Chapter 14
Fourteen
JADE
Present
Hazel is waiting for me when I pull into Stone’s driveway to pick her up for brunch with the girls. Her long, dark hair falls over her shoulders in loose waves as she gets into my car.
“Good morning,” I say as she shuts the door.
“Hey.” She starts to fasten her seatbelt. “Before we leave am I dressed alright for where we’re going?”
“Yeah, this place is super casual. You look like a rock star’s girlfriend.”
It’s not a lie. She’s always had a more New York style, heavy on blacks and grays. Today is no exception with her ripped, baggy jeans and tight black sweater. She’s even wearing the little diamond skull earrings that I know Stone gifted her.
I head south toward the restaurant in Venice Beach. After a few minutes talking about the concert tonight and logistics, I take the conversation a little deeper.
“How’s your mom doing?”
Hazel sighs. “She says she’s good, but I know it’s hard. She went from living with her mom and daughter to now being alone. At least while I’m on the road with my tour. I told Stone I might fly home this week just to be close to her.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah,” her voice wavers. “I know she misses Grams just as much as I do.”
I reach over and squeeze her hand. “She was an amazing woman. Raised a line of badasses.”
She gives a watery laugh. “That she did.”
I’ve loved watching the confidence that’s grown within her since she started her book tour. The first few weeks she seemed like a fish out of water. The asshole who she considered her mentor didn’t help with that. Fucking mediocre piece of shit.
Somehow I manage to score a parking spot on the street right outside the cafe.
Stephanie and Shan are waiting for us when we get out.
I cross the sidewalk and wrap them both in hugs.
It’s been a couple months since we’ve all been able to get together, and I already feel the peace that only your long-time girl friends can give you.
“Amber is already inside getting a table,” Shan says.
“Great. This is Hazel. Hazel, these are my friends Stephanie and Shannon.”
“Hi.” Shan extends her hand. “Everyone calls me Shan.”
Stephanie wraps her up in one of her signature hugs. As the only one of us who’s married and a mom, she’s definitely the warmest. The host takes us back to the table where Amber has already poured waters for us from the glass bottle on the table.
After the final round of introductions, we settle into the U-shaped booth with Hazel in the middle. Amber reaches into her bag and pulls out a copy of Hazel’s book.
“Do you mind signing this? I read it after I caught your interview on the news. Mark O’Malley is such an asshole.”
“He really is. I’ll never go on his show again.” Hazel digs around in her purse and pulls out a pen. “Did you catch the entire interview?” She scrawls her name on the title page and adds a little note.
“Yeah. I’m not one to swoon, but when Stone jumped over the couch and landed beside you, I almost squealed. So fucking hot.”
Hazel’s cheeks go pink. “It really was. I was so nervous in the moment that I barely remember anything.”
“Have you watched it?” Stephanie asks.
Hazel smiles. “So many times.”
The server comes to take our order, and I go big, regardless of the food baby I’ll be carrying the rest of the day. The stuffed french toast here is too good to pass up. After she leaves Hazel steers the conversation away from herself.
“What do you all do for a living?”
“I’m a set designer,” Amber says.
“Attorney,” Stephanie says after a sip of her mimosa.
“Sports agent,” Shan adds.
Hazel’s eyes widen. “You all have the coolest jobs.”
“I don’t know, I think being an author beats being an attorney.” Stephanie gives a self-deprecating grin, used to all of us making fun of her job.
“Whatever Steph, you’re a saint.” Shan knocks her shoulder against Stephanie’s.
Truthfully though, she does more good than just about anyone at this table. She’s not out there raking in fistfuls of money. She works in family court as an advocate for underage children in horrible situations. On top of having twins of her own.
“How’s the tour going?” Amber asks, tucking her tightly coiled hair behind her hair. “Tours, actually,” she corrects.
I look at Hazel, letting her know she can go first.
“It’s been a lot easier than I thought it would be. I’m pretty quiet and reserved, so I was worried it would be draining for me. It’s actually the opposite. I love getting to connect with my readers and hear their stories about how the book spoke to them.”
“The best part is when we’re out with the guys and someone comes up to ask for her autograph, completely dismissing the band.” I toss my head back with a laugh. “The first time it happened, it made my fucking year.”
Hazel blushes again. “It doesn’t happen that much.”
“It’s happened five times now. It’s good for them to have their egos checked every now and again.”
“Speaking of egos, how’s Xander?” Stephanie lifts her blonde brow.
My chest squeezes at the mention of his name. Our conversation after dinner has been replaying on a loop in my mind since it happened. But I can’t tell the girls about the woman claiming to have had his child.
“I had dinner with him and Stephen a few nights ago.”
“Did he crash or something?” Shan asks.
“No.”
Hazel’s eyes light with interest as she watches the conversation unfold. I’m sure she’s noticed the tension between us. Stone might have even said something to her about it.
“How’d that happen, then?” Amber lifts her mimosa to her lips and looks at me with a look in her deep brown eyes that means business.
She never liked him after her first impression of him was the aftermath of our short-lived relationship the summer before college.
