidewalk and dragged a deep breath into his lungs.
The chill October air blew over the thin sheen of sweat coating him and caused him to shiver. He searched the street, looking for sanctuary. He didn’t want to go back into the club or the hotel, but there was little around them but darkness and the sounds of the ocean coming from across the street.
Where the fuck was he going?
As long as it was away from Foster, that was good enough. He took a few more steps down the sidewalk, passed by those headed inside Paradise. Music pulsed louder each time the door to the club was opened.
He wrapped his arms around himself for warmth.
Had Foster known all along?
Jude shook his head. He’d asked for Jude’s name…
Acted like he didn’t know. Had it been a game?
His face was almost fully covered. There’s no way he could’ve known.
How?
“Jude!”
Jude spun. Foster came through the front door and marched his way.
“You don’t get to ignore me. Not after what we just did.”
Jude remained silent a moment, his heart and his brain racing. “How did you know it was me?”
Foster scoffed. “How could I not know?”
Jude turned his body toward Foster. “My face is almost entirely covered. It was dark in the club. Dark in the hotel room. You never heard my voice.”
“Maybe not, but those weren’t the only clues.”
“Like?”
“Your aftershave. Your body wash. The scent that’s wholly you.
” Foster paused, lifting a hand and rubbing his thumb over Jude’s bottom lip.
“Those lips I already miss kissing. The feel of them against mine.” He trailed his knuckles along the hint of jaw not covered by the helmet and mask.
“The defiant tilt to your chin and the way your nostrils flare when you’re shoving me down on the bed to ride my cock. ”
“I didn’t shove you down on the bed,” Jude argued.
“No, but you shoved me against the desk, and you gave me that same defiant look when you did it.”
Jude shivered. The little things.
Foster had catalogued a list of his own.
“You’ve got to be freezing. Let’s go back to the room.”
“No,” Jude snapped.
Silence stretched between them for a few seconds.
Foster inched closer. “Is that why you ran out? You didn’t think I knew it was you?”
Jude lowered his head.
“You thought you could sneak in an anonymous fuck, and I’d be none the wiser, hmm?”
That was exactly what he’d thought.
Foster’s hand whipped out and twisted in the front of Jude’s toga. He dragged Jude closer, their legs rubbing against one another.
“Our debt was paid,” Foster growled, his voice raspy. “Remember?”
Foster yanked the helmet off Jude’s head and tossed it onto the ground beside them. He gathered Jude’s face in his hands and tugged until his lips were only a couple of inches away. “Now you owe me.”
“And what—” Jude’s voice hitched. “What is it you want in return?”
“Your honesty,” Foster said.
Jude winced.
“Why did you lie to Anton?”
“I knew he’d throw a fit if he knew we were in a relationship.”
Foster’s eyes widened. “You actually called it a relationship. I’m shocked.”
“Don’t,” Jude cautioned.
“You’re no longer the boss here,” Foster snapped. “Your rules no longer apply.” His expression softened. “I won’t hide how I feel just to make you more comfortable. Not anymore.”
Jude opened his mouth to argue but stopped before he said something he’d regret.
“I know you feel something for me,” Foster said.
“I don’t,” Jude answered.
“Liar,” Foster growled.
He wants honesty, hmm? Let’s see how he likes it.
“You know what? I am a liar. I do feel something for you—”
Foster’s brows smoothed a little.
“But I can’t trust it. This whole time, I’ve been waiting for the shitstorm to come, just like it did last time. I don’t want to spend forever looking over my shoulder, waiting for the end to come. For the pain to come. That’s no way to live.”
“No, it’s not,” Foster said. “It’s no way to live, stuck in the pain of the past, wedged in so tight that you can’t imagine a future for yourself. You’re too focused behind yourself than ahead.”
Jude blinked a few times, the truth in Foster’s comment bringing a sudden clarity. It might as well have been a slap across his face.
“I was fine until you came back,” Jude snapped.
“I don’t know what else I can do. I’ve apologized. On several occasions,” Foster said. “The only other thing I can do is be there for you when you need me. But you won’t let me do that.”
Jude winced.
“I agreed to your repayment plan—for a selfish reason, sure—but also in hopes that you might eventually forgive me.” He shook his head, his brows furrowing and casting longer shadows over his face. “I’m starting to doubt you can.”
“My entire life changed after that first kiss,” Jude said. “I went into survival mode. I’m not sure I ever came out of it.”
Foster’s brow furrowed. Pity shone in his eyes.
Jude didn’t want to be pitied.
“Do you want to come out of it?” Foster asked.
Jude nodded. “I do. I’m just not sure how to.”
“Come back upstairs with me.”
Jude eyed Foster’s outstretched hand. He wanted to take it.
But he couldn’t.
Foster sighed. “I want to be the man you turn to for help. I want to prove you can trust me, Jude.”
He shook his head and watched disappointment wash over Foster’s face.
“I need time to get my shit together before I can let anyone else in,” Jude said.
