Chapter 19
Nineteen
XANDER
Present
The keys jingle in my hand as I walk back into the living room.
Just as I start to ask Jade if she’s ready to go, I stop dead in my tracks.
She’s fallen asleep on my couch. Her head is on the armrest in a position that looks incredibly uncomfortable.
She’s tucked her legs up, so her toes are pushed between the cushions.
I cross the room quietly and sit down on the coffee table in front of her. Her lashes fan over the delicate skin beneath her eyes while her eyes move back and forth beneath her eyelids. I can’t help but wonder what she’s dreaming about.
A lock of her beautiful, red hair has escaped her messy bun and rests across her cheek. Before I can stop myself, I run my finger under it and push it back behind her ear. She doesn’t wake at the touch.
If she still sleeps like she used to, she’s out for the night.
I carried her to bed from the couch so many times that summer, where we were either watching movies or she passed out reading while I played video games.
My heart thuds faster in my chest at the memories that assault me while I sit here watching her sleep.
Nothing has ever felt more right than having her in this space. So relaxed she’s fallen asleep. My eyes sting with longing. I want it to be this way forever.
I have a few options here. I can wake her up and take her home. That is probably the option she’d prefer. But I hate it, so it’s out.
The next is grabbing a blanket and letting her sleep on my couch where she is. I hate that idea, too. She might wake up stiff and sore, which could impede her ability to do her pole dancing classes. I know she’s excited to be back at the studio with all her friends while we’re home.
The last option is my favorite. I could carry her to bed and relieve my favorite memories.
Pushing to my feet, I move in the direction of my guest room to pull the sheets back.
As soon as I get in there though, I realize that the bed is stripped.
I completely forgot to switch the sheets from the washer to the dryer yesterday.
Fuck.
She’ll be pissed when she wakes up in my bed, but it’s better than waking up sore. I change directions and go into my room. After closing all the blinds, I pull the duvet down and fix the pillows.
When I come back out to get her, she hasn’t moved a muscle. I bend down and slowly slide my arms beneath her. As I straighten and lift her to my chest, she melts against me, her head nestling into the space between my shoulder and neck like a puzzle piece falling into place.
Having her in my arms like this steals my breath. It feels like coming home. There’s only one other thing that comes close to feeling this natural and even that is tied to her in all my best memories.
Everything always comes back to her.
A contented sigh comes from her as I carry her into my room, her fingers tightening into my shirt. She doesn’t let me go when I lay her down in the bed. I gently peel her hands from my hoodie and can’t help but have the goofiest grin on my face.
“Stay,” she mumbles quietly as she rolls onto her side.
I straighten and pull the covers over her. Does she actually want me to sleep beside her? Or was it just a subconscious thing? What if it’s a subconscious thing that she actually does want me to sleep beside her? I’m not desperate enough to think she’d ever admit it out loud.
I run a hand a through my hair as I think about what I’m doing and the possible consequences. The thought of waking up beside her after years is so damn tempting. I won’t touch her or anything, especially not without her consent.
Fuck it.
I pull my hoodie off and push my sweatpants down until I’m just in my boxers. I sleep hot, and it’s not like she’s never seen me like this. Once all the lights are out, I crawl into bed beside her and pull out my phone to open the notes app.
Stone and I have been going back and forth writing lyrics for a few last songs for the upcoming album. We laid a few tracks down that Stone wrote on our tour break which are amazing. There are at least three hit singles possible from what he’s done.
But tonight, looking over at Jade, I feel all the words I can’t say to her filling my mind. Lyrics, notes, and riffs play through my mind on an endless loop. I purge all my thoughts and ideas out while listening to nothing but Jade’s quiet breaths until I pass out exhausted, phone still in hand.
“Xander, what the fuck?”
Two tiny fists beat on my chest as I blink the sleep out of my eyes. “Ow, fuck.” I curl inward and grab Jade’s hands to still their assault on my body.
Her hair is askew as she stares down at me like a raging bull. “Why am I in your bed? With you? And where the fuck are your clothes?”
“Calm down.” I press the heels of my palms to my eyes as I fight through the blurry fog of the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years. I reach over to the nightstand and hit the button to open the blinds as I sit up, resting my back against the headboard.