“You shouldn’t have to deal with him when you’re at home. ”
“He was driving by and noticed a strange truck in my driveway. It was the guy hired off Task Rabbit to put my new practice pole up.”
“Why was he driving by your house? It’s on a dead-end street.” Shan leans forward, hooked on the gossip.
“Good question. He was worried because the front door was cracked open, so he came to check it out.”
“That’s actually kind of sweet.” Steph shrugs at the annoyed glare Amber sends her way. “He’s always cared about Jade, and for that reason, I’ll never hate him.”
“Well I fucking will. Did you forget the months of putting her back together our freshman year?” Amber rolls her eyes. “I get that you two actually knew him before you knew Jade, but I just refuse to forget.”
“What did he do?” Hazel asks quietly. “I won’t tell Stone a word of what you share.”
I take a deep breath and prepare to tell my story. At least most of it.
“The summer after we graduated, Xander and I spent a lot of time together on our own. Stephen, his dad, was working on a big film project. My mom, who does special effects makeup, was on set in Europe for weeks at a time. We ended up having a sort of fling.”
“It was more than a fling,” Stephanie interjects.
“She fell off the face of the earth, always surfing with Xander or something else,” Shan rolls her eyes, still lightheartedly annoyed years later.
The server brings our plates, interrupting the flow of the conversation. Part of me wants to leave the conversation where it is, but maybe Hazel could offer some outside perspective. She’s observant and empathetic, so I continue the story once we’ve all settled with our food.
“We ended up being each other’s first,” I say right before taking the first bite of pillowy brioche.
Hazel’s fork stops mid scoop of eggs as her eyes flare in surprise. “I knew there had to be something, but I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Just wait, it gets worse,” Shan warns.
“He left for Juilliard,” I tell her, “without saying goodbye.”
“Not even a fucking note,” Amber seethes.
“It was a last-minute acceptance,” Stephanie adds.
“Don’t be a Xander Jacobs apologist,” Amber says.
“I’m not. I’m just pointing out the root of the problem,” Stephanie bristles. “Their parents told Jade they were getting divorced the same day Xander left.”
“My mom is incapable of being in a relationship past the butterflies and roses stage,” I say quietly. “Her marriage to Stephen lasted longer than most of her relationships because he is just a wonderful man.”
Hazel nods. “So the complete opposite of my mom.”
I smile over her. “Pretty much.” I look at my three best friends and clarify that statement. “Hazel’s dad walked out on her and her mom like mine.”
“But instead of chasing the high of falling in love, my mom shut everything but her work and me out of her life. Never dated again and definitely never married anyone else,” Hazel adds.
“Fucking men,” Shan says.
“Makes me wish I was a lesbian,” Amber says.
“Same because who would choose to open themselves to hurt like that?” Shan downs the rest of her mimosa.
We all laugh, and the conversation turns from men and the past to better things. There’s more to my story with Xander, but I’m not in the mood to open up about it. It’s heavy, and if anyone deserves to know, it’s Xander.
I’m definitely not going to tell any of the girls about what he said to me last night. Amber would lose her mind. Stephanie would secretly be happy because, regardless of what she says, she’s always rooted for him and I to work. Shan would be somewhere in the middle.
All that said, I spend most of the drive home after brunch with my thoughts preoccupied with Xander. I’m not deluding myself into thinking I’m not still attracted to him. I don’t think that will ever go away. It’d be so easy to fall back into his arms just like the first time.
“Thanks for introducing me to your friends,” Hazel says as I pull into Stone’s driveway. She reaches for the door handle but pauses. “Can I say something?”
“Always.”
“I’ve watched you and Xander circle each other the entire tour, and while I know I’m a newcomer, I see it. The way his eyes instantly find you in every space you two occupy. The way he always finds a reason to be near you. I think he still has feelings for you.”
I press myself back against the seat. “He does. He told me the other night he wants a second chance.”
She nods. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” I sigh and blink away the tears stinging my eyes. “I’m scared.”
She leans over and hugs me, rubbing her hand up and down my back soothingly.
“I get that.” Her arms drop and she sits back.
“Let me know what you need, and I’ll be there.
If you need a buffer between you, I’ll be there.
If you want a cheerleader while you give him another chance, I’ll grab some pompoms.”
“Thank you.”
“Just remember, you both are different people now. You were so young, and nothing hurts like your first heartbreak.”
I nod and notice Stone walking toward us. Her eyes light up when they see him.
“You’ve had her long enough,” he says as he swings the door open. “It’s my turn.”
“You have her all the time,” I say with a laugh.
“It’s never enough.” He scoops her up, and she waves over his shoulder as he uses his hips to close the door.
I smile as they disappear into his house.
Could I have something like that? Is it even possible for Xander and I to get to that point after all these years?
I’ve seen him all but fuck groupies right in front of me for fuck’s sake.
Granted that was only one time when he was high out of his mind and he’d just walked in on me with another man.
There’s so much mess between us. So many secrets. So much hurt. Yet, there is the tiniest spark of hope inside me that can’t be extinguished.