Foster held his stare a few seconds before he nodded and looked at the ground. “Okay. If that’s what you really need, I’ll respect that.”
Jude gave him a feeble smile.
“I’m sorry I sneaked a fuck out of you,” Jude added.
Foster chuckled. “You thought you were sneaking one.”
“If it means anything, I did it because I wanted one last time with you.”
“One last time?” Foster frowned. “You talk like there’s no coming back.”
“If I can’t work past things, there won’t be.”
Foster grew quiet. “I wouldn’t have denied you if you’d asked. Just so you know. I was upset and I walked away, but you only have to ask.”
Jude waved a hand out around them. “I was trying to avoid this. I knew you’d want answers. Answers I wasn’t ready to give.”
“I kind of wish I’d played along a little longer. I’d like to have avoided this, too. I saw it going a whole other way.” Foster closed the gap a bit. “I miss you already.”
“It’s not exactly goodbye. It’s more a maybe I’ll see you later.”
Foster gave him a weak smile.
“I… miss you, too,” Jude said.
“You don’t have to work through this alone,” Foster whispered.
“I do,” Jude said. “I can’t think straight when I’m around you.”
Foster fought a smile. “I’ll have to take that as my consolation prize. That… and the fact you admitted you felt something. Finally.”
Jude lifted on his toes and pressed a kiss to Foster’s lips before he spun and walked away. Had he stayed another second, he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to leave. He returned to the club and searched the place until he found Anton.
Anton dragged him outside by the pool, where it was a bit quieter.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
Jude smiled. “You were having fun dancing, so I went and had a little fun of my own.”
Anton grinned. “Whore.”
“You know it,” Jude said, adding a slow smile he didn’t really feel.
“Wanna go back in? I need to find my cute cowboy. I left him to go look for you.”
“Sure thing,” Jude said. He headed for the door, Anton following him.
After they’d worked their way through the crowd, Anton found his friend, Johnny Wayne, and cuddled up to him at the bar. Jude stood on the other side of Anton, the odd man out. That was, until Johnny’s friend, the inappropriate Indian, sidled up to them and gave Jude the eye.
Great.
Jude eyed the headdress and shook his head. His gaze traveled the room, looking anywhere but Tonto Blanco. Near the dance floor, he saw Foster and Cary again.
Foster’s gaze was on him.
“What are they doing here?!” Anton yelled near his ear a few seconds later, pointing in Foster’s direction. He then turned to Jude, cocking a brow.
Jude held his palms in surrender and shook his head. While he might’ve taken advantage of him being there, he hadn’t told Foster to come or that they were going to be there. There was no blame on his shoulders. He shrugged at Anton. Anton glared at them and again at Jude.
Thank heavens it was too loud to talk, or he’d likely have been chewed out for something that wasn’t even his fault. He sighed, suddenly exhausted, and turned back to the crowd. His gaze zeroed in on Foster without trying.
Foster watched him over the rim of his drink.
Jude would’ve given anything to have been able to take his hand and go back to the hotel room. He longed to cuddle against Foster in the bliss after coming together again.
They were so close, yet a world away.
He didn’t know if they had a chance, but if they did, he needed to work on himself. He had to let the past go or it was pointless. He dragged his gaze from Foster and turned to find Anton staring at him.
Jude averted his gaze, hating how well Anton knew him.
How much Anton would notice.
He’d have to keep his guard up and ignore Foster as much as possible.
It was going to be a long, long night.
It was too difficult standing across the room from a man Foster cared so much about without being to be near.
Jude had requested time, and he wanted to respect that, even with his mind screaming no.
Foster dragged his gaze from Jude and focused on Cary.
He reached for his cell phone and typed out a quick message.
Foster
I can’t stand across from him all night. I’m headed out
Cary
I get it man. I’ll check in when I go up to bed
Foster
I’m driving back
Cary
Tonight? You good to drive?
Foster nodded. He’d only nursed a couple of drinks all night, fearful he’d get sloppy given his mood before he’d seen Jude was there. If he stayed, there was an even better chance he was going to drink too much and do something stupid.
He slapped Cary’s hand and shook it before heading for the door. When he reached it, he turned and gazed across the club.
Jude stood watching him, wide-eyed.
Foster felt the electric pull they’d had from their very first encounter all those years ago. He didn’t want to walk away, but what other choice did he have?
After a quick nod and half-hearted wave, he silently said goodbye through the throng of people, smoke, and colored lights.
Jude opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, but closed it a second later. He stared at Foster, disappointment filling his face.
It was almost enough to make Foster cross the dance floor and draw Jude into his arms. Where he belonged.
Instead, he honored Jude’s request and walked out into the night.
The salty ocean breeze washed over him as he strode across the street to the parking lot.
Salt mixed well with the bitterness resting on his tongue.
Maybe I’ll see you later…
Foster feared it was their final goodbye—and he wasn’t sure he could survive that.