“Fuck,” she covers her eyes as bright sun enters the room while the blackout blinds move up the windows.
I rub the spot on my chest where she was beating me. “That was a hell of a wake up.”
“Yeah, imagine how I felt waking up on top of you.”
My eyes dart to her. “You were on top of me?”
She pales. “Metaphorically.”
I narrow my eyes. Metaphorically my ass. But she’s pissed enough that I’m not going to push her.
“You fell asleep on the couch, so I decided it was best not to wake you.”
“And you decided sleeping together was the better option? I know you have a guest room in this place. Or you could have just left me on the couch, it was comfortable enough to fall asleep on.”
“You were in a weird position; I didn’t want you to wake up cramped or something.”
“And the guest room wasn’t an option? Why?” Her voice is sharp as a knife's edge.
“I forgot to move the sheets from the washer to the dryer.” I rub my eyes again. “You’re the one who wanted me to stay.”
“Bullshit. I was sleeping.”
“You practically begged me.” I can’t help but push her buttons. “Who am I to deny your wishes?”
I reach down and adjust my half hard cock.
“Don’t touch your dick while we’re in bed together.” She grabs her pillow and hits me with it.
“Pillow fights aren’t going to make him settle down, Freckles.” Blood surges from my barely functioning brain straight down.
Her eyes dip down to where the duvet pools around my thighs. My boxers do nothing to hide my growing erection. Her cheeks and neck turn that pretty shade of pink when I throb under her attention.
She growls and jumps out of the bed. “You’re the fucking worst, you know that? Where’s my phone? I’m going to call an uber.”
I toss the covers off my legs. “Don’t do that. I’ll take you home.” I stand and stretch, not covering the sight of me in all my glory at all. If she wants to fight, she can deal with seeing what I hope she still thinks about like I do.
“I’ve heard that before.” She walks out into the living room. “Fucking damn it,” she yells in the other room.
I bend down and grab my sweats and hoodie to pull on.
She’s riffling through her purse at the island when I come out of the bedroom, her dress dangling from my hand.
A lesser man would hesitate to approach her when she looks up at me, sending spears of fury in my direction like angry ginger valkyrie.
My lips twitch in a grin at the thought.
“What the fuck are you smiling about, you asshole?”
“Nothing.” I hold my hands up in surrender.
She growls again, shoving everything back into her bag. “My phone died. Take me home.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I toss the dress at her, honestly a little scared to approach her like this.
“Oh, fuck off. Don’t call me that.”
“Okay, sweetheart.”
“Xander,” she snaps.
I can’t hold back the laugh that bubbles up in me. She’s so damn adorable when she’s mad. This doesn’t help her calm down. In fact, when she turns back to me, her eyes are wet.
My laughter stops immediately. I love getting a reaction from her but not this type of reaction.
“Sorry.” I approach her slowly with my arms extended. Kind of like you would a feral cat.
She presses her palms to her eyes in an effort to push all the feelings deep inside of her. That won’t do. I don’t want her repressing whatever she’s feeling. That’s how she’s been able to treat me with indifference and apathy for so long. I won’t survive that again.
I wrap my hands gently around her wrists and pull her hands from her eyes. “Really, I am sorry. I’m sure it was jarring to wake up in a strange place.”
Her eyes look up at me with such naked vulnerability, it takes my breath away. I don’t release her, needing to keep whatever connection I can between us. My thumbs sweep up and down the back of her hands. Her breathing slows as we stand there looking into each other’s eyes.
“I probably could have woken you up in a nicer way,” she mutters.
I barely resist the urge to say I don’t care how she wakes me up if it means she’s spent the night beside me.
I deserve some sort of award for my self-control in this moment.
Because if I thought she was ready to give me another chance, I’d have her against the wall in a plundering kiss right now.
I’d drag her back into my room and show her all the ways I could worship her until she realizes that there’s no one better for us than each other.
Instead, I lighten the mood and drop her hands. “I’ll probably have bruises. You’re stronger than you look.” I walk over to the coffee table and grab the keys from where I left them last night. “Let’s get you home.”